BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BROTHER DOWN, WOMEN SOFT, PROJECTS ROCKIN’

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BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT

Yeap, I’m going to sound like I work for the tourism board, but what thehell, it’s summer and we are in the Caribbean, so here are a few tips onour part of the world.

Some call this the 8th continent, a chain of islands from Cuba to Trinidadwith a super mix of everything in between, french, dutch, british andspanish from island to island. I have been lucky enough to sail all overthe caribbean and there are so many incredible places, I don’t even knowwere to start. My favorites are many, but islands like St Martin andAntigua are top ones, The British Virgin islands are amazing, the water,the scuba and the fun, the US Virgin Islands and British are so close youcan cruise all of them in one day, but it will take weeks to really enjoythe whole area.

St Martin, St Barths and Antigua follow the chain, obviousislands for the “stars” and super models, you can rent a Harley in St.Martin and cruise the half french, half dutch island in style , one awesomeparty that can’t be missed is Antigua Sailing Week in may, can’t bedescribed, but if my assistance record shows how great it is…….been 10straight years, and by no means miss Shirley Heights every Sunday.

Guadeloupe and Martinique are french, also Harley populated, the club medthere are to kill for and those creole chicks wearing nothing at the beachare the cherry on top. St.Lucia has Rodney Bay and the parties at GrossIllet are killer, every friday, every week, every year, plus Le Pitons, twomountains that rise right from the sea and the bay it creates it’s asbeautiful place as you could ever see. St Vincent and the Grenadines, arechock full of coves with water 50 feet deep and so clear you can see theboulders at the bottom, the local “fishermon” bring lobsters right to theboat, just caught, and sell for fair prices, Mustique is the island of therich and famous, every rock star and their mothers have a mansion there,

Bequia is friendly and amazing, and most of the Grenadines you can spendthe whole day on an island by yourself. Grenada and Barbados are at the endof the line, if you like to surf Puerto Rico and Barbados are the places todo so, Grenada is famous for the nutmeg and Barbados for the flying fishand parties.

I’m making this short since there are so many places and so many differentthings to do, Dominican Republic is a great place to have an inexpensivevacation and it’s also Harley friendly. All in all each island hassomething extraordinaire which I could not even start to describe in suchshort space. A few years ago when I had less things to do I used to cruiseall the islands, sometimes for months and always rediscovered my”attraction” to them. Hope you can do the same one day. For now, checkPuerto Rico out and give us a call if you are around we will point you inthe right direction.

By next week our friends from the Desertores should be riding the great UShighways heading for Laconia and Montreal, around a dozen bikers will rideall the way from Orlando FL, and back, I will report of their adventuresupon their return.

Three more lucky owners have received their new choppers form Bourget’s,all ready and waiting for the Summer, so we will have even more guys oncool ass choppers on the road pretty soon…. San Juan is a chopper townBaby ! get used to it.

Seems like there’s a V-rod mania going around, heard of prices up on the30’s. You gotta be nuts to pay that much for the V-Max wannabee……Ohwell different folks for different strokes I guess…… Crack kills….

That’s about it for now, have a date with a chopper that’s gotta be donefor Sturgis, even though the Black Hills are a few months away we aregetting ready now…..it’s a long trip from this tiny Caribbeanisland…..See ya next week.

–Jose

Bikernet Wedding Coverage From the North West

The wedding was interesting … it was between a biker named Astro (in his fifties and first time married) and?my brother’s ex-girlfriend of 12 years, and in attendance was my brothers other ex-wife and kid, and his daughter (my niece) by yet another ex-wife was a bridesmaid. Basically an ex-relative biker wedding whew! The got married in the flower garden by the wishing well in Pt Defiance park.?

— Helen

BIKERNET LETTERS TO THE EDITOR–
Bandit,
As good looking as you are honey, you can say anything and it would bealright. I get the little tiny hairs on my knees standing up just when Ihear your name..

Love you,
H.W.

New Bikernet Study

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance: if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features; and if she is menstruating, she is more prone tobe attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass.

MOTORCYCLE MICHAELS OPEN HOUSE–Saturday, June 15th 12-5 pm. FXR Raffle, raffle for leathers, Accessories and much more. Live Rock ‘n Blues by the Rogues, Miss Motorcycle Michael’s Wet T-shir Contest, cash prizes. He’ll throw his own bike show with Custom and Oiginal Trophies. BBQ lunch, vendow and discounts on all the stuff you need. Motorcycle Michael’s 22624 Normandie Ave. B, Torrance, CA (310) 328-3377.

HORSE COVERS BANDIT’S ARREST– Actually the coverage in an upcoming issue will discuss only the first time Bandit was arrested. Other articles in HORSE will cover more arrests. It’s the future arrests the staff of Bikernet is interested in.

The shot below is of the ’66 Shovel he was riding when arrested for kidnap and wreckless riding. That’s is first wife in the background.

You can read more life and Times of Bandit in the Cantina.

IT’S HAPPY HOUR– Let’s split to factory where the girls is just getting off work. You grab the little one, I’ll take the one with the biggest rack and let’s ride to the Cantina for margaritas, chips and salsa and…. Well, we’ll see how the evening goes. Ride forever–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BROTHER DOWN, WOMEN SOFT, PROJECTS ROCKIN’

Continued From Page 2

Here’s Rogue, a constant and hard working Bikernet reporter for many years. We wouldn’t have funny shit like the next joke without him. He’s been submitting material to ER for over 30 years and looks it. He’s a good man.

BIKERNET MEDICAL STUDY

A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. Ahuge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. Theheart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst intolaughter.

When confronted, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral…..I’m a gynecologist.”

–from ROGUE

OPEN HOUSE IN PHILLY

Anyone in the Philadelphia area on June 23rd we are having our open house @ 162 N. Main St. Souderton PA All welcome! 215-721-4110 for more info Thanx!

That’s all I know–Bandit

Bikernet Military Coverage

An aircraft filled with 101st Airborne Division soldiers en routeto Afghanistan circled the World Trade Center disaster site in lowerManhattan last week to remind the troops of why they weredeployed.

It was the first time since Sept. 11 that the Federal AviationAdministration allowed a commercial plane to fly over the site.

Capt. Richard Osborne, pilot of MD-11 World Airways, radioed 20minutes ahead to coordinate the maneuver and the air traffic controllerswere notably moved by the request.

“They were happy to do it when we told them the 101st AirborneDivision (Air Assault) was on board,” said Osborne. “These people are goingover there and are literally risking their lives in response to theterror that occurred at that place; it was very significant that they getan opportunity to see it”

For the soldiers of Task Force 187 making the trip, it was a reminderof what the mission is all about. “It was definitely a sobering moment,(a reminder) of what we’re doing here,” said Spc. RaymondBallance, Company D, 311th Military Intelligence, ground surveillance. “Itbrought it back to the front of my mind, of why we’re doing this, byseeing those two barren sites.” Ballance is also prepared to make thesacrificeto help eliminate terrorism. “Hopefully I’ll find some bad guys anddetain them so we can bring them to justice,” said Ballance.

Osborne, who was an Army aviator during Vietnam, said he was proud to have the job of flying the “Screaming Eagles” to theirdestination.

“I’m glad we’re able to bring them on this leg and what we’re reallylooking forward to is bringing each and every one of them back home,”said Osborne.

“I was proud when I served in the military and I’m proud of the quality of people who are on board today.”

(Editor’s note: Spc. Eric Bartelt is a member of the 40th PublicAffairs Detachment now serving in Afghanistan.)

BIKERNET BILLBOARD ART–We are kicking around ideas for out Sturgis billboards this year. John Siebenthaler our designer has submitted this notion for the board to approve or disapprove. Whatta ya tink?

EASYRIDER EMPLOYEE CUTBACKS–Joe had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.It would be a hard decision to make, as they were bothequally qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that in the morning whichever oneused the water cooler first would have to go.

Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung over afterpartying all night. She went to the cooler to get somewater to take an aspirin and the executive approachedher and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but,I have to lay you or Jack off.”

Debra replied, “Could you jack off, I have a terrible headache.”

–from CarlR.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BROTHER DOWN, WOMEN SOFT, PROJECTS ROCKIN’

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CANTINA GIRLS CONTEST–If you have a hot shot of a babe with your bike that you’d like to see in the mix of girls in the Cantina, send her in. If Renegade and Snake decide to add her to the silky soft Cantina Girl line-up you’ll get a free annual membership to Bandit’s Cantina. Just send the wicked, wanton image to Bandit@bikernet.com.

Unfortunately we must require that the girl sign a model release and prove that she’s 18 year of age or older.

We’ll post a feature on this bike when we receive shots and his seat is finished. Helluve nice bike. Here’s some info on it:

“There is only one or two parts that are not hand made or modified on the entire bike. The paint job is my first (including flames and pinstriping) and this is my first bike. I designed a lot of the parts like the top motor mount and the rear fender bracket (which also holds the regulator and oil filter) and I did as much of the fabrication as I could, like the polished aluminum shift rod. A mutual friend of ours, Cliff Cake (Buckshot), split the cases for me and then reassembled the entire motor after it had some powder coating and polishing. Cliff is an awesome guy who did a lot of labor in trade for some parts and the fun of it.

Well the seat is still under construction… We scrambled to just get it together enough to put the bike in my friends’ “vendor booth” for his shop at the 2002 Selma Rendezvous (small show outside Fresno). We are in the middle of wiring it and I just bought a battery today so I can start on the seat pan. I am still wrapping my brain around a cool air cleaner idea, then she is ready to roll. “

–G

HORSE SMOKE OUT BIKE SHOW QUANDRY–Yes, there is a major bike show planned for the Smoke Out this year in July. It’s a wild weekend event hosted by the crew at HORSE. The Bike show will be judged by Billy Lane of Choppers Inc.

