Continued From Page 1

CITY’S HANDLING OF EVENT REVS MERCHANTS AND RESIDENTS–By JOHN BOZZO (john.bozzo@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writer, Daytona News Journal.

DAYTONA BEACH — An imposing powder keg ready to explode even in calm times, Ben Cavagna seethed over city restrictions on his plans to cash in on Biketoberfest at his Main Street business.

“This is the worst city for business east of the Mississippi,” he said in a voice rising to a shout after ordering delivery of a thousand cases of beer on the phone. “The city wants to kill Main Street. I’m declaring war.”

His temper rose to boiling after city officials refused to allow outside sales at his Main Street Station business before the official start of the four-day Biketoberfest event on Thursday.

The city also lost $390,000 to $2 million on all events last year, despite a $1.3 billion boost in spending from tourists to the local economy.

–from Rogue

–from Bob T.

JUST THE FACTS, PLEASE– Statistics are like a bikini ? what they reveal is interesting, but what they conceal is vital. And what the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has been concealing in their crusade to promote helmet laws borders on fraud. In their efforts to sway public opinion in favor of mandatory helmet laws, NHTSA and others have been quick to point out an increase in Florida?s motorcycle fatalities in the year following a repeal of their lid law. What they fail to mention, however, is that a jump in motorcycle ownership has outpaced the fatality rate, and ABATE of Florida has compiled the actual numbers to refute the apparently flawed statistics being circulated by the federal agency.

?These figures represent the statistics for the first full year of our amended helmet law,? explains James ?Doc? Reichenbach, President and Lobbyist for ABATE of Florida and chairman of the board for the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM). ?As you can see, the actual number of deaths were up 11%, however the motorcycle registrations were up 20.4%, which represents an increase of over 40,000 new motorcycles on the roads. After all the figures are compiled according to the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles, the death rate was actually down by 5.2%.?

Also, based on the 40,000 new motorcycles on the road this past year, ABATE made the following estimates of what this amended law has brought into the economy of Florida:

40,000 new motorcycles at an average of $10,000 each: $400,000,000
Sales tax on motorcycles at 6%: $ 24,000,000
Registration fee on motorcycles: $ 1,444,000
Change of title: $ 1,190,000
Total: $ 426,634,000

?This total is almost one half a BILLION dollars in one year that was put into the economy of the state of Florida,? says Doc. ?Of this amount, over 25 million dollars went directly into the state treasury for the budget. This also does not include the tourist money that increased because of Florida being a freedom of choice state. In 2001 over 300,000,000 dollars was spent in Florida at Bike Week during a ten day period.? The 2002 figures are not available yet, but participation was up from 2001.

?I hope these figures will help anyone who has heard the bad publicity that has come of our amended law,? Doc summarized. ?Deaths per mile ridden are down and the economy has gotten a huge boost.?

Watch in the next couple of days for the complete October AIM legislative news report in the Bikernet Rights Department.

BANDIT’S CANTINA, JOIN QUICK–There’s stuff in the Cantina I can’t even mention in the Bikernet News. I can tell you that we have shots of all the finest T-Shirts of the year. You’ll have to join to see a selection of Tees that competed with the one above.

We need more girls in the Cantina line-up. If you have a great shot of your girl and want to submit it, don’t stop here. Join the Cantina and Support all the efforts of Bikernet. Oh, and check the babe area.

BIKERNET GARDENING DEPARTMENT– One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beerand watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung.”

I calmly replied, “I am. That’s why she cuts the grass.

–from Chris T.

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT FROM BIKERTOBERFEST–By the magic of technology we bring this report from the shores of Daytona Beach. So what’s new ? Besides police checking the girls in skimpy suits and busting your ass for loud pipes..Nothing, we are still trying to round up the usual suspects and go hang out, maybe get into trouble, maybe not. I guess we are leaving the ear plugs in the room since the local law enforcement are keeping a very keen eye and ear on those who overdo it with the pipes (about time too). I was getting tired of Yup Rub blasting their pipes while standing in the Main Street peacock parade. One thing that’s really amazing is the amount of people who attend each year.

I remember 5 or 6 years ago that this was a fun alternative to Bike Week. You could walk into a bar or down Main St without the crowds. Not anymore, too bad. We got a pretty full agenda of stuff to do, even a Rolling Stones concert next week. So I’ll make sure that you get all (well…most ) of the information on what goes on. The Horse will have a cool chopper show and we are meeting with Billy and crew to go out. It’s always an adventure when those guys get together. I’m sure there’s going to be some spent rubber! (and I mean the tires) tomorrow……and plenty of Jack in Bandit’s name.

Anyway, we will be around so if you happen to see some of us, come say hi. If you got a gripe, think about it….we’ve got security….just kidding.

Short news this week (since this guys are telling me to hurry the fuck up), but I’ll hold for a bit more. Also, if you notice I’ll save my (as Bandit puts it) editorial. I have something saved up about Softails, road kills and stuff like that, don’t worry, like retard Arnold says, I’ll be back.

And now to the news:The HOG Caribbean Rally will take place next month, I just forgot the dates, but will make sure to post them next week.

Also just received and invitation to go ride Cuba in April, man, and legally too….I think that’s a trip that must happen, will keep you posted. If anyone interested (there are very few spaces) e-mail me, but only if truly interested.

There’s a rumour that wedding bells will be tolling this week end, some very famous bike builder tying the noose. We wish him the best.

Speaking of famous, I’ve heard that fame is the amount of people who know of you, versus the amount of people you know…. So if we count the 2 million hits Bikernet has, plus 175 thousand issues of the Horse, we are all pretty fucking famous here…… Not including the other million or so viewers of the Build Off (where I got my five seconds of fame) Man ! That’s about 3 million 200 thousand people that have heard my name (and of all the other contributors as well) I’m sure that I don’t know that many people… If you see us walking around come say hi. We might be wearing our PR or Chopper Freak shirts (free advertising you know) or just visit our site www.Chopperfreak.com and see what we look like.Stalkers, snipers and weirdos need not apply…..

BTW, what the hell is wrong with this World !!!!! I guess that dude in Maryland is one sick fuck, and should be killed slowly…Smother his balls (if he has any) in honey and let the red ants go at him…

See you all next week, if I survive this mayhem…..Yeah I’m outta here before these scumbags burst an aorta…..

–Jose, Bikernet foreign correspondent from Biketobermess in Rubtona, Florida

Continued On Page 3

The Founder of the Charlotte Run For Breath as tribute to his son Justin, Mike Pullin (from Charlotte H-D) wearing a new Bikernet Sweat Shirt, the finest quality. See the Bikernet Gulch for information.

While the brothers and sisters from all over the globe kick up the sand of Daytona, Florida for the Biketoberfest week I hid out in San Jose in the Richard Bunch Private Motorcycle Museum with his curator Don Whalen. Shortly a wild historic article will hit Bikernet. Other articles will be submitted to the Smithsonian Magazine, American Rider and more.

At 5:30 this morning the phone rang and a woman’s voice called to me. She was waiting my return. We crawled out of the sack and hit the road for six hour jam back to hit the computer with a ballpeen hammer and publish the news. I know I’ve forgotten something, but screw it. Let’s get to the news:

BIKETOBERFEST 2002– Things are starting to liven up in Daytona Beach and the surrounding areas as the Bikers roll into town. There are events and things to do for a 50-mile radius. So party hearty.

The Sheriff?s department is still busy giving tickets for exhaust systems and other violations. An exhaust violation is $53.00 but the good news is that if the cops gives you a ticket Florida Statue 316.610 which is operating a vehicle in a unsafe condition you have 30 days to have it corrected, pay local police or sheriff $4.00 to inspect it and give you an affidavit. Send that with $5.00 and the ticket to the clerk of the court and you will not have to go to court and no points will be assessed.

The cops and courts realize that this is an easy way to pull in revenue, as it’s cheaper for most people to pay the ticket than return for court. If you must pay the ticket, Get Away As Cheap As Possible.

Interesting note that was told by a rider as he came back to his parked bike and there was a ticket on it for straight pipes. He admitted he had straight pipes on his bike but his complaint was the cop never heard it run.

On the other side of the coin, one of the Blue Knights (cops) from up North rode into a bar parking lot running straight pipes. When I mentioned to him the cops were giving tickets for Loud Exhaust his answer was Cops Do Not Give Cops Tickets especially for stuff like exhaust or speeding.

OKAY, I already knew that. DUH what was I thinking?

Have Fun and Be Safe

–ROGUE

Rogue is the Bikernet Reporter on the Florlda beat. He’s responsible for all the information we publish on Florida events, laws and motorcycle related news. Thanks Rogue. Now get back to work!

WINNER OF BUELL SLAY THE DRAGON SWEEPSTAKES RIDES DEAL?S GAP–Knoxville, TN (Oct. 16, 2002) – Buell Slay the Dragon Sweepstakes winner, Randy Urick (45), of Springfield, Va. rode through Deal?s Gap with Erik Buell, Chairman and Chief Technical Officer of Buell Motorcycle Company, and Tripp Nobles, veteran Buell racer on October 1, 2002. Deal?s Gap follows U.S. 129 through North Carolina, along the Tennessee State line.

