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REVTECH DFO PERFORMANCE SYSTEM

A Simple Modification To EFI Systems To Allow and Enhance Performance Modifications

With the complexity of factory OEM fuel injection systems, Custom Chrome in partnership with Techlusion felt it was important to provide owners with a product that is easy to operate, install and understand while not upsetting the stock fuel curve, or timing. This new DFO Box (Digital Fuel Optimizer) is just that animal. By attaching itself to the injector trigger wires and controlling fuel delivery as the signal travels to each injector the DFO box allows all the stock sensors and inputs to function just as the factory designed, whether it faces late or early fuel injection systems.

The DFO box operates like jet kits for carbureted engines, which normally change ranges of fuel at the main jet, needle or idle mixture. It allows you to make low rpm/cruise fuel changes as well as high rpm/ acceleration demand adjustments. The difference is that now an electrical signal changes the demand for fuel and not vacuum or pressure. The DFO Box also affords the rider quick and simple adjustments with the turn of a screwdriver.

In addition the DFO Box allows for accelerator pump adjustments electronically to enhance throttle response. We watched as this unit was installed at the Joker Machine Dyno facility and tested. In addition a shop owner, Mike Ingle from Grease Lightening was there to witness the product being applied and tuned. He was in the process of installing Power Commander units and immediately put the DFO unit to work on a customer’s bike. Since then he has installed two more units.

“There’s a couple of basic differences between the Power Commander units and the DFO box,” Mike said. The DFO unit is easy to install and inexpensive. It basically adds fuel to the mixture. The average guy can install this to a bike with basic modifications and tune it readily. It’s designed for any builder who changes pipes, air cleaners or makes minor mods to his engine. It does not mess with the timing.”

“The Power commander units modify the timing and will add or subtract fuel for heavier modified bikes and massive-inch engines. They are more costly and require more time, equipment and expertise to install. You must have a current dyno and an exhaust gas analyzer to set up a Power Commander properly, said Mike.”

Mike pointed out that the three maps supplied with the power commanders rarely work because the motorcycle must be modified exactly to fit the mapping. “The first DFO Box I installed was on a ’95-inch Twin Cam unit with stock compression. We were able to get 90 horses out of it with 105 pounds of torque. That’s not bad.”

The DFO box has four simple adjustments and can be readily adjusted by the rider with test rides. Custom Chrome is the exclusive distributor of this unit which has become the RevTech answer to fuel injection mods.

In the near future the past editor of Hot Rod Bikes, Frank Kaisler, will post his findings on this unit at the Joke Machine facility. Stay tuned for more info.

–Wrench

REGISTER NUMBER FIVE–A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, “What size condoms?”

The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, “One box of large condoms, Register 5.”

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, “One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5.”

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said “Cleanup, register 5”

–from Nuttboy

HARLEY-DAVIDSON ACCENTS ITS CUSTOM LEATHER SEATS WITH EXOTIC OSTRICH INSERTS– Get your head out of the sand and your butt onone of Harley-Davidson’s new Ostrich Seats for Dyna, Softail and Touringmodels. Available in solo, low-profile, touring and two-up, these limitedproduction seats offer a durable leather surface, flame patterned stitchingand a natural ostrich skin insert for a one-of-a-kind custom look.

The solo version provides low-down comfort in high style. The Solo OstrichSeat for Dyna (P/N 5 1253-02) offers a 13″ seat width with contoured foampadding for long-haul comfort. The seat fits ’96 and later Dyna models andretails for $469. The Solo Ostrich Seat for Softail (P/N 51252-02 for ’00and later FXSTD and 51260-02 for ’00 and later Softail models with theexception of FXSTD and FLSTS) provides a 12″ seat with no visible mountinghardware for a clean custom look. Each has a suggested retail price of $469.The Solo Ostrich Seat for Road King(r) (P/N 5 1264-02 for ’97 and laterFLHR/C/I) has a 13″ seat and fits ’97 and later FLHRICII models. Itssuggested retail is $499.

For riders who are looking for a seat that hugs the frame and fender forthat long and lean look, the low-profile seat is the answer. Each version isconstructed from a hand-laid fiberglass shell and high-density padding forsuperior wear. The Low-Profile Ostrich Seat for Dyna (P/N 5 1255-02 for ’96and later Dyna models except FXDWG, which uses P/N 5 1256-02) has a seatwidth of 13″ and a pillion width of 5.5″. The Low-Profile Ostrich Seat forSoftail (P/N 51251-02 for ’00 and later FXSTD models and 51259-02 for ’00and later Softail models with the exception of FXSTD and FLSTS) has a 13″seat width and a pillion width of 5″. The Low-Profile Ostrich Sear for RoadKing (P/N 5 1263-02 for ’97 and later FLHRICII) provides a 13.5″ seat and apillion width of 6.5″. The suggested retail price for all low-profileversions is $499.

BIKERS WARNED TO FOLLOW DRESS CODE AT FAIR– The Los Angeles Times.Concerned about violence erupting at the Ventura County Fair, police saymembers of the rival Hells Angels and Mongols motorcycle clubs will beturned away if they attempt to enter the fairgrounds wearing their colors.

The fair board this month approved a tighter policy prohibiting gangclothing, and identified 27 local groups as known criminal street gangs. Thelist includes the Hells Angels and Mongols. In the wake of past incidents,fair organizers say the dress code will help ensure that similar violencebetween those groups and other groups does not occur during the 12-day fairthat begins today at Seaside Park in Ventura.

“You have to look at whathappened at Laughlin,” Seaside Park General Manager Roger Gibbs said.

“Youhave Mongols living in Camarillo and Hells Angels five blocks from here.”

But national Hells Angels leader George Christie Jr. said his Venturachapter has been unfairly singled out and may file a lawsuit if members andtheir families are denied entry to the fair on the basis of their attire.”This is the same pill they have been feeding the public in Ventura for thepast five years, and it is a placebo,” Christie said. “We are not a streetgang. We do not conduct ourselves as a street gang. And the court has notfound that we are a street gang.” Concerns about clashes with the Mongolsare overblown, Christie said, saying a rally earlier this month in Hollisterdrew 80,000 bikers without incident.

“You know this is a knee-jerk reactionto what happened in Laughlin,” said attorney Kay Duffy, who was contacted byChristie after the chapter head learned about the fair board’s list ofgangs. Duffy contends there is no evidence that the motorcycle club meetsthe legal definition of a criminal street gang. She said a Ventura Countyjudge refused to impose gang conditions on Christie and his 25-year-old sonwhen placing them on probation three months ago in a drug sales case,concluding there was no evidence that the Hells Angels were a street gang.

Duffy says members of the Hells Angels should be treated no differently thanother club members who attend the fair. “4-H has agriculture,” she said. “Wehave motorcycles.”

But Ventura Police Department officials say 4-H membersaren’t typically the focus of criminal investigations or violentconfrontations. “Our concern was that the recent activities between theHells Angels and Mongols is exactly the type of stuff that could occurinside the fair,” Lt. Ken Corney, a gang expert, said.

–from Rogue

DRINKIN’ QUOTES– I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think aboutthe workers in the brewery and all of their hopes anddreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out ofwork and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say tomyself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let theirdreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”–by Jack Handy

–from Josh P.

BIKERNET BANS BIKE SHOW COMPETITION–In an investigation by the Los Angeles DEA Bikernet was found to be handing out free trophies to Bikernet Bike Show Winners filled with white powder. We have been banned by the Superior Court from making additional trophies in our drug lab under the headquarters. Under court order we are forced to change the Bikernet Cyber Bike Show to the Bikernet Reader’s Putts Section wherein readers can post shots of their bikes and the stories behind them. We’re looking forward to indepth tales behind rolling dreams, the love affairs and tech advice on building custom scoots. Unfortunately the bike owners will not receive free bags of drugs in the mail.The last of the competition was judged by the woman whose efforts kept the feds off our backs for this long. Crazy Horse, a noted custom bike painter, will continue to monitor, edit and assist riders who wish to post their story in the Reader’s Putts Department. She will also point out to us when she comes across a bike that deserves a full feature. Here’s her final judging report:

So here we are. Seeing how this is the last month of the Bike Show, Ithought I’d judge the Show myself. Now I may not be the most knowledgableperson when it comes to vintage bikes or motor details, but I know what Ilike. I like bikes that are different, unique or out of the ordinary,like old Jap and Brit chops that may or may not be immaculately polished.

Ihad a great time working on the Bike Show. I met many very nice folks andgot to see some of the best bikes in this here world. I look forward toworking with Bikernet readers on the Reader’s Putts section of the site. Gota story about your bike? Send it in and share it with the world.

Did ya’ll enjoythose 5-Ball trophies or did you cut them and sell them to teenagers behind schools? They’ll be scarce as $3,200 running Panheads afterthis. By the way, this year The HORSE Magazine’s Smoke Out was a trip asusual. Despite a 500 degree heat wave, the chopper faithful did come fromfar and wide to support the event. I spent most of the time giving my firstever airbrushing demonstration. I got to chat with many interested builders as Iworked. It was silly fun trading paint stories with fellow artists,especially Mike Martinez of Fla. The real twisted stuff went on after hoursat the Holiday Inn. I’ll have a full report as soon as catch up on my sleepand get all the knots out of my hair. I’m actually all caught up in mypaintwork. Imagine that! Wait a sec, is that ice on the lawn outthere?——-Crazy Horse

In The “Buell” Category
Matt Couch
Nassau , NY

In The “Open Class” Category
Nick Bowles
Oxford , Al

In The “Pro-Street” Category
Al Conte
Hollister , California

In The “Radical Custom” Category
Nick Pastore
Glendale , AZ

In The “Rat” Category
English Jim
Holly Hill , Florida

In The “Ridden” Category
J-BIRD
Indio , California

In The “Sportster” Category
Chopper
Winston-Salem , NC

In The “Street Custom-Stock” Category
Brad Rocole
Johnstown , PA

In The “Vintage” Category
Brad Culetta
Ajax , Ont.

