H-D fleet center in Los Angeles.

When I was given the chance to ride the Electra Glide, I jumped at the it, literally! When I saw it at The Holding Facility I got a little excited and ran towards the back end of the bike with the intention of leaping over it and mount, ala The Lone Ranger. My short legs dictated a different outcome. I haven't slammed my nuts that hard since the third grade, very painful. After the official five-minute recovery time out, Bandit whispers to me “Jon, you can take a long trip on this bike.” Ha! He thinks I’m that stupid. I'm not falling for that one again; I now know that a trip on a pier doesn't last long at all.

At my humble abode the next morning, I prepared some coffee and made my way to the garage. The FLHT sat there just beaming in all of her glory, almost seductively screaming “take me; take me for a ride you fuck!” Who am I to dispute something that out weighs me almost four to one? Sometimes one gets that little devil dude on their shoulder that yells, “fuck responsibility, deadlines or bills.” Yell he did and I listened. After popping the blister on my foot from spilling hot coffee, unplugging the phone and it was off to the bank to drain the extremely limited funds I had in my account.

So I sez to my sparkling faithful steed, “Which way, pal-o-mine?” It turned towards Laughlin, Nevada. Nothing I could do about it. Shit, I didn't even call for reservations. No matter, this ride had more than enough room for the gear I packed. I was ready for anything, from sleeping under the stars, to staying at some Billy-Bob's Bug And Breakfast, or whoopin' it up at Harrah's. When I got on the highway, the first thing that jumped into my head was the feeling that I really wanted to keep going for many, many miles. It'd been a long time since I really felt that way on a new bike, or any bike for that matter.

Past all the madness to the open roads of the desert: Ah desert riding, nothing even comes close when you're on the right bike, which I was. The desert transformed me in a weird way, it was hard to describe, but of course I did anyway. The harsh terrain hints to you that you're not free from a life threatening disaster. But the calm and almost deafening quiet thrown on top of the stunning beauty can almost be a religious experience. On a bike such as this, one doesn't think about crap like aftermarket high performance parts taking a shit on you. Confidence in the machine came in truck loads. It allowed mind to soak in so much of this magical land, a land that not so long ago was explored by rough and gruff frontiersmen on horseback. Hell, I almost felt like a cowboy out here. Just me and my horse…on the move, alone, just the way I like it.

We had to find a shot of desert riding.

Sometimes you travel out here with other “cowboys”, but this particular weekend, the other cowboy’s women folk were not too happy with the idea of a sudden men folk get away. So I went it alone. Poor me, (wink, wink).

There seems to be a trend with some owners of this bike to cut down the windshields. This seemed retarded to me but, it's just my opinion…..and unfortunately, I have many. I'll keep mine in all of its full length glory, planted atop the unique “bat-wing” fairing. You see, just about every thirteen and a half minutes, I found myself yelling like a lunatic, “HA! MISSED ME AGAIN MUTHA FUCKERS,” at the desert insects that were just murdered on the front of my genuine H-D plastic. Both fists thrown towards the heavens in a quasi Mark Farner victory pose, (I can do this because I have cruise control).

Now we know where the infamous Jon Towle lives.

I ran into some interesting characters on my way to losing money at the casinos. Many wanted to just shoot the shit about this here shiny motor-type-sickle. At a rest stop, I had one very talkative older gentleman truck driver from Oklahoma insisting that Honda just bought out Harley-Davidson. I couldn't convince him otherwise. Nice fellow and all that, but it may be possible he was a couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic. I told him, “Someone’s at the door, so I gotta go.” He gave me a puzzled look, but actually bought it.

Jon on the way to rob another liquor store.

I came across three bikes pulled over to the side of the road. I had some tools and my cell phone, so I stopped to see if they needed anything. Turns out two of them had FLHTs. I could ask some questions. They only stopped to take a leak, everything was fine, but they were friendly so we all took a break and shot some shit. They circled my bike and noticed little things about it that was more bitch-en than theirs.

“Hey, that's a six gallon tank,” and shit like, “you got cruise control and six gears.”