The breath taking ride though the Great Smoky Mountains includes 318 turns in only 11 miles. Due to the aggressive twists and turns of road, motorcyclists have dubbed it, ?The Dragon.? The sharp curves of the two-lane road have proved to be a challenge to even the most experienced of riders.

?The Dragon is a dynamite road. The Firebolt handled every curve beautifully,? said Urick. ?How many people can say that they rode ?The Dragon? with Erik Buell and Tripp Nobles?? Urick was introduced to Buell motorcycles by a friend, and has been riding for three years.

As the grand prizewinner of the 2002 Buell Sweepstakes, Urick is now the proud owner of a 2003 Firebolt. Urick whipped through the turns of Deal?s Gap next to the man who designed his new motorcycle, Erik Buell.

DAYTONA BEACH OK’S MASTER PLAN FOR BIKETOBERFEST–By JOHN BOZZO (john.bozzo@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writer, Daytona Journal.

DAYTONA BEACH — The city’s income from biker events next year will be about $66,000 less than expected because of what some commissioners and a promoter call a miscommunication.

Commissioners who wanted something in writing before voting early last month — Rick Shiver, Darlene Yordon and Mike Shallow — nodded in bemused silence as the promoter returned last week seeking to pay lower fees.

“If you’re asking me to pay more than $140,000, you’re telling me I’m out of business and to move out of town,” promoter Tom Cellie told commissioners. Cellie had promised at a meeting Aug. 7 to pay city fees for use of Riverfront Park during Bike Week and Biketoberfest next year. But he returned to commissioners last week to say he misunderstood the amount.

His plan for live entertainment and motorcycle displays, submitted on behalf of Daytona Harley-Davidson and downtown businesses, was the only response to the city’s request for proposals to use the park during biker events. But city staff rejected his offer to pay $100,000 for Bike Week and $40,000 for Biketoberfest because it was $66,000 below city fees.

The confusion apparently arose during negotiations at the Aug. 7 meeting, Cellie and commissioners said.

“I thought that’s what we approved,” Mayor Bud Asher said of Cellie’s $140,000 offer.

Cellie told commissioners that city rules banning sales in the park — especially forbidding beer sales — made turning a profit tough. He said he’d pay $250,000 to use the parks if beer sales were allowed.

–from Rogue

BIKERNET STAFFER ON TRIAL–A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness.

The defense attorney asked, “Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?”

“No sir.” answered the man.

“Did you ever get any from his wife?”

“No sir.”

“Did you ever get any from his daughters?”

“Uh… excuse me sir,” the witness said, “butwe’re still talking about drugs here, right?”

–from Rogue

DESPITE OK, BIKER EVENTS MY HIT OBSTACLES–By MATT GRIMISON (matt.grimison@news-jrnl.com)Staff Writer, Daytona New Journal.

DELAND — A legendary coleslaw wrestling event and a relatively new clothing-optional campground will likely be illegal during this year’s Biketoberfest.

Volusia County’s planning board approved both events in concept Tuesday, but tacked on conditions that make it unlikely either will be allowed during the October biker event.

Members of the county’s Planning and Land Development Regulation Commission said they had no problem with a temporary clothing-optional campground on Palm Drive in Tomoka Farms. But the panel put off a final decision until next month to consider a list of conditions, and that delay will likely mean owners Edward and Susan Colosimo could not satisfy the requirements in time for the Oct. 15-19 event.

The commission did not discuss the fact the campground is billed as holding “private, clothing-optional bikers’ camping parties.”

Edward Colosimo said he was pleased with the reception, especially since the commission stuck to the land-use questions and did not veer into the clothing-optional topic.

“(Nudity) is not an issue,” he said.

The couple, along with event host William Mathis, have held private parties on the six acres of land for two years.

Trouble began before Bike Week this spring when Mathis advertised the campground and parties in a biker magazine. A rival campsite operator complained to the Sheriff’s Office, saying Edward Colosimo did not have proper permits, and deputies shut the campsite down.

–from Rogue

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK–

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK

Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you’re not really my type
Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing

–Jim W Williams
C/E 187th Assault Helicopter Co.-71

VINCENT MOTORCYCLES RETURN–San Diego, CA (MCNW) Another great British motorcycle is being resurrected. Vincent Motors USA, now a San Diego company bringing back the legendary Vincent motorcycle, unveiled five prototypes to media and investors at a gala event held recently at the home of Vincent Motors Founder and President, Bernard Li.

Vincent motorcycles got its start under the name of HRD in 1924 in England, when Howard Raymond Davies and E.J. Massey began building motorcycles. In 1928, Philip Vincent acquired the HRD trademark and renamed the company Vincent HRD Company, Ltd. It was in 1949 that Vincent dropped the HRD from its logo to avoid confusion with the Harley-Davidson brand in the US, and when hence known as The Vincent. In the 50’s, a small home cost about $1500, as did a Vincent motorcycle, and in 1955, the company was forced to close due to financial problems.

In its day, the Vincent was the world’s most exclusive and technologically advanced motorcycle. The Vincent Black Shadow set a land speed record in 1948 of 150.313 mph. Throughout its history, the Vincent set the standards by which modern motorcycles have been judged.

Continued On Page 2

THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists(AIM) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the LawOffices of Richard M. Lester. For more information, call us at (800) ON-A-BIKE, or visitus on the web at .

The shots that dazzle the news were the creative products of Paul Davis while attending a CBA and ABATE annual swapmeet in North Carolina–enjoy.

From TheGUNNY’S SACK

I gotta tell ya folks, if ya didn’t get to the NCOM (National Coalition of Motorcyclists)Regional Meeting in Portland, OR on November 2nd, ya missed out on not only a great timebut a great experience with talking to and hearing some very knowledgeable freedomfighters from around the country.

The meeting was at the DoubleTree Inn at Jantzen Beach right on the Columbia river. First time in ten years in Oregon. Saturday morning the festivities took off like ashot.

The thing started with an NCOM Board of Directors meeting that all were invited to. Wereceived reports on the status of our fight for personal freedoms across the country. People like “Doc” Reichenbach the NCOM chairman of the board, Florida’s ABATE presidentand lobbyist for motorcyclists in that state. This man can walk into the governor’soffice in Florida (Jeb Bush, our President’s brother), without an appointment. BillCarlton from TMRA (Texas Motorcycle Riders Association) also let us know what ishappening there. Dennis “Big D” Watson from New Mexico gave us a report on his regionand also what is happening in the NCOM “Outreach” program, working with ALL segments ofour riding community, not just street riders.

Later on, Doc gave us some insight on what the proposed “EPA” regulations will do tosmall motorcycle business ventures around the country. So many people are adverselyaffected by some of these hair-brained schemes from bureaucrats. The monetary costsinvolved will have devastating effects on every state’s economies. We’re talkingHUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of dollars in lost revenues because of the closures of small bikeshops and lost jobs in EVERY state. And this country is in recession right now.

Butch Harbaugh, our own Oregon Freedom Fighter and chairman of the NCOM Legislative TaskForce and former Oregon motorcycle lobbyist gave us an overview of the fight for bikers’rights across the country. Things are looking positive overall, but we have so much moreto do. Jeff Rabe, lobbyist for the Modified Motorcycle Association of California andliaison for the Northern California Confederation of Clubs, and wearer of several otherhats, led us on a discussion of working with other lobbyists from other organizations toincrease our clout in the legislative halls in our own states. It works, and if you takea look around you will find many of the issues we have affect others as well. We canwork together in many ways.

Marty Fox, A.I.M. Attorney for Washington, gave a talk about 1st Amendment rights in thatcase you may have read about in Carson City, NV where bikers were ejected from acourthouse because of their patches. The 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals (that’s RIGHTunder the U.S. Supreme Court) gave a BIG VICTORY for bikers, thanks in part to thedonated work of Kevin Karp, our Northern Nevada A.I.M. (Aid to Injured Motorcyclists)lawyer. Marty also talked about problems riding between states. There are things we doin Oregon, for example, that are no-no’s in other states. Don’t try to ride inWashington State from Oregon wearing a “Beanie” helmet, for example. YOU WILL BETICKETED and the threat of having yur scoot confiscated is there. And don’t come toOregon from Washington without motorcycle insurance. It isn’t required in Washington,but is law in Oregon, and can get you in a lot of hot water.

Sam Hochberg (Oregon A.I.M. Attorney) brought Jim Rice, a criminal defense and civilrights lawyer here in Portland, to talk about the terrorist threat and how the newanti-terrorist laws, the “US PATRIOT Act” in particular, effect riders. So much of thisstuff takes place without citizen input. We don’t have a say in our own governmentanymore, and we need to put it to a stop. We’ve lost some more freedoms because ofknee-jerk reactions in our nation’s congressional halls. 9/11 DID SO MUCH MORE THANDESTROY THE TWIN TOWERS AND KILL THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE. Some really scary legalstuff came down too.