The question is, what classes to have? Give Edge, the man behind the Smoke Out, your input:EdgeHorse@aol.com

THE TED SAGA CONTINUES–Well I blew off work yesterday afternoon and went riding. Highway 10 going west out of little rock. It’s great because 5 minutes from downtown and you’re in the hills riding beside lake maumelle. The road is wide and smooth, big rolling curves and lake views from the high spots. There is a roadside rest area about 25 miles from the freeway and it has become our burn spot. I rode out there, burned, and slugged down 2 tall boy buds. I was then feeling the road and I made a loop around Pennacle mountain.

After a couple of hours of just wandering, I rode over to Rodney’s shop. It was funny because old fuck Rodney himself was out in the shop wrenching on a bike himself. I’ve been around these guys for over 8 years and ain’t never seen Rodney do nothing but paint. He’s missing Phillip. Anyway, I left and went to titty bar Mike’s house for a while. Remember, he’s “building a bike”. We all are getting a good laugh at his “effort”. Well he has gathered up a bunch of crap parts and has been bolting shit on it willy nilly. I’m getting scared that he might actually come up with something that he will want to ride with me. I told him what I thought he ought to do next and went home to find skitzo Eric in my shop hanging with the old lady.

She had grilled up a bunch of meat and we ate and drank till way too late. Now I’m suckin and I blew off work yesterday. Big boss man is still mad about me cussing him earlier in the week, so he’s gonna fry when he finds out I’m leaving at 11:00. I won’t see him again till tuesday, so fuck him. I’ll tell him “I’m leaving. You saying I can’t come back?” and he’ll stomp around and take it out on all the goober boys who are scared to walk.

Still no solid plan for the weekend but one things for sure, I am gonna sledge hammer party for the whole 3.5 days.

–Ted-F.U.M/C

HAWAIIAN PROJECT NEARS COMPLETION–The Hawaiian rider responsible for the shiny bikernet stickers is building a new scoot in his garage.

If you would like a sticker drop us a self addressed stamped envelope to Bikernet, P.O.Box 1168, San Pedro, CA 90733 and we’ll drop one in the mail to you free of charge.

And if you need stickers for your event, shop, club or business check out Chris’s web site. He’s good people to work with and Jon Towle is always available for art.

AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN ASHCROFT, ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES–The following is a letter read by Claire Braz-Valentine, the author, at thisyear’s In Celebration of the Muse, Cabrillo College in California. It isworth knowing that the author is a woman of 60+ years, conservativelydressed and obviously quite talented.

On January 28, 2002, Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that he spent$8,000 of taxpayer’s money for drapes to cover up the exposed breast of TheSpirit of Justice, an 18 ft aluminum statue of a woman that stands in theDepartment of Justice’s Hall of Justice.

John, John, John, you’ve got your priorities all wrong. While men flyairplanes into skyscrapers, dive bomb the pentagon, while they stickexplosives into their shoes, and then book a seat right next to us, whilethey hide knives in their luggage, steal kids on school buses , take littlegirls from their beds at night, drive trucks into our state capitalbuildings, while our president calls dangerous men all over the worldevildoers and devils, while we live in the threat of biological warfare,nuclear destruction, annihilation, you are out buying yardage to saveAmericans from the appalling alarming, abominable aluminum alloy of evil,that terrible ten foot tin tittie. You might not be able to find Bin Laden,but you sure as hell found the hooter in the hall of justice.

It’s not that we aren’t grateful. But while we were begging the women ofAfghanistan to not cover up their faces, you are begging your staff membersto just cover up that nipple, to save the American people from thatmonstrous metal mammary. How can we ever thank you?

So, in your office every morning, in your secret prayer meeting, while anAmerican woman is sexually assaulted every 6 seconds, while anthrax floatsaround the post office and settles in the chest of senior citizens, you’vegot another chest on your mind….

Where the hell did this come from?–Bandit.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BROTHER DOWN, WOMEN SOFT, PROJECTS ROCKIN’

It’s a nasty day on the harbor. The fog has rolled in like a mucky flu bug. It lingers around while the sun pounds on it’s back until it cries uncle and fades away.

The industry lost a brother last Friday. Tony Carlini died after a losing fight with cancer. Originally he owned a shop in Detroit and ultimately migrated to the coast. For most of us, the product we will always remember Tony by is the torgue arm he developed for Evolutions, but few know the design projects he was involved with including the Dodge Prowler. A long time pal of Hulk Hogan, Tony ran with serious creative thinking design freaks. His touch will be missed.

I’m not sure where to take my rambling spirit today. One woman, Sin Wu is so kind to me I don’t know what to do with myself, the other is as vicious and a caged python. Keeps me on my toes. Nuttboy’s bike is still with Dr. John for frame modifications. We’re looking to upgrade our Bikernet welding capabilities, although I managed to build a gargoyle gate with the old Linclon stick welder. It weight 5,000 pounds and took a fork lift to move, but it will work. While I wait for the Pro street frame to be modified, I’m thinking about building a fountain in front of the head quarters with a 1916 Indian engine.

Okay, I’m losing it, I agree, while waiting for a New York agent to sell my soul and my next two books to a deep pocket publisher. Let’s get to the news:

JOHNSON TO CHALLENGE HARLEY-DAVIDSON

Johnson to Challenge HarleyAt a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers ofJohnson outboard marine engines and other recreational and powersportsequipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcyclesdesigned to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

Peter Long, Johnson brands marketing manager said, “We have studied themarket and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowlymissed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers”. Long added, “We, atJohnson, are convinced our product hits the target dead center and promisesto draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle hasbeenable to accomplish”.

The new line of bikes, marketed under the name ‘Big Johnson Motorcycles’,will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. “Ourresearchshow that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after”.

At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley ownersagreed. “When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson”,said one Harley owner.” But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacementfor having a Big Johnson.”

Triple A FINALLY SUPPORTS MOTORCYCLES–The auto club finally broke down and is offering support to RV users and motorcyclists. I broke down twice over the last six years and called on the Auto Club for support each time. In each event I was told that since I was riding, I was out of luck.

Fortunately the Bros Club came along to fill the gap. I threw away my Auto Club Card recently and we support the Bros Club for insurance and breakdown towing.

Now the AAA has what they call in their ads, “This exciting new benefit includes up to $200 worth of motorcycle towing service per disablement.” I thought you guys should know.

ROAD KING WANTED

Yes, the master of the martial arts training facility, the IMB in Torrence, California is looking for a late model road king, but he wants a deal.

Let him know if you have a King for sale: Richard Bustillo, rbustillo@attbi.com.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to tradeespecially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of herown beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm anddesirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war – haunted by pastmistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders areunpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and allconquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, butnoone wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq – ruled by a dick

–from Cpl. Barry C.

Goddamnit coporal, whose side are you on?

BIKERNET MYSTERY QUESTION ANSWERED

In Bikernet News last week a guy named Brian was asking about Clyde Rawlings. Clydewas busted up pretty bad in a collision with a van a few months ago. He alsolost the lease on his shop, but was ready to move into new digs when theaccident happened. He’s recuperating from his injuries, and we hope to seehim back in business soon.

Clyde’s sis, Audrey, is still painting, and stillone of the best anywhere. I’ll keep ya posted when I hear anything.

–Buckshot

BIG DADDY CHOPPER FROM BMC– Bandit this is the new BMC Big Daddy chopper…. Jose

BMC Motorcycle Company
63018 Plateau Drive, Suite 2
Bend, OR 97701
Phone: (541) 312-2760
Phone: (541) 749-2208 Sales
Fax: (541) 312-2762
www.bmcchoppers.com

THE TED REPORT–Well bad news. titty bar Mike is going out with purhouse Don on his boat, so he ain’t going anywhere. Phillip was contacted, finally, by the Easyrider guy about the photo shoot of his bike. Ee won editors choice award at the er show in memphis (he is on your website under the arkansas abate show winners). Well his base gasket started leaking on the drag races run three weeks ago and it got oil all over the bike. He won’t ride it this weekend because he hasn’t fixed it and he doesn’t want to get oil on it again. So he ain’t going. Wayne and Mark are going to a small club party in a small town where we all grew up. I could go to that, but I spent my whole life trying to get away from those losers, and the last thing I want to do is go down there to another party. I want to GO SOMEWHERE. I got a fews days off and I want to hit the road. I am gonna go by Rodney’s and try to find some people going to Gulfport and hook up with them.

I’ll let you know.

–Ted-F.U. M/C

9/11 BROTHERHOOD BIKE FEATURE–We’re damn proud to run a bike feature this week on Frank Falco’s rigid. I hope to also see it in the HORSE in the near future.

Frank was building the bike to ride with his brother who was a New York fireman. Read the story. It will give you goosebumps and tremendous respect for Frank.

BIKERNET WEEKLY TECH TIP– While I was in Phoenix for school?Hiro a?Buell guy in my class showed me this easy pull clutch deal made by MRC Clutch. This thing?really works good. I put it in my S2 Buell.

I previously removed the spring plate in the clutch pack and added 2 metal plates and a one addtional friction disk. Along with with that I added a stronger clutch pressure?spring. The lever pressure was a bit stiffer after all the mods. With the MRC easy clutch installed it reduced the lever pressure at least 30% if not more!! Installation?for all Buell models is exactly the same as the stock H-D devices for actuating the clutch.

The MRC easy clutch are distributed by:

Phaedrus Cycle
1992 Antelope Hill Ct.
Henderson, NV. 89012
Phone/Fax: 702-269-7322, Cell: 702-580-8759

— Paul

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH ? UPDATE ON TRIUMPH FACTORY FIRE

Continued From Page 2

WHAT DOES YOUR DADDY DO?–It was the first day of school in Houston, and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.

The first little girl said: “My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”

The next little boy said: “I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”

Then one little boy said: “My name is Jimmy, and my father is a strip tease dancer in a cabaret for gay men.”

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject, but later in the school yard the teacher approached Jimmy privately and asked if it was really true that his Dad danced nude in a gay bar.