In The “Vintage Chopper” Category
Doug Carlson
Rochester , NH

BIKERNET ADVICE IN DEALING WITH POLICE–don’t say the following: Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

OKAY, I GIVE UP–I met with a producer who wants to put together an hour long documentary on my plight to finish our “Badlands” book as I ride with Mike Lichter around the country. We’ll see.

We’re working on publishing my next book which is based on one rambling character, Chance Hogan. He’s just a biker who stumbles into one bad love affair and barroom brawl after another.

I know there’s more to report, but hold on, there’s always the news for next week, or if you can’t take the wait join the Cantina and check the Sunday Post. I promise to write another segment of the Cantina Soap Opera in the next couple of days. Meanwhile chase a woman until you can park your bike beside her apartment, chain it to the fence railing and crawl in her bedroom window. Isn’t that how it’s done everywhere? Ride Forever–Bandit.

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FATALITY FIGURES UNDERSCORE NEED FOR NEW ACCIDENT STUDY–The AMA has once again called for a comprehensive nationwide study of the causes of motorcycle crashes after the federal government released final motorcycling-related fatality statistics for 2001.The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) released final figures Aug. 7, 2002, that show 3,181 motorcyclists were killed on the nation’s roads last year, up from 2,862 the previous year. The final figure represents an 11.1 percent increase over 2000.

The fatality figures for 2001 also indicate that the highest percentage increases came among riders under the age of 40, which marks the reversal of a four-year trend. The NHTSA had issued a report last summer that noted deaths among motorcyclists over the age of 40 were on the rise beginning in the late ’90s.

The recent upward trend of motorcyclist fatalities followed 17 consecutive years of declines. From 1990 through 1999 alone, motorcycling-related fatalities dropped by 48 percent.

The AMA noted that one significant reason for the increase in motorcycling-related fatalities is that motorcycling has seen an enormous increase in popularity, with sales of new street bikes up more than 100 percent over the past five years, from about 243,000 in 1997 to more than 500,000 in 2001.

The AMA expressed concern over the increase in motorcycling fatalities, but noted the raw numbers offer no clear explanation for the increase.”The death of any motorcyclist is a tragedy,” said Edward Moreland, AMA vice president for government relations. “But because there’s no recent research, we don’t know the reasons behind the increases in fatalities. There’s a desperate need for detailed, comprehensive research.”

For the past several years, the AMA has asked the NHTSA to conduct a nationwide study of motorcycling accidents that would help identify elements that can improve rider safety. In 2000, the NHTSA and the Motorcycle Safety Foundation released a National Agenda for Motorcycle Safety to serve as a blueprint for improving motorcycling safety in the future. Representatives of the AMA and other industry groups were part of a team that helped shape the plan, which calls for more research into the causes of motorcycle accidents and potential ways to reduce them.

–from Roque and the American Motorcycle News Network. Check the full story on their site.

BANDIT’S CANTINA ROCKS!–

Yes, it’s that time again to announce who the winner of the CantinaGiveaway is. The lucky bastard is none other than Lynn Livingston fromTalent, OR. AKA – Motor. He was chosen for the subtle way he posted hisrequest—

Wanted: I want a fucking bikernet T-shirt damit all to hell.

Not only does Lynn get a Bikernet T-shirt, as a member of the Cantina healso get to read all of Bandit’s book in their entirety. Prize Possessionand Outlaw Justice are currently sold out but you can read them in theCantina.

You can also check out the Babe Of The Day, play games and ifyou’re into drama you can follow the antics of the horny characters ofBandit’s Cantina – the saga.

Well, whatta ya watin’ for? JOIN NOW!

THE WALKING DRUNK– An obviously drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar andorders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table.

He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanestlooking one in the face and says, “I went by your grandma’s house today andIsaw her in the hallway butt naked. Man, she is a fine looking woman!”

The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused,because he is a bad ass, and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, “I got it on with yourgrandmaand she is good, the best I ever had!”

The biker’s buddies are starting to get really pissed, but the biker stillsays nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,”I’ll tellyou something else, Boy, your grandma liked it!”

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders andsays, “Damn it, grandpa, you’re drunk……. Go home!”

–from Rogue

MANN OF HIS TIME–Whitehorse Press releases Mann of His Time,the remarkable and inspiring story of racer Dick Mann

America has never produced a more accomplished andversatile professional motorcycle racer than Dick Mann. He held a positionin the prestigious top ten in the American Motorcyclist Association GrandNational Championship for 16 years, was the first man in history to winevery category of AMA Grand National competition, was America’s team captainat the Trans-Atlantic Match Races in Great Britain in 1971, was twice AMAGrand National Champion, won the Daytona 200 twice, won his class at thefirst AMA professional motocross held in America, and earned a bronze medalby completing the International Six Days Trial. Competing against Bobby Hilland Bill Tuman at the beginning of his professional racing career, andagainst Kenny Roberts, Torsten Hallman, and Brad Lackey toward the end, hestill competes and wins today on the popular vintage circuit.

Author Ed Youngblood draws upon his 30 years of experience in the motorcycleindustry, an exhaustive review of the existing motorcycle literature, andhundreds of interviews with Mann’s friends, colleagues, and competitors totell the story of one of the greatest motorcycle racers in history in thisnew book from Whitehorse Press. While Mann’s performance on the racetrackalone is enough to fill a life or a book, his accomplishments do not endthere. Youngblood describes how he pioneered racetrack safety and influencedmajor political changes within the American Motorcyclist Association. Racingduring a period of major transition in the sport, and influencing many ofits changes, he is an inventor, a fabricator, an accomplished motorcycleframe designer, and in recent years has become one of the foremost leadersin the vintage motorcycle racing movement.

The Mann Book is available through WhiteHorse Press or in the Bikernet Gulch through Amazon.com.

IIHS BULLSHITS THE WORLD ONCE MORE– The AMA, responding to a July 30 press release issued by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS), has pointed out significant errors in the IIHS’s arguments concerning crashes involving older motorcyclists.

In its release, the IIHS claimed that the annual Black Hills Rally & Races in Sturgis, South Dakota, serves as a case-in-point illustration of the increase in motorcycle-related fatalities in recent years, notably among riders over age 40. Specifically, the IIHS said that 36 of the 69 motorcycle-related fatalities in South Dakota between 1995 and 2000 occurred in the month of August, when the Sturgis event is held.

However, the IIHS neglected to take into account the enormous increase in the motorcycling population of South Dakota as a result of the rally, leading the group to erroneous conclusions, the AMA noted

According to figures from the IIHS release, there were six motorcyclists killed in South Dakota during the month of April over the six-year period, four in May, seven in June, eight in July, four in September and four in October. No motorcycle-related fatalities were recorded from November through March. The IIHS then said that the 36 motorcyclist fatalities in the month of August during the six-year period made it clear that older motorcyclists at the rally were raising overall fatality numbers in the state.

An AMA analysis of the data, however, shows that the IIHS’s conclusion is unsupported by the facts. The AMA pointed out that figures from the Motorcycle Industry Council for 1998, the middle of the time period cited by the IIHS, show there were 19,600 motorcycles licensed for street use in South Dakota. But during August, when the Black Hills Rally and Races attract riders from across the country, the motorcycling population of the state surges to more than 400,000.”That’s a 2,000 percent increase.”

–from Rogue and the American Motorcycle News Network. Read the full story on their site.

Thought you all might appreciate the subtlety of this ad, doneby a Brazilian ad agency, for a lubricating gel (K-Y equivalent) targetingtheFrench market. They were trying to come up with an ad that is not offensiveor tasteless.

–from Ray R.

DAYTONA BEACH COMMISSIONERS DELAY VOTE ON NUDITY BAN–By JOHN BOZZO, (john.bozzo@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writer, Daytona New Journal.

You can still legally go shopping wearing a thong here, but the skimpy swimwear could be outlawed by the time Biketoberfest rolls around.

The City Commission unanimously postponed action Wednesday on a nudity ordinance that would require clothing to cover at least one third of the buttocks and one quarter of a woman’s breast. More than half of about 100 people attending the meeting walked out after commissioners also decided to delay public comment.

“You guys are afraid of the people,” a man who said he was from Miami said loudly from the front row. Robin Farley, a Daytona Beach resident, was among the crowd in the lobby upset about being unable to speak Wednesday evening.

“It’s a party town,” Farley said. “Why waste the effort to pass the ordinance? What’s next? A bikini patrol with a measuring tape?”

City Attorney Robert Brown asked commissioners to delay action until their Oct. 2 meeting in hopes of settling a federal lawsuit challenging the city’s adult entertainment law.

“I do not want to confuse the possibility of a settlement of the lawsuit with this issue,” he said. A mediation is scheduled Aug. 16 in the federal lawsuit by Molly Brown’s and the Pink Pony challenging the city’s adult entertainment law. The clubs that feature nude dancing won a victory when a federal judge ruled last week the city fails to offer enough sites for such businesses.

After the crowd left commission chambers, commissioners voted 6-1 to appeal the federal judge’s ruling. Charles Cherry cast the dissenting vote.Suzanne Coe, an attorney representing the Pink Pony, called the proposed ordinance ridiculous.

“The city gets slammed by a federal court and now they’re going to slam something even more ridiculous on the residents,” she said.

Ron Krenn, owner of Molly Brown’s, said an “easy solution” to the lawsuit would be to allow Molly Brown’s and the Pink Pony to continue staging nude entertainment. That would give the city enough sites for adult entertainment to prevent any other club from opening up in the core tourist area. The only other area open for such businesses would be an undeveloped industrial area on the far west side of the city, he said.