Ken Ray, chair of BikePAC of Oregon brought us up to snuff with what the biker plans arefor the upcoming legislative session.

Longview Tom, Gypsy Joker MC, and chair of the Oregon Confederation of Clubs, leddiscussions from Confederation reps from all over the west as to what is happeningjudicially in this region to enhance our freedom to ride and wear colors, if that is ourdesire.

Saturday night, after a very full day of workshops, there was entertainment provided bythe Oregon Confederation of Clubs and a bar for those that had the notion to dampen theirnose. ABATE of Oregon also provided a hospitality room for the duration of theconference. All in all, we (read “I”) had a great time and picked up a ton ofinformation. SPECIAL THANKS for making it all work out go to Wendy and Ed and Ted andJill from Washington County ABATE, Dixie, Jeanne, Sam, and Richard Lester.

These conferences always are full of information and new ideas that work if we put themto use. Most of all, we reaffirmed our commitment to be forever vigilant to what’shappening around us. Big brother really wants to take care of us. If we let thathappen, we don’t deserve to be free. I’m sorry some of you weren’t able to be there forthis very important and productive event in our continual fight for our right to ride andmake our own choices about safety issues. If you can make it, the BIG Annual NCOMconference will be next May in Milwaukee, to coincide with Harley’s 100th! I’ll bethere, you can bet on that.

NEWS BITS’N PIECES:

LOUISVILLE, KY: Shawna McCown lost her leg in a motorcycle accident and vowed to herfamily she would run again in competition as soon as she could walk. 18 months later shedid just that, even with her prosthetic leg! I’m proud of her.

ENGLAND: Harleys aren’t the only bikes to get ripped off. The irony here is a couple ona world bike tour for charity had their “Beemer” snatched just a few miles fromcompletion of their journey around the world. They stopped for a breather in Wales, justshort of London. They hadda finish the trip by train. I guess the thief or thievesneeded the scoot more than they did. It’s a bloody shame we have some kinds of peoplerunnin’ loose.

MARYSVILLE, OHIO: Just a thought, Honda Motor Co. started building cars here twenty yearsago and bikes shortly thereafter. Makes them the first offshore transportation buildersin this country. Look what’s happened since then. Most all foreign makers have plantsin this country and design products here giving our people jobs.

HANOI: A short while ago, I reported that Yamaha had closed several plants in Vietnambecause of a stiff government restriction on importing parts. I guess it got the resultsneeded and the plants have reopened. Funny what stopping income will do to get results!

PHILADELPHIA, PA.: This sort of stuff happens all the time and it brings again to mindthe juvenile thinking on the part of those in authority. The police here prevented theWarlocks Motorcycle Club from delivering toys as part of the annual Children’s HospitalToy run. The club had been riding in this run for 15 years. Suddenly they are labeled a”gang” and can’t participate. The city is gettin’ sued, as well they should.

PENN: Several terrible injury accidents to report to ya. Not makin’ fun of ’em at all –seems two Amish families had serious buggy accidents on the same day recently, back Eastwhere they hang out. In one case, both the horses slipped into a pond, and a youngsterdrowned. In the other, the buggy was hit by a car, and there were 6 very seriousinjuries, all to the same family in the buggy, as I heard it. My heart goes out to thefamilies, of course. Reason I mention it: Watch for some damned new “buggy safety laws”next. It wouldn’t surprise me. If so, well, politics makes strange bedfellows. Maybewe’ll see some Amish folks and buggy’s at some future NCOM Convention!

MILWAUKEE: Harley-Davidson Inc. says they are enjoying almost a 50% increase in salesthis quarter. Wonder if the100th anniversary has anything to do with it. Do ya THINK?

RANCHO SANTA FE, CA.: Ever hear of the famed Vincent Black Shadow? Well, it’s backfolks. Some of us “long in the tooth” folks got to ride them way back in the forties andearly fifties. Unfortunately, they went out of business in the mid-fifties. This bikeset land speed records in the late forties. Now, I’m told, they are back with FIVE,count’m, FIVE prototype models. More info for ya when I find out more.

GUNNY AGAIN: We’re runnin long this month folks, so I’ll stop the drivel for now. Remember the A.I.M. program and the people that are part of it are here for us all andlive in our world. If ya have a problem, accident or other legal matter, call yourA.I.M. Attorney in your state or call 1-800-ON-A-BIKE and they’ll hook you up, whetherit’s for wrecks or criminal problems. You can get Sam Hochberg here in Oregon at (503)224-1106 or Toll free at 1-(800) 347-1106. I want to wish everyone a HAPPY HOLIDAYSEASON and all the best for the coming new year. Let’s make 2003 a banner year for themotorcycle community.

Keep the round side on the bottom.

Gunny, Oregon A.I.M. Chief of Staff

Continued From Page 1

RICK DOSS KIT BIKE FROM CCI–It’s a Blast!But reaching escape velocity on custom bike projects like the Rocket, is nothing new to veteran builder Rick Doss. He’s been coming up with them – fast and furious – for decades.

You can come up with them too, andyou’ve come to the right place to do it. Big inch engines, overdrivetrannys, trick chassis, gorgeous wheels and much much more. . . it’s all inthe CCI catalog. Whether you’re just adorning the bike you adore or building a dreamfrom scratch, that’s a good start. And when you’ve finished. . . What arush!

Built by Rick Doss
RevTech? 100 inch Engine
RevTech? 6-Speed Overdrive Transmission
RevTech? Complete Chrome Primary Kit
Doss 230 Super-Wide Frame
Custom Chrome Tank, modified
American Wire Wheel 80-Spoke
RevTech? Front Caliper
RevTech? Dual Rear Caliper Kit
American Wire Wheel Brake Rotors
Pro-One Fork Lowers
Doss Side Mount Tail Light
Billet Concepts Forward Controls
Custom Chrome Smooth-Contour Controls

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Another week goes by, time to hit the airport and head for Biketoberfest, by the time we realize what’s going on it will be Christmas.

The Love ride, dealer shows and meetings are coming up. Soon we will be posting our Daytona Bike Week stories…I guess I want to say, time flies.Which brings me to my next point.

When I sit down and do the news, it is based on stuff that I hear, read and lots of my personal opinion. I could be really crude, if I wanted to, or I could hide under a ” nickname” nom de plume as is more pompously known, and just fire away and kill everyone with words. I choose not to do so, Why ? It keeps things real, and we are living in a world of fantasy, good looking boys and girls on TV and magazines. People that mere mortals drool over but will never reach. We live in a world that you can say anything you want over a computer, where you can hide. I choose not to hide and not to change my name.

My main purpose since I have been doing this news, maybe for a couple years now, is to bring the Bikernet readers a good time, maybe make them laugh, or wonder if I’m totally out of it and writing this from the Loonie ward. I check it’s your shot every day, I read your points of view and sometimes go from there. One thing is for certain, I can’t please everyone, and I really don’t intend to, my word is not law, my word is what I see and what I make of it…like I always say, “That’s the way I (and heavy duty capital I) see it.”

I certainly don’t bash people or builders or anything else, why? ‘Cause I hate when people bash other people with no reason, if you are a rat, I’ll call you a rat. If you are cool you are cool, no if’s nor but’s.

I have no problem whatsoever if you ride a Road kill, are gay, black, white, hispanic, or whatever you happen to be, since it’s not up to me to judge (I guess that’s God’s job and he’s not hiring for now)

I don’t judge, I just have a good time translating what my brain captures. I guess I’m lucky that I have a chance to travel and see things for myself, but I’m not the only one seeing things this way. Out of 2 million hits a month I might receive two, tops three e-mails that did not like what I wrote the week before. If I had such luck in the Lottery, I would be writing this from my beach front shack on my private island.

I guess that what I’m trying to say is, read what I write, you might like it, you might not, that’s cool with me. It would be really boring if we all think alike, if we all did the same things….But you must not take me too seriously…All I’m doing is having a bit of fun. Who know’s, I might become a gay, rub, go Road Kill riding, buy company clothes , become amain street poser in the near future……Naahhhh, don’t think so.

And now let’s go to the juicy news……(BTW Please buy more of my shirts !!!! they are cool !!!! )

Bourget’s Bike Works has just made a Fat Daddy Chopper for Kid Rock, so he can cruise in style with Yummy Pammy, and I guess the dude liked it a lot since he already ordered a second one. Who knows I might use my underground mafioso connections to ” persuade” and interview…Let’s see …(for photos check BBW’s new web site Bourgetsbikeworks.biz)

Billy Lane, you know the famous guy from last week, is already talking to Discovery about another TV show. Will let you know, when I know. Also Choppers Inc has revamped their web site, check it out – www.choppersinc.com

Biketoberfest is around the corner, The Horse will host their ” now famous” party. I will post photos when we get back, I promise…

T Bear is getting his ass back to Tahiti this week, man that guys really has the life! While I’m reporting on lame shows he’s in Amsterdam doing the cannabis cup and having a blast, Hey man I’m next to Tahiti. (on Bikernet’s coin of course)

We heard that Jesse James has a new web site/ fan site, called Chopper Dogs, I guess for a mere $20.00 a month you can join….Geez and some people here bitch about 20 dolares for a whole year of the Cantina, go figure !

