BIKERNET NEWS FLASH—BANDIT LOST AT SEAIt was time to roll. Layla was getting on my case, Sin Wu wasn’t satisfied with just lunch quickies, and Coral, well, I won’t go there. It was time to pack my sea bag and make for the coast. I hadn’t hit an airport since the terrorist attacks and completely agree with what the government is doing to develop proper security measures. I was searched three times and my bags were ineffectively searched. It prompted an idea for a business. It may be that in the future the baggage search business will need to be taken off airport sites. Here’s my idea: What if you had your bags searched, certified and taken to the airport by another company? Then when you get there, you’re body searched and you go. As in the past, the people doing the searching are far too overwhelmed to handle the job effectively. I was also searched before boarding the plane, again ineffectively.

When I arrived in Houston, the cabby didn’t want to admit that he knew where the port was or how to get there. He nervously drove through the gates and down to the docks. It was dark and the docks were poorly marked, so we had to find markings on some of the ships. Actually, some were such rust buckets that markings and names were difficult to find. We finally reached the scow Leon, which was tied up beside collapsing buildings and next to a dock strewn with busted pallets and battered fork lifts. Some military construction equipment painted a dark green with camouflage treatment sat next to the ship with flat tires.

The cabby nervously waited beside his van as I unloaded my bags. Three short Filipinos in grease-soaked overalls ran down the rattling gang plank to snatch up my bags. I asked the cabby to hang to take me to town for grub, but he refused. As soon as my last bag was gone, he jumped back in his vehicle and split without even charging me. I didn’t even have a knife on me; they were still in my bags.

The gangplank was the first indication of the quality of vessel I was escaping on. It was constructed from aluminum angle iron some 30 years ago. The damn thing was only about a foot and a half wide. As it deteriorated, pieces of mild steel angle iron were bolted across it for strength and to keep crew from slipping. Even wood was screwed to it to fill holes. There were no railings, just rope pulled through rings andold netting that wouldn’t prevent anything from falling into the oily sewage between the ship and the pier.

The ship is 584 feet long and 85 feet wide. It belongs to the historic Rickmier line out of Hamburg Germany, but doesn’t carry a usual Rickmers name. The more I saw of the ship the more I knew why. Tramp Steamer is an accurate description. The first night aboard someone left the air conditioning on all night and we about froze to death. The next night the crew tried to cook us in our cabins. The officers are polish and the crew Philippino. The Captain speaks broken English and so does the steward. The Phillipinos don’t speak Polish and the Poles don’t speak Phillipino. This particular ships has six cranes and the same number of holds and each hold has several layers. It’s a general cargo ship which means it packs anything and everything all over the world. If they can hoist the motherfucker on board, they’ll take it. If there’s not room in the holds and they can strap it to the deck, they will. This in not generally a container ship, so it usually spends more time in port off-loading and loading more goods.

They were scheduled to depart on Tuesday and I was originaly planning to arrive on Monday and going to have dinner withBilly Tinney, the editor of Tattoo Magazine Monday, who lives in Houston and should be editing a magazine on antique gun sales. It’s better that I arrived on Saturday. Sunday after setting up my cabin I took a bus to downtown through the ghetto to the upscale shopping area to buy some much needed communications equipment and gym equipment for my cabin. Monday afternoon the Captain anxiously announced with five minutes notice that we were pulling out. We yanked for the docks by a tug and headed out the canal past Galveston and the Battleship Texas Memorial and into the Gulf of Mexico.

We better get to the news:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DEAR BIKER ABBY– Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing — your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closertogether.

Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friendswithout you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day, then cook himanice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Anight out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happyhe is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when hegets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him anice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much asyou should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood.

Stop beingso selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral on himand cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is pretty good:
This was in the Washington Post… the title of the article was “BestCome Back Line Ever.”

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence,22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, publicindecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse onMonday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decidedto stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there wasno one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” hestated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulledover to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt wasappropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfyhis alleged “need”. “Guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evidentembarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett Countypolice car approaching and was unaware of his audience until OfficerBrenda Taylor approached him.

“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “Iwalked up to (Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.” Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.”I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that youare copulating with a pumpkin?'” He froze and was clearly very surprisedthat I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, “Apumpkin? Damn …is it midnight already?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey…Here’s some shots from our next issue, the James Gang shot is going on the cover. We shot Jesse and Gang in Cali a few months ago with his newest creation and some fox he found. There is also a very inside interview with Jesse and Frank Kozik. Its a killer issue as usual.
Geno “the pusha”

The Horse Rules

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cantina Soap Opera– Chapters are rolling in and the Cantina is heating up. You may not want to miss the action. Keep in mind that there’s a couple of writers involved in this program, so if she’s got blue eyes and long red hair in one chapter and she’s a short haired big titted dyke in the next I’m innocent.

Here are the latest Cantina winners. These lucky people win an signed copy of Orwell just for signing up in the Cantina.
Brian Rodgers of Allentown, PA
Terry & Julie McCarty of Bethpage TN
Wayne Wheat of Odessa, TX
Bern Meighen of Canton, Ohio

We also have a winner of the Cantina Door Prize Giveaway.
Thomas Brown wanted Bandit’s mouse pad since he won’t be around to use it. O.K. Brian, you got it. Don’t complain about the dirt on it because you could have asked for a new one. But Bandit’s old one it will be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’sbirthday and as they had not been dating very long, after carefulconsideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, theclerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheartgot the panties.

Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: “I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons but shewears short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearingfor the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yourson for me and she looked really smart. I wish I were there to put them on for you the first time as no doubt other hands will come in contactwith them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year!

All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Narrows Saloon Calendar, Featuring Donnie Smith Custom Motorcycles
Top quality 17×24 – 12 month calendar features beautiful Minnesota locations, models and the extraodinary craftsmanship of Master Motorcycle Builder Donnie Smith.

An industry legend since 1971. Minnesota based Donnie Smith and his custom motorcycles have been feature in nearly every motorcycle publication both nationally and internationally as a master builder an patent holder. Named to the Sturgis National Hall of fame in 1995, Donnie Smith is not only tops in his field, but a great Minnesota institution.

Celebrate the open road, cool bikes and hot babes with this stunningly beautiful limited edition calendar.
Coming soon to The Bikernet Gift Shop! Watch for them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When in Santa Paula, CA.,

You have to visit the California Oil Museum. Featuring “Bikes And Badges” Motorcycles of the Police & Military.

Exhibit runs from Nov. 4th. to Feb. 22, 2002.

We have two pair of Gift Passes to the first two emails two sinwu@earthlink.net. (Submit only if you know you can make it.)

Enjoy!

Continued On Page 2

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–U.S. SUPREME COURT APPROVES ROADBLOCKS, BIKERS RECEIVE ANTI-DISCRIMINATION SUPPORT

Hey, I wish I knew what was up. Yesterday, I was minding my own business scrambling through another colorful day on the coast when Nuttboy showed up for lunch. Sin Wu was at the pad and we were taking care of some business. Nuttboy and I usually go to lunch once a week to discuss book ideas, creative projects for the site and story lines for the Cantina drama, our Bikernet soap opera. Sin Wu knows our schedule, but I could tell by the glint in her college co-ed eyes that something was amiss.

You know the feeling when a woman gives you that look, or doesn’t look at all, and her words become short and quiet. So I asked her if she wanted us to pick something up for her. No answer. Here’s a shot of her two years ago in Japan, before her boob job.

So Nuttboy and I stomped out of the headquarters. I only got a block away before my cell phone rang. I didn’t want to answer it and have my day ruined by another psycho broad, but I pressed the button.

“You ruined my day,” was how she initiated the conversation. “I want sex and there’s no food in the house. You’re leaving for months and I won’t have you. I mad. Don’t say anything to Nuttboy.”