I told them how comfortable the new seat was and one yelled, “Hey Carol, come here and check out this seat…can she sit on it.”

“Sure,” I replied.

The little lady hopped on with a stunned look on her face. “This is really nice,” she said in a melting sensuous voice, with a gleam in her eye looking at me like, “wanna take me home sailor?”

I had to pass on this, being that Carol's dude was taller than Bandit and about 350lbs. I won't go on about what the other dude’s bike was because it will sound like I'm bullshitting. Oh fuck it…okay it was a Low Rider, the very model I'll be riding for the next article. Oh yeah? Fuck you; I've got a picture to prove it from their camera that they e-mailed me!

Just don't look in the saddlebag.

Go to Harley-Davidson.com for more info.

They took off before me; I was still hanging, taking in all this wonderful quiet. A quick look at the watch indicated it was time to get moving. A good amount of miles passed under me….man, it was getting a little hot out there. Oh great, I was talking to myself, OUT LOUD! It was the bike! It was too smooth. It was so calm out there; I was almost in a meditative state. No stress, phone calls, or re-draws. It was almost too calm. “She’ll be comin' around the mountain when she comes,..she'll be…..hey, look at me, you piece of shit rattle snakes….I'm Robert Blake, and I'm a cop, on my 'lectra blue”! (After slapping myself really hard).” That was the clincher, I was losing it.

I had to pull off and get my shit together. At the next rest stop, I met a down to earth couple taking a break beside their bike. I pulled up and shut her down, “How ya doin?”

The mad man from Barstow.

I had to ask them if something was wrong and they said, “No, you look better now…when you first pulled in here, you had this mad man grin on your face and we thought you may be nuts.”

I had to explain that I'm not nuts; I'm just not used to being this happy and relaxed. It was that damn bike. It won’t ride rough or give me any of the shit I'm use to 24/7. We were going in the same direction so we agreed to hang on the highway together until the 15 Freeway about 200 miles down the road. I talked them into taking pictures of me for this article, which they did. But you won't see any of them because my camera and notes disappeared from the face of the earth when I got home.

Jon's dad doesn't like bikers.

Long story, but my dad is at the house because he has Alzheimer's. I take care of him. but sometimes my sister will watch him for a few, enabling me to take sanity trips like this. He was mad at me about some stupid shit when I got home and disposed of my gear in his sometimes vengeful way. So had to run out, buy a new camera and start this thing from scratch while the deadline was already upon me. Oh well, another day in the life, right?

What a comfortable ride, it was like a fucking Cadillac or some shit. Wind protection from the windshield was great. Some buffeting at speed but shield riders know all the tricks and easy fixes to erase that stuff. Floorboards, what can I say? love 'em. Some brands try to get cute and design the boards artsy fartsie with weird shapes that don't do shit for your feet. These were made for feet: a fucking man's feet…very accommodating. I could even do some toe tapping with my boots to Humble Pie blasting through the ipod I lifted from my daughter before my departure, (yes, this bike can come with a bitchen stereo system, but the one they gave me didn't have it).

The saddle that came on this bike stock was spectacular! It seemed almost as big as my ex-wife's ass, but this saddle didn't look like a Goldwing gaudy thing. This bad boy also kicked up in the rear section a bit that gave some secure lower back support…..very cool when it came to serious saddle time.

ABS braking system worked great (a $795 option), and we all know this bike wouldn't be considered a light weight (780 lbs with liquids). I'm a real shit when it comes to brakes and I was satisfied with the Brembo's.

This particular bike I was on came with electronic cruise control (a $245 option), no, not that little screw thing under the throttle. Having this option was a treat. Not only could I give the right hand a break here and there, but I could also flip someone off and pick my nose at the same time,…now that, my friend is progress!

The 1584cc motor was as smooth as a baby’s bottom (before the kid shits). This bike had power to burn. Passing big rigs was a breeze, even going up a ten degree climbs (just kidding). The six-speed transmission was also very smooth and still has that wonderful “clank” noise as I shift. We wouldn't have it any other way.