If you think that my news and reports here are whacked and sometimes uncalled for, wait until you read my new monthly interviews with famous people in the industry. I will get banned from many cliques, anyway…I’m already banned from many cliques…So who cares !!

Another blatant plug of my Chopper Freak shirts, If you are wondering whose cool shirts was Billy Lane wearing at the show ? Voila ! they are Chopper Freak, check our website and order, I insist in giving a percentage of sales to Mike Pullin’s Run for Breath….so you can write the shirts off.

Warning ! I’m not joking on this one, there are rumours that OCC is doing another show, no fighting this time, they were not pleased with the last one….So they are gonna give it another try.

We just received a call from our friends from Kopteri in Finland, they will be in Daytona next week, so if you see a couple viking looking dudes, smile, you might end up in the mag (only chopper riders need apply).

We have a friend , Fabricator Kevin who just built some Jockey shift for the ” cow flop” style tranny tops, finally salvation ! Shoot me an e-mail if interested and I can forward the message.

I guess that’s the news for tonight. I always forget something though, and by the time I remember is too late. Anyway, (shit I forgot again !) I was thinking of the coolest Discovery show you could ever make,

Bandit (not on the Road Kill), Billy Lane, Roger Bourget, Chica, Jesse, Chopper Dave, Indian Larry, Mike Maldonado, Twisted Choppers, your’s truly, Chronic Choppers, and a couple more, building choppers and riding to (anyplace will do) for the super duper, mega, insane , chop out…..They can do a monthly series with that one.!!!!

’till next week folks…….

–Jose
Caribbean Bikernet Report.

GLENDALE, CA – Sheryl Crow, Mick Fleetwood & Friends, and JeffersonStarship will headline Love Ride 19, the largest motorcycle fundraisingevent in the world, on Sunday, November 10. Grand Marshal Jay Leno,Honorary Grand Marshal Peter Fonda, and a host of celebrity bikers will lead20,000+ motorcyclists on a 50-mile caravan from Harley-Davidson of Glendale,California, to a barbecue, trade show, and concert at Castaic Lake.Proceeds will benefit Reading By 9, MDA, and other charities. In 18 years,the Love Ride has raised over $15 million.

Sign up is 6am-9am on Sunday, November 10 at Harley-Davidson of Glendale,with a 90-minute Jefferson Starship concert at 7:00am, followed by acelebrity press conference at 8:45a.m. The caravan of bikes departs toCastaic Lake at 9:15am.

Festivities at Castaic Lake will begin at 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. (gatesopen at 10am). Mick Fleetwood & Friends perform at 11:45am followed bySheryl Crow at 1:15. The minimum donation is $60, or $50 if you sign-up inadvance online (www.loveride.org) or at Harley-Davidson of Glendale beforeNovember 5, 2002. For larger donations, participants qualify to receive avariety of prizes, including a 2003 100th Anniversary Harley-Davidson V-Rodand a 2003 Ford Harley-Davidson F-150.

Harley-Davidson of Glendale is located at 3717 San Fernando Road betweenLos Feliz Blvd. and Glendale Avenue. For more information, call (818)246-5618, extension 7.

BIKERNET DEAL OF THE WEEK– I would greatly appreciate if you would put this bike up as deal of theweek! I just think your website is the coolest Biker scene there is on thenet! I know we would get great replies…I really need the bucks..we willtake the price down for you site only from $17,000.00 to $16,000.00. Goodincentive?

2000 Titan Phoenix

Very Red – powdercoat
97 Cubic inch S&S Jim’s 5-speed transmission
Metzler tires in excellent shape
Engine Break in was by the book
MW Breaks
Super Trapp Exhaust
Screaming eagle coil
Davinci performance carb kit
Polished Billet wheels, frontend, Brakes, Forward controls…etc…
Chrome and Billet throughout
This bike is SMOOTH, FAST, and DEPENDABLE
The windsheild is a harley wide glide sport with quick releases.
7,000 miles speaks for itself

Owner:
Micheal Norton
915-586-8893
or Friend
Billy Elliott
915-586-5675

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I spent all damn day working on the NEWS then can’t come up with a title. Maybe it was the martial arts class I attended yesterday that kicked my ass. We studied grappling which isn’t my favorite. I’m feeling the bruises today. We better get to the News before I forget anything else, break down and head to the Jack Daniels cupboard.

Before we do, I want to send a brief tribute to Randy Smith, one of the old school legends in the custom industry. He passed away this week of natural causes at 70. There will be an intimate memorial event at Westminister (CA), Harley on Sunday at 1:00 p.m.

He was a character and the creator behind Custom Cycle Engineering. He built custom motorcycles for over 40 years. I’ll miss him. Let’s get to it:

The Enthusiast By, David Uhl

100th ANNIVERSARY LICENSED PAINTINGS FROM H-D–David Uhl’s characteristic vintage paintings have become icons in the Harley-Davidson world. Admirers have witnessed his uncanny ability in images such as “Ruby” and “A Change in the Weather”. Collectors have come to expect the bordering on perfection techniques so prevalent in David’s style of art. Along with the accolades comes a deep sense of responsibility and respect that Mr. Uhl feels toward the subject matter. “Depicting Harley-Davidson motorcycles and staying true to the archival research is something I am very passionate about”, states Mr. Uhl, “It amazes me to consider the rich history and impact that Harley-Davidson has had on virtually every American citizen for the last century. I am very honored to be a small part of this legacy.”

This is just one of David’s works available at motorcycleart.com along with several 100th anniversary paintings.

OZARK ED REPORT–Thank god it is finally Friday. I am so far behind in my insurance whoreing around (my job) because I have spent so much time and effort on the little honey. I knew she had classes all day yesterday and I was going to bust it to get caught up. I just had one little thing to do first, call Philips girl at Rodney’s and see if my taillight bezel came in. She answered the phone and said “hey can you hold?”.

I bitched and she said “here talk to juvee girl” and the next thing I knew i was making plans to blow off work and go riding with her. Dammit, seems she worked a deal out with some goob at school to get his notes and she only has to go for the exams. Gotta love that. So anyway it’s Friday and I know she has to work all day so I’m going to bust it today.

Just got one little thing to do first.

–Ozark Ed

FRANK KAISLER JOINS BIKERNET–With his vast technical expertise. Frank is already at work on a LePera tech on their new seat material, this rear wheel spacer tech for Avon and the series on the new Road King modifications. Our goal it to bring solid, workable and complete techs to help our readers build and modify their bikes any damn way they please.With the vast number of frame and wheel combinations, wheel spacing is critical. Here’s a taste of his tech on making wheel spacers. The entire tech will be posted sometime today. Enjoy.

“Wheel spacing is an important part of any ground-up bike building project.It also must be addressed when customizing an existing bike.With the vast selection of frames and wheels available today, there is noway any manufacturer can fit every different wheel combo to their frame andprovide exact fitting wheel spacers.”

OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCEMENT– The government announced today that it is changing it’s emblem to a condombecause it more clearly reflects the government’s political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, haltsproduction, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actuallygetting screwed.

–from Chris T.

BIKERNET STICKERS AVAILABLE FREE–That’s right. Just send me a self addressed stamped envelope and I’ll send you some stickers. They’re bitchin’. Send the envelope to Bikernet, P.O. 1168, San Pedro, California 90731.

EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON HELP LINE–I am the owner of E-H bikes, and was wondering , whether or not the bike got into the magazine???? I have an X aminer and would assist w/ any issues that arise ..,. free of charge. I also have a set of tools should adjustments be necessary, ie. front end, or otherwise I am not a mechanic, but wanno offer whatever assistance to the current owners of these bikes!!!!

as always Keep the Faith!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

–Gentle Jay
jfarina3@nycap.rr.com

BIKERNET INTERVIEWS GOD FOR THE TRUTH–And God created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, “Is there anything you’d like to have changed?”

She replied, “Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?” And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand, “What can be done with this useless boob?”

And God created man.

–from Katmandu

FOOT CLUTCH CATCH UPDATE– Thanks for posting the news article on the jockey latch. I’ve beengetting lots of positive responses to it. I just received thenew billet unit back from the chrome plater and it looks awesome. The new one has alot more style and blows away the top line forwardcontrols on the market today.

The next item being designed is theshifter handle. I will be able to offer a complete jockey shift system.

So far it is made for the early V-twins but I plan on making differentversions for different model bikes. This is the early stages of a wholenew line of custom products for American bikes. I’m open to any ideas forproducts that I can manufacture and market.

I will be heading to Daytonathis weekend and have a meeting scheduled with a couple different partssuppliers. Im trying to get an idea of how many units to manufacture onthe first round. This will determine the price. Once again, thanks verymuch for the article and showing interest in my design.