He blushed and said, “No ma’am. Truth is, my dad is an auditor for Arthur Andersen, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

BIKERNET HEALTH DEPARTMENT STUDIES:– Number of physicians in the United States: 700,000.

Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.

Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 700. (1999)

Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000094

Statistically, doctors are approximately 18,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

“FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor.”

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistic on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.

Coolest Tattoo Of The Week–

Here is a picture of my newest tattoo. Winfield Green of Serious Ink in Fridley, Minn., did it in January. He does some pretty great work. I couldn’t be happier with it.

Brady

BIKERNET SEXUAL EXPOSE–While Biker Bandit goes on a trip to China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Bandit to return in two days for the results. Bandit returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.”

#%$&* says Bandit. “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

Bandit screams #$%&*!, “Absolutely not! You #$%&*. I want a second opinion!” The doctors replies, “Well it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.”

The next day, Bandit seeks his All-Knowing-Trusted Sifu, figuring that he’llknow more about the disease. His Sifu examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”

Bandit says to his Sifu, “Yes my Honorable Master I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”

The All-Knowing Sifu shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctor! American doctor always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”

“Oh, thank God!” Bandit replies.

“Yes,” says his Sifu, “you no worry! You build me a Road King and wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself.”

BIKERNET FRIENDLY FIRE–Jim Houck, aka Wildman Agent Zebra, established the name of this column to house inarticulate ramblings and hateful e-mails between staff members. It’s killer reading if you have a minute. Here?s an example:

To Sin from Nuttboy: I’m a mess. My back has been thrown out, throbbing with pain,stabbing bolts of agony. Probably due to too much time on the computer (youknow how long it takes to download that porn stuff).

Anyway, I’m miserableand stuck at home. I’m working on the Thursday News, if you need it. Letme knowwhat I can do to help, recognizing that I’m about as useful as that wad ofgum stuck under one of the seats at the local movie theater.

Give me a callif you like the sound of continuous whining.

Have a history teacher explain this–If they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named “Ford.”
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘Lincoln.’

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here’s the kicker.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Take This Job And Shove It–

Memo To all Employees

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, weareforced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, olderemployees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting theretention of younger people who represent our future.Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the currentfiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employeeswho are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside thecompany.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records beforeactual retirement takes place.

This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey ofCapabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal withupper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority FollowingTermination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,SCREWEDtwice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled toget:HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance) or CLAP(Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who hasreceived HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on boardthatthe company will continue its policy of training employees through our:Special High Intensity Training (SHIT).

We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive.We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If anyemployee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see yourimmediate supervisor.

Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all theSHITyou can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

Victory Motorcycles Generates Additional
Momentum at Daytona Bike Week 2002–Victory Motorcycles made a winning impression on hundreds of new riders andenhanced the riding experience of current Victory owners withcompany-sponsored activities at Daytona Bike Week 2002 in Daytona Beach,Fla. One highlight was the first-ever Victory Riders Association (VRA)Victory Ride as Victory owners enjoyed a group ride that led to Bethune Parkin Daytona Beach where they enjoyed a free lunch and the chance to make newfriends.

“It was our best Bike Week ever. We had a great turnout for the VictoryRide, lots of interest at the demo rides-which were booked full all week-andwe generated a lot of valuable exposure for the bikes and the Victorybrand,” said Victory General Manager Mark Blackwell.

VRA members met at Seminole Power Sports, the Victory dealer in Longwood,Fla., on the morning of March 6 for the first Victory Ride.It was the fourth annual Victory owners ride at Daytona Bike Week, and wasthe first VRA group ride held since the owners group was launched in late2001.

Dozens of Victory?s powered their way along scenic country roads beforestopping at Bethune Park for a sumptuous lunch and the chance to getacquainted with VRA members from across North America. License plates on VRAmembers’ bikes showed they had trekked to Daytona from as far away asCanada, California, Texas, Arkansas, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Maine, New York,and several other states both near and far.

The riders especially enjoyed the chance to meet Arlen Ness and CoryNess, the father-son team of master custom bike builders that suppliesVictory with custom accessories and consults Victory on future modeldevelopment. The Nesses took time from their newly opened Arlen NessMotorcycles store on Beach Street in Daytona to enjoy lunch with VRAmembers, pose for pictures, and sign autographs.

For more information on Victory Motorcycles, including a dealer locator,visit the Victory Web site at: www.victory-usa.com. A dealer locator serviceis also offered toll-free at 1-800-POLARIS.

Victory Motorcycles is a division of Polaris Industries Inc. Informationabout the complete line of Polaris products is available from authorizedPolaris dealers or from the Polaris home page at www.polarisindustries.com.

“The Old Marine Colonel:–A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown,hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies inattendance,one of whom approached the colonel for conversation.

She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Areyouthis way all the time, or is something bothering you?”

“No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It lookslikeyou have seen a lot of action.”

The colonel’s short reply was, “Yes, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “Youknow, you should lighten up a little – relax and enjoy yourself.”

The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this thewrongway, but when is the last time you had sex?”

The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”

She said, “Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quittakingeverything so seriously – I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a littleextreme?”

The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,”Oh, Idon’t know.

……….. It’s only 2130 now!”

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH ? UPDATE ON TRIUMPH FACTORY FIREDamn, I?m not sure what to make up or report. I?ll babble and we?ll see if it leads to anything coherent. First I want to report that we have ordered a CCI/Rev Tech driveline for the Nuttboy miniature project bike. That means that as soon as I?m paroled from this prison ship, we will begin on the frame modifications and report on them on the site. I?ll report on the driveline next week.

I will also begin a series of articles on Pat Kennedy?s new shop, his product line and build up of one of his bikes. These articles will also be published in HORSE magazine.

In addition, I just sent my report of violence and mayhem on the ship in Japan. Hopefully the board of directors will see fit to publish these world reports post haste, so that you will be up to date.

Whether the executive committee and racy ad hoc committee agrees or not, I?m about to write another drama for Bandit?s Cantina Soap Opera. I know there?s more, but we better get to the news before I get in trouble and am placed in irons again. Where?s my fuckin? bowl of rice?

PRESS STATEMENT FROM TRIUMPH MOTORCYCLES LIMITED– Triumph Motorcycles says distribution of the Triumph range of motorcycles, parts and accessories and their warranty service will continue following a fire that affected part of one of their U.K. manufacturing facilities.

Karl Wharton, managing director of the Hinckley-based motorcycle manufacturer, says that work on rebuilding a section of their Jacknell Road production facility is due to start to later this week.

“The fire, which was confined to a section of the assembly area, was quickly brought under control and has only affected certain areas at one of our four production and distribution centers in Hinckley. No-one was hurt and all of our 650 U.K. staff are being informed that their jobs are secure,” Wharton said.

“It will have no immediate impact on motorcycles ready for distribution held in our network of bike stores in the U.K., Europe, the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Japan and other countries,” he added.

Many staff have been working throughout the weekend with the Triumph management team, preparing for Monday’s clean-up and contacting the company’s worldwide dealer network to inform them that they can order parts and accessories online as usual.

“Stocks of spare parts and most ranges of bikes are available to meet immediate requirements in the U.K. It is also the company’s policy to hold stocks of bikes at other distribution centers in Europe and the United States,” Wharton said.

The preliminary investigation suggests normal manufacturing operation in the effected areas will recommence within four months.

“Over the past three years Triumph has significantly expanded their manufacturing facilities in the U.K. to meet growing demand. This specific incident will not hinder the on-going success of Triumph,” Wharton said.

ROYAL BOOST AS U.K. MOTORCYCLE COMPANY TRIUMPHS OVER ADVERSITY – Issued 26th March 2002–His Royal Highness the Duke of York has given Britain’s only motorcycle manufacturer a huge boost as the company triumphs over adversity.

Within hours of learning about a fire at one of Triumph Motorcycles’ production facilities, the Duke of York, who is special representative for international trade and investment, rearranged his schedule to make a goodwill visit to the company as reconstruction work gets under way in Hinckley.

Accompanied by the lord lieutenant of Leicestershire, Timothy Brooks, His Royal Highness donned a hard hat, toured effected areas, talked to staff and heard about the company’s plans for a rapid recovery.

After the tour, the Duke of York said he was delighted to hear that work was about to start on rebuilding the factory, and predicted that the great British institution would come back stronger than ever.

“This is a great British company that has been a leader in its field for many years. I wanted to let them know how important they are to the U.K. economy,” he said.

And he told staff: “As Britain’s only motorcycle manufacturers, you have a big part to play in the market place. Triumph is going to rebuild and that is good news for the industry and for British engineering.”

The Duke of York was shown around the factory by Karl Wharton, managing director of Triumph Motorcycles, who said: “The Duke’s visit was a real boost for Triumph and everyone involved in helping to rebuild the company. Construction is soon to start and we are optimistic that production will be back to normal before the end of the summer.

“It is very important for all our customers and dealers and staff to know that there is so much support for Triumph,” he said.

The Duke of York’s activities in his new role are in support of British Trade International (BTI), the government body set up to support U.K. countries trading internationally and encourage foreign investment.

Triumph, which manufactures more than 33,000 motorcycles in Britain a year, supplies bikes, parts and accessories to over 25 different countries, including those in western Europe, the United States, Canada, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Kuwait, United Arab Emirates and several markets in Latin America.

As 80 percent of the company’s production is for export, Triumph has reassured its 800-dealer network across the world that the fire will have no immediate impact on its overseas business.

“Distribution of the Triumph range of motorcycles, parts and accessories, and our warranty service, will continue as the company prepares to work round the clock to ensure that motorcycles roll off the new assembly line by late August,” Wharton said.

“His Royal Highness The Duke of York visits Triumph Motorcycles Limited in Hinckley, Leicestershire. He is pictured with the Lord Lieutenant of Leicestershire Timothy Brooks (left) and Karl Wharton, managing director of Triumph Motorcycles Limited, who shows the Duke of York a Triumph Speed Triple motorcycle from the Triumph range.”