SUPPLIES! —An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy. “You’re in charge of sweeping. To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.” And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.” He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a big dent in that there pile.”

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?” The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he awasa ina charge ofa supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, “And you; I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, ye did lad; boot ah couldna get meself a shoovel! Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him either.”

The foreman is real angry now, and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells “SUPPLIES!

–from Nuttboy

Continued On Page 3

Yesterday I rode the Touring Chopper to my martial arts class. The sifu, Richard Bustillo, is also a biker. He’s still riding the same stretched Pan he built 25 years ago. He was just innagurated into the Martial Arts Hall of Fame. We’ll feature his first modification in 15 years. He’s changing his ordinary Dick Allen rockers to a set of Sugar Bear’s.

I made runs to a tool repair joint to pick up a Makita battery charger, and a hardware store for Amazing Shrunken FXR shock bolts. I couldn’t get in and out of a store without rapping with a couple of guys about that wild red machine. It was a trip leaving the dojo dripping with sweat and drying off in the sun blasting down the freeway toward home. Couldn’t just ride to the headquarters, though. There was a shootout at the post office and half the town was shut down. Sinwu swears it wasn’t her fault. That ass will drive any man nuts.

This morning I tried to get out of the sack and get to work, but Sin snuck in the back door and pinned me to the bed. I tried to explain about the news in muttered tones under my breath as she… We’ll let’s get to it.

MISS GREAT BRITAIN SCORES– SBK FastDates.com Ducati girl Nicki LaneCompleted the winning package at Laguna Seca World Superbike Competition. Nicki served as official Ducati umbrellagirl for World Champion Troy Bayliss at laguna Seca. Not onlybeautiful, Miss Universe Nicki Lane is a professional theatrical dancerand teacher in London, and is completing her university degree inmarketing and economics.

Three beautiful FastDates.com Calendar girls including Nicki Lane shoton location at Laguna Seca World Superbike on the July 12th-14th weekendwith FastDates.com producer Jim Gianatsis for the SBK World Superbikeendorsed Fast Dates Racebike Pinup Calendar, with all 3 girls also beingselected by the World Superbike Championship winning Ducati Corse teamto be their official umbrella girls for their 3 team riders includingreigning and current season World Superbike Championship points leaderTroy Bayless, together with Ruben Xaus and Ben Bostrom.

We now have complete calendar order information, pricing and artworkavailable online on our FastDates.com Website at:

LONG BEACH COPS AND PRESS EXPAND CALENDAR SHOW COVERAGE–According to the Long Beach Press Telegram 300 Mongols attempted to storm the gates at the Long Beach/Queen Mary Calendar Show which was sponsored by Hot Bike Magazine, White Brothers and Bikernet. We were at the site and knew that only 100 tickets had been purchased. When the beefed-up LB Police turned the members away the promoter of the event returned their money.

According to the Press Telegram (Long Beach Paper): At about noon, the bikers tried to storm the entrance after verbal altercations with authorities, but were rebuffed by beefed-up security. said Long Beach Police Department spokesman Officer David Marander.

More that 100 Long Beach police officers turned out in tactical field response. “The gang members were flying their colors and refused to remoe them,” Marander said.

LIMERICK COMPETITION– This is from a limerick contest on Long Island. The requirements were to use the two words, Lewinsky and Kaczynski (the Unabomber), in a limerick. Here are the three winning entries:

Third place:
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky.
‘Twas “Hail to the Chief”
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown,
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.

–from Nuttboy

AMAZING SHRUNKEN FXR CHALLENGE INCREASES–Shrinking the FXR is a new challenge to Bikernet crew. Most parts developed in the aftermarket are designed for stretched custome motorcycles. We had to cut the Cyril Huse gas tank to fit the shortened frame, but we found a rear belt that fit perfectly which was our score for the shop yesterday. On the other hand we had to completely remount the tank. All four mounts crashed into the RevTech 88-inch engine.

Next we face mounting the oil bag and checking the new BDL system and clutch. We’re getting close to have a complete rolling chassis before final welding and a great deal of steel shaping. Oh, shit, we’re shooting for mid controls, using Joke Machine forward controls mounted to hand made control brackets and hand made exhaust system. Back to work.

–SPORTBIKE FAMILY EXPANDS–The Sportbike Riders’ Association, (SRA), has announced itscontinued expansion of the SRA family of sportbike websites with its recentacquisition of eSportbike.com, one of the leading sportbike community websites.The eSportbike.com site will continue with its own identity as it is furtherenhanced by the SRA’s team of developers, resulting in a means for fasterdissemination of sportbike related news and information to the members.

eSportbike.com is a sportbike community providing news, product information andcommunity resources to sportbike enthusiasts around the world, including the17,200+ registered members. Originally established by Kent Courtice assportbikeonline.com in 1998, the site had explosive growth in 2000 when itsponsored the AMA Formula Extreme Series of races. Kent commented, “My goal isto have eSportbike.com continue as one of the leading sportbike sites, and Iknow the SRA will do just that.”

“Adding eSportbike to our family provides members of all our sites the abilityto share knowledge, ideas and ways to promote the sport more effectively, whilewe, the SRA, can reach a broader base of sportbikers,” stated Mike DiSabatino,President of the SRA. Mike continued, “We have admired eSportbike’s ability toexpand while maintaining its focus. Now, the SRA will continue the tradition aseSportbike joins our main website, SportbikeS.com, and SuperbikeClub.com, thesite best known for its popular Top 100 sportbike list.”

COCKPIT SECURITY TEST–Did anyone read about the cockpit security test the government conducted?They got three or four special ops military personnel and took them to an airliner with a taser-armed crew in the cockpit.Then they said, ok, get control of this aircraft.

The 3 special ops guys took the service cart and broke through the door in 30 seconds (re-enforced under the new regulations). They blocked the taser darts with seat cushions from first class and had control of the cockpit almost immediately.

So much for the Bush-Mineta safe skies.

–from Rogue

DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN SHOP ONLINE RIGHT HERE AT BIKERNET?– Check outthe Gulch at the bottom of every page for items you won’t find anywhereelse. Joker Machine Apparel is our newest addition and they sport somepretty cool shirts for the men and cute little Thongs and tops for the womenas you can see above. Check them out!

BUDGET CUTS RESULT IN INCREASED MOTORCYCLE FATALITIES–(from Motorcycle News Network)The Motorcycle Riders Foundation (MRF), unveiled its agenda for the reauthorization of the Transportation Equity Act of the 21st Century (TEA-21). “Motorcycles Rev the Future” is a comprehensive plan emphasizing motorcycle safety, including incentives for state motorcycle safety programs and motorcycle awareness.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) announced on Aug. 7, 2002, that motorcycle fatalities increased for the fourth year in a row.* The MRF anticipated this increase, in light of the fact that new motorcycle sales are steadily increasing in the United States, jumping from 303,000 in 1990 to 356,000 in 1997, and then to 710,000 in 2000.

According to Tom Wyld, the MRF’s Vice-President for Government Relations, “The MRF has been aware of the potential that motorcycle injuries and fatalities could show another tragic increase. Riders know the causes. Riders know the cure. The causes? First, state-run rider safety training is in trouble. Through the late 1990s, waiting periods for rider training stretched upwards of one year in most states. Since September 11, 2001, state budgets for rider training have been reduced or eliminated. Second, NHTSA has focused on ‘safer crashing,’ as opposed to focusing its resources on ‘safer riding’ through state rider education programs.

“The cure? The MRF urges NHTSA to focus federal resources on state motorcycle rider training programs, which have consistently saved lives for many years.” Wyld is currently riding cross-country to address national motorcycle issues, including “Motorcycles Rev the Future” – the MRF’s comprehensive agenda for the reauthorization of TEA-21 – at the annual convention of the National Association of State Motorcycle Safety Administrators (SMSA) in Boise, Idaho.

“Motorcycles Rev the Future,” the MRF’s complete agenda for the reauthorization of TEA-21, can be viewed on the MRF website at www.mrf.org/TEA-03.php.

BROTZ WINS BY A WHEEL AT ROAD AMERICA BUELL LIGHTNING RACE–Nips Morris at Finish Line, Takes Series Points Lead.Elk Clint Brotz squeezed his Hal?s Performance Advantage Buell Lightning S1 just past teammate Richie Morris to score his second consecutive victory in a thrilling photo-finish in the fifth round of the Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, at Road America raceway.

Brotz, of Sheboygan, Wis., had led every lap of the seven-lap event and at one point had a 3.2 second lead over Morris, who lives in Elkhart Lake. Morris caught Brotz on the final turn of the race and drafted into the lead on the long uphill straight to the finish. But it appeared that Morris made his move too soon, as Brotz was able to repass Morris and held on to win by just 0.058 seconds.

?I was battling with Morris and Dan Bilansky in the early laps,? said Brotz. ?Then they dropped back and I had what I thought was a comfortable lead, so I backed off to save the bike. I had no idea Morris was catching me until I looked back in the final turn and he was right on my tail.?

Bilansky, of New Berlin, Wis. and also a member of the Hal?s Performance Advantage Buell team, dropped out with a mechanical problem on lap four. Bryan Bemisderfer of Greencastle, Pa., rode a Harley-Davidson of Frederick Buell Lightning to third place, 14.6 seconds behind the winner. Michael Barnes of Kosco Harley-Davidson/Buell-Innovative Motorcycle Research and a front-runner in the series all season, took the pole for the event but was unable to start after throwing a chain on the parade lap prior to the race.