Hell, I didn’t know what to say and thought better than to add to the conversation.

“I hanging up now,” she said, and the phone went dead.

I ground my teeth and we continued down the road to the Lighthouse Cafe, where Nuttboy and I debated the direction of the Cantina drama. I tried to hold down a discussion while thinking that I should be back at the Bikernet headquarters strapping the help to the bed. Women. Let’s get to the news, but later I’ll throw some ideas out that Nuttboy and I discussed for the “Chance Goes to sea” book.

BIKER ELECTED MAYOR– The Bikernet Digital Gangster is fighting off a group trying to put a casino in his back yard. Got a biker mayor named Fuzzy in Snoqualmie. He’s trying save the bears. Way to go Digital! – Helen

NCOM COAST-TO-COAST BIKER NEWS–Compiled and Edited by BILL BISH,NATIONAL COALITION OF MOTORCYCLISTS. Here are some briefs from the NCOM Biker news. For the full stories go to Bikers’ Rights on Bikernet:

OHIO CONSIDERS BIKER ANTI-DISCRIMINATION BILL. As fall comes into full swing, the legislative staff of the Ohio Motorcyclists Coalition has been hard at work through the summer advancing the cause of equal access for all motorcyclists. House Bill 238, which seeks to outlaw discrimination against motorcyclists, now has the support of at least 24 Ohio representatives, and it has passed its first sponsors hearing.

U.S. SUPREME COURT APPROVES ROADBLOCKS The U.S. Supreme Court concluded that it is constitutional for law enforcement officers to set up roadblocks to randomly check motorists and other road users for proper driver’s licenses.

S.C. SUPREME COURT HEARS TATTOO CASE South Carolina’s highest court heard a challenge to the state’s tattooing ban, focusing on whether the practice is an issue of free speech or public health, reports the Associated Press.

HORSE MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS AVAILABLE ON BIKERNET–Yep, that’s right, and if you like homebuilt bikes, Triumphs and choppers, this is the mag for you.

“Here’s a shirt we are coming out with next week (kozik design),” said Geno, the art director, during a drunken party in the Keys.

Below is a teaser of an upcoming cover of the HORSE. Don’t miss it.

Two twin lovelies are two issues away. (Jesse is on the next cover, then the Biktoberfest cover.) Here’s the cover chick for the next issue that was printed yesterday and goes on sale Dec. 24.

Q: What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a roomtogether?

A: 100 people who don’t do dick.

–from Hamster Terry

DONNIE SMITH FRONT END?–Donnie Smith, notoriously famous bike builder from Minneapolis, has developed the first girder front end in two decades. Two years ago in Sturgis he unveiled the prototypes. We’re not sure that this is one of his units, but we’re checking.

The above shot came from Rogue. “Check out the front suspension (along with the RevTech calipers and wheels) on this 2500cc V-Twin.” Rogue’

SLOW BUT SURE DRAGS COVERAGE– The Woodburn?ladders are posted in the “Down the Track” section. I’ll be working on the Las Vegas race over the next month or two. The digital camera worked real well for its first time out at Vegas and it worked great at the Guggenheim’s “Art of the Motorcycle”. As for the points, you’ll have to go to the AHDRA website for the final results of the 2001 race season at www.AHDRA.com.

Top 10 Excuses Not To Exhibit At Intermot: The Largest Motorcycle ShowIn The World–

10. I am allergic to pretzels.
9. Germans do not believe in “lite beer.”
8. I look foolish in lederhosen.
7. Cuckoo clocks give me a headache
6. I have trouble pronouncing “Aufwiedersehen.”
5. I yodel off key.
4. I cannot spell October with a “k”.
3. The animal rights group I support will not permit me to eat wienerschnitzel.
2. I’m scared to ride my bike on the Autobahn and I can’t admit it.
1. It’s too expensive, I don’t have distributors and I don’t know how.

We can’t overcome reasons 2 through 10, but we can help you live up to yourfull marketing potential in a worldwide forum. As the Global ProjectDirector for Munich Trade Fairs North America, I am constantly hearingcreative excuses why companies do not want to go abroad to exhibit at atrade show. The fact of the matter is that most people who have neverbeen to Europe for business are afraid of the unknown. That is wherewe come in.

Intermot Facts:
1,100 exhibitors
150,000 visitors
82 countries
2,000 journalists
Bikers Camp
Sept. 17-22, 2002, during Oktoberfest!

Our USA pavilion is the perfect way for companies to gain internationalexposure without exhausting all of their resources. We provide thebooth, furnishings, carpeting, electrical services, access totranslators and the use of the USA exhibitor lounge starting at justunder $5,000.

Melanie Pelouze

Global Project Director
Munich Trade Fairs North America Corp.
120 South Riverside Plaza, Suite 1460
Chicago, Ill. 60606 USA
Direct: +1-312-377-2650
Fax: +1-312-377-2660
mpelouze@munichtradefairs.com
www.munichtradefairs.com

Here’s how rumors get started.

POLICE STATE THREAT– By Kelly Patricia O’Meara

If the United States is at war against terrorism to preserve freedom,a new coalition of conservatives and liberals is asking, why is it doing soby wholesale abrogation of civil liberties? They cite the Halloween-weekpassage of the antiterrorism bill – a new law that carries the almostpreposterously gimmicky title: “Uniting and Strengthening America byProviding Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct TerrorismAct” (USA PATRIOT Act). Critics both left and right are saying it not onlystrips Americans of fundamental rights but does little or nothing to securethe nation from terrorist attacks.

Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, one of only three Republican lawmakers tobuckthe House leadership and the Bush administration to vote against thislegislation, is outraged not only by what is contained in the antiterrorismbill but also by the effort to stigmatize opponents. Paul tells Insight,”The insult is to call this a ‘patriot bill’ and suggest I’m not patrioticbecause I insisted upon finding out what is in it and voting no. I thoughtit was undermining the Constitution, so I didn’t vote for it – and thereforeI’m somehow not a patriot. That’s insulting.”

Paul confirms rumors circulating in Washington that this sweeping newlaw, with serious implications for each and every American, was not madeavailable to members of Congress for review before the vote. “It’s myunderstanding the bill wasn’t printed before the vote – at least I couldn’tget it. They played all kinds of games, kept the House in session all night,and it was a very complicated bill. Maybe a handful of staffers actuallyread it, but the bill definitely was not available to members before thevote.”

GETTING THE MONEY– We’ve all heard the phrase “you learn something new everyday.” Well,here’s today’s lesson: Think before you speak! This actually happened at Harvard University in October last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A female freshmanraised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?”

“That’s correct,” responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red and, as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.

However, as she was going out the door, the professor’s reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her question. “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat. Have a good day.”

Continued On Page 2

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–THANKSGIVING TRIBUTE TO ALL THOSE FIGHTING TERRORISM (CONTINUED)

Contiunued from Page 2

BIKERNET PARTY RESEARCH REPORT–This is the beauty of science, the ability to explain a naturalphenomenon…

I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin on thesitcom “Cheers.” One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining theBuffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. And here’s how it went:

“Well ya see Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only moveas fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it isthe slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. Thisnatural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because thegeneral speed and health of the whole group keeps improving bythe regular killing of the weakest members.”

“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fastas the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we allknow, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest andweakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beereliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster andmore efficient machine.”

“That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

–from Geno, HORSE magazine

HOG WEBSITE SUMMARY–Efforts are under way to create a Web site that lists some of thebest bike runs in several areas of the U.S.

Your input will make this one of the foremost sources for rideideas that can be shared by all who enjoy our enthusiasm for aride on a Big Twin! WE HAVE NO RUNS IN YOUR AREA!

Simply think about your best run of the season and give us a setof directions that will take others through the twists and turnsof the run you recommend. We’ll name it after you or keep itanonymous, whatever you prefer. PASS THIS E-MAIL ALONG TO A FRIEND!