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–This week is kinda bittersweet; we have been so busy it’s not evenfunny, we’ve done a couple projects but have a lot more on the list. Our?save the Sporty? project is finally done. Remember, we kept this project on abudget (under $3,000), andwe did a lot to the bike for this money. It took a bit of imagination andelbow grease, and the owner is very happy with the results (me too) and that?swhat’s important.

Our lime green WCC chopper is finally heading towardhome. I guess Kevin got tired of riding all over PR, and I mean all over,and he?s boarding a plane back to Massachusetts. The bike will follow soon.

I’m sorry to report that our friend and customer Papote was hit by a carlast Thursday and lost his lower left leg. This is very sad to us; he is agood friend and a rival in our sailing regattas. The dumbfuck who hit himdecided that he was losing too much “valuable? time by waiting for a car topark so he invaded the oncoming lane. He hit the bike on the side andripped a good part of it.

To top it off, this fucker tried to flee but a flat tire prevented his escape and, get this, his whole family was in the car! What a fuckin? beast! He deserves the beating of his life. Lucky (sortof) for our friend he was being followed by a doctor friend, who saved hislife. We know he will get better and we will still battle the winds.

Wewish you the best Papote!

Since we have nothing to do…… like the “other? shops, AKA Weasels, wedecided to take another project for the Horse. We are building a chopperwith stuff that we have lying around the shop (take offs and such). We aregoing to tackle this during our Easter break. I guess this is something toget our minds off work and see what we can do with a few partsand spray paint.

If we do finish (which I doubt) by next week, I’ll post some photos. Anyway,we will have fun with it for sure.

There are reports of Sunday’s ride with HOG. This was an open event, allV-Twins (non HOG). Those who went tell me that around 300 bikes showedup for the party Saturday night and the ride Sunday through the CentralMountain range. That’s a fun ride but I would not do it with 299 otherbikes. Ten or so of our friends would be nicer. Too bad they consider me theanti-Christ; 20 or so of our choppers would have looked good among thesea of “customized” stockers…..Oh well…

Next week the Harley BBQ will take place and we will show up in fullforce. It’s a pretty cool event, full blast chow from Longhorn and all theCoke you can drink for five bucks. So if you arereading this Rub’s, the anti-Christ crew will show up……Sheesh..

OK, so here’s a question that you can answer here or at our e-mail — Jose@chopperFreak.com — We are planning on an event in PuertoRico. Would you like to come down and ride during December? Thewheels are already turning. I can’t say much ’cause I know the”competition” reads this every week, but imagine yourself riding in warmweather with the ocean to your right and then partying all night in SanJuan. Cool eh? We?ll leave it at that.

See ya’ guys next week. Keep an eye out for The Horse #23 issue, there’s oneof our bikes there. Let me know how you like it.

Saludos

Jose………Bikernet Caribbean – anti-Christ.

BEACH RIDE PROMOTES ART SHOW–The Beach Ride is a charity event in Los Angeles every summer for the last 11 years. It will be held in the park in Ventura again this year after difficult negotiations with the parks commission.

The ride was developed to raise funds for the Exceptional Children?s Foundation based in L.A. The following is information on an upcoming art show. If you?re in the area, check it out and support the kids.

ECFExhibitShowArtist Promenade2002April 25 Encino, CA

View exceptional artwork by extraordinary artists withdevelopmental disabilities. Select from hundreds of drawingsand paintings, ceramics and textiles. Meet featured artist ArthurAndrews. Watch him paint. Enjoy complimentary hors d?oeuvres.Plus, a celebrity appearance is anticipated. All proceeds benefitECF and the artists themselves.Founded in 1968, the ECF Art Center is a nationally recognized,community-based art center that offers developmentally disabledadults a nurturing environment, professional art training andstudio facilities.

Thursday, April 25, 2002 < 69 pm
Aaron Brothers Art & Framing? in Encino
17230 Ventura Boulevard ? In the Encino Town Center
Between Balboa Ave. and Louise Ave.

Subject: FW: Fred–A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than theposted speed limit.

Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to givethe poor fellow a break and write him out a warninginstead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

” Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the mantells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officerthinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it.

“Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?”

Theman replies, “It’s a long story so stay with me. I wasborn Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kidsused to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself.I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older Irealized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went throughcollege, medical school, internship, residency, finallygot my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decidedto go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got allthe way through school, got my degree so I was nowFred Dingaling MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling aroundwith my assistant.She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADAfound out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MDwith VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away myDDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as FredDingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I’m justFred.”

The officer walked away in tears laughing so hard and tore up theWarning Ticket.

–From the Dunns

Continued On Page 2

BIKERS RIGHTS – BIKER NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our website at

From TheGUNNY’S SACK

During the month of February, ABATE of Oregon has an annual training meeting called STEAM (Seminars To Educate And Motivate). I mention it in this issue because this year it was a very special one. We were honored to host Simon Milward, the former Secretary General of the Federation of European Motorcyclists Association, FEMA.

Simon, incidently, a long time friend of mine, is on a world tour on a one-cylinder, hand-made motorcycle raising funds for two medical charities. One provides motorcycles for getting medical personnel and supplies into remote areas. The other is in support of doctors working in remote areas of the world. All proceeds he raises go directly to these missions. He is bearing ALL his own trip expenses, using his life savings for the adventure. Needless to say, he’s quite a guy.

He presented and narrated a pictorial story of the trip so far for us. He plans to travel to South America on the next leg and then on to Africa and home. He’s been on the road for two years now, and has traveled all across Europe, Asia, and up through eastern Russia as well as around the U.S. and into Canada.

We wish him well and hope he manages to limit the falls off his ride for the rest of the trip. From his talk I’d guess he will be known as “Upside Down Simon” after he gets home. Seems he has a problem staying on TOP of the bike a great deal of the time. His presentation made many of us jealous of his adventure and it was a real treat.

Away from Simon to remind all you brothers and sisters out there RIDING TIME IS UPON US now, so it?s time to get the “Johnnies come lately” among us busy getting the ride and the rider ready for the onslaught of the cages during this riding season. Get the ride tuned, tired, inspected, and ready for the road.

If you haven’t taken a riding course in a few years or more, it won’t hurt to check one out. What you learn can save your life. I’ve only been riding a little over fifty years and I find the courses handy for me. A refresher course is cheaper than chrome or a hospital bill.

NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

Bike Seizure in EUGENE, OREGON: This is a comfy, liberal college and lumber town two hours south of Portland. So you’d THINK the police were laid back. ‘Fraid not. EVERY February, the Free Souls Motorcycle Club has their anniversary party, and nearly every year, the police buzz all over the area, day and night. This year, our Oregon Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (AIM) Attorney, Sam Hochberg, went down to check it out. He saw more than Eugene cops: There were police from Springfield, Junction City, the Sheriff, the Oregon State Police, and a whole lot of unmarked cars. You’d think the Free Souls were working with Osama bin-goddamned- Laden! I’ve been to this party too, and have seen the same shameful behavior. So, this year, Sam ran into one small thing that may help turn it around.

A biker (NOT a patch holder) was leaving the party, and like almost every biker who has to run the police gauntlet, was stopped. Cops looked at his bike, said something about the ID numbers on the bike not “matching.” The biker told him OF COURSE they wouldn’t match; it?s titled as a RECONSTRUCTED bike ? and in Oregon, that means that the DMV inspected it!! Not good enough. The bike was seized.

And not just seized to look at ? this happened on Feb. 9th, and at this writing, over a MONTH later, the bike is STILL not released. Sam and his new associate, LEAH JOHNSON, put together a Motion for the Return of Seized Property. It’s filed in the Circuit Court for Lane County. Sam says, the burden is on the COPS to prove a legit reason to hang onto it. We’ll keep you posted here in the Sack, as things move along in this case.

STATE COLLEGE, PENN: The AP wire tells us this story of a biker, Kevin Dare. This fellow was a natural athlete who loved the thrill of pole vaulting — and of riding his motorcycle more than 100 mph.

This well-loved athlete was mourned recently by fellow athletes. He lost his life NOT on a motorcycle but during his track event, the POLE VAULT, at the Big Ten men’s track and field indoor championships.

He apparently missed his run and fell, landing head first on the steel “box,” an 8-inch-deep groove in the mat where vaulters plant the pole to lift themselves off the ground. He was pronounced dead, of head injuries, at the hospital a short time later. I guess y’just never know what’s gonna get ya.

BRAZIL: WHOA! We’ve heard about all the millions of bikes built every year in China, but look at what Sam Hochberg, our Oregon A.I.M. attorney dug up on the net:

In a story from South American Business Information, these guys report that from 1993 to 2001, motorcycle sales in Brazil have gone up TENFOLD! Man oh man. And would you believe 90% of the bikes sold there are Hondas?

In 2001 alone there were 692,000 units sold. According to Abraciclo, in 2002 the motorcycle market will reach 780,000 units a year. WOW! And I thought China was the growth giant in the world.

NIGERIA: Taxi drivers can be a wild bunch. Our Oregon A.I.M. Attorney, Sam Hochberg, used to push those big Checkers around NYC for some years, back before he got to lawyering. Put a few shots of Tequila in him, and he?ll tell you a story or two! But here’s another taxi story from Africa. Seems that the commercial motorcycle taxi operators we’ve told you about before here in the Sack — the “Okada” guys — went on a riot in Nigeria, over a spat with the police there. It’s all really political, but it’s of interest to ME because this is a group of BIKERS who are their OWN distinct political force in their country. I’m not endorsing riots, but these folks are people to be reckoned with. Maybe we could take a lesson?

The police there arrested 168 Okada drivers over their violent demonstrations. They also confiscated 194 motorcycles! It?s said the riot was caused by the killing of an Okada driver by police. (That’s not a good reason to be pissed?)

The lesson I see is DON’T RIOT if ya wanta keep yur scoot and don’t piss off Nigerian cops if ya like breathin.