The win at Road America moves Brotz past Bemisderfer and Barnes into the points lead after five of eight scheduled events in the Buell Lightning Series. Brotz has 84 points, while Bemisderfer is second with 80 points and Barnes falls 20 points off the lead with 64.

Brotz, who is 26 years old and has been road racing since he was 15, is in his first season on the Buell Lightning Series. ?I never thought I?d be in this position,? he said after the win at Road America. ?I threw my leg over the Buell for the first time at Daytona and now I just love the engine torque and handling of this bike .?

The Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, is a horsepower and weight-restricted Buell-only spec class. The sixth round of the Formula USA National Road Race Series will take place at Pocono Raceway, Long Pond, Pa., on Aug. 22-25.

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JOKER APPAREL IN THE GULCH–Be sure to check out the Gulch for your shopping needs. Pay special attention to our newest addition, Joker Machine Apparel.

SCREAMIIN’ EAGLE DUECE—IS CUSTOM TIMES TWO
Harley-Davidson’s Custom Vehicle Operations Team TransformsSoftail Deuce

MILWAUKEE, WI —July 17, 2002- It’s Deuces wild for the 2003Harley-Davidson

Custom Vehicle Operations (CVO) program. The latestcreation from the CVO workshop- the Screamin’ Eagle DeuceTM – is a limited-production interpretation ofthe FXSTD Softail Deuce featuring a Twin Cam 95 V-Twin engine and a host ofspecial custom parts and accessories from Harley-Davidson Genuine MotorAccessories.

In designing the Screamin’ Eagle Deuce, Harley-Davidson CVO sought toaccentuate the long, low custom style of the Softail Deuce. A lowered frontand rear suspension was installed, along with a front spoiler and a customlow-profile seat and pillion wit chrome inserts. The bike rides on chromeslotted six-spoke wheels with a 21-inch frontand a 17-inch rear. Special Centennial Gold and Vivid Black paint isdetailed with 23K gold leaf graphics, and the frame and swingarm, aircleaner, timer, derby cover and fuel tank console inserts are color-matchedin Centennial Gold.

The 2003 Screamin’ Eagle Deuce is the first Softail model to be thesubject of a CVO project. Established in 1999, Harley-Davidson’s CVO programhas produced low-volume, custom motorcycles using a handpicked team oftechnicians on a special assembly line at the Harley-Davidson plant in York,Pa. Approximately 3000 units of the 2003 Screamin’ Eagle Deuce will bemanufactured. Suggested U.S. retail for the Screamin’ Eagle Deuce is $25,995($26,095 in California).

The Screamin’ Eagle Deuce is powered by a Screamin’ Eagle Twin Cain 95Thengine, created by installing Screamin’ Eagle Big Bore cylinders on the sameTwin Cam 88B engine that powers the Softail Deuce. Displacement is bumpedfrom 88 cubic inches (1450cc) to 95 cubic inches (1550cc) with acorresponding increase in torque – from 85 lb.-ft. to 91 lb.-ft. at 3500rpm. The engine retains its EEl system and balancer shafts for snappythrottle response and minimal vibration and is 50-state emissions compliant.

Other mechanical upgrades include dual front disc brakes, slash downmufflers with full chrome heat shields, chrome 1.25-inch diameterhandlebars, braided stainless steel cables and brake lines, and a mini-tachbuilt into the handlebar clamp. Custom touches include Aileron handgrips,foot pegs, brake pedal pad and shifter pegs, and Buckshot custom chsomebrake and clutch hand levers. Harley-Davidson 100″‘ Anniversary badges arelocated on the fuel tank console insert and the engine crankcase. AHarley-Davidson factoiy security system with siren and a 100″‘ anniversarycustom indoor storage cover are also included.

The 2003 Scream’ Eagle Deuce from Harley-Davidson CVO is a doub]e dip ofcustom creativity. Features of the FXSTDSE Screamin’ Eagle Deuce include:
1550cc Fuel Injected Twin Cam 95~ Powertrain finished in Silverand Chrome
Centennial Gold and Vivid Black paint with Gold Leaf Graphics
Color-matched Centennial Gold Frame, Swingarm and front Spoiler
Color-matched Air Cleaner, Timer, Derby Cover and Fuel TankConsole Inserts
100th Anniversary Badging on Fuel Tank Console Insert and EngineCrankcase
Chrome Slotted Six Spoke 21-inch front wheels and 17-inch RearWheels
Chrome Slotted Six Spoke Rear Sprocket
Chrome Slotted Floating Brake Rotors
Lowered Front and Rear Suspension
Dual Front Disc Brakes
Silver Brake Calipers with Billet-style Chrome Inserts
Slash Down Mufflers with Chrome Heat Shields
Teardrop-shaped Chrome Air Cleaner Assembly
Low-profile Seat and Pillion with Chrome Inserts
Chrome, 1.25″ diameter Handlebars with Internal Wiring
Chrome Voltage Regulator
Clear Coated, Braided Stainless Steel Control Cables and BrakeLines
Silver-faced Speedometer and Tachometer
Handlebar Riser Mount Mini-Tach
Chrome Headlight Filler Panel and Handlebar Riser Cover
Chrome Lower Triple Tree Cover
Chrome Billet Mirrors
Aileron Custom Hand Grips
Buckshot Chrome Brake and Clutch Hand Levers
Smoked Turn Signal Lenses with Amber Bulbs
Polished Bullet Stainless Shift Linkage
Chrome Bullet Shift and Rear Brake Lever
Aileron Chrome and Rubber Footpegs, Brake Pedal Pad and ShifterPeg
Chrome Smooth-look Fork Stem Covers
Chrome Swingam Pivot Bolt Covers
Chrome Bullet Front Axle Covers
Chrome Rear Axle Covers
Chrome Front and Rear Wheel Spacers
Chrome Headbolt Covers
Chrome Lower Belt Guard
Chrome Brake Master Cylinder, Clutch Lever Bracket and chromeSwitch Housings
Chrome Front and Rear Master Cylinder Reservoir Covers
Chrome Forward Control Mounting Brackets
Chrome Valve Stem Caps
H-D(r) Factory Security System with Alarm Siren
100th Anniversary Indoor Storage Cover

For additional information on the Screamin’ Eagle Deuce andHarley-Davidson Genuine Motor Parts and Genuine Motor Accessories, visit theHarley-Davidson Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To find a dealer nearyou, call toll free 1-800-443-2153 in the U.S.A. or Canada.

TEXAS STYLY PARTY DRAGS– The Texas Scooter Times “Home of the Texas Style Party Drags” would like to remind everyone about the Houston Championships This Saturday at Houston Raceway Park, Featuring Nitro Harleys with 28 Sportsman Classes for ANY Type of Harley!

Vendor Midway – Burn Out Contests- “Saturday Nite Under the Lites!” – Don’t Miss It!

Gates open at 3pm – Time Trials Start at 4pm – Eliminations Start at 8pm.for more information visit www.texasscooter.com or call 254-687-9066

Track Located East of Houston in Baytown. From I-10, take exit 798 and travel South 3 miles on SR 146, then go South East on FM 1405 about a mile and then go 1.5 miles on FM 565.

SURREAL HUZE FEATURED ON BIKERNET–Cyril Huze met a customer through Bikernet and built the man his dream bike. The feature should be launched today. What a nice piece.

HOW TO DRINK MOONSHINE–A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly whopulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn moonshine fromthe glove compartment of the truck. “Drink it,” the hillbilly ordered,waving the gun.

The hitchhiker took a swallow from the bottle, gasped,gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept, gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, andtwitched.

“All right,” the hillbilly said. “Now you take the gun and force me to takea drink.”

–Rogue

BIKERNET ON WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A COP–Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

SUNDAY’S BIKER RALLY AGAINST CHILD ABUSE– (not a B.A.C.A. event) sponsored byTropical Heat & Big Dave’s Dam Saloon seemed to begin a little slow; lot’sof folks seemed to be recovering from the night before myself as well. Atfirst I was a little concerned about the turnout, but by the time the groupleft for the Hill Country Cruise out to Big Dave’s on Lake Travis there wereover a hundred bikes.

Big Dave’s was taking care of the first half of the run with music, food,biker games & course refreshments. By the time the weenie bite & slow racesgot under way people appeared to be coming alive again. Might have hadsomething to do with the lines inside at the bar. There were the typicalstories & visiting with folks you hadn’t seen in a while and lovely Texasladies everywhere!

Then after a few hours at Dave’s everyone was invited back to Tropical Heatfor the grand finale party of the day’s events that included more music, BBQfor $5 a plate & turkey legs for $4, 50/50, raffles, tattoo contest & thewet t-shirt contest. One lovely wild haired blond began showing off hertattoo’s early in the afternoon and seemed to reduce her competition priorto the judging.

While not able to partake of the events until the conclusion and not havingfound anyone that did make it to the end and can still remember to tell ofit. I’d have to say the event was a success. Congrats to all the folksthat staged this rally and hopefully we’ll see the “Second Annual” nextyear.

–Rigid frame Richard

DARWIN AWARD NOMINEES– A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died ofsuffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6’2″ tall and weighed225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and whitesaddle shoes, and a woman’s wig. It appeared that he was trying to create aschool girl’s uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that hadthe filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. Theother end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tubeapprox. 12″ long and 3″ in diameter. The tube’s other end was inserted intohis rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.

Policefound the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his familyvery awkward.

WHY ARE WE RUNNING A HONDA REPORT?–Honda says they expect the Asian market to outspend the European andthe North American markets in the near future on motorcycles!

Satoshi Toshida, chief executive of the Bangkok-based Asian Honda Motor Co Ltd, saysHonda’s expansion in Asia would help its regional sales outpace its ambitious globaltargets between now and 2005. Honda dominates the Thai motorcycle market and expects toaccount for 950,000 of the 1.2 million bikes sold in the country in 2002. Dayum, that’sa lotta motorsickles.