Here is an entry form to send your ideas!http://www.shipyourbike.com/Submit_Ride.htm

After we have collected a good number of these we will post themall at http://www.GreatBikeRuns.com

It’s a FREE site for all bikers to use. There are some rides posted already if you want to take apeak.

Lovely Lady In The NewsLaurie Sumrall, last year?s Love Ride winner of the 2001 Harley Ford Truck.Check out how a ?queen for a day? spent her Love Ride 2001 weekend.

We all stayed at the Glendale Hilton. Friday we did a private thing at theLA Zoo with the 2002 trucks, then at 3 p.m. the limos picked us up and took us to the Jay Leno show.

From there we went to City Walk to Buca something-Italian food, last thing we did was BB King’s place. Saturday we had anunofficial reunion ride. It was the same run we did in the summer with thetrucks; they wanted to do it backwards on bikes. They had Road Captainscome down from Ventura H-D and help us out.

We started at the hotel, fromthere Malibu Inn for breakfast, we rode the canyons for about an hour,stopped at Neptune’s Net, headed to Ventura H-D, then back to the hotel toget clean, warm and party. woooo hoo.

Sunday was totally cool too. We had to be out front of the hotel by 7, thepolice escort led us to Glendale H-D and parked us. From Glendale the escortled us all the way to the lake and we parked in the VIP section, soakingwet of course, and my bike wanted to die halfway there, but it came back toits senses. We had to ring ourselves out, then headed for food and beer.We kinda all hung out, all day, all over!

You know who else was with us? Frank and Ivonne, the ones who purchased the Jay LenoH-D truck and his bike that all the stars signed. Very nice, down-to-earth people.

Oh! I almost forgot, George took me on stage and introduced me as last year’s winner. Funny, huh?

STOP THE PRESSES–In fact shut the bastards off and go for a ride. Nuttboy and I finally solved all the problems with the Cantina drama, and if he remembers the clues through the weekend, we’ll be blessed. We also stumbled on a notion for the second Chance Hogan book based on the tramp freighter cruise I’m taking. Check this out and let me know what you think.

There are some 12 chapters of the first Chance Hogan book in the Cantina. Keep in mind that it’s still a work-in-progress and may change drastically before it’s published. Generally I feel that it’s coming together and plan to finish it within the first month or so on the high seas, but there’s got to be another Chance saga developed during the world-over tour.

Ya see, Chance is a biker who’s trying to find his way as a lover and a non-stop rider. He hasn’t much ambition but a lot of heart. All he has to his name is his motorcycle and an unstoppable drive to find the right woman. San Pedro and women almost kill him in the first book. Perhaps as the second book opens he finds himself hooked up with a girl much like this.

A woman who can tear his heart strings from his chest and tie them into knots. He follows her to the dark side of the harbor where she’s kidnapped aboard a freighter. He has no choice but to load his scooter on the next ship bound for Europe and try to find her.

Do you think that will fly? Have a helluva weekend and a fantastic Thanksgiving. And for all the brothers and sisters involved in the terrorist war, whether it’s pushing papers and ordering supplies here or fighting on the sands of Afghanistan, many thanks. The free world respects everything you do.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–THANKSGIVING TRIBUTE TO ALL THOSE FIGHTING TERRORISM

Continued From Page 1

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–We took the weekend to “organize” the shop; large plastic bins were filledwith parts and more parts, lots of stuff for Pans and Shovels as well asEvos. Amazing what you can gather in years of work, saving most of itfor the day you might need it. I have learned the lesson: throw somethingaway and you will need it the following day, so we keep saving stuff. Thisgave us an idea: build a chopper with the stuff we had lying around,except motor, tranny and frame.Let’s see how inexpensive the end product will be. We will post it here assoon as we have something to photograph.

And now to the news:This past Sunday there was a ride against cancer, yep the Big C. Reportsclaim over 300 motorcycles showed up (all brands) and ended up in theeastern town of Fajardo.

Today the Caribbean HOG rally starts. I will get the report of the ride atnight. The event started yesterday with a welcome party andinscriptions, sure we missed it, we were pretty busy at the shop.

We heard a rumor that Ron Simms will not be at the Camel booth this year,too bad, but we bet Billy Lane and Choppers Inc., will be called to take hisplace.

As I write this (at 1 a.m.) I can hear the rumble of straight pipes from myhouse. It’s obvious that the rally is here and guys are looking for thingsto do. Who knows if they will make the 9 a.m. start.

The Custom Bike Show was canceled due to rain and the drop of the mainsponsor. They will reschedule and we will try to cover it.

That’s it for now. We have been working 12- and 15-hour days, the jobs keepshowing up. Expect a cool FXR and a changed Sportster pretty soon. Also WCCchopper No. 2, it’s down to the reassembly, will post as soon as it’s done.

Guys, drop a note at Your Shot. We make the effort to do this every weekand would like to know if it’s been enjoyed or if we are doing a shit job.

And to the Weasels: Stop giving flashy business cards, show us the bikesyou build.

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Agent

CLASSIC TRIUMPH CHOP–The light is off a ’30s vintage teasipper. I fabbed the mount and license platebracket along with many other of the bike’s pieces.

It started as a build for a guy who got in and then lost his job half way intothe build. It would seem that his six-figure income still had him living weekto week so when he demanded I sell it before I was finished……. I simplytold him “no way” and I’d finish it to fit myself. We negotiated terms andcontrols were made for my feet instead of his size 15s. The bike had waytoo much work to let anyone else finish it.

We will feature this bike on the site in the next week. For more information contact Hackasaw atwww.hackasaw.com.–Bandit

SURFACE ANALYSIS DEPARTMENT– In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed throughstupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sear’s hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” (Gee that’s the onlytime I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Detailsinside.” (The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that wouldbe how …?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (But it’s”just” a suggestion.)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.”(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (Asnight follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (Butwouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machineryafter taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate ofconstruction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds withhead-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (Asopposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gottaadmit, I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eatnuts.” (Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child’s Superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable youto fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands orgenitals.” (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My gosh!)

++++++++++++++++++

BIKERNET THANKSGIVING WISH–As Thanksgiving is soon approaching, let’s all be thankful that we are Americans. And remember the fun that we had last year during the Sturgis Rally. Thought I would share a few more pictures just to keep you warm.

Ride safe and keep it between the lines,

–Rodger

+++++++++++++++++AIRLINE SECURITY NEWS FLASH– CHICAGO – The war on terrorism took a strange and sad turn Friday as airline officials at O’Hare International Airport refused to let a73-year-old grandmother board her plane as she had in her possessiontwo 6-inch knitting needles. Apparently authorities were worried thatshe might knit an Afghan.

–from Phil Ross

Continued On Page 3

WEST COAST REGIONAL NCOM CONFERENCE COMINGTHE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE. Visit us on our website at

From The GUNNY’S SACK

This year’s West Coast Regional NCOM conference near Tacoma, WA was a great success for us out here in the upper left corner.

We had speakers on riders’ rights from several folks. Our own Sam Hochberg, Oregon A.I.M. Attorney, talked about some of the things going on here in Oregon with beanie helmets, and with the ”Gang” affiliation labeling in Portland. We lost the case in court, and the biker elected not to appeal. The good news: NOT ONE BIKER has been designated since this lawsuit as a member of a ”criminal gang” (i.e, motorcycle club), because of the furor over it.

Spike Neal, an Oregon civil rights attorney and avid freedom fighter talked about discrimination and how it affects us. Marty Fox, our Washington A.I.M. Attorney, talked at length about the effects of new federal anti-terrorist legislation on bikers and clubs.