–Bob
hunterlsl@earthlink.net

JOB OF THE WEEK– A young Puerto Rican man walked into the local welfare office, marchedstraight up to the counter and said, “a mon, I lookin’ fohr a job.”.

The man behind the counter replied, “Your timing is amazing. We’ve justgot a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You’ll have todrive around in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of thisjob, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. Thesalary package is $200,000 a year.”

The Puerto Rican said, “Ah c’mon, you’re bullshitting me!”.

The man behind the counter said, “Well, you started it!”

–from Chris T.

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BIKERNET CHARITY REPORT–TAHITI ESCAPE–Bikernet and T-Bear are working on a Bikernet Getaway to support the island kids of Tahiti and may be able to give a trip away to a couple of readers of Bikernet. Unfortunately you’ll have to fly with Bandit and Sin Wu. Here’s an update from T-Bear:”Thursday afternoon, as the rest of the world is impatiently waiting for the weekend, I’ll be winging my way back to Papeete to hook up with my buddies in the Tahiti Harley Riders Club. After their first visit to Sturgis with me back in August, they insisted that I let them return the hospitality and fly me backto Tahiti to visit with them again. How could I say no to friends?”

“Last trip was so memorable I feel like I never left. We hung out together on their big island of Tahiti and ventured over to Moorea in search of the perfect Tahitian Tattoo for me. This trip should prove a bit more adventurous. We’ll be hitting a few more islands. First Tahiti and Tahiti Iti ( small Tahiti) then off to Huahine for the start of the Hawaikinui Va’a, The worlds greatest inter-island outrigger canoe regatta. Then to Bora Bora for the races end and the biggest beach bash in history. Back to Tahiti for some riding and back to Moorea for another tattoo for my collection.” “Not to shirk my over-developed charity effort, I’ll also be meeting with the good folks at Air Tahiti Nui and the Sofitel Hotel chain to put together a sweet deal for you folks to head on over to paradise as well. We’re gonna try and put together a deal that you can’t say no to. “Bikers For Tahiti”. We’re working hard to make it possible for you for about the same price you’d pay to go to Laconia, Sturgis or Daytona. I’ll have some more news when I get back in a few weeks so stay tuned and don’t put away that sunblock yet.

Nana,
–TBear

BIKERNET BOOB DESIGNATIONS– Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used todefine bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stoodfor…it is about time you became informed!

{A} – Almost Boobs…
{B} – Barely there.
{C} – Can’t Complain!
{D} – Damn!
{DD} – Double damn!!
{E} – Enormous!
{F} – Fake

THE OZARK BLUES–Damn it’s cold. This is my least favorite time of the year, because I knowwinter’s coming. There will be a lot of nice riding days before it is toocold, but still, it ain’t summer. I’ll just find a warm spot to entertain mygirl for a few months and hope it goes fast.

Nothing exciting is happeningright now, except for the juvee girl, and the thrill is fading on that. Don’tget me wrong, I still like to see her and all but the chase is over. I canhave her anytime I want, so now it’s just young, cute pussy. Not that it’sbad, but I love the hunt. It’s just a matter of time till she’s on my nerves.I need something new and exciting in my life. You know, something just out ofreach. It’ll happen. I’m just not very patient and I get ants in my pantswhen it’s boring. I guess I’m just too hard to satisfy.

Most guys would killto have the two girls I have and I’m sick of them. I might be just plain oldsick, but I think I deserve my life.

–Ozark Ed

BIKERNET DEAL OF THE WEEK–Yes I’m back to torture you with the ever so popular ——CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN. Only 82 days left until the end of chaos. Unless you count New Years as chaos, but we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about THE BIKERNET GULCH. At the bottom of every page here in Bikernet you’ll see the Gulch with tiny-little buildings that guide you to easy Christmas gift giving, or any reason gift giving. Clothes, books, artwork, leather, the whole damn CSI Catalog is there to make your life a little easier.

Here’s all of the prints from Chris Kallas. Priced to sell and all in stock. How easy is that?

Joker shirts, hat’s, and not mention the cute stuff they have for women. Ooo la la!

The finest leather in my opinion – from HA Leather. It won’t hurt to take a look!

Cool shit from Crime Inc. If you’ve got teenagers, they love this stuff. Take a look at the Escapee Sweatshirts, these mitts will keep your hands warmer while riding.

I’m done. I decided to give you a break last week, well, fact is I was lazy and didn’t want to it. But today I feel great and next week I will again.

Till then my much-appreciated Bikernet readers, I say good-bye.

Sin

BIKERNET SPORTS REPORT–Four men went golfing one day. Once on the course, three of them headedto the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouseto take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about theirsons. The first man told the others, “My son is ahomebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.”

The second man said, “My son was a car salesman andnow he owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend anew Mercedes,all the extras.”

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “Myson is stockbroker and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend anentire stock portfolio.”

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a fewminutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We are justtalking about our sons.

How is yours doing?”

The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay anddances in a gay bar.”

The three friends looked down at the grass andsmirked.

The fourth man carried on, “Admittedly I’m not totallythrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing pretty good. Hislast three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stockportfolio.

–from Dean Shawler, Editor, Biker

NIPPLE BLOSSOM FESTIVAL STARTING POINT–Freds Speed & Sport
847 S Burlington Ave
Hastings, NE 68901
402-462-4436

BIKERNET QUOTE OF THE WEEK–“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.

I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’ ” – Paula Poundstone

THAT’S IT–Watch next week for some fantastic reports and techs. We’ll have the King 3 tech where we began to black out the monster. We’ll follow it with King 4 and lowered shocks and touring tricks later in the week. In another week or so we’ll dig back into the Amazing Shrunken FXR.

I’m planning a short ride to Arizona hopefully this month to visit the Kennedy’s. Watch, we’ll have a report on their new digs coming up. Watch next week for a feature on model Harleys that will blow your mind. Even a Vietnam Vets memorial run with heartfelt words from Nasty.

Tonight it’s a trip to Beverly Hills to attend an Exceptional Childrens Foundation dinner. This in the charity that the Beach Ride supports. In the next couple of weeks we’ll post a tribute to the three charities Bikernet supports and they all involve kids. I gotta hit the showers. Ride Forever.

–Bandit

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BIKERNET FAMILY COUNSELING–One night as the biker couple laid down for bed. Bear was feelin’ prettyfrisky and gently tapped his ol’lady’s shoulder, movin’a little closer to heron the bed. She rolled over and looked him in the eyes, explaining sweetly, “I’msorry hon, but I have a gynecologist exam first thing in the morning and Iwanna stay, well,fresh, and she rolls back over.”

After a few minutes, Bear rolls over and taps the ol’lady’s arm once again.This time he grumbled in her ear, a bit less sweetly, “Ya don’t have a dentistappointment,too,do ya?”

BILLY LANE INTERVIEW COMING TO BIKERNET–Yes, Jose, the Bikernet Caribbean reporter interviewed Billy Lane. The first segment of the interview will by launched in the next couple of days. Watch for it. Here’s a glimpse:

Jose: What do you like to do that is not related to bikes ?

BL:Besides bikes, I like to surf and work out. I could give up bikes and surf for the rest of my life…and I really love bikes…

WOMEN IN THE WIND–NEW BOOK COMING–Sasha Mullins is at her computer night and day to write a book that will make women applaud, men cry and the world become a more peaceful place. If you know a woman rider who deserves to be apart of this renowned literary achievement, don’t hesitate to contact Sasha at sasha@bikerlady.com.

BIKETOBERFEST DIGS FOR RENT–

BIKETOBERFEST CONDO
10-12-02 / 10-19-02
MINUTES FROM MAIN ST
OCEAN VIEWS – ALL COMFORTS OF HOME
JUST BRING YOUR BRO’S AND CLOTHES
TRADE FOR DEAD-WOOD
ALSO HAVE BIKE WEEK CONDOS
EMAIL schrauger2@juno.com

–from Thomas Conely

BILLY JACK CONNECTION FROM SEDONA, ARIZONA– Did you ever get into the Billy Jack movies? Production values werepretty bad, lumbering plots and bad acting but they had charisma, a specialkind of appeal and message that produced a cult following. Tom Laughlin, whowrote, directed, produced and starred in them was, and is, a prettyinteresting character and was the Hollywood anti-hero, anti-sell-out. A realfree spirit.

He ran for president and made it as far as the democraticprimary ticket but his campaign fizzled after the NH primary. Anyway, check out www.billyjack.com

–from Josh Placa, Editor, Cruising Rider

H-D 100TH ANNIVERSARY CATALOG–As many of you already know, HD’s 100th Anniversary Catalogue has hit the retail public. 300,000 of these beautiful color catalogues were sent to enthusiasts.

One of the divider pages announces the release of the paintings by Jacobs, Fritz and Uhl with full color images and retail pricing ($1250) in lithographic form. These works are smaller than the Phase one canvases and are an edition of 1200 worldwide. Each work is hand-signed by the artist and numbered with a certificate of authenticity accompanying.