–Gunny

Bikernet Australian correspondent at Bikernet/LA Calendar Show Party

NOTE FROM AUSTRALIAN CONNECTION ABOUT JET BIKES– Piaggio, the largest scooter manufacturer in Europe and maker of thefamous Vespa scooter, has offered two new weeny 50cc models, the Piaggio NRG and theGilera Runner. Both models use a fancy new 50cc “Pure Jet” engine that incorporates theOrbital direct injection system. The article I read said they get a fuel economy of 50km/litre, but Hell if I know how that translates to mpg! These two little bugs are thefirst bikes to use this new technology with a simple catalyst to achieve pollutioncontrol and still have some kick.

Peugeot Motocycles also launched two 50cc models using the same technology. They are theLooxor and Elystar. At this time they are available only in Europe.

LET’S SPLIT–Okay, so I’m not going to Sturgis, won’t see the brothers along the road, but I’ll write about a Sturgis adventure in the next issue of HORSE. I’ll cover one of those nights when the Twilight Zone rode with us to the very end. A night when neither my brother nor I thought we would make it back to the camp. By the way, all these stories end up in our Cantina after they are published in the mighty HORSE.

Start looking out for American Rider if you’re a new rider and want to learn about the beautiful Twin Cam you’re astride. We’re picking one apart piece by piece with techs for the “complete idiot” in American Rider

Meanwhile, don’t ride at night in Deer country, watch out for sobriety check points and the new, less tolerant South Dakota laws. Other than those delicate points, have a helluva good time and get away with anything you can, except stealing motorcycles. Ride forever, Bandit.

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FOUR TYPES OF SEX–HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house inevery room.

BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex inthe bedroom.

HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass eachother in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”

COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce courtin front of many people for every penny you’ve got.

–Rogue

HARLEY ANNIVERSARY GROWS– Harley Davidson’s One Hundred year anniversary has taken on alife of its own. California Speedway will host the third leg of a worldwide travelingcelebration uniting motorcycles, music, history and more, starting in September. This isthe Harley-Davidson’s 100th Anniversary Open Road Tour, a series of gigantic weekendfestivals created to celebrate a true American icon. When you find it in your area besure and attend. Tickets for U.S. and Canadian Open Road Tour stops are on sale now. You can even buy tickets online and see their schedule. Go to www.harley-davidson.com,or to www.ticketmaster.com, or at Ticketmaster.

SOMETHING ABOUT A ROOSTER–A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, helooks over to the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on his side.

The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, “I know, if we run & jump high enough we should be able to make it to the other side.”

The cat responds “OK, let’s give it a try”

The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the bag and starts devouring the chicken feed.

The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.

The Moral of the Story: For every satisfied cock, there’s a wet pussy!

ANTI-CIGARETTE ADS BULLSHIT–They bug the shit outta me, not because I love to smoke, but because of their attacks on freedom. If a man wants to smoke, ride fast or drink, let him be. Did you see the news recently that the fourth deadliest disease in this country is hospital induced infections killing over 100,000 annually. More recently another statistic was revealed: 75,000 die annually because, during a hospital stay, they were given the wrong medicine, diagnosed improperly or over medicated. Beware of Hospitals. Here’s an example:

REAL EMERGENCY ROOM VISITS–> PRICKLY PAIR—–OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to hispenis. He complained that his wife had “…a rat in her privates…” and it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

For many of us heading out onto the open road, the benefits of being able topitch a tent are innumerable, and the experiences almost always memorable,whether enjoying the camaraderie of like-minded rally-goers, or basking inthe remote solitude of a perfect site well off the beaten path. Not onlythat, camping can considerably stretch your travel budget. Whitehorse Pressis pleased to announce publication of the first guidebook for camping on twowheels, MOTORCYCLE CAMPING MADE EASY, written by veteran rider and life-longcamper Bob Woofter. Here is everything you need to know to get startedright, plus valuable tips and resources for experienced campers as well!

The book is loaded with practical advice to help riders enjoy the wholeexperience, covering issues such as assessing your current bike for spaceand load-carrying capacity, finding motorcycle-friendly campgrounds andrallies, planning and packing properly for your trip, dealing with”critters” at camp, preparing meals on wheels, mastering traditional campskills like building a campfire, and caring for your equipment after youreturn home. An extensive resource directory lists dozens of equipmentsuppliers to orient you in the overwhelming sea of information availabletoday on gear, luggage, clothing, and even trailers.

Also, check out other camping gear and accessories available throughWhitehorse Press including the popular Go-Kot and our 100% Waterproof TravelBags at http://www.whitehorsepress.com/email.asp?cn=50245&en=en0207&id=home.

A GLIMPSE OF THE FUTURE?What’s Black and White and No Longer Red All Over?Presstime, 07-08/02,A study of newspaper Internet operations worldwide finds that about a thirdare making money.

–from John Siebenthaler

Yipee!

WHAT AN ASS–A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an oldfarmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. Thenext day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news.The donkey died.”

Kenny replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Kenny said, “OK then, at least give me the donkey.”

The farmer asked, “What are you going to do with him?”

Kenny replied, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

Farmer exclaimed, “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

Kenny replied, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he is dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, “What happened withthat dead donkey?”?

Kenny said, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made aprofit of $898.”

Farmer asked, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Kenny replied, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his money back.”

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron Corp

–from LA frogman

BROS CLUB REPORT–Wanted to let you know what’s happening here at BROSCLUB…Most of us enjoy the open road, but it’s the shits when you’re scoot takes acrap outside your own familiar territory. That’s why a BROSCLUB RoadsideAssistance membership is so valuable. The push is on for Sturgis and we’reenrolling new members and renewing old ones, by the droves.

With more than40,000 flatbeds, our coverage extends across the entire Country and Canadatoo. If you’re not a member of HOG, or if you ride a custom or any otherbrand, play it safe and pack a BROSCLUB membership in your saddlebag thisyear. Instant activation is available, enroll online at www.brosclub.org orcall toll free 24 hrs a day at 800-547-2767 (press option 2).

–DJ Coates, National Director
info@brosclub.org

BIKERNET STAFF RUMOR– I just discovered (from a private source),That theDigital Gangster is opening some high rise apartmentsnear the Seattle area.These high Class Condo’s Will beavailable to Bikers Only.There will be no security foryour scoots,so you will have to drive them into theliving room. All the plumbing has a new type areatedfeature , so please do not stand under the condo. AgentScoot signing out,somewhere in the boonies of Pennsylvania.

–freakinbiker

BIKERNET/HORSE SMOKE-OUT A SUCCESS–Somewhere in the Carolinas south of Charlotte, Edge, a military man and his wife launched the third Smoke-out at some fairgrounds. I was riding a 113-inch Ultra and following Mike Pullin the man behind the Run For Breath out of Charlotte. I didn’t have the slightest notion of where the hell I was. The weather was an oppressive 100 degrees and 100 percent humidity. I don’t know how that’s possible with a draught looming over the region.

As you can see the party was packed with activity and competitions including bike shows and actually watching a custom Sportster being built on the grounds. Our Crazyhorse painted the sheetmetal in the dusty barn and did one helluva job. As the sun set the Discovery Channel followed the crazyness in the camp grounds, Billy Lane and Roger Borget as the night exploded. Next year will be killer.

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TRIBUTE TO MOTHER SUPERIOR–The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bedtrying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink,butshe refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.

Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previousChristmas,she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips.Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she haddrunkthe whole glass down to the last drop.

“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “Please give us some wisdombefore youdie.

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said,”Don’tsell that cow.”

REVTECH COMPLAINT–Remember, you asked! I have a scoot made by other than Harley that usesRevtec motors and trannies. This is the second of these that I have owned.The first one, a 2000 ’88 CI Revtec lasted about 3000 miles before having tohave an extensive rebuild. Of course, this happened in the middle of ridingseason last year (no Sturgis for Doc).

So I trusted that it was a flukeand upgraded to a 100 incher. This one lasted 3600 miles before it smokedthe end of June(again in the middle of riding season). I asked for a quickreplacement from CCI. What I got was run around ” If we were to replace allof the engines that needed it, we’d be out of bussiness” from customerservice. They finally evaluated the broke motor, and lo and behold…..itwas a broke motor.

They cite this thing as the next best thing to free pussy(ain’t happenin’, trust me) and don’t stand behind shit. They sent a newengine and the wrench had it almost ready to start and CCI calls….. thenew motor is being recalled. Seems their Korean mechanics left the wrist pinkeepers off. I wonder how you say wrist pin keepers in Korean?

So here I am, high and dry right before Sturgis-time and ascoot that’s been down for over a month. The reason I paid high bucks is soI wouldn’t have to put up with this shit. I reitereate: Don’t buy CCI Koreanshit, or take your chances!

–Riding the bus, Doc

This is one readers opinion. We’ve worked with two RevTech engines without major problems. We are currently building a bike with another. We’ll see and let you know if we have problems. –Bandit

BIKERNET BEST COMPANY NAME AWARD–

THIS IS SO TRUE!!!!!!!–Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 A.M. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can’t find a good paying job in…..AMERICA…..

–from Rachael

LEATHER SHOP/BIKE MUSEUM– Businessman Frank Westfall has a passion for old motorcycles that,even if he didn’t talk non-stop about them, would be evident to any visitor in his SalinaStreet leather shop. At least a dozen historical two-wheelers are parked throughout hisMiddleEarth Leather Works, a longtime leather shop that now doubles as the MotorcycleMuseum of Syracuse.

This guy is a bonafide collector and we are told this place is a “must see” on your NewYork State tour list. He has expanded now to vintage races each year at the fairgrounds. If you’re in the area do yourself a favor and stop by at the leather shop.