HANOI, VIETNAM: Reuters tells us about Honda being accused of using too many Chinese parts in a new inexpensive model called The Wave Alpha. It’s sold in Vietnam to compete with the cheaper Chinese imitation ride. Honda has denied the allegations. The Wave has only about 4% Chinese parts, says Honda. This thing sells for less than $800.00 American money.

There are more than 8 million motorcycles on the roads of Vietnam and 1.8 million were sold last year alone. Man, that’s nearly 3,000 bikes a day.

SAMSULA, FLA: Mike Schneider of the Associated Press comes up with this jewel. It seems there is a couple in this area who love bikers and are nudists as well. They also own several acres of land so they thought a nudist camp-out for bikers on their property would be a good idea.

So, about fifty guests responded to a sign on their fence that said “Private Party, Nudity,” and to an ad in the Florida Bikers Digest that said “Camping Party and Adult Biker Games.” Do you think bikers responded? You Betcha!

Too bad authorities and neighbors didn’t approve. They were told to cease and desist or face a one thousand dollar fine. Cops said it wasn’t the nudity but a land use issue. HAH!

The property owner said all he wants to do is be able to host his parties during Bike Week and Biketoberfest ? Daytona’s sister motorcycle event in October ? and he doesn’t want to give bikers a bad name. He also didn’t want the Southern Baptists there to be able to seize on something to get him in trouble, but he said “In their eyes, we’re already heathens.”

I’d probably go to that party but I think I’d wear clothes to keep from scaring people away.

GUNNY AGAIN: Did you procrastinate about the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM) Convention? Hurry, you might get lucky and still be able to get a reservation. I’ll look for you there. Call 1-800-ON-A-BIKE (or 800-531-2424) for more information and pre-registration.

The NCOM Convention and other services are paid for by A.I.M. Attorneys across the country when they send a hefty chunk of their fees to Richard M. Lester, the lawyer who founded A.I.M. (the free Aid to Injured Motorcyclists program), and NCOM, the National Coalition of Motorcyclists, free to motorcycle groups and clubs. If you happen to have an accident, you can reach your local A.I.M. Attorney by calling (800) ON-A-BIKE, 24/7. Your initial consultation is free, and nobody makes a penny on your case unless you do.

Keep the round side on the bottom.
Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief of Staff

WEB BROWSER ESPOUSES FREEDOM OF CHOICE In a venue that measures Hits instead of Nielson Ratings, Netscape’s Home Page (www.netscape.com) ranks among the most popular sites for web surfers, with lots of news, links, shopping and cool stuff like their Autos Page where Internet users can buy and sell new or used vehicles, and even secure financing and insurance.

A recent “Feature Article” on Netscape’s Autos Page gave visitors a refreshing look at personal freedoms in America, with particular attention to seatbelt laws and helmet laws.

Written by Eric Peters, “Seatbelt & Helmet Laws: It?s Your Life” reached out to millions of people with the very same message that bikers rights groups have been trying to purvey to the public, but with the lightning speed of the Internet.

The article begins; “Whether it’s prudent to wear a seatbelt or put on a helmet (if you ride motorcycles) is entirely beside the point–at least as regards laws that make the use of these things compulsory. Of course wearing a seatbelt or a helmet is ‘safer.’ But so is maintaining ideal body weight or exercising regularly. Yet there are no laws (as yet) requiring you to eat your broccoli or do sit-ups every other day. The police do not carry pincers to measure your body fat ratio and have no authority (yet) to give you tickets for exceeding the ‘healthful’ poundage. Why is that? After all, if the justification for seatbelt and helmet laws is that they’re for your own good, the same argument can be made about such things as dietary habits and exercise. Ditto other personal choices, such as the type of recreational sports or other activities you may be involved in. Where do we draw the line–and on what basis?”

Peters continues, “things like seatbelt laws and helmet laws are, in the first place, entirely arbitrary interferences with personal choices, as distinct from behaviors, actions, or conduct that might affect others, which is another matter. Ergo, the state has no justification to intervene. If we’re going to accept as the basis for public policy the idea that it is the duty of government to involve itself in our private choices on the basis of compelling us all to do what’s ‘good’ for us (however that’s defined), then it’s pretty hard to see how to draw any line at all beyond which the self-appointed busybodies and do-gooders who use the force of government as their cudgel may not transgress.”

“I oppose seatbelt laws and helmet laws not because I won’t admit it’s safer to wear a seat belt or a helmet when riding a bike,” says the author, “Rather, I oppose such laws because a very important principle is at stake: That entirely personal choice is none of the government’s business — just as my diet, exercise habits, and other personal choices that may somewhat increase (or decrease) my exposure to risk/danger are likewise none of the government’s business, either. Or yours, for that matter.”

He concludes, “This is why the founders of the American state set forth strict limits on government — precisely enumerating what it could and could not do, and why. What made the United States so unique in world history was that it enshrined in its governing principles the idea that individuals should be left free to live their own lives as they saw fit, free of interference from those who thought they ‘knew better.’ Taking risks (or not) was part of that philosophy. We were a live and let live people — for a while. Only when an individual’s conduct or actions clearly threatened the safety or well-being of others — and thus became a public matter — did the state have cause to interfere. That distinction is what we’re losing — and it may cost us dearly. Do we want government officials inspecting our cupboards and refrigerators for ‘dangerous’ foods? Or checking our cholesterol and waistlines? No? Then seat belt laws, mandatory helmet regulations, and the like must be rescinded — no matter how much we may instinctively wish to promote our neighbor’s well-being. That’s his business — not yours. Not the government’s. Leave him alone. And hopefully, he’ll return the favor?

…Wouldn’t that be nice?”

DAYTONA BIKE WEEK IN REVIEW– Although national headlines from this year’s Bike Week highlighted the fact that nine people died during the 10-day motorcycle festival, insinuating that the repeal of Florida’s helmet law may have played a part in those deaths, they failed to mention that a record 15 people died during Bike Week 2000, which was the last year under a mandatory helmet law.

Last year, only six people lost their lives in the first Daytona Bike Week without a helmet requirement.

Now in its 61st year, Bike Week draws an estimated 500,000 bikers to Florida for an annual celebration of motorcycles, and along with Biketoberfest, it provides a $744 million boost to the local economy — almost half the $1.6 billion impact to the area from all special events.

In other Daytona Beach news, Karl “Big Daddy Rat” Smith died of a heart attack on Monday of Bike Week while making final preparations for that weekend?s Rat’s Hole Custom Chopper Show, in which he was to receive an award for his contributions to the motorcycle world.

At 74 and despite recent ill health, Smith still was involved in producing the custom-bike shows that brought him international attention. Big Daddy Rat first visited Bike Week in 1963, and started in business on Main Street in a 12-by-16-foot shop aptly named The Rat’s Hole. His business grew to include seven shops in Daytona Beach and a gift shop in Las Vegas.

NORTH FLORIDA COC PROTESTS DAYTONA?S “COLORLESS” BARS– Although most of the bars and saloons in Daytona Beach bar bikers from wearing club patches, hundreds of bikers from various motorcycle clubs wore their “colors” for a Saturday afternoon get together during Bike Week at Daytona Nites in Ormond-By-The-Sea to share some conversation, laughter and a few beers.

“It looked like a high school reunion in black leather,” noted the local newspaper, The Daytona Beach News-Journal.

For years, even the most biker-friendly bars in town, such as the Boot Hill Saloon on Main Street, have not allowed riders to wear anything that represents their membership in a motorcycle club. Even the owners of the Iron Horse Saloon and the Broken Spoke Saloon, two of the most popular biker bars along U.S. 1, choose to remain colorless.

But this does not suit the North Florida Confederation of Clubs, the organization that sponsored the motorcycle club meeting in Ormond-by-the-Sea.

The group originated in 1999 to serve as a “national voice to protect bikers’ lifestyles and their right to ride.”

In protest against the bars and restaurants that prohibit club colors and insignia, Robert “Smitty” Smith, a longtime member of the Outlaws Motorcycle Club, president of the club’s Daytona Beach chapter and the liaison for the North Florida Confederation of Clubs, began circulating a petition that decries what the organization calls “blatant discrimination” against bikers who choose to display their club memberships.

“The rights of cyclists have been violated for years,” said Smith. “We just want a little freedom.”

BANNED BIKES MAY BE BANISHED ABROAD– “Talk about getting rid of a problem. The Baltimore City Council wants to send one of its scourges to another hemisphere,” reported The Baltimore Sun newspaper regarding the city council’s impending vote on a plan to donate seized dirt bikes to needy groups in Africa or elsewhere out of the country.

“Get them out of Baltimore and send the message that we are not going to tolerate them anymore,” said Councilman Melvin L. Stukes, who supports the proposal to ship the bikes abroad, so long as there is no cost to taxpayers. “We want them out of the city, period.”

Baltimore outlawed the use of dirt bikes two years ago after two young men died when their bikes slammed into the back of a 10,000-pound delivery truck. Police have estimated that 1,000 such bikes are in the city and have resulted in several deaths. In the past two years, they have seized 119 dirt bikes and 18 unregistered motorcycles.

Two groups based in Africa are interested in taking the dirt bikes off Baltimore’s hands. The bikes would help people in African countries where roads are not in good condition.

City Council President Sheila Dixon said the council did not want them auctioned off by the Police Department because the bikes could return to city streets.

But Stukes and Dixon were concerned about ensuring the bikes didn’t end up in the wrong hands.

“The last headline we want to see is that all … 75 bikes shipped from Baltimore have ended up in drug lords’ hands,” Stukes said.

SPEED KILLS: POLICE RELEASE DEAD MOTORCYCLIST?S SPEEDING VIDEO– A self-made video of a British motorcyclist “treating roads as a race track” two weeks before his death has been released by police in England in a bid to cut accidents.