The dash displayed a little “6” on it to indicate when in sixth gear. How cool was that, especially when one is mentally challenged such as me? Bumps? We don't need no stinkin' bumps! I didn't feel shit on the road as far as bumps or thumps went, and my pussy-weak back really liked that. I didn't even dial the suspension or anything. Stone stock, baby.

Okay, here we go. Did I have any complaints? Yes, yes I did….a major one. My complaint is the fact that the powers that be at the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Company do not understand what a nifty guy I am, and should let me keep this wonderful bike. But noooooooo! They want me to pay for it or some nonsense like that. They made me turn it back in. They made me give it back. Oh, parting was such sweet sorrow. This, my friends, is my only complaint concerning the bike.

Here's an FLT customized by a Air Stream Studios (760) 931-5931. You can do a lot to these babies.

But seriously, I just didn't have any gripes with this bike. She ran strong and didn't complain much when confronted with billion-mile-an-hour desert cross winds. Never coughed, sputtered or complained of menstrual cramps. Never bucked, kicked or made my hands get numb from vibration. Fucking gas mileage was even good. No, there was no math involved here, it was ol' school good mileage detection …didn’t have to fill up that much. And the topper, she looked great sitting outside of a casino.

Damn you Bandit, my heart was broke more from these test rides than any women I've done in my days, and I'll tell you what, it's all y'alls fault, ya sum-bitch!

Well, my job is done here, I must be moving on from my heart break. Besides, there seems to be a new Low Rider sitting in my garage just waiting to have pictures taken and have some shit written about her. I will be stumbling in your direction again sooner than you'd wish.

Jon did a better job with this test, and Kara volunteered to give him a bonus.

I received my marching orders by courier from the Bikernet Interplanetary Headquarters, editorial boardroom publisher's assistant. I was assigned to test a Big Dog motorcycle for Bikernet. I ask Bandit, “Cool, can I ride the Coyote like I did back in October for the '09 model release?” I attended the gathering with editors from all over the country?

“No!” he said. “They want you to ride the new Wolf. Did you read the assignment sheet? The Wolf is the most anticipated bike in the company’s 15-year history. It's available complete with an exclusive engine, distinctive sweeping design, fresh styling features, and unparalleled performance.”

“The Wolf?” I responded carefully. “Uh, Bandit, oh-buddy of mine, must I remind you that I'm only 5'6″ and that the wolf is the size of a Locomotive?”

“Listen Towle, get yer butt down to the dealership,” Bandit said, his voice decibel level was inching up. ” This is an exclusive, a new generation of premium pro-street cruisers: The all-new 2009 Big Dog Wolf is the most exotic motorcycle ever built by the 15-year old company. Try one on and then get back to me.”

“Bite me,” I said under my breath.

“What?” Bandit snapped.

“Uh, nothing,” I said, “will do.” I like to give him shit, but actually I was damn excited, yet a tad concerned about the fit for my stubby self. I knew from watching other editors straddle this rocket ship, that it was sorta the Ferrari of limited production motorcycles. I was actually a tad intimidated to ride the beast. This is a $45,000 motorcycle, and I'm accustomed to low buck used Sportsters.

With that, I heard a loud click as I was hung up-on–nothing new, business as usual. So, off I went to the Big Dog Dealership in Costa Mesa California, on a Harley no doubt, which kinda made me think of showing up at the U.C.L.A. campus wearing a U.S.C. jersey. No worries, they didn't give any trouble.

“So, Mr. Salesman, can you direct me to the Wolf?”

“Sure, it's right over here,” he said and presented me with one exceptionally stunning motorcycle. It was like a high-dollar, high performance Italian sports car. The fit and finish on this baby was second to none! Not like anything I've seen before. The Wolf’s striking lines produce a look that is both powerful and radically elegant. In one continuous sweep, the distinctive 41⁄2-gallon tank, seat pan, and rear steel fender are integrated, flowing from one component to the other, giving the nine-foot long bike an unmistakable stance.

The salesman broke my nutty hypnotic trance with, “Hop on her and see how she feels.”