–Gunny

NEW PAINT TECHNIQUE–Yes, it’s house paint, done with a roller! I was disgusted with smoothe paint jobs after buffing a metalflake job for a?picky customer ?for a friggin month…you should have seen the owner of the lowrider when he stopped by and found Sarah, Broadus and me with brushes and rollers in the booth covered in black paint! Pin-up to come this weekend, I hope!

–Flynch

ANOTHER BURN ON MEN– One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, “Please God, give me the strength. And the tools to cross this river.”

Poof!

God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength and the tools — and the intelligence — to cross this river.

And – poof!

God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

BIKERNET REPORTER CAPTURED ON HARLEY-DAVIDSON SITE–To see this picture and morE go to Harleys official sitehttp://www.harley-davidson.com When page loads hit United States and then 100th Anniversary – Were YouThere? HELL YEA I WAS!!!!!!!!!!

–Rogue

THE QUANTUM SAGA CONTINUES–Ever since American Quantum Motorcycle Company closed it’s doors and filed for bankruptcy the employees have been trying to collect monies that were owed them for wages. They still have not been paid.

The case is in the United States Bankruptcy Court in Orlando Florida and though assets have been sold and a lot of money generated none of it has made its way to the employees. There are serious questions why this has not happened and where has the money gone that has been collected so far.

On March 21 2002 Barbary Cooney, John Herlihy, Dennis Rowan and Carroll Dean West all past Quantum employees being owed money appeared in court to object to a compromise submitted by the trustee in the case Mr. George E. Mills JR. and his attorney Mr. Peter Hill. Present was Andres Salazar also a past employee.

The motion wanted to reduce the amount owed by some creditors and the employees objected. The Trustee and his Attorney in Court assured them that the reduction would not hinder the payment to employees but in fact generate the needed revenue to Pay In Full the monies Owed By law to the employees. That the money would be collected and that employees would be paid in 90 – 120 days.

The employees present removed their objection with the understanding they would be paid within the 120 days. A discussion followed out side the court and those present were informed the amounts they were to receive.

Mr. Mills, Mr.Hill and the presiding Judge were recently sent letters reminding them that the 120 days was coming up and there had been no word on when the monies were to be paid.

In a letter I received from Mr. Mills in regards to this he States: A review of all the claims filed to date with their priority status shows that there is not enough money on hand in the case to pay all wage claims 100%. Here is how claims get paid by law.

Chapter 7 Administrative claims (trustee, trustee?s attorney,and costs incurred during the Chapter 7)

Chapter 11 Administrative claims (wages, rent & taxes incurred during the Chapter 11 period)Wages and payroll taxes incurred pre-petition or prior to the Chapter 11 filing.

We have funds on hand to make a partial distribution of approximately 50% of the payroll claims filed. This will cost more money in the form of administrative fees,however,this is an option we are looking at.

Peter Hill (my attorney) is filing a demand for return of funds from some of the investors who we believe are guilty of usury under the state statue.

If we are successful in this pursuit we will have enough funds to pay allowed wage claims 100% My goal is to be able to pay 100% of the payroll tax and wage claims. To date I have fallen short of that goal. I am still optimistic.Signed George E. Mills Jr.

Sounds like B.S. to me. When in court on the 21st they read the amounts to be collected and assured employees and the court it would be more than enough to cover this. If the amount was not enough it was not suppose to be reduced.

It appears that the trustee and his attorney are making quite a bit of money on this though. It would be interesting to know Exactly How Much They Have Received So Far.There is also the issue of the Large Amount of Money that was acquired through the Sale to Aquino and the distribution of that money. It sure did not come to employees and according to the trustee that would have been a priority as opposed to another party.

Some thing does not smell right with this whole thing and I welcome any help that I can get to get to the bottom of it and collect Wages Owed to Past Employees.

I will keep you informed as best I can should I hear any thing. If you have any information or ideas please let me know.

–ROGUE

Continued On Page 3

You’ll discover reading this new installment that Bikernet has developed an extensive, risk-taking team of reporters all over the world. Let’s get to it:

SHOVELHEAD BLUES–Thanks to the powers that be… welder , die grinder, sledge hammer &dumping the Exile seat, I got the damn thing (oil bag) to fit…… pretty fuckingtight though. I’m trying to squeeze in my oil bag over the bitchin electric start BDL belt drive and new clutch–what a fine unit. Check out the pics. At this rate I may have it running bythe weekend….

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Grumble, nothin’ is going right… actually it is funny…. Think I found the problem I …Seems the wife has made a shovel voodoo doll & has been poking pins init… think that could be it?

–Richard

BIKERNET DISCOVERs AL QAEDA NETWORK HOME–The deepest Al Qaeda acts of terrorism go on daily 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Snake our under-the-bar reporter dashed into the headquarters the other day, turned on the rickety black and white television and flipped to channel 14. He stood there in the midst of grinding dust while sweat ran down his dusty brow. “That’s it!” he shouted pointing at Wolf Blitzer on CNN. “They are all Al Queda!”

I dropped the die grinder and Nuttboy turned off the rattling cut-off saw while a reporter began to smile and report that the stock market was still falling. He frowned as he reported that generally the country’s production had increased, but smiled again to report that stocks were again on the slide. Wolf came back on the tube with a constant negative harangue of the US handling of the Afghan war. The more we watched the more these people found one way or another to say that the American people were mishandling every aspect of their lives. We stood dumfounded while they never once attacked the actual terrorist or complimented Harley-Davidson for their continued growth or any other company or employees who devote his or her lives to increased technology, profits or products. We’ll report more on this finding later.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–They all have escaped to the mainland and we have proof. They’re having a barbecue in Sturgis and if I was going, I’d be there. Show up in my sted will ya, and tell Jose I’m sorry I couldn’t make it.–Bandit

“OLDIE BUT A GOODIE”– A train hits a bus load of school girls and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, “Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.

St. Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Karina have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

The girl is a little reluctant but replies “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”

St. Peter says “OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says “Susan! What seems to be the rush?”

The girl replies “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jackie sticks her arse in it!!”

EARLY STURGIS REPORT–“The two don?t look right together (Kenny Price from Samson bought a rare 1920 stakebed Samson truck and found a 1920 Harley-Davidson to display in the bed at his Sturgis western building). One is old and original (rusty piece ofshit) and the other is clean.

“Sturgis is starting to come alive. There are alot of bikes out on the roads and more coming in every day. By tomorrow theywill be arriving in droves.

“Weather is supposed to be as perfect ascan be with little or no rain at all in the near future. It was supposed toget up to 100 today but I don?t think it got that hot. Cooler tomorrow inthe 80’s.

“This town looks different every year. Major changes have takenplace as far as development and improvements. Anyway, gotta get to the bar.The crew called and they have a long line of shots of jack waitin for me.

–Kenny

ROB’S BIKE FEATURE–If we’re lucky Rob’s bike will be featured with building shots on Bikernet later today. Rob recently wrote in with a question about having his bike featured in a magazine: “Here’s a dumb question, but I send visuals to offset the stupidity. I plan on submitting the bike I built, to the various mags, hoping to find someone interested in doing a feature.I figure the bike can stand on it’s own merits, but since it is a ground-up-home-built, and considering it is my very first bike of any kind, it might make a better story.

As an added bonus, I already have a gorgeous model who has committed her services, if I do make it in the magazine. (See attached visuals)

My stupid questions are: Do the mags care if I have a model to supply? What is the customary payment made by the mags for a models services?

I’d hate to get shot down because her fees are more than the payment offered by the publication.

This is were you tell me to get my head outta my ass, I can’t afford her…….

Rob Steffens

I answered his questions in detail, but the bottom line is she’d get a rusty moped on the cover of any rag.–Bandit

DEAL OF THE WEEK–From August 5th through August 31, WILD FIRE HARLEY-DAVIDSON IS having a great sale on ALL consumables.

20% off ALL: TIRES OILS & PRIMARY FLUIDS CLEANING PRODUCTS

COME ON IN AND SAVE BIG OR JUST STOCK UP FOR THE NEXT TIME YOU NEED THESE ITEMS THAT JUST WILL NEVER GO TO WASTE.

WILD FIRE HARLEY-DAVIDSON/BUELL
120 W NORTH AVE
VILLA PARK, ILL 60181
630 834 6571

KAWASAKI ANNOUNCES OFF-ROAD MODELS–Kawasaki has anounced its 2003 off-road motorcycle and all terrainvehicle (ATV) line-up. They will be in showrooms soon. They say the alliance betweenthem and Suzuki will make both companies better able to compete in the off road market.

CHINESE SCOOTS RACE THE GREAT WALL– The Chinese are always movin’ and groovin’ when it comes to scoots.Reuters news tells me that they’re building a motorcycle race track right in the shadowof the Great Wall. Starting in 2004, they’re gonna use it for their own Chinese GrandPrix. One day before this old Gunny jumps in the dirt, I’m gonna get me back to Chinaand see this for myself.

–Gunny

Canadian girl who didn’t quite get Puss’s Commandments.

10 BIKER COMMANDMENTS FOR WOMEN– by Puss-In-Boots. Puss is a regular contributor to Bandit’s Cantina.

1.??? Thou shalt be ready at a moments notice to ride wherever and on whatever bike the OM wants to ride.

2.??? Thou shalt ALWAYS be freshly shaved, tanned, make-up perfect, and have that teeny top, G-string and chaps ready at all times.

3.??? Thou shalt be ready to fetch beer, food, clothes and any other items the OM may need.

4.??? Thou shalt be ready for sex at all times, day or night and as many times as he wants.

5.??? Thou shalt put aside thine own pleasures, his pleasure and his friend?s pleasures are #1.

