July 31, 2003 Part 2
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 1
VIRUS ALERT–If you receive an email titled: “It Takes Guts to SayJesus”DO NOT OPEN IT. It will erase everything on your harddrive..This information was announced yesterday morning fromIBM; AOL states that this is a very dangerous virus,much worse than”Melissa,” and that there is NO Remedy for it at thistime.
Joyce L. Bober
IBM Information Systems
Pittsburgh Mailing Systems
412 – 922-8744
–from Rev CarlR
POLICE DEPT. ANSWERING MACHINE!!–Hello, you have reached the Police Dept’s Voice Mail. Pay closeattentionaswe have to update the choices often as new and usual circumstances arrive.Please select one of the following options:
To whine about us not doing anything to solve a problem that youcreatedyourself, press 1.
To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we’ll do something about a problem, press 2.
To report an officer for bad manners, when in reality the officer is tryingto keep your neighborhood safe, press 3.
If you would like us to raise your children, press 4
If you would like us to take control of your life due to your chemicaldependency or alcohol, press 5
If you would like us to instantly restore order to a situation thattookyears to deteriorate, press 6.
To provide a list of officers you personally know so we will not takeenforcement action against you, press 7.
To sue us, or tell us you pay our salary and you’ll have our badge, ortoproclaim our career is over, press 8.
To whine about a ticket and/or complain about the many other uses forpolicerather than keeping your dumb ass in line, press 9.
To whine about speed traps when there is no such thing, press 10.
Please note your call may be monitored to assure proper customer supportand remember…..we’re here to save your ass, NOT kiss it! Thanks forcalling your local police dept. and have a nice day.
–from Bob T.
MARRIAGE ALERT– Tiny SFVHA and Chopper Girl were married in Vegas on July 9th. I just finished this sign for their front porch…Thought you would get a kick out of it…
–Later Boyz, Big Dave
ROSE CITY THUNDER–We are putting on the Rose City Thunder Event here in Portland, I wanted to make sure you had all the information about the event…it’s –geo george [georgeduz@yahoo.com] KIRDISTAN REPORT–I have been living in kirdistan, inIrbil, Iraq. It’s between Mosul and Turkuk. The Kirds love usand their new found freedom. I’ve only seen one H-D. It’s beenfive long months. They ride cheap mz and someJawas. Spc. George REGISTRATION OPENS FOR 11TH ANNUAL BEACH RIDE– Proceeds from annual motorcycle ride to the Queen Mary Events Park To benefit Exceptional Children?s Foundation (ECF). July 21, 2003, Registration began today for motorcycle riders and enthusiasts to take part inThe 11th Annual Beach Ride benefiting the developmentally disabled community served by theExceptional Children?s Foundation (ECF). On Sunday, September 7th 2003, riderswill begin the ride from various locations throughout central and southern California andconverge at the Queen Mary Events Park in Long Beach for a day of food, festivities, and entertainment. There is online registration through September 5. Click HYPERLINK “http://www.beachride.com” www.beachride.com and click ?online registration.? Star of the hit TV show Dallas, Larry Hagman will once again serve as the GrandMarshal for this year’s event. Hagman played the famous character J.R. Ewing on the long-time hit drama. Beach Ride will also feature performances by Bad Company former lead singer Brian Howe, and Black Oak Arkansas. In addition to musical performances, festivities at the Queen Mary Event Park will also include a Mr. and Ms. Beach Ride competition, food, vendors, a tattoo contest, and bike show. The entrance fee to participate in the Beach Ride is $30 at the starting points and $35 at the gates to the Queen Mary Events Park. There are starting points in Canoga Park (Micah McCloskey’s Custom Cycles), Marina Del Rey (Bartels Harley-Davidson/Buell), Glendale (Harley-Davidson/Buell of Glendale), Ventura (The Shop), Ojai (Deer Lodge), Harbor City (California Harley-Davidson/Buell), Oceanside (Harley’s House of Harleys and Kennedy’s Custom Cycles), Lancaster (Harley-Davidson of Lancaster), Westminster (Harley-Davidson of Westminster), and Malibu (Pier View Restaurant). Registration begins at the Queen Mary Events Park at 9:30 am. Visit HYPERLINK “http://www.beachride.com” www.beachride.com or call 1-800-696-3727 to check on registration times at the starting points, and get more details on vendors, pledge program, and online registration. Founded in 1946, the Exceptional Children?s Foundation (ECF) is one of the oldest and largest charities in California serving children and adults with developmental disabilities and acquired brain injuries. ECF provides a continuum of programs and services including Early Start, developmental activity, residential, work training, supported employment, and recreation to nearly 2,000 people with mental retardation, autism, epilepsy, cerebral palsy, and other related cognitive disorders each year. Continued On Page 3
July 31, 2003 Part 1
By Bandit | | General Posts
It’s Thursday and half the world is on the way to Sturgis. Jose is reporting from the Badlands already, from his Caribbean Custom Cycles Mansion. The Hawaiin Choppers only contingent flew into LA the day before yesterday, grabbed their bikes and jammed. They’re already in Wyoming.