I jumped on and it felt like a deerskin glove. Then, seeing the giant 220 rear rubber and the two billion mile-long front forks, I started to get a tad intimidated again. Its front centers around the chrome, sleeved 41mm front forks stretched out three inches, while cradling a chrome 23-inch billet wheel. A new, exclusive headlight lights up the style even more. The rear is marked with a new radical swing arm giving the bike a more active suspension and the operator a smoother, more comfortable ride. Its drive side brake allows for an uncluttered view of the stunning 20-inch chrome rear wheel. I had to research some of these components to discover that this production bike was delivered stock with many bike-show winning components. Big Dog wasn't messing around with this shapely monster.

Then I slapped both feet on the pegs….uh-oh, this is Little bit of a stretch for me. I scooted up on the seat a bit and pointed my toes and the fit was just fine. The controls are adjustable. Confidence flooded over me like a kid scoring an A on his report card. I gotta ride this bike and I did.

We're living through interesting times. The custom bike market was once made up of choppers, done deal. The market has expanded like wildfire over the last two decades. Now, just in the custom market, we have choppers, bobbers, baggers, hot rods, you name it. If a guy has a limited budget, he can ride a swapmeet special, and that's cool. But if a guy is working hard and making the bucks, there's the Wolf for the man who has cash, but no time or tools to build a world class custom. He can ride a state-of-the-art custom and be warranty confident–novel thought.

I fired up that exclusive tri-cam, 121 cubic inch, power plant which almost cracked my jaw from the extreme smile it brought to my ugly mug. I let her warm up until sufficiently heated. I slipped the easy-pull clutch in just so I could give her a nice “blip”… wudda sweet sound.

Between the front and the rear is an innovative drive train comprised of an all-new S&S X- Wedge 121 cubic inch engine and the award-winning 6-speed BDM Balance Drive.

A Big Dog Motorcycles exclusive engine configuration, the 121 size is equivalent of nearly 2,000cc. For all its muscular character, the engine has plenty of refinement. The 56-degree, tri- cam engine has a bore and stroke of 41⁄4” x 41⁄4”, a 21% reduction in vibration, 30% fewer parts, and 22% more fin area making it a smoother, quieter, and more durable v-twin design and well- suited for any riding aspiration – short jaunt to long haul.

Its closed-loop EFI system constantly checks air temperature; engine temperature and speed; throttle position; and exhaust oxygen levels, resulting in better performance, improved throttle response, increased torque, easier starting, and cleaner emissions. The electronic break-in procedure contributes to a longer life.

I started out on Harbor Blvd., the home of the Wives of Orange County, with another hint of intimidation because of her size..Ha! She handled like a dream. I couldn't believe it, smooth as silk! Cruising down Harbor, where there's a lot of car dealerships, I notice one particular car salesman standing by the curb talking on his cell phone. I'm thinking this is too good to be true. I rolled right up upon him, and once again pulled in the ol' clutch and blipped the hell out of that 121-inch monster with 2:1 double-barrel exhaust, which of course scared the living shit out of Mr. Salesman. He jumped, but the Wolf lines caught his attention. He hung up the phone and gave me a resounding thumbs up.

Big Dog Motorcycle translates the full-polished engine’s power into motion in typical BDM style and design: the 6-speed BDM Balanced Drive. The proprietary system gets the Wolf up to speed quickly – taking it from a standstill to 60 mph in less than 4 seconds. But even with these performance statistics, the engine boasts a very modest thirst, needing only a gallon of gas for every 42 miles I traveled.

The clutch, redesigned in 2008, dramatically reduced lever effort for smooth and easy gear engagement. New for 2009, a primary compensator sprocket ensures a smoother, quieter ride as more power is applied.

The cat who drove me to the dealership told me something interesting that happened while following me home. He said that the afternoon sun bounced in his eyes while driving, but when I hit the brake lights on the Wolf, to slow up for some old lady on the freeway, the brake lights damn near blinded him. Point being, the brake lights on the Big Dogs have no problem letting the evil one in the cage behind you know you're touching the brakes. Hats off to the BDM boys, cool safety feature.