6.??? Thou shalt always remember the GOLDEN RULE: 100% satisfaction guaranteed, if not there are 100 other bitches waiting to rub pussy with your OM.

7.??? Thou shalt NEVER complain how rough it is riding fender, or thou shalt walk home.

8.??? Thou shalt always show your breasts or naked body whenever requested by your OM or his brothers, for it is an insult to your OM to refuse.

9.??? Thou shalt always remember you know NOTHING.

10.?????????????????????? Thou shalt always drink in moderation, and never, never get so drunk you dance naked on the bar tables asking his buddies for chocolate flavored condoms.

After careful consideration Puss and Boots has been elected the Bikernet employee of the year by a unanimous vote.–

TEAMSTERS POKER RUN AND FREE DONUTS–71.8 Mile Poker Run to Help Defeat MS. August 4th 2002 (Sunday)
Sponsored by The Teamster Horsemen Motorcycle Association,
P.O. BOX 478
SUGAR GROVE ILLINOIS, 60554
INFO: 630-833-5718
FAX: 630-466-7623
www. Teamsterhorsemen . org
Start: Line up at 9:00am at (Wild Fire Harley Davidson)
30 West North Ave
Villa Park, Illinois
First Bike Out: 10:30am
Last Bike Out: 11:00am

FREE DOUGHNUTS Provided by Wild Fire Harley Davidson

Free Lunch Provide by Karla?s River Road Pub.

Run: 71.8 Mile Poker Run to Karla?s River Road Pub in Oregon Illinois, This Run Will Start on North Avenue and STAY on North Avenue all the way to Oregon, it will have 3 Bar Stops in between for cards.

Mail DONATIONS to: Teamster Horsemen Motorcycle Association P.O Box 478 Sugar Grove Illinois, 60554

BIKERNET SURFBOARD OF THE WEEK–Bill Dodge of West Coast Choppers??new Longboard … something a little different …Do they have barracuda in SoCal??????

–from Chris T.

Continued On Page 2

Thought you guys needed a break.–Bandit

WILL THE GOVERNMENT TELL US WHAT TO WEAR?–

Washington, DC – (MCNW) In response to concerns expressed by the AMA and others, federal traffic safety officials have pledged that they will not regulate motorcycle apparel under provisions of a new law.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) on July 10 issued a final rule requiring motor vehicle manufacturers and their suppliers to report customer satisfaction data and certain other information to federal officials. The reporting requirement is to help the NHTSA identify defects related to motor vehicle safety. The rule implements requirements of the Transportation Recall Enhancement, Accountability, and Documentation (TREAD) Act that was approved in 2000 following problems related to Firestone tires on Ford Explorers.

The AMA told the NHTSA that including motorcycle rider apparel in the reporting requirements appeared to go beyond what Congress intended in approving the TREAD Act, and that such a requirement appeared impractical and unworkable.

The AMA also feared that the reporting requirement would create a database that could be the first step toward mandatory rider apparel certification and use.

In releasing the final rule, the federal agency specifically ruled out such a possibility, stating, “We have not, and we do not, intend to prescribe standards or requirements for motorcycle apparel other than protective headgear. The proposed rule would not, and the final rule does not, control motorcycle clothing.”

Edward Moreland, AMA vice president for government relations, said that the NHTSA statement indicates the agency intends to follow the congressional intent of the law and focus on tire issues rather than get involved in motorcycle apparel.

Besides the AMA, federal lawmakers were among those who told the NHTSA to stay out of the business of regulating motorcycle apparel.

“Requiring manufacturers and parts suppliers to report defects in such critically important safety equipment as tires and brakes is one thing,” Otter added. “It’s an entirely different matter if we’re talking about the government trying to tell motorcyclists how to dress. Nobody is more concerned or knowledgeable about the safety needs of motorcyclists than the people who ride. It’s good to see that – at least in this case – the feds recognized it was none of their business.”

BROTZ SCORES FIRST BUELL LIGHTNING SERIES WIN AT MOSPORTBemisderfer Takes Over Series Points Lead from Barnes. Clint Brotz rode a Hal?s Performance Advantage Buell Lightning S1 to his first victory in the fourth stop on the Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, here today at Mosport International Raceway.

Brotz, of Sheboygan, Wis., took the lead on the second lap when early front-runners Michael Barnes of Kosco Harley-Davidson/Buell-Innovative Motorcycle Research and Richie Morris of Hal?s Performance Advantage made contact and went down. After reattaching his derailed chain, Morris was able to remount, and finished the race in 12th place. Barnes? Buell Lightning X1 was too badly damaged to continue.

?I was right behind them when it happened,? said Brotz. ?I just missed (Barnes) when he went down. After that I was able to find a quick line and stay up front. I want to thank the Hal?s team for a great bike to ride.?

Brotz finished the 8-lap race with a 5.35-second advantage over Hoban Brothers/H-D of Appleton?s Jeffery Johnson of Minneapolis. Bryan Bemisderfer took third place aboard the Harley-Davidson of Frederick Buell Lightning S1, and moved ahead of Barnes into first place in a very tight series points race.

After four of eight scheduled events in the Buell Lightning Series, Bemisderfer has 64 points to 62 for Barnes and 59 for Brotz.

The Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, is a horsepower and weight-restricted Buell-only spec class. The fifth round of the Formula USA National Road Race Series will take place at Road America, Elkhart Lake, Wis., Aug. 1-4.

SOUTH DAKOTA DROPS ALCOHOL LIMIT–Watch it in South Dakota this year. The legal drinking limit has been reduced to .O8. In addition, due to recent club conflicts police prescense will be at an all time high.

Finally, no matter what stay out of hospitals. Hospital infections and the 4th largest killer in the U.S. Over 100,000 people died last year from hospital infections. You’re better off licking your wounds and staying in a tent.

GUNNISON PREPARES FOR HELLS ANGELS–When hundreds of Hells Angels thunder into Gunnison this week, some of the bikers’ leather vests will have “Colorado” patches sewn under the club’s familiar death’s-head logo for the first time. Those red-and-white embroidered patches – or “rockers,” as the riders call them – mean that once the Hells Angels’ USA Run ends in Gunnison next weekend and the bikers roar on to the annual motorcycle rally at Sturgis, S.D., Colorado will not be finished with the group. In fact, this is just the beginning.

In a California ceremony last weekend, the notorious motorcycle club initiated the club’s first full-fledged – or “patched” – members from Colorado. Chris Schaeffer, a Colorado State Patrol detective who investigates motorcycle gangs, said more than a dozen members of the Brothers Fast, a Denver-based motorcycle club, were inducted into the Hells Angels after being tapped as prospective members a year ago. They now represent the first Colorado chapter of the Hells Angels.

That “rocker” on the lower backs of their vests declares that status. Schaeffer said that now that Colorado has an official chapter, more Hells Angels will come. And more will be recruited. The Hells Angels are already associating with another Colorado club, the Grand Junction-based Red Devils. “I think Colorado will eventually be one of the largest chapters in the country, maybe even in the world,” Schaeffer said. Colorado will also have the potentially volatile distinction of being home to four of the six major motorcycle clubs in the country: the Sons of Silence, the Bandidos and the Mongols all have Colorado chapters.

–from Outsiders 1%ers’ news

DARWIN AWARDS RELEASED– A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into thefireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his housedown, killing both him and his sister.

–from Rogue

DEAL OF THE WEEK–After talking with several industry guys and riders over the last couple of weeks about new bikes, I discovered the consensus on new models is: That the FLH Standard is the best buy for the bucks. Take it or leave it.

GUILTY OF A CRIME WITH ON VICTIM–I recently saw a crime committed in a courtroom. It was committed inthe Vista court, where tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds ofhours were spent trying a young black girl for soliciting $40 for asex act. Mind you, she did not perform the act, and the detective whonabbed her never paid the $40, but for two days Superior Court wastrying her case.

A 35-person panel was brought to the courtroom the first day and 280hours of people’s time were wasted to empanel a jury that day. Almosthalf of the panel expressed the opinion that this woman was involvedin a victimless crime, but the deputy district attorney plowed onwith the remark, “It looks like I have an uphill battle.”Perhaps not. By the time many of us had been dismissed for saying wethought no crime had been committed, there were 12 sheep left.

Meanwhile, a state facing a $24 billion budget deficit continued thekabuki dance. Several detectives’ time had been wasted catching thisgirl and getting her acceptance of the solicitation on tape. Thejudge was paid handsomely for several days, along with astate-appointed defense attorney, a prosecutor, a bailiff, a courtassistant, two detectives and the judge’s staff.

Every night in this county, thousands of men take thousands of girlsto nice restaurants and then the couple retire to a night of sexualpleasure without any fear of facing trial. Apparently, a steak dinneris permissible, but paying $40 is a crime.

–Allen Polk HemphillCommentary

–from Rogue

PEREWITZ BILLET 41–Dave Perewitz’ new billet 41mm forks reflect his reputation for aggressive contemporary styling and uncompromised quality. Featuring Perewitz’ billet aluminum triple trees with integrated blind neck post, custom machined billet lower legs and a mirror show chrome finish, these forks are the perfect compliment to any show or go machine. Additionally the sleek new legs are fit with Perewitz’ hidden axle assembly and unique adjustable fender mounts. Dave?s super sanitary forks are designed for use with OEM internal components assuring trouble free performance and longevity.