And last but not least, Outsiders MC’s PigPen outlined the progress of the Confederation of Clubs in Washington, and Brother Speed MC’s Showman from the Oregon Confederation of Clubs brought us up to date with that group. Show man dropped a bomb on us by announcing his retirement from active participation and handed the reins to Longview Tom of the Gypsy Jokers MC, who was already serving as Vice Chair. Tom was later elected to a full term as Chairman at a subsequent meeting in November.

All in all a very good Regional convention. We’re eagerly looking forward to next May in New Orleans with the International meeting of NCOM and ICOM.

WINTER: All right folks, even though it’s still warm out we need to think about winterizing our rides. Get your manuals out and do the good stuff before you put the scoot to bed for the year, if you don’t ride wintertime in your neck of the woods. If you do it right, you’ll be ready to go the first time the sun is out in the spring. Don’t get caught short like you did this year. If things keep up the way they are we may well be able to ride all year this year here in Oregon. Won’t hurt my feelings at all. Most of us here ride year-round anyway. Just gets us a little damp, that’s all.NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

BURBANK, CA: Jay Leno’s Harley drew $360,200! It’s been all over TV and news media. That bike isn’t worth that kind of money but the public needed a good excuse to spend money to help the victims of Sept 11th. The proceeds from the online e-bay sale of the scoot and matching truck went to the Twin Towers Fund for victims of the terrorist attack. Very generous of Jay Leno, I say.

Thanx, Jay.

MIDDLETOWN, PA: Here is another winner from the lottery who will ride herself a new scoot. Pamela Romanishan from Danielsville, PA won her new Harley Sporty through the second chance drawing of that state’s lottery. She and her hubby are scooter lovers and as luck would have it she was in the middle of taking her states rider ed course when she got word she won. She and the old man are walkin’ on the moon right now and she has her own ride. I’m proud for her.

PAKISTAN: Like there’s not ENOUGH crap going on in the world right now, seems that SOME of these terrorists took to motorcycles to conduct one of their strikes. You might have heard about it: 15 Christians got mowed down in October by six motorcyclists. They hopped off their bikes, jumped into a church with their AK-47’s firing and yelling about a ”graveyard for Christians,” and rode off. I guess a bike is like a knife or a gun. It can be used for good and bad. I wish it didn’t happen at all — but I wish it wasn’t with BIKES.

MILWAUKEE, WI: The chairman of Harley-Davidson, Jeffrey Bleustein is selling off twelve MILLION bucks worth of his Harley stock, so the news wires said. My boss Sam Hochberg tells me that from what he reads, the motor company is still in very good shape.

In fact, he says he MEANT to tell me I should’ve bought some Harley stock for my retirement fund when they hit around $35 or $36 a share, after the September 11th attacks. Now it’s back up to about $48 a share. Damn! Well, I just hope that Harley stock continues to grow and make America proud.

MAKUHARI, JAPAN: They had a car show here, and according to a copyrighted story I saw from Reuters, two of the futuristic ”concept cars” on display had fold-up MOTORCYCLES built in, as part of the car’s back seat! Can y’imagine? You’re broke down on the side of the road, you just pull out the

back seats and you have TWO little bikes to scoot on down the road! Now, how about we start talkin’ Ford and Harley into teaming up to do that for cars here in the USA, instead of just Harley styling and ”colors” on trucks?

KYOTO, JAPAN: Here’s a 65 year-old Biker Buddhist monk who hangs out at Kyoto’s ”Temple of the Golden Pavilion.” His thing is to ride his bike out to students on their school excursions in the area, and give ’em a lecture on his Temple’s history. Now this little story is coming to you from the Gunny who’s got a few years on that monk, and I still ride, too! Don’t let those years get you off your scoot!

GUNNY AGAIN: The recent events in September have backfired on the persons responsible in that instead of this country cringing and taking cover, we have taken steps to bring these criminals to justice. Suddenly our national pride and faith in ourselves is evident. Our national banner, the stars and stripes, has taken new meaning among our people. I’m so very proud to say I’m an AMERICAN, and so very proud to stand with my brothers and sisters and proclaim that THESE DEEDS WILL BE PAID FOR BY THOSE WHO INITIATED THEM. We’ll surely be talking about those attacks at the next NCOM Convention, since every-other year, it’s also the ”International Coalition Of Motorcyclists (ICOM) Convention.

It will be held in May 9-12, 2002, at the Radisson Hotel in New Orleans, just blocks from the famed French Quarter. The reservation number is toll free 1-800-333-3333. The hotel is at 1500 Canal Street, New Orleans, LA 70112. This Convention promises to be one crackerjack of a gathering of freedom fighters from all over the USA and the world.

She promises to be there.

Make your reservations soon or you will be out of luck. Rooms are going much faster than expected. The rates are cheap: $79.00 per night if you mention the NCOM Convention. These are unheard of rates for this kind of accommodation. If you never get to another Convention, don’t miss this one.

You will meet with so many people from all over the world that will inspire you in our ongoing fight for our individual rights to live our lives making our own choices about safety and how we live. It’s 3 full days of seminars led by fellow bikers and by our A.I.M. Attorneys. This is just one more excellent example of how the A.I.M. (Aid To Injured Motorcyclists) program and NCOM (National Coalition Of Motorcyclists) support our way of life. Our

A.I.M. Attorneys around the country put their money where their mouths are, and NCOM pays most of the freight to put this on.

If you have an accident CALL YOUR A.I.M. ATTORNEY. They will help you, or at the very least, give you some free advice. Call TOLL FREE 1-800-ON-A-BIKE (531-2424). You can reach Sam Hochberg, Oregon A.I.M. Attorney at (503) 224-1106 or toll-free 1-800-347-1106. They even speak Spanish there now, too! Aloha, er I mean, Adios.

Keep the round side on the bottom,Gunny, Oregon’s A.I.M. Chief of Staff

ABATE NEEDS YOUR HELP!

YOUR help is needed on this issue NOW! Please complete the ONLINE survey now for each motorcycle you own, then do 2 other things to help:

Pass this newsletter on to other motorcyclists you know (whether or not they are ABATE members) who are online, and; Print out a copy of the questionnaire, copy it and pass it on to motorcyclists you know (whether or not they are ABATE members) who don’t have an internet connection. Have them fill it out and mail it to the address below to help stop the EPA from interfering with your right to ride AND the already fragile U.S. economy!Here’s the rest of the story about this important survey:

After an impromptu meeting down in Washington DC this week, certain information has been requested from motorcyclists in order to support and explain our opposition to EPA’s rule on motorcycle emission standards.

As always, our ability to provide honest, accurate, and factual information insupport of our positions remains a virtue that has enhanced our credibility both at the State House and on Capitol Hill.

Because of this meeting, we find ourselves in a position of needing information that only YOU can supply. We need ALL MOTORCYCLISTS to fill out the following survey and return it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! You need not be a member of ABATE of Ohio, Inc., the ONLY requirement is that you own a street bike.

We cannot over emphasize the importance of your participation in this survey. The successes we continue to see are a direct result of your grass roots involvement in our ongoing battle with the EPA. Be truthful and thorough. All personal information such as names, addresses and emails will be kept, as is our policy, confidential.

You can take the survey online (by clicking on the highlighted link) or you can print out however many copies you need and return them to:

ABATE of Ohio, Inc.
Legislative Office
PO Box 29246
Columbus OH 43229

Please fill out only ONE survey for every STREETBIKE you own!! Chapter and mass mailings are encouraged! If you have any questions e-mail Hairy George at: mcrightsoh@neo.rr.com

Don’t Forget the JUNE JAM Survey!

Just in case you haven’t visited the ABATE.com web site lately, we would also like to have YOUR opinion about the June Jam, our annual state biker bash!

We are thinking ahead to the 2002 edition of the party, and we need your input to help us plan the event. We want to make the coming year’s June Jam bigger and better than ever before, and your answers to the questions we have included in the survey will help us shape our plans!