Included is upscale custom framing with the 100th Anniversary emblem proudly displayed in the lower portion of the frame matting. All three works are available for immediate shipping to dealerships. Soon we will offer a beautiful display for each store so stay tuned. Cheers!

— Ron Copple
www.segalfineart.com

SMOKE-OUT COIN COLLECTABLE–Coins are still available from Smoke Out III. This was a new addition tothis years event and the first year commemorative coins were offered at aSmoke Out.

The coin features artwork by Jon Towle and design by CJ Allen.This is a tradition that will continue and coins minted from the first yearshould be collector’s items. Prices have been reduced to $5, plus $2 shippingand handling regardless of the number of coins ordered (Two coins is $ 12).

Ninety-nine serial numbered coins were minted in silver (1 troy oz. silver)primarily for the staff. Very limited serial numbered solid silver coins areavailable for $ 20 per coin (plus shipping).

Coins can be ordered on thewebsite www.TheHorseMag.com. To order by phone (803) 269-9699 or send checkto Flat Black, Inc, 2000 Clemson Rd., PMB # 142, Columbia, SC 29229.

HORSE RAFFLE BIKE–Help a Good Cause and Maybe Win an Awesome Brand New Chop! Drawing will beheld in Daytona at Will’s Honky-Tonk during the Spring Daytona Bike Week 2003.

It’s the The Smoke-Out-Chop-Project-Bike. Frame and construction by Magnum Cycles, 74cubes , J&E Pistons, S&S cylinders and carb, Buell Thunderstorm headsspinning a Dunlop 150, Bassani Exhaust, custom paint by Crazy Horse Paintingand Custom Chrome parts. Watch for a complete feature in the next issue of HORSE.

Proceeds will support Camp Air Care where kids with asthma get to have anormal camp experience with tents and canoes.

Raffle tickets are $5.00 eachor 5 for $20 can be purchased on the website www.TheHorseMag.com. To order byphone (803) 269-9699 or send check to Flat Black, Inc, 2000 Clemson Rd., PMB# 142, Columbia, SC 29229. We need name, address and phone to notify thewinner!

GYPSY’S DIVORCE–As of 10-02-02 at 2:10pm my divorce was finial.Name change: Gypsy Laura Brokenwings.I added the Laura this time because mom and dad can’t get use to the Gypsy end of it.When I think of how the name came about and the period of time it took to end up with it, I’m ammazed I’m still around,LOL!

Bandit..thanks for the “Gypsy” end of it..that was about 24 years ago!!! Man where does time go?

The Brokenwings..came from Vic giving me his vest with the brokenwings on it. He and a few others who knew him said I deserved it more than he did.

The Laura end..well mom and dad were responsible for that. So see I AM a true heinz 57!

Numerology wise it fits me. Sooo once more I am happy and free. Let’s hope I learned enough from this one to never end up in that mess again!

–Gypsy

BIKERNET DRINKING ADVICE–Two buddies, Ralph and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bob throws up all over himself. “Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!”

Ralph says, “Don’t worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.”

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually Bob rolls into home and his wife Jane starts to give him a bad time. “You reek of alcohol and you’ve puked all over yourself! My God, you’re disgusting!”

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Bob says, “Now wain aminit, I can e’splain everything! Itsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me … he’d had one too many and he just couldn’t hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an’ gave me twenty bucks for the cleaning bill!”

Jane looks in the breast pocket and says, “But this is forty bucks.”

Oh, yeah…I almos’ forgot, he shit in my pants, too

–from Chris T.

CANTINA GIVEAWAY WINNERS!–As you know, each week we’re suppose to choose a winner from our Cantina Contest. Sometimes we snooze but hey, we’re only human. To make up for this, we’ve chosen two winners for this week and here they are:

Bruce Wiswell
From McKinney, Tx
he wanted a pair of sunglasses and that’s what he’ll get.

Harold Flick
From Hemet. Ca
He wanted: 1:18 Harley Models Harley Knives, Harley Signs, XXXL T-Shirts, Leather, Pins, Belt Buckles
He gets a Harley sign and an XXXL Bikernet T-shirt.

Not only do you get to participate in this cool contest, you also get a Babe a Day, Vintage Motorcycles, Digital Discoveries with things you won’t see anywhere else, plus lots more.

K. Randall Ball, the author of “Outlaw Justice”, “Prize Possession” and Sam “Chopper” Orwell has all three books in their entirety for you to print in the Cantina. Hell, Outlaw Justice and Prize Possession are sold out. You can’t even buy these anymore.

Join now and help support Bikernet.com. Because the Cantina is strictly subscription you won’t see any advertisement in there. What are you waiting for? JOIN NOW!

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Willie G’s new book available on line.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON.COM REDESIGNS WEB SITE AND OFFERS FREE GIFT–MILWAUKEE, WI (Oct. 2, 2002) – With the holiday season just around the corner, Harley-Davidson is celebrating the relaunch of the MotorClothes Merchandise and Genuine Motor Accessories sections of the Harley-Davidson.com Web site. The online catalogs were redesigned to include new navigation features, an enhanced search function and loads of great new accessories and apparel.

New navigation in the online Genuine Motor Accessories catalog makes it easy for customers to find specific products for their Harley-Davidson motorcycle. The new design enables customers to search by year and model and create a catalog of accessories just for their motorcycle model. Customers can also search among more than 4,500 Genuine Motor Accessories by model family or enter a specific part number or product name. The MotorClothes Merchandise online catalog was also redesigned to help customers quickly navigate the selection of riding apparel, accessories and gifts.

?Customers can view a complete selection online, from year-round riding gear and accessories to limited-edition 100th Anniversary merchandise,?said Jeanne Winiarski, E-Commerce Operations Manager for Harley-Davidson Motor Company. ?Customers have two ways to shop. They can browse the limited edition items and create a wish list to take to their local dealer and they can purchase a selection of riding gear, accessories and collectibles on line from the convenience of their home or office.?

To celebrate the catalog redesign, customers can receive a Harley-Davidson Clean & Shine Travel Kit with any online purchase of $75 or more from participating E-Commerce Dealers while supplies last. The kit includes Harley Gloss Quick Detailer, Sunwash, Wheel & Tire Cleaner and a full-size Soft Drying Towel. The Clean & Shine Travel Kit makes a great gift and easily fits into your saddlebag for a quick touch up after a long day on the road.

For more information on Harley-Davidson Genuine Motor Accessories and MotorClothes Merchandise, visit the Web site at www.harley-davidson.com. To locate a dealer near you, check out the Dealer Locator on our Web site or call 1-800-443-2153 in the USA or Canada.

OZARK ED ON CARS AND UGLY BIKES–I can’t believe it, but the deal is done. I went to the GM dealer yesterday afternoon and gave them my piece of shit Monte Carlo and they gave me a check. I took the check and got my girls new car, paid cash for it, and took home almost 800 bucks. Dammit.

Anyway, my oldest daughter’s husband bought him an old Goldwing for $400. He’s 19 and doesn’t have a pot to piss in, but they are having a good time. He brought it over to my house and asked me what I thought. I told him it was the ugliest bike I had ever seen. We spent all night chopping ugly plastic shit off of it. We have it down to something that I wouldn’t be ashamed of if I was as broke as him. It reminds me of what I used to do when I was a teenager. I had some ugly ass bikes, too. iItold him to just strip it down to something that looks like it isn’t safe to ride, and keep up.

He’ll take a lot of shit over this thing with my buddies, but he’ll appreciate it when he gets a nicer bike later in life. The weather is so nice right now, riding is heaven.

–Ozark Ed

THE KING REPORT–Next week we will post the first of a series of techs on a 2003 Road King Classic that is being modified predominately with Harley-Davidson parts in the Bikernet Garage. The only part we needed that wasn’t an H-D or Screamin’ Eagle component was high-enough Ape Hangers. That aside, all the parts will come from the factory and be installed by the Bikernet Staff or a dealer crew who can do a better job.

Features will also be published in American Rider. In fact the first feature on knowing a Road King should be on the streets soon. The American Rider articles are destined for new riders seeking knowledge and ability with their Kings.

THREE WISHES–There’s this Arab walking through the desert,his camel dies and he’s thirsty. All at once, he comesacross an old lamp, gives it a rub and out pops a genie.

“You know the score, three wishes.” says the genie

“I want to be in a lush oasis with a cool pint of lager”

POOF! – lo and behold, he’s in an oasis.

“Secondly, I want to be so rich it’s rude.”

POOF! – lo and behold, he’s surrounded by money and treasurechests full of jewelery and rare coins.

“Thirdly, I wish I was white and surrounded by beautiful women.”

POOF! – he’s turned into a tampon!

Moral of the Story: Be careful what you wish for,there may be a string attached.

–from Nuttboy

THE CANTINA REPORT–One of the bonuses of being a member of Bandit’s Cantina is the Digital Discovery area. We post material in that slot that few people have seen, or techs unheard of by the common man. Most recently, through the efforts of a well respected, old school Bikernet contributor, Bob T., we have dug up a complete selection of old Biker Movie Posters. Here’s just one example.

