My job is promoting companies in the Powersports Industry through promotions and publicity, as well as by producing custom shows. Last week I flew to LAX to produce the J&P Cycles Ultimate Builder Custom Bike Show, installed down the center isle and on the red carpet of the Progressive International Motorcycle Show.
I always look forward to coming out to the City of Angles because I stay at the Bikernet.com HQ in Wilmington, CA. I bring a bottle of single barrel Jack Daniels and sit down with Bandit and whoever-is-around at the end of the day to have a couple of shots, recap the day, and fix the world’s problems.
This year I invited Edge Scheuer, the promoter for the Smoke Out Rally in Rockingham, NC, to come out to discuss a promotion with Indian Motorcycle. At the same time, I wanted his participation in a 5-Ball apparel by Bikernet photo shoot. This shoot to highlight 5-Ball Racing Leathers was carefully orchestrated by Lt. Ball, or Bandit as he is known around the Bikernet compound. He assigned me to direct the shoot.
The weekend kicked ass, for example, I connected with Robert Pandya, the head PR flack with Indian. They carefully displayed the “Spirit of Monroe”, a million dollar Indian streamliner, and “Elnora”, an Indian hot off the Cannonball cross-country adventure. These bikes were featured in our J&P Cycles Ultimate Builder Custom Bike Show Showcase, and were the first bikes seen as enthusiasts entered the Long Beach Convention Center.
The custom bike show in Long Beach was a blast and jammed the entire three days. On Saturday, all the lots in Long Beach were packed with bikes and four-wheelers. The builders had fun and picked up on our mantra, “stand with your bikes and engage the audience,” making my job easier, while getting their names out to custom bike enthusiasts and potential customers.
Even if it’s easy, there is always some emergency to head off. One of our FreeStyle guys blasted his high-tech sound system so loud the OEMs around him complained! Show management asked him numerous times to turn it down, but I think his answer was to turn it up. On Sunday, management called me on the Bat Phone with the ultimatum, “He turns it off or he rolls out.” After I returned from talking with him, upper management wanted to know what happened, and I said, “He gave me a hug and turned it off.” It was just one of those weekends. I’m glad he did, because a couple of hours later I awarded him a check for $1,000 for winning the FreeStyle class.
I enjoyed the honor of conducting the awards ceremony at the conclusion on Sunday, under clear skies and with anxious builders. We awarded $4,000 in cash and prizes. Bandit agreed to award the Bikernet Editor’s Choice Award. Because the bikes were so good this year he decided to add another award, the Bikernet Bagger Editor’s Choice Award to the mix. Todd White took the Bikernet award for his KZ440 LTD hardtail Bobber, and Raul Machin’s Lifestyle Cycles-built 2012 Road Glide custom took the Bikernet Bagger award. Features for both are forthcoming behind Markus Cuff, the esteemed Bikernet.com official feature photographer.
In Long Beach, I was able to work on my photography skills. These new cameras are so sophisticated I needed a 12-year-old to figure out the myriad of damn dials and commands. I fumbled for answers all weekend.
During the awards, our “Color Commentator” was Pat Jansen, the Progressive Insurance spokesperson. His wicked wisecracks kept the bros on edge. Speaking of edge, Edge enjoyed Pat’s off-handed banter, so much he signed him up for Smoke Out 16, announcing the painted lady contest. Whatever he announces, we will be in stitches – or maybe it’s the white-lightening shots. He barked an announcement about a bike full of holes being reminiscent of Hillary Clinton’s Benghazi excuses. The crowd went crazy.
Progressive Insurance came up with a wild and nutty idea to promote their relationship with Pat, and it ended up torturing him to no end. They created thousands upon thousands of Pat bears… Small, cute and cuddly stuffed-bears with Pat embroidered on their left breast.
During dinner on Saturday night, I noticed Pat was looking at his phone and sighing. I asked him what was going on, and he showed me a video of the Pat Bear pleasuring itself to some Latin music. He looked at me and said, “This happens all the time, it just never lets up.” It turned out a young lass from delighted in showing her affection.
A few minutes later his phone chimed and there was another text message with a picture of the same bear smoking a cigarette. It’s the good life being a Z-listed celebrity.
Speaking of Z celebs, not only did we have Edge at our photo shoot, we also had the voice and face of 5-Ball Racing Leathers, Dumptruck. His Wolfman Jack voice works as the firm’s product endorsement personality.