Whether you have been to June Jam or not, we want your participation, and that of ALL of our online friends to make “The Jam” a biker event that’s a “MUST DO” on your calendar!

Just go to the home page at: http://www.abate.com, scroll down to the flashing “Take the June Jam Survey” link, and complete the multiple choice survey.~ It takes less than 5 minutes to complete, so GET CLICKIN’! (After you’re done, pass the link on to other motorcyclists for their participation too!)

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–STRANGE ADVENTURES AND REPORTS

Continued From Page 1

SIDECAR RIG FOR SALE– I’m selling my sidecar rig and trailer. I would appreciate any help you can provide.

This is such a specialized type of rig. Please pass the info on to anyone you know.

Anna Hersey
Home E-Mail: adhersey@yahoo.com
Home Phone: (425) 827-8274
Home/Cell Phone: (206) 715-0538

COWBOY REPORT– One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, “What are them cows up to honey?”

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, “Why can’t you see? Them cows, they’re roping!”

She replies, “Oh, I see!” After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.Again the bride asks, “What are them horses doing honey?”

The husband answers again, “Them horses, they’re roping!”

She replies, “Oh, I see!” Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other’s bodies.

Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband’s penis. “Oh my!” she cries: “What is that?”

Well, darlin’,” he says, “That’s ma’rope!”

She slides her hands down further and gasps, “Oh my goodness! What are those?” she asks.

“Honey, those’re my knots!” he answers.

Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, “Stop honey, wait a minute!”

Her husband, panting a little, asks: “What’s the matter honey, am I hurting you?”

“No,” the bride replies, “undo them damn knots, I need more rope!”

–from Chris T. the sticker maker

ED NETTERBERG DOWN–Just an FYI in the form of not so good news. Ed Netterberg, the long time motorcyclists rights advocate and curator of the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum, passed awayyesterday. As you probably know he had been ill for some time. The funeralis on Thursday. Will let you know details.

–Pepper

SURGICAL STEEDS MOTORCYCLE INDUCTED INTO HALL OF FAME–I wanted to be the first to congratulate you (John Covington) and Surgical Steeds for havingthe Steed Cobra as our first inducted Custom/Famous Bike Champion to theChampions of Show and Go Hall of Fame on MotorcycleIndustry.com.

The MotorcycleIndustry.com Advisory Group just voted in the Steed Cobra toour Hall of Fame. The competition was amazing. The Cobra was on the ballotwith the Captain America Chopper and Smooth Ness. All of which are verydeserving of the honor.

We will be linking the Hall of Fame viewing center for the Steed Cobra tothe interview that you did for us prior. It has some good information onthe Cobra and I am sure that the fans will love to read up about it.

Again, thank you and congratulations on the induction.

Brian Boston
President
Industry Pages, Inc.
www.motorcycleindustry.com

ANOTHER AWARD WINNER– Longtime publisher and broadcaster Chris Economaki receivedthe Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2001 MINI-USA/SEMA InternationalAutomotive Media Awards (IAMAs) held in Las Vegas, Nev., Oct. 30.

Economaki, best known for his role as editor/publisher of National SpeedSport News and a TV auto racing commentator for ABC and later CBS networks,joins previous winners Automobile Magazine publisher David E. Davis, Jr.,AutoWeek publisher Leon Mandel and automobile writer/columnist DeniseMcCluggage as a distinguished honoree during the conference held inconjunction with the Speciality Equipment Market Association (SEMA) show atthe Las Vegas Convention Center.

Chris, 81, resided for most of his life in New Jersey, but had recentlymoved to North Carolina, where his daughter, Corrine, publishes hisnewspaper. He has been deeply involved in auto racing since he saw hisfirst race at the Atlantic City, N.J., board track when he was 9 years old.He sold programs and racing publications until, at 14, he had become afixture in the racing world. He also served as track announcer many times.

Economaki took over National Speed Sport News in 1950, producing it for theRidgefield, N.J., newspaper and finally purchasing it in the 1980s. He wasthe first expert commentator hired by ABC’s Wide World of Sports, makinghis debut at the Firecracker 400 in Daytona Beach, Fla., in 1961. After 23years with ABC, he moved to CBS-TV for another 10-1/2 years.

REV TECH PANHEAD–Check the Custom Chrome Department on Bikernet for new products. There’s several and worth checking out.

OPEN LETTER FROM CRASH VICTIM–Emma Lujan who was once the part owner of Auburn Harley-Davidson. She was in a serious bike accident recently and wrote the follow to all those who thought of her during her crisis:

This made me think of how LUCKY I have been in my life. I wanted topass this on. In my recent little BUMP in the road, I was moved to tearsoften by the calls, cards and the beautiful flowers & plants sent byeveryone, each day (several times) my sprits were lifted with yourthoughtfulness. I hope I am good to you as you have been to me. I amdoing better each day.

Today I go to the DDS to start the process. Iwill again able to smile without laughing at myself. Funny how theGreat Sprit in the sky humbles us. I am so very grateful for how thingsturned out…

Today give someone you care about a call, a hug or just asmile. Let them know how much they have meant in your life. Again THANKYOU for all you all did for me.

–Sincerely, Love Emma

BIKERNET FUTURE TECHS– I am going to keep a pic. record of the new “Flow Bench” construction. It is fairly involved. I will?keep a journal of some sort also.?There?will be some parts that will be custom made. They are the heart of this project. These will be available to a person who wants to build a “Suck/Blow” machine and who for what ever reason wants to get into this “Black Art”.

–Paul Davis, Charlotte H-D

We don’t generally show nudity on Bikernet, but this shot was taken at a World Series game and we couldn’t resist.

SHE CAN’T WIN–A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.

“Damn, that was stupid,” she thought as she fell. “What a way to die.”As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.

While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, “Do you suck?”

“No!” she shrieked, aghast.

So, he dropped her.As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.

“Do you screw?” he asked.

“Of course not!” she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

He dropped her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. “I suck! I screw!” she screamed in panic.

“Slut!” he said, and dropped her. ??

STAN SHEPPARD RUMOR–The tea leaves have it that master drag racing champion and recent recipient of a sponsorship from Bud Lite, Stan Sheppard will soon contribute articles to Bikernet. He’s going to build a new racer for the next season and we will show you the bike coming together on Bikernet. That is, if the rumor is true?

Deal Of The Week

This is Custom Chrome part # 95-144. Retail price in the new catalog is $14,375!!! This is the ultimate Hard Core Kit, it features a FULL SHOW POLISHED 100″ RevTech Motor, Six Speed Tranny, and BDL 3″ Open belt drive!!! Those pieces alone are worth near $10,000…

Some of the other features are: 2″ over FXST style front end, Santee Wide Rigid frame, 200 series rear tire with belt-drive, 40 spoke chrome wheels, Upswept drag pipes, 12″ Apehanger bars, OEM style ’84-’99 brakes front and rear, Steel braided brake lines, Polished 3″ BDL open belt-drive, 5 gallon Fat Bob fuel tanks, Cast dash and FL style speedo, and Chrome steel forward controls.

This is a COMPLETE custom bike, all you need to do is assemble it and paint it (if you want?!?) and ride like hell! It comes BRAND NEW in the box (a great big one), with all factory warranties.

Check it out through Custom Chrome on the Bikernet Home Page.

These are very hard?enough to get with the standard drivetrain package, let alone a POLISHED one, they have been on back order for some time now. This one is still in the crate and ready to ship! Shipping will probably be around $500…depending where it is going. I will accept bank checks, wire transfers, we can try and work something out if you want it.?$12,000 or best offer!!!!! MONEY TALKS!!!!! I have several motors and trannies,?and wheels?available dirt cheap too, I need to move them all!!