For details call 508-586-2511 or catch the complete Perewitz lineup on the Web at www.perewitz.com

Continued On Page 3

It may have rocked the coast of California, but I had three luscious women in my house the entire weekend and never got laid. What’s up with that? Alright, the show was a dazzler on the water and you’ll see a couple of reports on it in the next weeks or so. The bikes were beyond custom. I was completely knocked off my horny feet. Let’s get to the news so I can have a jack, lock this place down and tie Sin to the bed:

UP 25% AGAIN! A HUGE SELLOUT SUCCESS FOR AMERICA’S PREMIER STREETBIKE SHOW– Long Beach California, July 21st & 22nd, 2002: The 2002 edition of the Hot Bike presents the White Brothers Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show, sponsored by Performance Machine, Bikernet.com, FastDates.com, The ReCycler/Cycle Buys newspapers and Corona Extra Beer saw the continued growth of America?s premier outdoor custom and high performance streetbike event. Produced by Jim Gianatsis of the renown motorsports advertising design and photography agency Gianatsis Design which also produces the popular FastDates.com website and motorcycle pinup calendars, this year?s event at the beautiful Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach Harbor continued to see a 25% annual growth for the Show in both Spectator and Exhibitor attendance over each previous year. This year?s hugely successful 2-day Show drew some 4,930 paid attendees on Saturday, 7,300 attendees on Sunday, plus 400 in 2-day ticket sales and 1,200 industry members from across North America, bringing the weekend?s total attendance to 13,830 hard core streetbike fans.

The LA Calendar Bike Show offered fans 2-days of non stop entertainment that included the exciting White Brothers West Coast Horsepower Dyno Shootout, Sunday?s Bike Show Contest for Customs, Sportbikes and Vintage Bikes, 2 great live bands including LA?s sexiest rock band Powder and the hot salsa / rock band Soto. Included in the low $15 admission price for the Show was free general admission to the historic Queen Mary ocean liner, normally a separate $17 admission charge to visitors. Plus on Saturday night, Bike Show attendees were treated to a free party in the Queen Mary?s Observation Room Bar hosted by Keith Ball’s BikerNet.com with lovely Bike Show announcer Brenda Fox. It was a full weekend of great entertainment drawing spectators from across North America.

The 2003 edition LA Calendar Motorcycle Show is scheduled for the weekend of July 19-20th, 2003, with complete details and pictures of both this year’s and next year’s LA Calendar Bike Show on the website at www.FastDates.com.

I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it–by TBear

Some famous American founding fucker said that. Due to the fact that I’m sober at 8:30 AM I forget exactly who is was. It will come to me later after a few cocktails.

This was one of the principals I was raised on, one of the reasons I volunteered for the South East Asia War Games as well.My point here is, as far as I, personally, am concerned you can say what ever da fuck you want here. It’s your right, no it’s your civic duty to freely speak your mind. I don’t care if you feel strongly enough to burn a flag to make your point. BUT, I reserve MY RIGHT to tell you you’re an asshole if I disagree and kick your ass if I happen to see you burning said flag.

That’s MY RIGHT as an American.

–TBear

What the hell did I say this time?–Bandit

I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT– Why would a suicide bomber cop a plea for a life sentence in lieu of the death penalty, if his original intent was to die??????????????

I just don’t understand it.

Watch for a Hollister Report coming from Wino Joe and shots from Apex Photography

DOCTOR WINO JOE WARNING–It might happen to any of US. I ain’t talkin’ stop your party. I don’t want’a do that. I just know how it whips on ya. So, get on top of IT, before that shit drags ya DOWN. They cut your feet OFF. Or, your DICK doesn’t WORK! Then you’ll need that “V” ta get your ROD ta work. I don’t mind puttin’ my shit on tha street, if it would HELP. I wish I was hip ta this 20 years ago; it might’a made a difference? I’m 60 & I got IT. I ain’t on meds YET. And I can slow that down by eatin’ my greens & exercise. But ’cause I didn’t know back then tha effect of DIABETES; I didn’t get a doctor ta CHECK it out. For me it’s another laser-beam aimed at my heart, or balls, or feet. But it ain’t too late for y’all. If you’ve been in tha LIFE. Get a CHECKUP!

–Ride On! Wino Joe,USA

BARTELS’ HARLEY-DAVIDSON EXPANSION GETS MIXED REVIEWS FROM CITY–BY CINDY FRAZIER.A proposal by Bartels’ Harley-Davidson in Venice to reconfigure and double the size of its motorcycle sales, rental and repair facility at 4141 Lincoln Blvd. is in doubt following a meeting Wednesday, July 10th, of the West Los Angeles Area Planning Commission.The commission granted Bartels’ permission to remain at the site and to expand ? despite the 1987 Oxford Triangle Specific Plan that prohibits automobile or motorcycle repair businesses at the Bartels’ site.The commission approved the expansion project ? which would include a Harley-Davidson paraphernalia store ? but denied a request from Bartels’ to provide up to 80 automobile parking spaces and 73 motorcycle parking spaces instead of the code-required 155 automobile parking spaces.

Bartels’ is the third-largest Harley-Davidson motorcycle dealer in the U.S., Bartels’ representative Michael Tharp said.

“They [Bartels’] are under pressure from Harley-Davidson to expand because they could do even more business there,” Tharp said.

BIKERNET NEWS BREAK–A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for adrive when sheaccidently cut off a truck driver.

He motioned for herto pull over. When she did, he got out of his truckand pulled a piece ofchalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the side of the road andgruffly commanded the blonde”stand in that circle and DON’T MOVE!”

Hethen went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned aroundshe had a slight grin on her face, so he said “Ohyou think that’sfunny? Watch this!” He gets a baseball bat out of his truckandbreaks every window in her car.

When he turns around and looks at her shehas smile on her face. He isgetting really mad. He gets his knife back outand slices all her tires.

Now she’slaughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goesback to his truckand gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it onfire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to falldown.

“What’s so funny?” the truck driver asked the blonde.

Shereplied, “Every time you weren’t looking, I stepped outside thecircle!”

Continued On Page 2

Continued From Page 2

SKY MARSHALS DISARMED OF NAIL CLIPPERS–The pilot who was the source of Chris Ruddy’s “Pilot’s Tale of March 29” was asked by Ruddy if he has noted any significant increase in sky marshals, who are eventually to be on every U.S. flight.

The pilot said he knows of only two flights since 9-11 that have included sky marshals. He said in both cases the plane had more than one marshal.

On one flight, a marshal told him an incredible story. The marshal said he cleared the X-ray area with some trouble.

Screeners had no problem with his firearm because he had proper credentials to carry as a sky marshal. But when screeners discovered his nail clipper in his carry-on baggage they made a stink.

Because “nail clippers” are an item prohibited on planes, the screeners insisted they had to be confiscated. The sky marshal had to part with his nail clippers as he went merrily to the gate carrying a loaded gun.

Didn’t Dickens once remark that the law can be an “ass”?

–from Rogue

BIKERNET EVENTS–The shot above is from Rigid Frame Richard’s coverage of a Dallas, Texas rally. Over the next couple of weeks we’ll post more on the LA Calendar Show, the Run For Breath, Hollister, a rally from Tennessee and a couple of runs from Earl in Oklahoma. Boy, you can sure tell it’s ridin’ season around here. Ride Safe, goddamnit!–Bandit

BLONDE JOKE– A blind man enters a Women’s Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:

1 – The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 – The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 – I’m a 6 foot tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah…. Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

–from Ray Russel

BIKER MOVIE CLIPS–Here are a few minutes of various motorcycle shenanigans you may enjoy.http://www.neonsins.com/home/moto1-320.wmv

–from Gene Koch

NCOM WEST COAST REGIONAL CONFERENCE SLATED– I’m very proud to announce here in the Sack that Portland will again behost to the NCOM (National Coalition of Motorcyclists) West Coast Regional Conference! It’s currently slated for the second Saturday in November of this year. The Conferenceattracts bikers and reps from biker organizations from all over the West, and Alaska andHawaii, too. This is the first time it’s been in here in Portland in ten years! We’relookin’ forward to it, too. More details here in the Sack as we get ’em in.

–GUNNY

ACTOR/BIKER DOWNED, BUT BACK–Three cheers for Daryl “Chill” Mitchell, an actor and a biker whowent down hard, but didn’t stay down long. Chill was paralyzed from the waist down in awreck last November, but Variety magazine says Chill already has a new steady gig as aparalyzed guy on the NBC-TV series “Ed.”

Now THERE’S one biker who won’t have a claimfor lost wages from this wreck, and bully for him.

–GUNNYSubject: Why Floridians Never Answer the Door

–from Bob T.

BIKER BILLY HUNGRY AGAIN– The purpose of this email is to remind you that Biker Billy, that famous, or somewhat famous motorcycle cook is just about finished with his third cook book “Hog Wild on a Harley” and he would really like a few more recipes from Dixie Rider readers! To make it interesting, I’ll pay you 10 grand* if he publishes your recipe. I figure if you can take the time out to send a recipe then the least I can do is send you a candy bar. If you don’t like 10 grand, how about a Snickers?*you didn’t really think I mean actual money?

Anyway, what you need to do is visit www.bikerbilly.com and follow the clicks to where you submit the recipe and voila’ stick a fork in ya, you’re done! Your candy bar is in the mail.?

Be sure to note that you’re a Dixie Rider reader (or mention Bikernet). Sylvia sent Billy her version of Lace Cornbread…a true southern delicacy..but you can send whatever you like, it doesn’t have to be spicy, southern or even edible…although I don’t know why someone would cook?a batch of shoe laces or something like that…..

NEW ARTIST FEATURED ON BIKERNET–Chopper Heaven is the newest release from motorcycle artist Chris Kallas.This painting has been reproduced on a premium 80 lb. acid-free cover stock. The lithograph prints measure 18″x27″ (image size,10 1/2″x 20 1/4″). They are available as a signed limited edition of 300 for $39.95 or unsigned for $19.95 (plus $4.95 for shipping). For more information call Chris at (310) 316-2790.

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