After the 28-year-old motorcyclist died in a collision, police released his video showing him speeding and performing stunts. He would strap a video camera to the front of his machine and tape himself traveling in excess of 100mph, pulling wheelies and overtaking other vehicles on blind bends.

Cornwall Police said: “The whole manner of his riding is dangerous. It is treating roads as a race circuit but unfortunately on the roads you have vehicles coming in the opposite direction. The whole reason for releasing the video is to get the message across that this kind of driving is not clever. It is dangerous and fatal consequences can result.”

The dead rider’s girlfriend handed the tape over to the police, and made an appeal urging others to slow down in a bid to reduce the number of fatalities involving motorcycles. “I know that superbikes aren’t made to go slowly but when they see what happened here I hope that they will think about their speed and slow down. It may save a life.”

JAIL FOR BIKE RIDER CAUGHT SPEEDING BY HIS OWN VIDEO– A motorcyclist who made a video recording of himself traveling at more than 160mph has been jailed for 12 months, prosecuted on the strength of his own video after he attached the camera to his 900cc Kawasaki in order to record his exploits.

The 32-year-old U.K. rider was pulled over by officers from the Dyfed Powys Police force, who spotted the video camera and confiscated it.

A Dyfed Powys Police spokeswoman said: “He drove from Church Village near Pontypridd, on to the A470 and down towards Llandovey in mid Wales on the A40. He was stopped by officers, who took the camera away. The video showed the camera pointing out over the handlebars and you can see the speedometer. His speeds regularly topped 150mph.” The spokeswoman said the motorcyclist had attached a hydraulic device to his number plate to flick the plate away to stop police recording his registration.

In addition to a year in jail, the speeding film star is banned from driving for three years and was ordered to take an extended driving test.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE MONTH: BIKER ATTACKED FOR “RIDING TOO SLOWLY” — On the other end of the speed spectrum comes this news story of a Malaysian man who was reportedly beaten up because he was riding his motorbike too slowly.

The 52-year-old was assaulted in Penang by 20 men. He was on his way home to take his family out when he was attacked. According to The Straits Times, the Sun newspaper said he was riding his motorcycle when a car blocked his path. Three men got out of the car and told him off. They then grabbed the keys to his bike. One of them called his friends using a mobile phone and 15 men armed with sticks and knives turned up and attacked the motorcyclist. They fled when other motorists intervened.

QUOTABLE QUOTE: “The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it. Ignorance may deride it. But in the end; there it is.”
WINSTON CHURCHILL (1874 – 1965)
British Prime Minister

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TERRORISTS, PROJECT BIKES AND SEX

BIKERNET BUSINESS REPORT, BRASS KNUCKLES TAILLIGHTS FROM RR CHOPPERS– I am attaching a pic of a new product R R Choppers will be releasing in the coming month as he just got back from LA with the prototype & is going forward with full production. He also does complete rolling chassis kits & complete bikes out the door for under 30K with custom sheetmetal not a bad little business for 13 months in the industry. Watch for more details here on Bikernet.

–Richard K.

BIKERNET QUESTION OF THE WEEK– We are trying to find information on Steve McQueen’s charity forchildren and have not had much luck. Panoptx is interested in becominginvolved, however the information is not readily available as far as we cansee. We thought a good biker editor (such as yourself!) might be able tohelp us. Have you heard of this?

Thanks for any help you can provide,

–Jody

Jody Krikstone
Panoptx PR
Richard French & Associates
112 E. Hargett St.
Raleigh, NC 27601
(919) 832-6300 Ext. 36
An FWV PubliCom Company

BIKERNET MYSTERY OF THE WEEK–I have been looking for big boar batteries . I have been using one of them and it went bad . I was checkin out your links but didn’t see one for Big Boar. Would you have a number or web add. you can hook me up with.

The big boar I use is a 450b with 750 cca for my stroker, so if you can help me I’d really dig it.Daytime e-mail is jhodge@apk.net or hit this one in reply and I’ll get it tonight.

Thanks alot for your help

–Jim

International Martial Arts BoxingSeminar withRICHARD BUSTILLO–a member of the Black Belt Hall of Fame – Instructor of the Year Award, the World Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Pioneer Award recipient, the Filipino Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Life Time Achievement Award winner, and Bandit’s Sifu has the distinction of being certified as a law enforcement defensive tactics instructor with the FBI, LAPD, and the LASD. Sigung Bustillo is a senior instructor of Bruce Lee’s Jeet Kune Do and a recognized 9th degree rank and Grandmaster with the fame Cacoy Doce Pares Eskrima of Cebu, PI.

His next seminar is coming right up in Honolulu. Here’s the particulars:

Saturday & Sunday, June 1 & 2, 2002
Golds Gym, (across from Advertiser Building) Honolulu, Hawaii

The hands-on training is not designed to compete against your style but will compliment all levels from beginner to advanced. He will teach more than martial art techniques. He calls his process, Jeet Kune Do. Evolve with change for a simple and practical seminar.

Under age 18 must have prior approval to attend. No spectators or video allowed. Come see why Richard Bustillo is one of the most sought after martial artist.

Jeet Kune Do Saturday Morning @ 9 A.M. to 11:30 A.M.Bruce Lee’s basic footwork, hand/foot speed to closing the gap to trapping and grappling, and training concepts to enhance the three combat ranges below.

Muay Thai/Boxing Saturday @ 1 P.M. to 3:30 PMOffense/defense/counter drills on Boxing and Muay Thai techniques. Understand knee/elbow/punch/kick techniques with Thai pads for self defense and sport.

Cacoy Doce Pares Eskrima Sunday Morning @ 9 A.M. to 11:30 A.M.Bring double stick and single stick for training drills for Pangamot (empty hand), Agaw (disarming), Dumog (grappling), and Pormas (forms).

Kali/Eskrima/Arnis Sunday Afternoon @ 1 P.M. to 3:30 P.M.Dangerous edge weapon awareness, edge weapon defense and counterdrills, standing and ground dumog against weapons,

Fee: $85.00/Pre-registration before 6/1/02$105.00/Door fee, $65.00/1 day Pre-reg., $75.00/1 day,Instructors free if 5 students enroll

contact: Sifu James Tanaka (818) 223-9363

BIKERNET REPORTS FROM THE FRONT–

Just a little tribute and demonstration of the risks and dedication of our servicemen and women. Although the world constantly breathes down their necks and takes shots at them, they deserve our support and respect daily. —

BIKERNET TRAINING HISTORY DEPARTMENT– I read the book “Russian Kettlebell Challenge”http://www.dragondoor.com/b15.html which has instructions for kettlebelllifts. Dragondoor sells kettlebells cast off the Russian molds athttp://www.dragondoor.com/p10.html but I bought an Ironhorse KB handle fromPDA because I wanted something plateloading and adjustable. The Ironhorsehandle is pictured herehttp://www.fractionalplates.com/equipment/equipment20.html

I’ve found kettlebells more difficult than dumbells for both ballisticexercises (snatch, clean, jerk) and for presses. The ballistics are harderbecause the weight flips over at the end of the motion & has to becontrolled. Presses are harder because the KB hangs behind the wrist ratherthan resting on top of your straight & locked arm. Another difference isthat high-rep snatches really knock the wind out of you, which strengthensthe lungs & heart. (Theoretically, high-rep barbell snatches would knockthe wind out of you too, but they’re too dangerous–lose it & the bar comesdown on your skull).

Another fun site is http://www.sandow.plus.com/ If you click on ArthurSaxon, there is a complete scan of his book “The Development of PhysicalPower,” which has instructions for bent presses, continentals, & all thoseother old-time lifts.

Beware of one thing; KB lifting is a lot less technical than olympiclifting, but a lot more technical than what most people do in a gym thesedays. Perfect form is important, otherwise bad injuries result. I neededto schedule a lesson with a teacher to straighten out my form–I found theinstructions in the book inadequate by themselves.

–Jon Juniman

BIKERNET ROAD ROGUE REPORT– Returning to Florida from a recent road trip by motorcycle to Texas I was running a little late so I decided to stop in The Florida Welcome Center and Rest Area on Interstate 10 just West of Pensacola.

It was slightly after midnight and I had been on the road since noon. I was tired but also wanted to call ahead and let friends know I was running late and not to wait up for me.

I had some coffee and stretched my legs a bit. When I was ready to leave, my motorcycle would not start. It turned out to be a carburetor problem that I was not going to be able to fix in the parking lot. I called my friends back and they said they would be out to get me with a trailer but it would be about three hours to get there.

I took out my emergency blanket and laid down on the ground next to the motorcycle, as there was no other place to do it. I was dead tired and did not know what else to do. I woke every time some one came near and about two hours later I heard two people talking and then some one kick my foot to arouse me. It was two security guards and they informed me that I could not sleep on the ground. I asked them where I could sleep and was told I had to be in a vehicle. I explained I was on the motorcycle and there was no inside it, that I had been on the road a long time and also that the vehicle would not start. They just said that I could not lay down anywhere unless I was in a vehicle.

I should note that there were 18 wheel tractor-trailers, motor homes, trucks and cars parked with people in them sleeping. Trucks and motor homes had special areas. They were no facilities for motorcycles.

Luckily my friends showed up in about an hour as promised. We loaded the bike and were on our way.

These areas are paid for with tax payer dollars and I suspect some money from gas taxes and vehicle registrations. These areas are set up for people to rest so as not to fall asleep while driving. I got a ride out of there but if that did not happen I would have been forced to leave and possibly have an accident.

— ROGUE

BIKERNET COMPUTER SURVEY– At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computerindustry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with thetechnology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 carsthat got 1,000 miles per gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, GM issued a press release stating, “If GMdeveloped technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with thefollowing characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy anew car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You wouldhave to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shutoff the car, restart it, and reopen the windows beforeyou could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver like a left turn would cause your carto shut down and refuse to start, in which case you would have to reinstallthe engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on 5%of the roads.