–Aric Heckman
Heckman Customs
812-569-4876
raheckman@cunn.com

AIM Membership

You can now join AIM right here on Bikernet. Doesn’t cost a dime. AIM is basically the legal firm of Richard Lester the supporter and founder of the National Coalition of Motorcyclists and the Confederation of Clubs. He puts a ton of money into each one to keep bikers riding free and club members our of jail. If you join AIM and have an accident or know someone who does, call (800) ON-A-BIKE and you will be immediately legally covered.

Dan Wright just joined and here’s his Comments: I HAVE A 93 FAT BOY AND HAVE BEEN RIDING HARLEYS FOR APROX 14 YEARS, IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE THE EXTRA SECURITY OF HAVING A CARD WITH A NUMBER TO CALL IF SOMETHING SHOULD EVER GO WRONG. THANKS.– DAN

OKAY, THAT’S IT–We’re having a Pre-Love Ride party tomorrow night to welcome some of the guys from Compu-Fire, the journalistic crew from Japan and Harold Ponteralli from H-D Performance into town for the Love Ride. Then we’ll slip out of town for Long Beach and the Blue Cafe for a night with the Night Hawk’s Blues band and full sized pool tables upstairs. More parties are scheduled for Friday. There’s rides scheduled for Saturday, parties Saturday night and the Love Ride Fills Sunday.

Sure, I’m going to disappear from site around here, but I’ll finish the first Chance Hogan novel and try to write another based on the creaking ship cruise. I’ll still be handling the majority of the news except when the women take over.

From Eqypt we’ll duck Pakistan, hit India then Thailand for some sticks, breeze through Vietnam which should be an experience, then Hong Kong for the girls and opium dens. Unfortunately we’ll be pulling into Korea. I wasn’t pleased with Pusan during the Vietnam era, but we’ll check it out for positive changes, then slip into Japan for sushi, and to Taiwan for stereo equipment and the wonderful chow. Finally we’ll be docking in Manila in the Philippines, if they’re still speaking to us, before cruising to Singapore, then Jakarta and back to Hawaii. Then it’s a quick stop in Mexico before hitting the Panama Canal for Houston.I’ll be reporting every goddamn thing that happens from the cold Atlantic to hurricane season outside the port of Hong Kong. The lovely Cindy from Century Motors, San Pedro’s antique bike shop is trying to convince me to load Red Ball, my touring chopper into a container for the cuise. Have a beer and head out to the garage.–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–STRANGE ADVENTURES AND REPORTS

I was recently informed that my news intros were losing their flair. I was too serious, too pressured by day to day rigors and bullshit. The report indicated that my intros had lost their sex appeal. That did it. I turned in my resignation and ordered flights to Houston where I knew a redhead 20 years ago. I’ll snag the bitch and take her to the MS Leon, the tiddy little tramp freighter that’s currently ablaze in the Panama Canal. From there we’ll ship out to New Orleans where we’ll hook up with another Mardi Gras bi-babe for a two-day threesome before we’ll leave port for Miami to hook up with our drug connection then to Baltimore for cultural encouragement and historic lessons. From there we set sail for Hamburg Germany, Middlesbrough, in the UK, Holland for some cheap hashish, then to Spain for another woman with real Latin passion, then to Italy for pasta and this Italian broad I’ve missed. From their we head into some tentative areas near the Suez Canal and Egypt, but we’ll get to that later. I’ll report on the sex from each port, I swear. I’ll report on the bikes I see and the brothers and sisters I meet, the evil deeds and bad drug deals.I am aware of the threats against Americans in many areas I might dance through and discussed it with Mark Lonsdale my Close Quarters Combat Sensie. A close associate of his is Richard Bustillo the owner of the famed International Martial Arts and Boxing Academy who has been riding the same Panhead for 25 years. He lured me to his dojo where I requested weapons training. Dick was a long time pal of Bruce Lee’s, in fact snuck into the country with Bruce decades ago. He was recently inducted into the 2001 martial Arts Hall of Fame but was unable to attend the banquet because of a military training excercises in Orlando at the same time. He is asked to train police and military special forces the world over and is constantly on the move. So for the last couple of weeks, sore ribs or not, I’ve been training with sticks and knives at the hands of one of the best in the world. Goddamnit, let’s get to the news:

BIKERNET EXPANDS HEADQUARTERS–Yes, that’s correct. We’re making so much fucking money we nearly doubled the size of the Bikernet Garage. Here’s evidence of our ongoing growth and accomplishments. Wait until we post shots of our new jail cell for slow contributors and women who try to escape, uh, actually we’re building a new foyer to the bikernet compound. Well, not exactly. Oh fuck it. We’ll at least have a tad more space for parts.

CROSSROADS MAGAZINE–I’m sad to report that my lovely connection on the east coast of Florida has decided to marry another man. Can you imagine? I’m heart-broken, but I must muscle up the pride to go on. Katmandu decided to marry Commander Randolph Lee Palmer on November the 10th. We here at Bikernet wish her and the Commander the best of love and safe roads into their future. Personally, I think she went through with this bad move because he’s a Commander and I’m only a Lieutentant in the Hamsters. Pissed me off. Recently she has been contributing to various magazines and building her freelance portfolio. She send us copies of the July/August and September/ October issues of this new slick bike magazine call Crossroads, with her coverage of her ride through England. The magazine is based out of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and if you need info or want to see a copy call (954) 202-5985 or e-mail them at contos1@mediaone.net. It’s a sharp looking rag.

LOVE RIDE WEEKEND–That’s right, this here is da Love Ride Weekend with parties every minute, starting tonight. Joe Walsh, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Vanilla Fudge, and Billy Ray Cyrus will headline Love Ride 18 on Sunday, November 11th. Jay Leno will be leading the pack once again. Sign-ups begins at 6:00 a.m. on Sunday at Glendale Harley-Davidson. The shop is located 3717 San Fernando Road between Los Feliz and Brand Blvd in Glendale, California.

It’s $50 buck a pop minimum for this, the largest motorcycle charity event in the fuckin’ world. But the action for the day is non stop with the ride out to the Lake from the dealership, a Motorcycle Trade Show, barbecue chow from Tony Roma’s. Myke Schwartz Skydiving Team, Victor McLaglen Motorcorps and Rhett Rotten’s Wall of Death will entertain the crowds. Plus there will be Prizes awarded to all participants including Love Ride Pins, Bandanas, T-shirts for the more money you raise. Up to Base ball caps, jackets and the grand prizes include a 2002 Ford Harley-Davidson F-150 SuperCrew pickup and a 2002 H-D FXST Softail. For more information about the prizes and the event check www.loveride.org.

BIG DOG IS ALIVE AND WELL–Here’s news from the only limited edition custom bike builder in the country that’s still growing strong in the market:

From rigids to rubber-mounts, Big Dog Motorcycles has been producing premium American cruisers for seven years, and are now shipping their 2002 model line-up. For 2002, Big Dog developed a more aggressive line of bikes that features cutting edge design such as one-piece tanks, contoured fenders and new machined aluminum wheels.

These new models show off Big Dog’s commitment to aggressive custom style while still providing some of the best riding premium cruisers in the business. In addition, Big Dog has announced the introduction of two totally redesigned models featuring the popular “Super-Fat” rear tire. The launch of the Big Dog Motorcycles’ “Super Fats” series (Bulldog, Mastiff, Pitbull) coincides with the unprecedented success of last year’s Mastiff. The Mastiff was Big Dog Motorcycles top selling bike for 2001.

“The 2002 bikes have a lot of attitude. We went from bike to bike looking for ways to significantly improve each model. We developed a stable of three fat-tire bikes for the main street cruiser, including the new Pitbull, a “Super-Fat” rigid frame. On the other end of the spectrum we developed the ProSport, a rubber mount, 6-speed bike that gives riders maximum comfort and performance,” said Big Dog Motorcycles President, Nick Messer.