This bike was as stable as a rock. You know immediately that your butt is planted on a ride that can make crazy power, but the more I rode the more confident I was of complete stable control of this power. It's kinda like you're the pilot of an F-14 ….you have complete control but without the crazy vibration thanks to the 2009 motor design that reduces vibration by 21% and includes 30% fewer moving parts.

“With the Wolf’s narrower tire and purposeful frame design, when you get behind the handlebars, it’s almost impossible to believe that you’re riding a bike that weighs almost 800 pounds and over nine-feet long,” said Paul Hansen from the BDM factory. “It is unlike any other Big Dog out there.”

They conceived 22% more engine fin area to keep her cool and not all hot headed like your wife. I loved the way she rode, handled, and really dug the way she looks. There is no camera made that can capture the way this bike looks in real life. Everywhere I rode dudes would either give me the stink eye because he wasn't on the bike, or, looks like, “very cool, punk.” But the ladies, oh brother, they really eye balled this ride, and I can assure you they weren't looking at my sorry fat ass.

As the top model in Big Dog Motorcycles’ 2009 line-up, the new Wolf (MSRP $35,900) makes use of the entire BDM expertise in its frame design and manufacturing. A dramatic single down tube radical swing arm design, plus its long, low frame architecture gave it a dynamic edge. The frame is a substantial 11⁄2” in diameter and welded with fewer components for improved durability.

The Wolf cuts a supremely long, low figure with a seven-inch backbone stretch, 40-degree frame rake and five more degrees in the triple trees. The ground clearance was less than four inches. The result was an unmistakable design and unmatched handling and maneuverability. The maneuverability is amplified with its 220/50R20 rear tire and 130/60R23 front.

I'm a renowned dismal Dan, but I was beginning to sound like Mr. kissy-ass here, but tough shit, I really like this bike! It's impressive.This bike is very expensive, but I've eyed other so called “production customs,” and the others aren't even in the game. Big Dog has the corner market here, hands down. If there was something I didn't like about this bike, I would have great pleasure in saying so. It's just the way I fly. So, sorry kids, I don't have an opportunity to bitch here. I loved the exclusive grips that never let my mits get numb. Stopping power from Performance Machine components was flawless (PM 4-piston brakes (front and rear) for unrivaled braking control).

Several design details are equally striking, namely the chrome brake calipers, rotors, forward controls, handlebar controls, and struts as well as a digital/analog speedometer with a unique “floating” mount has amazing day and night visibility.

Shifting was light and immediate. Look, If I had the greenbacks to buy this thing, I surely would. Dump that dumb-ass S.U.V. yer driving, sell that boat you never use and buy this bike, life will be fun again…remember when it use to be fun? Well, get on it.

–Jon Towle-

The Wolf by Big Dog Tech Chart

6-Speed BDM Balance Drive
Hidden Shock Suspension
Drive Side Brake
45-Degree Total Rake
220 x 20″ Rear Tire
Single Down Tube
Standard Chrome Wheels & Components
Optional Detachable Saddlebags

Touring and Accessory Capabilities:

The ground-breaking Wolf also redefines Big Dog Motorcycles’ touring capabilities. Optional detachable hard saddlebags hold enough gear for any travel distance, transforming the Wolf from a boulevard cruiser to long-distance cruiser in minutes. Other available touring and passenger requirement include a fastback seat, rear pegs, sissy bars, backrest pads, touring bags, windscreens, and more.

Riders can make their Wolf more individual with a choice of nearly twenty base colors, a comprehensive choice of graphics, and an extensive line of aftermarket accessories. These include made-to-order custom seats; oil coolers; decorative accessories, and more. Big Dog Motorcycles also supports the riding lifestyle with a selection of clothing, riding gear, and collectibles.

The man behind the test, Jono Towle.

Big Dog 2009 Line-upThe company’s 2009 line-up includes seven models in three classes: pro-street, chopper-style, and touring. Each motorcycle is designed, assembled and hand-painted at the company’s 150,000 square foot factory in Wichita, Kansas. The company is currently celebrating its 15th year in business and has built over 25,000 motorcycles. Big Dog Motorcycles has nearly 100 dealers in the United States and will soon have it products distributed in Canada.