Bikernet staff is in the doldrums watching all the hordes of riders hit the road, but we’re still cranking out the action. This week we’ll cover the Strokers Dallas building handmade pipes for the 1928 Shovelhead, road testing jeans and a new King Oil Cooler, Hollister will fly, The Ventura Antique swapmeet is being edited, there are two new techs up from Custom Cycle Engineering. And I need a cup of coffee–let’s get to the news:
NEW CLUB SEARCHING FOR BIKES–What’s up my name is terrell and I just started my own bike clubwith my brother anda couple of close friends, the only problem is we have 14 bikes and 22members and were having trouble findingbikes that are worth buying.If you can help me out, then I would be very thankful(on a side note were looking for 750, 900, 1000 and 1100 cc units).
— Terrell Beverly.
TerrellBeverly@yahoo.com
THE EDGE ALERT–It has been a while. The Smoke Out was a huge success this year. Everything planned happened ? and on time. It is way easier to plan being in the same place as the year before. We had over four thousand people on Friday and over six thousand through the gate on Saturday. More importantly the thing was just fun at every level. I got about three hundred e-mails from people saying they had a good time with only two complaints. I?ll take that any day.
I am still cleaning up some stuff from the last one and already planning the next one, which is a lot more pleasant with everyone is in a good mood. Next year you (and Layla) have to be there though. You were definitely missed.
The Run for Breath was this weekend and your trophy totally kicked ass. I saw your write up of the construction on Bikernet and it even kicks more ass in person. Anyway, I just wanted to drop and line and stay in touch since it has been a while.
–Edge
Randy Smith, the late founder of Custom Cycle Engineering. We miss him.
CHECK THE CUSTOM CYCLE ENGINEERING TECHS ON BIKERNET–In the last couple of days we posted the lengths of various stock fork tubes. The info was supplied by the builders of stock and extented tubes for all Harleys–Custom Cycle Engineering. This will help builders trying to figure out what length to buy.
Second, they feel strongly about raked triple trees and we posted their feeling in a second tech. It’s worth checking out. It also shows you how to check your rake and trail.
ERATIONAL CRIME NEWS–Employees of the Durham, North Carolina, Federal Savings Bank became alarmed when they saw a man in sweatshirt with the hood pulled tightly around his face pounding loudly on the front door. Was the door locked? Nope. The man was trying to push the door open, not seeing the PULL sign on the front door. The unidentified man was linked to another attempted robbery in Durham, with the same MO. The robber had failed at that attempt also when he attempted to push open a pull door.
A woman walked into a Durham, North Carolina bank and tried to cash a check. The problem was that the check was not made out to her or any other person. It was made out to the Tension Envelope Company, and the woman claimed to be Mrs. Tension Envelope. The teller quickly called the police and the woman was arrested.
A similar check-cashing attempt occurred years earlier when a man handed a clerk a company check and claimed to be Mr. Roadway V. Express.
BIKE TOURS IN AFRICA–Hi There , I thought you may be interested in the various tours that we operate in the Western Cape region of South AfricaThey are very different from the norm and most riders from novices to the well experienced enjoy the rides immensely as trails are quite unique and tailor made for exploration ,skills improvement ,team building and priced as excellent value for money. In addition, we can organise trips to areas less travelled in the name of Adventure Tourism.