At the shoot we had a couple of A-listers too. Markus Cuff not only is certified by the Bikernet.com board of directors, but he is a regular contributor to Hot Bike, American Iron, Tattoo Magazine, Easyriders, the HORSE, and Cycle Source. Our knockout model, Imogen, is a tattoo model for Markus; she’s graced the covers of multiple magazines, domestic and abroad. She rides her Sportster daily and models for Harley-Davidson. Her Great Frog shop on Melrose hosted the wrap party for the Sons of Anarchy since her family of jewelers was commissioned to design the cast rings for the final season.
During the shoot I also connected with Heyjtle of Heyltje Rose Leather & Accessories to provide jewelry for the guys. Heyjtle brought out some cool leather gaunlets and pendants, and she assisted in setting the lifestyle vibe for the shoot. I thought the guys would give me push back on the jewelry, but they got into it. She designs jewelry for Roland Sands. Roland tossed a party on Saturday night, and we jammed to his shop in Westminster only to find out it rocked Melrose Blvd. in Hollywood, instead.
I thought the shoot was going fairly well, and then discovered someone in pain. I investigated since the smell of medical marijuana filled the shop about mid-afternoon.
Our shoot was broken into two campaigns, with the morning focused on the multiple 5-Ball Leather product features and the afternoon with Imogen. I directed her, but she often laughed and said something like, “Are you kidding me? Are you serious?” Actually, I didn’t think I was suggesting anything out of the box.
Ultimately, she really got into it. When I asked her if she would mind showing the gun pocket and handling a 6-shot snub nose 38. Her response was, “Fuck, yeah, let me have it.” So we had her spidering Dumptruck as he rode. Then I had her sitting on the gas tank peeking over his shoulder and shooting. I got a lot of, “Are you serious?” comments during that portion of the shoot… I was going for a Sin City look, and I think we nailed it.
She broke up the tension too. In one shot she snaked her arm up and over Edge’s shoulder to grab the cell phone in his chest pocket (showing the utility of the IKE jacket with the different styles of pockets), and she whispered in his ear, “Who’s the bitch texting you?”
Imogen is cool. After I found out about the family jewelry business, you’ll see the guys wearing more rings in the later photographs, as I liberated the jewelry from her thug escorts.
The most dramatic shots came from Bandit. He looked “big daddy pimp” as he grabbed up Imogen, positions her in a possessive way and put his big paw of a hand resplendent with silver rings on her stomach. Definitely had the beauty and the beast feel to it.
At the HQ a lot of fur ran about constantly. There are two large black dogs, Cash and Tank, a cat, and a McCaw named Claude. Cash has a Jimmy Durante nose that he uses to great success in opening gates. He also points it like a missile and spears your balls. It’s great fun to witness new arrivals enter the compound.
You’d hear, “Cash, dammit, get out of here.” He’d leave and then 30 minutes later he’d be back, checking out the action once more. Claude can only say one word, which I can’t understand… must be in French. The activity of the shoot was too much for him, as he spent a good 30 minutes screeching. He/she, we are not sure which, really needed the medicinal marijuana. But all in all, the critters fit into the cacophony of action and added their stamp to the proceedings.
On Wednesday morning at 3:30AM, Edge and I ran 80mph on the concrete arteries of LA, heading to LAX. During my seven days in LA, I presented to four potential clients, completed two proposals, produced a bike show and a 5-Ball Racing photo shoot, drank half a handle of Jack Daniels, and ate some of the best damn Mexican food of my life.
At 4:15AM Edge leans over to an American Airline pilot on the transit bus we are sharing from Enterprise Car Rental to the airport terminal and sez, “I just closed the bar down and came right to the airport, you do the same?” The pilot first starts to talk about what he did, then switches in mid-sentence about alcohol and the 5-hour rule and then blah, blah, blah… It was so funny.
As I am writing this, the pilot gets on the intercom and says that we are dropping from 30,000 feet and we will arrive at Seattle–Tacoma International Airport in about 15 minutes. Once I land, I’ll peel to several bike shops and encourage them to attend the next custom show. Before day’s end I’ve got to swing down to a special little French bakery on the wharf and pick up some éclairs. They are the sweetest and lightest little pieces of love you have ever eaten. They are for my honey, who often races through my dreams and lives too far away.
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