6. The air bag system would ask “are you sure?” before deploying.

7. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out andrefuse to let you in until you simultaneously lift the door handle, turn thekey and grabbed hold of the antenna.

8. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn todrive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the samemanner as before.

9. You would have to press the START button to turn the engine off.

–from Ray Russell

I traversed the world with a PC Laptop and I can dig the above. I could have thrown that goddamn computer overboard on several occassions–Bandit.

–from Bob T.

BIKERNET LAWLESS CALLER QUESTION– The famous sex therapist on Bikernet was taking questions when a caller asked, “Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?”

To which the doctor handily responded, “To avoid criticism.”

DUCK OUT, BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE–Later today, Brian Olea, the president of Bad Pig called the Chamber of Commerce in Hollister in a panic. They told him that Hollister is good to go. We’ll see what floats to the surface next.

Shortly we’ll run a tip on saving batteries and starter gears on Bikernet, but the bottom line is that Giggie and some informed sources at Compu-fire are recommending that you install solids in your performance Evos and big inch Twin Cams. You can buy a set of solids from S&S for less than $20.00 and perform the installation yourself. Hydraulics are the problem. You’ll need gaskets.

I don’t get it. I can look out at the harbor, meet up with Sin, add long lunches and work on my VL in the afternoon. A brother can’t understand why I don’t want a corporate job that was offered last week. I remember the old days when bikers couldn’t get jobs or keep them. Hell, Wild Bill had the code nailed down, “Wild Bill from over the hill, never worked and never will.”

Have a helluva weekend. Don’t go down or get arrested, but do everything else wrong–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TERRORISTS, PROJECT BIKES AND SEX

Continued From Page 2

DAVIE ALLAN ROCKS–Hot announcementabout our May 24th show with The Seeds. Because of analtercation at Mr. T?s, the show has been cancelled. Youcan still see The Seeds, they’ve been added to the bill atSpaceland. A rescheduled Arrows and Seeds show looksGood for July 14th at The Knitting Factory.Stay tuned.

–Davie,www.davieallan.com

BIKERNET INSIDE SCOOP– Bike builder Brian at PaulYaffe Originals will have his personal chopper gracing the cover of thenew Mikuni & Performance Machine sponsored 2003 Iron & Lace Calendarphotographed by Jim Gianatsis. Pictured with this awesome Yaffe bike isbeautiful Playboy cover model Amanda Bentley of the famed Bentley Twinswho is featured with sister Sandy in all of the 2003 FastDates.compublished motorcycle pinup calendars.

The 2003 Iron & Lace Calendar will be available from your local dealerthrough their favorite distributor, as well as online athttp://www.FastDates.com

The 2003 Iron & Lace calendar will premier at the Hot Bike presents the2003 White Brothers LA Calendar Motorcycle Show sponsored byBikernet.com in Long Beach on July 20 & 21st. The Show will feature allthe top name builders on the West Coast including Paul Yaffe. Forcomplete details go to http://www.FastDates.com/BIKESHOW.HTM

BIKERNET DISCOVERS THAT LOUIE CAN’T HANDLE THE RAIN–The Skies opened up and rescheduled the Choppers Forever Bike Showat C&L Hog Shop until June 2nd. Hopefully we can give away the trophies then!Starts at noon on the 2nd of June, with folks planning on coming from Daytona, Orlando, Naples,Ohio, Texas, LA. Grampa Louie knows alot of people.

We needed the rains.Watch those other flames, tossed cigarette butts, etc.We are still in drought conditions down here so rain is good.I guess…..sigh…

–Mandu

SAFETY STUDY FROM BIKERNET–

BIKERNET PRESCHOOL TUTORING–The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks,”What’s this?”

“A horsy,” one child answers.

“And this?” the teacher asks.

“A piggy,” replies another youngster.

“And now this one?” asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a maledeer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only totalsilence.

“Come now, children,” she coaxes, “I’ll give you a little hint.

What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs & kisses her a lot?”

“I know! I know!!” exclaims one little girl. “It’s a horny bastard!”

–from Bob T.

WHERE’S RAWLINGS?–Years ago, I used to stop by their shop when I made the trip to Calif. from my home in Jersey. Keith Ruxton and Clyde Rawlings were one of the first to run in the 7’s with their ultra sano top fuel digger. They turned out some of the nicest custom scoots to hit the streets. Thru the years I kept in touch with Clyde (he helped me troubleshoot). I lost the shop’s phone#…information has no listing. Did the shop close or did they move (do you have their #)? Last I spoke with Clyde the shop was slow.

…I’m just rolling the dice.

I still have a Sportster tank (mural hand painted by Audrey Rawlings) hanging on my garage wall.

Thanks, Brian

BIKERNET PET RELATIONS– A man goes into a bar with an ostrich and a cat.

The bar tender says “What would you like Sir?”

The Man Says “I’ll have a pint of beer” He looks at the ostrich and says “What will you have?”

“I’ll have a pint of beer” says the ostrich.

He looks at the cat “What will you have?”

“Half a pint of beer – but I’m not paying!” .

“That will be $12.65” says the bartender.

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly $12.65.

The next day after work the man goes into the same bar.

“What’ll it be today” says the bartender

“Double whisky on the rocks” says the man He looks at the ostrich and says “What will you have?”

“I’ll join you in a double whisky” says the ostrich

He looks at the cat “What will you have?”

“Half a pint of beer – but I’m not paying!”, says the cat.

“That will be $21.95” says the bartender

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly $21.95.

The next day after work the man goes into the same bar.

“Excuse me” the bartender says “I was just wondering why, no matter what the price, you always have the exact change in your pocket?”

“Well” says the man “When my grandmother died she left me everything in her house and inside there was a lamp so I rubbed it and out popped a genie. It granted me three wishes so I asked that every time I wanted to buy something I would have the exact change in my pocket”

“That’s brilliant” says the bartender “You’ll never ever run out of money. What else did you ask for?”

“A bird with long legs and a tight pussy”

Biker Rights–Read about legislation facing bikers in the future in the Bikers’ Rights area of Bikernet on the NCOM New Orleans gathering. This conference is annually devoted to the bikers across the country who fight daily for our lifestyle. If you are not a member of a Bikers’ Rights organization in your state join one, goddamnit. It supports their efforts to keep us free–Bandit.

BIKERNET MARRIAGE COUNSELING–A woman recently lost her husband.Their marriage had been a very lousyone, and she was relieved that hewas finally gone. She had him crematedand brought his ashes home.Picking up the urn that he was in,she poured him out on the counter.Then she started talking to him,and tracing her fingers in the ashes,she said, “You know that fur coatyou promised me?”

She answered by saying, “I boughtit with the insurance money!”

She then said, “Remember thatnew car you promised me?”

She answered again saying, “Well,I bought it with the insurance money!”

Still tracing her finger in theashes, she said, “Remember thatblow job I promised you? Well ……here it comes…”

–from Rogue

BIKERNET LACONIA UPDATE–By JOHN KOZIOL,Staff Writer.

In the wake of deadly violence around the nation this yearinvolving motorcycle gangs, city officials are looking at ways to make BikeWeek 2002 as safe as possible.

Bike Week takes place from June 8-16 and Laconia Police Chief William Bakeris sounding a cautious note that Laconia has to be prepared for thepossibility that the violence that has marred several biker-related eventsin other states, could also happen here.

“The point I’ve tried to make is we cannot guarantee the safety ofindividuals attending this event, just that we can use all reasonable lawenforcement efforts to minimize the risk,” Baker said on Wednesday.

The City Council has already met once this year with Baker to discuss BikeWeek-related matters although Mayor Mark Fraser declined to say Wednesdaywhat they were because they were discussed in non-public session. Thecouncil and the chief are expected to meet again at which time Baker willpresent a report “about state police protection and what kind of back-up wemight have if something did occur,” Fraser said.

An option that the city probably will not explore is canceling Bike Week,said Fraser, even though Baker pointed out that a motorcycle event in NewJersey has been postponed for at least a year due to the violence amongbiker gangs.

“A lot of people have invested a lot of time and planning so to now back offbecause of the possible threat of something, I don’t think that’s the routewe’re going to go, but we will be ready to respond if something does occur,”Fraser said.

Charlie St. Clair, executive director of the Laconia Motorcycle Rally andRace Week Association, said he has full confidence in law enforcementagencies being able to keep Bike Week 2002 attendees in line and safe.

–from Rogue

CRAZY HORSE ON MYRTLE BEACH–I’m back from the hard road. My left hand hurts like a muther. Might have something to do with the 40 mile traffic jam I sat in on the way home from Myrtle Beach. Hey, I wasn’t road captain. Spent most of the day in bed with a heating pad on my hand ( yes, it was that bad,)

We are getting tons of killer entries for the Bikernet Bike Show this month. I entered a few last night, doing the rest this morning.

Hey, you got the wedding story you wanted. Photoed a wedding in Myrtle. It happened to be my best friend here in Charlotte’s wedding. Beautiful wedding on the beach, wedding party rode off in the sunshine wearing tank tops and jeans to the reception 30 miles north of their hotel.

They wore plastic garbage bags on ride back in the cold pouring rain a few hours later. I got pics of that too. This Bikernet staff member had her full leathers packed on the bike and was wet but drier and warmer than them.

I spent some time with Jose and his bunch in Myrtle. It was most fun I had in a 4 wheeled vehicle in a long time.

Hammer, Geno and Billy L from HORSE are in South Fla staying with the Hustler folks. Some guys got it rough.

–JoAnn

THE TAXI DRIVER–One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadowsof an alley halfway down the block.Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the caband slammed the door.Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see adripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to?” hestammered.

“Union Station,” answered the woman.

“You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The womancaught him staring at her and asked,”Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?”

“Well ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was justwondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at thedriver and said,”Does *THIS* answer your question?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked,”Got anything smaller?”