This was on the rear fender of Allen Herzog’s Super Gas bike 28 at Vegas. –Helen W.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Another week goes by, the work orders keep racking up, and it’s rainingcats and dogs. We got a call from Geno at The Horse for a super tight photoshoot, as soon as we saw a couple rays of sun we hurried some photos of theorange WCC. There’s a few rides planned for this weekend , it seems theywill be wet ones. We are totally swamped with work at both shops, yeah sowhat else is new. Man and we can’t make it to the Love Ride and No loveparty, that sucks.Oh well ,why complain, life is good. And here’s the news.

The super cool No Love party will take place at WCC shop in Long Beach thisSaturday, man we will miss it.

In the Dec issue of Hot Bike, they chose the best 6 bikes of 2001, we areproud to say that we are distributors for BMC and Bourget’s, both in thelist.

The Desertores will have a two ride weekend, one Saturday , one Sunday.They will have an early , very early Toy Run, and a ride to the East sideof Puerto Rico.

The HOG Caribbean Rally is near, seems like visitors incriptions are down,but the locals will be present. They have done to activities so far forincriptions.

The first Custom Bike show will take place this Sunday 11th in the mountaintown of Cayey, as far as we know, and if the rain allows it. We are one ofthe sponsors and await for the go ahead.

Watch for upcoming issues of the Horse magazine (subs here in Bikernet)we will be featuring a cool bike from Puerto Rico, and sometimes a goodlooking local girl. We are working on a full article just about our shopCaribbean Custom Cycles.

We have the first two Bourget’s EX choppers, they are an economic versionof the famous BBW bikes. The choppers are very similar to higher end BBW’sbut with an 80 cu in motor and 5 spd tranny ,both from Harley, the pricerange is from $22,000 to $23,000 We will feature both bikes here inBikernet soon, for more info call your dealer or us.

Panhead for sale

Im going to add some bikes for sale during the weeks, off and on, pleasecall us at the shop (787) 721-0633 for more info:
2001 HD Xl sport 4 plug, black 2,000 miles $12,500
2000 HD Road King Classic, lots of stuff 2,100 miles burnt orange $24,000
2000 Caribbean Chopper 80 cubes daytec rigid $16,000 NEW !
1999 HD Dyna Wide custom color , 1,200 miles $23,000
2001 BBW Kruzer 113 SS motor yellow $22,500 (super deal)
1999 BBW Chopper black 96 SS motor $24,500
Oh well, Bandit’s about to leave, we are “under water” and lots of workmust be done before the HOG rally. We intend to show up at the openingparty with at least a dozen noisy choppers, create some mayhem is our goal.We will let you know when this happens.

And to the Weasels, there’s no such thing as a $12,000 front end or an overnight custom bike builder.Take it easy, but take it !

–Jose Caribbean Bikernet, drowning, agent.

WEED NEWS LETTER–On October 25, with our nation still focused on the war againstterrorism, 30 DEA agents raided the Los Angeles Cannabis ResourceCenter, which distributed medical marijuana to nearly 1,000 seriouslyill people, most of whom have AIDS.

The DEA seized all of the center’s computers, files, bank account,plants, and medicine. The clinic, which had been the largest and mostwell run medical marijuana distribution center in southern California,is now out of business, and its patients are now combing the streetsto buy marijuana from street dealers.

In response to the raid, a U.S. Justice Department spokesperson said,”The recent enforcement is indicative that we have not lost ourpriorities in other areas since Sept. 11,” according to The New YorkTimes on October 31.

This is an outrageous statement, and it’s time for us to fight back.Please visit http://www.mpp.org/USA to send a pre-written letter ofprotest to your U.S. representative. H.R. 2592, the states’ rightsmedical marijuana bill currently pending in the U.S. House ofRepresentatives, would change federal law so that the DEA would nolonger be able to prosecute patients in states that authorize medicalmarijuana.

MPP’s Web site will determine whether your U.S. representative (1) hasnever taken action to change federal medical marijuana policy, (2) haspreviously supported medical marijuana in Congress but has not yet co-sponsored H.R. 2592, or (3) is already a co-sponsor of H.R. 2592.

Regardless of how supportive or hostile your U.S. representative is,MPP has developed a series of pre-written letters that you can choosefrom, with different letters tailored to each of the three groups ofHouse members mentioned above.

Please visit http://www.mpp.org/USA to send a pre-written letter.THE WHOLE PROCESS TAKES LESS THAN TWO MINUTES.

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BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–SHIP CATCHES FIRE, EPA BURNS MOTORCYCLES, VAGOS BATTLE HELLS ANGELS

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BIKERNET CARIBBEAN LIVE–Just got back from Biketoberfest, amazing how crowded it was. We expectedless people since, as we all know, the past events had dampened a lot ofactivities, but no, not a Biker event. Actually it was way too crowded,just a bit less than the dreaded Bike Week some are already claiming100,000 , which is a lot more than ever before.

I would dare to say that most bikes sported Florida tags, lots of Georgiaand other southern states, lots of newbies cracking their brand new dragpipes at all hours, and cops had a great time shutting them up.

Jesse James showed up in a Yamaha R-1, (yeap a Jap bike) and had a verycool Chevy 2 in his booth.Bourget’s had the new EX models and was seen riding one of his RetroChoppers, Billy Lane was riding around in his new Knuckle, and chopperswere seen left and right. Arlen Ness has a new shop next door to Carl’swhich displayed a banner saying Arlen Ness Customs.

We had a great time (andmissed Bandit) at The Horse party,all the magazine crew was there, and the best display of choppers inDaytona was at the parking lot, great time was had by all, and finally wewere able to talk to friends without the hussle people trying to takephotos and talk to the “famous” builders. The fun was over and as soon aswe hit the island was back to the bikes, WCC number 2 and number 3 are onthe mock stages, will send photos as the work progresses. Oh well, and nowto the news.

The Horse had a great party at Willy’s Honky Tonk bar, I would dare to sayone of the few bars in Daytona that allow colors. Hammer, Geno and crewwere there to say hi and plan on the future of the already very succesfulmagazine, seems like the plan is to do a party every year, we hope so.

Jesse James and the West Coast guys were camped at the parking lot of thenew bar and grill The Wreck, yes it was always crowded with people tryingto get a glimpse of Jesse and buy some shirts. Some really cool choppersand cars were in display as well as to Jap bikes that were used astransportation. Jesse says he will get the whole parking lot for Bike Week,can’t wait to see what are they up to, something cool , I’m sure.

The unveiling of the V-Rod by our local dealer was a huge success, theytell me it was so crowded that people could not get into , get this, theparking lot! Also there were a bunch of Rubbies at hand trying to buy thebike right there and then.

We spent some time with our friends at Custom Works in Daytona, to me thebest and most complete shop there, plus they keep expanding and will havemore space for bike week to serve you better, if there call them, tell themwe sent you.

Also we took the Road King to Carl’s Speed shop, we needed to remap thePowercomander, this ended up being a quick and thorough job, including afew dyno runs to do it properly, and at a great price. It helped that wedid this before the heavy crowds showed up.

We were looking for a Buell Blast, we think it would be a cool shop bikeand the best bike for Yoly to learn how to do burn outs and wheelies,Daytona Harley had a couple, so we went in to inquire, I asked for thesalesperson wich ended up being a dude called Dave, jeez what an ass, afterbeing extremely rude and basically kicking me out of his office ’cause hewas too busy and “in the middle of a deal” Too bad since I had the crisplettuce burning my pocket, and I did tell him so. Now I know why I keepdoing our own bikes and being glad I don’t have to deal with guys likethat. Thanks again Dave.