Rumor had it that Bob, who rode with Bandit in the early ’70s, and now lives in the California desert, discovered this collection under the fin of a buried ’59 Cadillac in hot sand.

Next, may be the first of Bikernet’s own movie posters for Bandit’s Asphalt Cowboy. Watch for it. Join the Cantina and support all of Bikernet.

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BIKERNET TESTIMONIAL–Here it is, a picture of my bike. Thanks again for all your help. Never could have done it without you.

–ShovelFXWG82

BIKERNET NURSING HOME NEWS– I passed by the nursing home & there were six old ladies lying naked on the front grass. I thought this was a little peculiar, but continued on my way because it’s a long walk & I wanted to get it over with before it got truly hot again today.

On my way back, the ladies were still lying in the yard & to quench my curiosity, I went inside & asked to speak to the director of the facility.

When I asked him if he knew there were six naked old ladies lying on his front lawn, he replied, “Yes, I know. They’re retired prostitutes & they’re having a yard sale

–from Carlr

TOURING CHOPPER REACHES NEW HOME–My brother and I were there when the Goldrush truck arrived at PropaintBaltimore. Larry has not put in the new solid lifters yet. Therewas an annual open house the next day at the York, PA, Harley Factory andI wanted to ride up. We decided to ride it and look for any thing thanneed to be addressed. He checked the bike over and gave us a thumbs up.My brother rode it home from Baltimore. I wanted to look at it and takepictures more than ride. The bike is beautiful. The lines and stance aregreat.

–Garth

BIKERNET DEER REPORT–Since I smacked a deer in Wyoming, I’ve found out that deer are the most dangerous animals to the human race in the US. Beware. Guys who make pickup truck hauls on rural highways run cattle catchers on a regular basis. Deer whistles are no joke. Don’t ride at night on dark highways. Here’s another example:

“The story, as I understand it, was that the deer jumped off theHwy 101 bridge over 394 in Wayzata (it was apparently scared by a car that drove by as it was walking over the bridge). The Durango was drivingunder the bridge when it was hit by the falling deer.

–from Chris T.

JON JUNIMAN REPORT–In light of your comments in the Sunday post, I have decided to revisethat paragraph of the Blue Ridge story. How’s this:

“A bee hovers in front of me, smelling my leather jacket. I draw myRuger .44 Magnum and gun down four innocent bystanders for noreason at all. That Bee pissed me off.

“Bone splinters mixed with little gobs of meat are drippingdown car windshields and storefront windows to form sticky red pools in thegutter. The little fucker takes the hint and flies away to go smellsomebody else.”

Better?

–Rev. J.

SANDBLASTING REPORT IN CANTINA–We have an antique section in Bandit’s Cantina and now there’s a new tech on Sandblasting and Chemical stripping.

BANDIT’S SIFU REPORT–Dick Bondano the master of the IMB Academy is Bandit’s trainer. He was recently inducted into the Martial Arts Hall Of Fame and here’s his latest recognition:Martialinfo.com is proud to announce that the IMB Academy has been selectedas School of the Month and is currently featured in the October edition ofMartial Arts On Line Magazine.

Congratulations on this honor. You can find the link provided here:http://www.martialinfo.com/OnlineMag/asp/view.asp?issue=42

–Michael Matsuda
Martialinfo.com

Can you figure out where the hell this event is?

HIS PRISON SENTENCE– A woman awakes during the night, and discovers her husband isn’t in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting atthe kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be indeep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

What’s the matter, dear?” she asks. “Why are you down here at this timeof night?”

The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, andyou were only 16?” he asks solemnly.

“Yes, I do,” she replies. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of car making love?”

“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”

” I remember that, too, ” she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would have gotten out today.”

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–Ok, seems like we all have been glued to our TV sets this weekend. We had a marathon of Discovery Channel of bike shows, from good to bad, to worst. And of course and as expected I will give my opinion of all of them. No bashing intended, just my sincere opinion. Let’s put it this way, every show had some positive things and some negative, like always we all end up winners since the mere mortals can experience more and more the motorcycle lifestyle and what it takes to actually put one of those cool bikes together. Here we go…

Biker Build off, very cool show, the best of them, not because we were there (me and friends) but it had a little of everything, bike building, riding, fun, brotherhood, and having a good time at an event.

Since I was there and know what went on I would have trashed the Monster Garage ads and the dude on the bike/ airplane, I would have also shortened the building parts and expanded the riding and mayhem, and The Horse Smoke Out event. The way I saw the show it was a contest between a mega builder with lots of moola and a guy with limited resources but heavy on the inventive side. It all ended up with these two individuals becoming good friends and enjoying the ride until the end. Billy won, but I would have called it a tie. It takes the same effort and creative ability to build both of those bikes, and they both followed their own styles… How boring it would be if we all did the same shit, over and over. Roger said it all when he told Billy, ” You are always welcome in my town.” Seems like I’ve known this guy for 20 years. But we all won, since we had such a blast……and found true brotherhood.

Bandit gives it a thumbs up. Digital gives it a thumbs up. Two thumbs up ! And who really wins?Me, since I’m an exclusive distributor for both companies in the Caribbean…Thanks guys….

American Chopper, let’s say that Paul Jr. is my friend, so don’t get pissed at me. He has a lot of fabricating talent and cool ideas, but all the fighting and bickering during the show was a bit too much, and ended up looking…well..not too good.. Let’s say how much I love the magic of television, and I mean magic. Tanks being made that look really familiar, Paul Sr shouting it out with the paint guy and the paint guy actually showing up. The mechanic bitching at the owners son, you know stuff like that. I loved the part when he said ” Take some geritol pops” je,je,je….. I think the show was ok since it gave us exposure to stuff that actually happens in shops, more so when the pressure is on, but I think it ended up looking bad for the guys at OCC. We know all that shit happens, but in front of the world ? Maybe not. I’m not crazy about theme bikes, or overdone choppers (putting it mildly), but they achieved their goal, whatever it was, and too bad it was raining. That bike would have won in any of the Florida shows…where they love flashy stuff. Anyway, if it was me and the mechanic is my friend and throws a tantrum, he’ll be on the unemployment line right now. Bandit thumbs up, Digital thumbs down. And gentlemen am I behaving tonight….!!!!! yessir….

Motorcycle Women….Oh boy what can I say, I’m totally fringed out….I saw more bandannas than on a Howdy Doody convention, and aquamarine galore…. The purpose of the show was cool, again people, in this case females, of all walks of life, riding thru an amazing route on the way to Frisco. Plot was ok, I guess if you are into girly mayhem, that does not include Jerry Springer behavior. The cleanest bikes I’ve ever seen on a 1500 mile run (yep, they are girls !). I also Imagine that they took so long since they stopped at every shop and trinket vendor on the way, and we know the trailer was just for their clothing and accessories….What’s really cool about it is that they were typical girls, you know, accessorizing, trying to look good and doing what they do, but in this case they were riding Harleys…and a Vulcan….One of them?was wearing more?stuff than the whole 25 of us packed?on the Builder ride!!!! I know that show did not go too well with the actual riding ladies who work on their bikes and don’t need to be fringed out in tiny tops, or even worry of looking good…

By the way, the oriental girl on the tiny tops rocked ! And you know that women are brutal critics. But you got to take it for what it is, a trip for girl power. I loved the part when the two ladies said they’ve been riding dykes for 30 years, oopss, mean bikes…You know English is not my first language sorry. Another gripe: We’d rather see the panties “on” than in the laundry, but, what you gonna do? All in all it was another story of brotherhood, here I go again..Sistership, and the relations between bikers and a real life. Bandit thumbs down (unless they all show up at San Pedro begging for his closed door parties). Digital thumbs up, (he would give a thumbs up too a walking stick with tits).

Man, I was so into the Bandit and Siskel thing that I forgot about the news. I guess we will always have next week to do, but before I head back to my padded cell…..News from Bikernet Enquirer….. Someone has found the long lost son of a famous biker magazine and web entrepreneur Bandit. This rare event took place when one of the readers noticed that Jose’s editorials reminded him of a younger Bandit. That prompted both parties to attend a taping of the Jenny Jones, Jerry Springer and falling asleep on Maury Povich to do some paternity tests and clear the doubt, Sin and Layla promptly denied being Jose’s mother (not what you said in Puerto Rico, remember come to mama….??) on the fragile rebuttal of just being younger than him.

Mr Bandit is being charged for a backlog of pallimony to the amount of 2.5 million. Even though the paternity tests proved semi positive and the lie detector pulverized the needle, Bandit still claims he is innocent of all charges. We talked to Jose who is still in limbo….

“Imagine all the bikes that I could have featured in Easy Riders…. and I paid those damn 6 bucks for so many years. Man to think that, it makes me angry….Yep six bucks for those mags…man.”

We will expand the story on following weeks, with the new hot story, Geno and Chris Maida were separated at birth !!!!Inquiring minds wanna know…….