–from Rogue

BIKERNET MAGAZINE SURVEY–In a curious attempt at checking on the success or drawbacks of bike magazine publishing we ran a small report last week on HORSE, Hot Rod Bikes and Hot bike. The information we received was from a printed Audited report, although not the most recent. We received the following from Dave Withrow the publisher of Hot Bike.

“This was sent to me. It is my understanding that Geno is a member of the Horse magazine staff. If he also is a member of your staff then we have a problem. The headline reads “Bikernet Investigates Bike Magazines”, this implies that actual research was done. If in fact research was done the story would mention the fact that Hot Bike has ABC audited circulation of 97,049. This is an audited increase of 160% over the last six years. This puts Hot Bike ahead of all audited Harley related performance titles, and second in the Harley magazine category to only Easyrider’s. The story implies that Hot Bike’s circulation has been flat for the last decade. The story also implies that the Horse is ABC audited, to my knowledge the Horse is not audited.

Since I was in attendance in every planning meeting for the EMAP purchase, I can guarantee you that killing Hot Rod Bikes was never an option. I can place and educated guess as to what Geno’s motivation is, but what is your motivation. I am forwarding this to our legal department in New York. A wise man once told me ” Never cut a man’s head off to make yourself appear taller”

We will continue to review the progress of these magazines and seek documentation, even though we were threatened with legal action. Actually the audited circulation reports on Hot Bike over the last three years have been somewhat flat and Easyriders circulation is over 200% ahead of Hot Bike.

We also found out that Hot Rod Bikes (circulation 94,000) is being cut to 8-times a year (according to a HRB subscription offer) and that advertising dropped substantially in the issue going to press.

We started this investigation to review the progress of HORSE in comparison to major titles. Dave is correct that HORSE is not audited. However, it’s interesting to examine the progress of a small group of riders against the mix of corporate giants. We’ll see what turns up next.

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–TERRORISTS, PROJECT BIKES AND SEX

Continued From Page 1

THE BIKERNET HOLLISTER RESEARCH CONTINUES– Now this is some of the highhanded shit the LAW pulls when they’re scared: officially prohibiting riders from sitting on their motorcycles if parked on San Benito Street. The council will consider the ordinances Monday.

If I can’t sit on my bike and watch the other bikes and traffic go by then something is really wrong with this picture! Talk about civil rights!!!

The following came in May 14:

Deadly biker shoot-out puts San Benito County officials on alert

By KATE WOODS
Pinnacle Staff Writer

A deadly biker shootout in Laughlin, Nev., has Sheriff Curtis Hill preparingfor the worst when the Hollister Independence Day Rally comes to town.”If anyone thinks that this can’t happen in Hollister — and I hope youquote me — they’d better get their heads out of the sand,” said Hill in hisstrongest language yet against outlaw bikers, fortified after fieldingnon-stop post-melee calls from law enforcement colleagues around the state.

The Hollister rally is the next major West Coast biker event, and Hill, whoconsiders motorcycle club intelligence a crucial part of his operation andhad two officers officially observing in Laughlin, already has made securityfor it a top priority.

“It’s open warfare,” said Hill. “In the realm of the outlaw biker world,that event in Laughlin was like a nuke going off.”

The violence prompted officials in Old Bridge, N.J., Tuesday to call forcancellation of their town’s rally in August.

They already were facing the prospect oftougher laws regulating Hollister Rally behavior.City Attorney Elaine Cass has prepared ordinances banning the exposure offemale breasts, barring “knives in plain view” and – and this will be astickler for crowds at an event with little seating outside of beer gardens- officially prohibiting riders from sitting on their motorcycles if parkedon San Benito Street. The council will consider the ordinances Monday.Hill stated forcefully and many times during an interview that he is seriousabout his concern – and desire to beef up security this year.

“I want to make sure that the community understands it’s not anoverreaction,” said Hill. “At 2 a.m. over 100 cops were actually working theevent at that time. With 45 minutes they had another 80 plus a SWAT team. Wecut back after the first year because nothing happened and everyonecomplained about what they had to pay for security. But things can happen ina flash.”

Hollister Chief of Police Bill Pierpoint is more optimistic that whathappened in Laughlin will not impact the Hollister event, and is more waryabout the rights of the majority being trampled by heavy handed tactics.”My feeling now is that it won’t affect our rally,” said Pierpoint. “If wereacted every time something happened someplace else, we would always beclosing down the entire town. We’d be taking everybody’s civil libertiesaway from them. People have the right to assemble.”

On Monday, however, Hill dispatched his sergeant assigned to motorcycle gangintelligence to begin fulltime work on a beefed up security plan for theHollister rally. Hill plans to meet with Pierpoint and City Manager GeorgeLewis this week. He acknowledged security would be costly, a fact aboutwhich, he said, outlaw bikers are well aware.

FIREFIGHTERS TO THE RESCUE–One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the localchemical plant and before you could snap your fingers it exploded intoflames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from milesaround.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical companypresident rushed to the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas arein the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give$50,000 to the engine company that brings them out intact.”

The fire chief ordered his men to strengthen their attack on the blaze.After two hours of fighting the fire another fire department was called inand the president of the chemical company offered $100,000 to thefirefighters who could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the distance, a long siren was heard as another fire truck came intosight. It was the local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men overthe age of 65. To everyone’s amazement, t he little fire engine raced passedeveryone and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off their rig andbegan to fight the fire with a performance and effort never seen before.Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved thesecret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president joyfully announced that for such asuperhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over topersonally thank each of the brave, though elderly, fire fighters.

The local TV news reporters rushed in after capturing the event on filmasking. “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we are going to dois fix the brakes on the truck.

BIKERNET RECALL ALERT– If you have a American Suspension inverted front end on your motorcyclethere has been a RECALL ON THE FENDER BRACKETS. This would include AmericanQuantum, Ultra, Titan and those who purchased just front ends from anothersource.

To find out more or make arrangements to get your recall contact LisaReddick at American Suspension. E-mail LDReddick@dny.gd-ots.com call (562) 904-7731 or write American Suspension – 9236 E.Hall Road -Downey – CA. – 90241-5308

A BIKERNET RELIGIOUS MOMENT– The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks anolder priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, “Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand.” The new priest tries this. The old priestsuggests,

“Try saying things like, ‘I see,’ ‘yes,’ ‘go on,’ ‘I understand,’ and “how did you feel about that?'”

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priestsays,

“Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying ‘No shit! What happened next?'”

–from Chris T.

NEW H-D MODEL, THE HEARSE–Al Skinner of Wrightsville, Pa., test-drives his new Harley-Davidson “hearse for hire” on May 1. Skinner hopes his new business, Biker Burials, will attract “motorcycle enthusiasts or those in search of an extraordinary farewell.”

The 46-year-old biker mounted a custom sidecar and casket to his Sinister Blue Harley-Davidson Road King. He will carry a loved one to the cemetery for $300 plus another dollar for each mile traveled.

–from Rogue

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE NHRA TEAM TO CONCENTRATE ON TESTING AND DEVELOPMENT– After an early season filled with expectations and discovery, the Screamin’ Eagle/Vance & Hines National Hot Rod Association (NHRA) Pro Stock Bike drag racing team is focused on applying the knowledge gained towards a future qualifying effort. With this goal in mind, the team has chosen to continue testing and will miss this weekend’s Matco Tools Super Nationals in Englishtown, NJ.

“We know where the team is at competitively and we know what it will take to reach our goal of qualifying,” said Mike Kennedy, director of marketing for Harley-Davidson Parts and Accessories. “We now want to take this time to implement the technical data and knowledge gained from early in the season in preparation for a qualifying effort. The team remains focused and confident of the program’s potential to become competitive in the NHRA Pro Stock Bike series.”Visit www.harley-davidson.com for more information.

RUN FOR BREATH UPDATE–Dear Mr. Bandit,This is the t-shirt logo for the 4th Annual Run For Breath in Charlotte. Mike said to tell you that he had to twist my arm to get me to send this. After that remark, he can kiss his Bikernet sweatshirt good bye!!!

Love you,
Meanest

As usual I had to straighten them out and make sure they mentioned the name, date and location of the event on the other side of the t-shirt. They forgot all about it. It’s Sunday the 28th of July and it’s sponsored by Charlotte H-D where Mike Pullin works. He created the event in his son’s memory to raise funds for all kids with serious lung disease. I’ll be there to make sure Mike gets his ass up that morning for the ride.–Bandit

BIKERNET ADVICE FOR MEN–I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he reachedthe top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground. Then, twistinghis thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the next blade.

In this manner, He traveled across the lawn, covering as much distancevertically as he did horizontally, which amused and delighted me.And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an “epiphany”, amoment of heightened awareness in which everything becomes clear.

Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly knew whatIhad to do:

Quit drinking before noon.

–from Buckshot

A RIDER’S DILEMMA–I can’t decide what to do this weekend. Bald headed Patrick wants to go toGulfport, Miss, for the Blowout. Been there. It’s a good party, but $50 ahead plus $30 for a car or truck. The car fee don’t bother me ’cause I ain’tgonna have one, but $50 is too much.It’s on the beach though and the 350 miletrip is a nice ride.

Phillip wants to go to the Road Barron’s party in HotSprings. Same kinda fun but 300 miles closer. It’s only $20, but it ain’t atthe beach. No casinos either.

Wayne wants to go to Monroe, LA for a bigparty, but it’s out in the boonies, and you have to return to the real worldto eat. the cops are just laying for you when you leave.

Titty bar mike wantsto go to the lake and have a big boat deal. Everyone is gonna be at the lakeand you can’t find a square inch that isn’t covered.

I just want to ride. I’minclined to go to Gulfport because it’s the farthest away, it’s at the beach,and it’s the biggest event. Lots of naked girls. Cops are ok, if you ain’tacting stupid, and there are drag races. I’ll let you know.

–Ted-F.U.M/C

MORE RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING FROM BIKERNET–A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!” The wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was now “cute.”

She said, “What happened to ‘beautiful?'”

The man replied, “The drugs are wearing off!”

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