While standing in Main Street I found hope in the law enforcement officialsonce more, a very efficient cop was giving verbal warnings and pointing atpeople that were, sort of, breaking the law. I’m sure he could have ticketeda lot of people but chose not to, like a normal cop (not the ones inSturgis). A simple warning seemed to be enough. I’m surely hoping that he isthe one that pulls me over the next time.

Watch The Horse (subscriptions sold on Bikernet), we will be featuring an article every month, new and oldbikes alike, plus a run or two, all from Puerto Rico.It all starts with the2002 issues.

Oh well gotta get out of here, bikes 2 and 3 are waiting for me, plusanother sporty on the works. Maybe by 2005 I will have a life oncemore……and to the Weasels, action speak louder than words.

–Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Agent.

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RAY RUSSELL REPORTS FROM AUSTRALIA–Our man Down Under was seen at a race with a famous… Hell, we don’t know. Fill us in.

CONFIRMATION NEEDED–In a classic case of Cheech and Chong redux, two morons from Melborne,halfway down Florida’s East Coast, flew their Piper Cub this week on ameandering course from Pensacola in the Panhandle towards the tiny coastaltown of Crystal River, just north of Tampa.

There they lingered, flying slow, lazy circles above the manatees,canoeists, scenic freshwater springs…and Florida Power Corp.’s CrystalRiver nuclear power station.

Until, that is, two Air Force F-16’s promptly appeared alongside and forcedthem to the local runway. Where they were arrested. And their 65 pounds ofonboard pot, and a shiny new Glock, was confiscated. Bail: $250,000. Lawenforcement’s reaction: priceless.

–John

WE ARE MUCH TOO CIVILIZED TO DO THIS NOW………… TOO BAD ! General John ‘Black Jack’ Pershing – USMA class of’86 (that’s 1886).

He?showed us how to stop Islamic terrorists when he was in command of the?garrison in the Philippines in 1911. There had been numerous Islamic terrorist attacks, so “Black Jack” told his boys to catch some of the terrorists alive.

Having done so, General Pershing intended to teach them a lesson. He forced?the terrorists to dig their own graves and then tied them all toposts,?execution style. Knowing they welcomed the chance to die a martyr for?Allah, General Pershing had several pigs slaughtered in front of the terrorists and instructed his soldiers to dip their bullets in theblood?and?fat of the pigs. Thus, the terrorists were terrorized; they saw that?they?would be contaminated with the blood of pigs, which would mean that they?could not enter Heaven, even though they would die as terroristmartyrs.

All but one was shot, their bodies dumped into the grave, and the hog guts?dumped atop the bodies. The lone survivor was allowed to escape back to?the?terrorist camp and tell his brethren what happened to the others. This?brought a stop to terrorism in the Philippines for the next 50 years.

–Rogue

DIXIE RIDER SCUTTLEBUTT– I just hung up the phone with Scott Goodknight and I’m excited. Not about Scott or anything weird like that….I mean he’s a nice guy and all, but hey, I’m strictly a T & A kinda guy….

Anyway, before I tell you about that, I wanted to remind you that there are still some great events to attend……The Gulf Coast Thunder is going on this weekend in Biloxi Mississippi. If you get the chance, ride over to the Gulf Coast Civic Center right there on the coast highway and tell them I sent ya! Next weekend is the Steel Pony Express?is down the road in Naw’?Leans (New?Orleans for you illiterate folks!) and then it’s home for the holidays. I hope to see you at one or both of these events.

Speaking of events, we’ve finally gotten some pictures of the Labor Day blowout at the Steel Horse Saloon up on our site. Check it out at http://www.dixierider.com/images/septblowout/index.htm

Now about that special deal. Scott Goodknight, the founder of the American Bikers Guide. These are the folks that put out those super rally maps. The ones drawn by Thunder. Thunder draws the “Jaded” cartoon for us every month. Anyhoo, American Bikers Guide has printed a Bikers Atlas that lists hundreds of events in 2002 and a whole bunch of rally maps and maps of major metro areas. There is also a helmet law status map and a rally locator map. In short, it’s a great book to have, or to give as a gift. Seriously. We don’t endorse very much, and this one gets the nod. This book is going to sell for $19.95 from dealers across the country, but for the next?5 days, everyone who responds to this email will?save $ 6.45!. (Your price is $13.50) But, (there’s always a butt, isn’t there?) You have to act BEFORE midnight on Wednesday October 31.? After that, and you’ll have to pay full price, or wait until your dealer gets their shipment. Limit one dozen per customer.

STICKER PROJECT–We’re working on a line of stickers with a down under artist, Tokes. This is a black and white sample before the color is splashed into all the right places. Watch for ’em comin’ up.

If you need stickers, this is the company we’re working with along with Jesse James.

BIKERNET TRAVEL RECOMMENDATIONS–A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big departmentstore looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”

Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow.I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the storewas locked up, the boss came down.

“How many sales did you make today?”

The kid says, “One.”

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?”

Kid says, “$101,237.64.”

Boss says, “$101,237.64? What did you sell him?”

Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a mediumfish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a newfishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said downat the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down tothe boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then hesaid he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down tothe automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”

The boss says, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him aboat and truck?”

Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and Isaid, ‘Well, since your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing!”

–Max

THINK ABOUT THIS–After the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, which killed six andinjured1,000, President Clinton promised that those responsible would behunteddown and punished.

After the 1995 bombing in Saudi Arabia, which killed five U.S.military personnel, Clinton promised that those responsible would behunteddown and punished.

After the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing in Saudi Arabia, which killed 19responsible would be hunted down and punished.

After the 1998 bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa, which killed 224and injured 5,000, Clinton promised that those responsible would behunted down and punished.

After the 2000 bombing of the USS Cole, which killed 17 and injured 39U.S. sailors, Clinton promised that those responsible would be hunteddown and punished.

Maybe if Clinton had kept his promise, an estimated 7,000 people wouldbe alive today.

This question was raised on a Philly radio call-in show. Withoutcasting stones, it is a legitimate question.”There are two men, both extremely wealthy. One develops relativelyinexpensive software used by tens of millions of people and giveshundreds of millions of dollars to charity. The other sponsorsterrorism.That being the case, why is it that the US government has spent moremoney chasing down Bill Gates over the past ten years than Osama binLaden?”

–Dan

CANTINA WINNERS ROCK– If you joint the Cantina and support the Bikernet Crew every 10th winner gets a signed copy of my latest book, Sam “Chopper” Orwell.Here’s the latest list of winners:

Mike Bradshaw
Hot Springs, AR

William Nelson
Greer, SC

John Boaz
Whittier, CA

Thomas Willingham
Oakland, CA 94607

THAT’S IT– We’ve dumped the news on you today, ’cause a crane is coming to the headquarters tomorrow to deliver to small cells to the back yard to imprison writers who can’t make their deadlines or women who try to escape. We’ll have pictures over the weekend.

The Blue Flame was sold to a long time rider who hadn’t been on a bike in a while. Get this, he wanted to slap the cash on Micah McCloskey’s desk recently when his wife talked him out of the radical chop for a new Road King. So he rolled down to Bartels’ on the coast and plucked a new jet black Road King off the floor, but after a week of riding the King he took it to Micah McCloskey’s Custom Motorcycles and told him, “Sell this sucker. It’s not me. I’ve got to have the Blue Flame!”He’s had the bike for a couple of weeks and loves every minute of it. Choppers Rule.

I’m waiting on my visas for the world wide adventure. We’ve got a serious line-up of articles and new plans for the site while I’m away. Each week a bubbly little travel maven calls and throws another date on the table. I was packing my seabag for shipping out the week before the Love Ride then the teletype report came in that the ship’s hold caught fire and it’s stuck for repairs in the Panama Canal. I’m pacing the hardwood decks. I’m going to drag out the ’48 Pan and go for a ride.–Bandit