–Later,Jose, Caribbean Bikernet Report (and behaving…) www.ChopperFreak.com

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A brother of mine recently had his motorcycle stolen. Dean Shawler, the editor of Biker Magazine, had his motorcycle bagged from in front of the hotel near the California Speedway. Stealing bikes is bullshit. To many riders their bikes are their lives. They put their hearts into these machines. They aren’t goddamn televisions. We need them back. Some 32 bikes were stolen from Street Vibrations a week ago.

I’m going to start to post stolen motorcycles in the news. If you or a friend has a bike bagged tell us as much as possible about the bike and when and where it was taken and we’ll post it.

If you spot one of these bikes or know what happened to one, we don’t want to be snitches. We want the bikes back. We will develop an archive of stolen bikes and see if we can’t get a few back. Let me know your thoughts. Let’s get to the news:

GLENDALE, CA – Sheryl Crow, Mick Fleetwood & Friends, and JeffersonStarship will headline Love Ride 19, the largest motorcycle fundraisingevent in the world, on Sunday, November 10. Grand Marshal Jay Leno,Honorary Grand Marshal Peter Fonda, and a host of celebrity bikers will lead20,000+ motorcyclists on a 50-mile caravan from Harley-Davidson of Glendale,California, to a barbecue, trade show, and concert at Castaic Lake.Proceeds will benefit Reading By 9, MDA, and other charities. In 18 years,the Love Ride has raised over $15 million.

Sign up is 6am-9am on Sunday, November 10 at Harley-Davidson of Glendale,with a 90-minute Jefferson Starship concert at 7:00am, followed by acelebrity press conference at 8:45a.m. The caravan of bikes departs toCastaic Lake at 9:15am.

Festivities at Castaic Lake will begin at 11 a.m. until 4 p.m. (gatesopen at 10am). Mick Fleetwood & Friends perform at 11:45am followed bySheryl Crow at 1:15. The minimum donation is $60, or $50 if you sign-up inadvance online (www.loveride.org) or at Harley-Davidson of Glendale beforeNovember 5, 2002. For larger donations, participants qualify to receive avariety of prizes, including a 2003 100th Anniversary Harley-Davidson V-Rodand a 2003 Ford Harley-Davidson F-150.

Harley-Davidson of Glendale is located at 3717 San Fernando Road betweenLos Feliz Blvd. and Glendale Avenue. For more information, call (818)246-5618, extension 7.

RAPE, KIDNAPPING CHARGES DISMISSED–Oct 1, 2002 – Minnesota,Hennepin County prosecutors dismissed rape and kidnapping charges against an alleged member of the Hells Angels motorcycle club. Jay D. Rankin, 42, of Hastings, was charged in July with raping a 25-year-old woman June 27 at a clubhouse in northeast Minneapolis. According to the criminal complaint, the woman said she was sexually assaulted by several men, including Rankin, at the clubhouse after being forced to drink a beverage that left her partially paralyzed.

“New credible evidence came to light which was inconsistent with the original version of the events,” Deputy County Attorney Pete Cahill said Monday.

The clubhouse had a surveillance camera and the woman was seen on tape hugging and snuggling with one of the men who was accused of raping her two hours earlier. A tape also showed her leaving on someone else’s motorcycle. “Her behavior was not consistent with someone who was raped,” Tallen said. The woman reported that she was raped by several men but only Rankin was charged.

Laboratory reports showed no sign of a date-rape drug. Rankin is being held in federal custody on drug-trafficking and money-laundering charges and is scheduled for trial Nov. 4 before U.S. District Judge David Doty.?

OZARK ED CONFESSES–It seems that Wednesday is going to be the day for me and the juvee girl. She’s off work and doesn’t have college classes until 6 pm. Anyway, yesterday we went on a road trip to this little park about 20 miles from town. It’s on top of a hill looking out over the lake. We were there for 3 or 4 hours. At the last minute I decided to meet her in my car so we could leave it and talk in her car while we traveled. I almost took the bike. Glad I didn’t.

On the way home I’m stopped at a red light and I look across and guess whosE sitting there? Titty Bar Mike. He was looking right at me, but her car is a Honda and there are thousands of them just like it in the neighborhood. If I had been on the bike… busted. If I had taken my car… busted. It’s a miracle that he didn’t see me.

I dropped her off and drove like the wind to get home before he called. I wasn’t sure if he saw me or not, so I called him as soon as I got home and he didn’t say anything. So I know he missed it. I have to be more careful. I don’t want to mess this up.

I think me and Mike are going to san Jose, ca this saturday. His dad has a tattoo shop. We’ll drive non stop there and back. One day (22 hours) to get there. One day to get home, and one big old party day in between. I need some ocean. Been a long time since I woke up on the beach wondering what happened. I can’t wait. Hope my country ass don’t get all California’d and I come back saying “dude” all the time. That’ll get your ass whipped around here.

–Ozark Ed

WILL THE DRAG RACING REPORT RETURN?– I’ve attached a photo of Ron Houniet who won Top Fuel at Woodburn. It was of one of his over 200 mph passes that weekend. My digital just doesn’t want to take sharp shots of fast moving objects, though.

Perhaps?you can see why I need a better camera body. Actually, I have two great film bodies, but digital is what I need and want.?Film’s frustrating and expensive.?

–Helen

I smell negotiations.?

PRESIDENT BUSH AND COLIN POWELL SITTING AT BAR– A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WW III “. And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.

The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”

–from the Princess

RUMOR HAS IT A GROUP OF RIDERS HEADING OUT OF SAN PEDRO FOR TOMBSTONE–It’s scheduled for the 18th through the 20th of October in Tombstone. Apparently, they turn the clock back to the 1800’s and reenact the Gunfight at the OK Corral, do a bunch of Old West stuff like shootouts and the whole nine yards. I’m going to stay in Benson which is about 25 miles from Tombstone. The other towns close are Sierra Vista and Bisbee. I just got off the phone with the Tombstone Chamber of Commerce and the lady advised me that the temperatures should be in the 80’s during the day and 60’s as a low. Sounds like perfect riding conditions to me!

–Forrest

Anti-Virus Control.

MINNESOTA INDICTMENT–October 2, 2002 – Minnesota -Pioneer Press.The Hells Angels motorcycle club, once synonymous with violence, drug dealing and racketeering, is making headlines again. And while Minnesota has not had deadly shootouts like in Nevada and New York earlier this year between rival motorcycle clubs, authorities here have investigated the Hells Angels for drug trafficking and money laundering. Federal prosecutors Tuesday announced the drug distribution indictment of the local Hells Angels chapter president Patrick J. Matter, who also owns a motorcycle shop in Northeast Minneapolis. A federal grand jury also indicted two of Matter’s associates, Mark A. Armstrong and Michael T. Eason, although it was unclear whether they are members of the Hells Angels.?

–from 1%er.com

Valentines Day isn’t even close.

GOLF BALLS AND BLONDS–A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful, you guessed it, blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “It’s golf balls”.

Never-the-less, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

–from Nuttboy

“THE OUTLAWS MOTORCYCLE CLUB MAY BE HURTING IN ONTARIO, BUT FAR FROM DEAD,” A BIKER SPECIALIST WARNS–?October 1, 2002 – Canada,And if messages on the club’s Web site are any indication, he’s right. “You can’t dismantle the Outlaws by just having 50 per cent of the Ontario members in jail and 10 per cent of the puppet club,” said Guy Ouellette, a former Quebec anti-biker officer. Thirty-five of 70 known Ontario Outlaw bikers and four of 30 Black Piston puppet club members are behind bars, he said.

That leaves many still on the streets, Ouellette said, and others soon will be out on bail. “They are in a mess,” he said. “But they will go away only when they are dead.”?

ASPHALT COWBOY REPORT–?? We have been meeting with Stephen Baldwin to discuss casting,rewrites and have had a few meetings, but he went back to New York lastnight. He has lots of connections and feel confident that we will get it moving quickly.

We are really excited and aresetting up meetings with several distribution companies over the next twoweeks. We really want to start shooting by January 1, which is when Stephenis available. He has a quick movie to do in Montreal and then we can getmoving.

–Linda Nelson
NELSON MADISON FILMS

THE ROMANCE CONTINUES–Man my life is good. I spent the whole day with the juvee girl. We rode some beautiful roads then spent four hours at her cabin in the mountain, then had the beautiful ride home.

Big tall Roger and Skitzo Eric came over last night and we sat out in the shop and drank a bunch o’ buds. Juvee girl just had her hair darkened and the two of them started talking about how fine she is and yada yada yada. You know how hard it is to not tell them. Dammit, iIcould be “the man”. Of course that would blow the whole deal, so I just listen to them talk their shit and I nod along in agreement.

I have been down this road before. I know that sooner or later we’ll get caught together and the shit will hit the fan. Then I’ll be shit with my girl, but the man with everyone else. I hope that day never comes. I could do this till she gets old and ugly.

–Ozark Ed?????

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