Please therefore look at the web site and contact us for more info ; maybe you could post a link for us
Regards
Brian Pickering
Brian Pickering BIKERNET EDUCATIONAL DEPARTMENT–A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colorand flavor. The children began to say: Red…………cherry,” Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. Well,” he said “I’ll give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.” One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled: “Oh My God!!!! They’re assholes!” –from Chris T. BIKERNET DISCOVERS CURE TO RECLUSE SPIDER BITES–Check out this site. May come in handy one day. It was a similar Native American Formula that removed the Brown Recluse spider stinger from me. I had something on my finger that at first appeared as a blister then it turned into a seed type of thing. I started using Miracle 2 on it and finally got rid of it. I didn’t use it long enough the first time and it came back. It appears to be totally gone now. The M2 daily applications, three times a day finally brought it all out. It was like a tumor. –Kit –old shot from Bob T. A BIKERNET RELIGIOUS MOMENT–On the first day God created the cow. God said, “You must go to fields with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I’ll give back the other forty.” And God agreed. On the second day, God created the dog. God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I’ll give back the other ten.” So God agreed (sigh). On the third day God created the monkey. God said, “Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I’ll give you a twenty year life span.” Monkey said, “How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don’t think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that’s what I’ll do too, okay?” And God agreed again. On the fourth day God created man. God said, “Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I’ll give you twenty years.” Man said, “What? Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?” “Okay,” said God. “You’ve got a deal.” So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody. Life has now been explained. –Redhorse Continued On Page 2
Nature Discovery Tours
P O Box 611 Stellenbosch 7599
Tel Fax 27 21 8591989
South Africa
mobile 27 21 83 461 4567
Yellow………lemon,”
Green……….lime,”
Orange……….orange.” 
July 24, 2003 Part 4
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 3
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– I hope this week finds everyone in the best of shape. Another week goes by, next week is Sturgis and the end of the summer is near. Not that we ever fuckin’ notice it is summer! That happens to be one of the “pains” of living in the tropics, It’s always Summer. So as we start our trip to the Black Hills, we will be visiting friends along the way. It?s always cool to stop at their shops and hang out for a bit, see what’s up and get to share what’s up our sleeves. Friendship, what a tricky word to use freely. While there is always “people we know”, true friends are few and far between. In days, that “word” is just a saying by that defunct wanna be rapper called Vanilla Ice it’s hard to know who you can actually trust. Jay’s saying expresses this pretty well, “buddies will help you move, but a friend will help you move a body”. Bandit’s code of the West or anyone’s code for that matter should include these three insignificant but powerful words, Honesty, Respect and Word. Remember Scarface? ” I don’t break my word nor , nor my balls…”
It’s a very tuff world out there and in these days of TV stardoms and lifes of make believe, staying true is one of the most difficult things to do. Look at Kobe Bryant, would he be involved in all that legal crap if he were nobody? My wild guess is not, the whole event would have been a wild, impromptu romp, and kept at that. People on the spotlight have to watch out who are they surrounded by, not always things are for the better, nor advice the best. People got to stay true to themselves no matter what, and to the people that knew them before they became “famous”.
Jesse described fame as the amount of people that know of you vs. the people you know. How true indeed. I have talked to him and he says being well known is not an easy task, but family and friends help keep him grounded.
The more exposure everyone gets the more people you end up knowing. How do you sift from true people and fakes? Pretty difficult question; pretty hard to actually figure out. Sometimes when you live by that trio of words above, you tend to believe that most people are the same way, but sometimes, it is not. During a previous time I used to hang out with people that are considered famous, actors, models, etc. People that were my friends, people that are long gone and not even a number on the list. I guess that’s the way of stardom, people tend to forget where they came from, who was there when they were waiters, or trying to make ends meet.
I want to make clear that I’m not talking about anyone in particular by this, take it as a warning if you might. I’m just wondering that with the way that TV is portraying our lifestyle, which and how will some people’s life change and to better or worse.
Some have the power at their hands and it’s available, the power and the burden that exposure gives you. The power to do good, the burden of being able to make the right choices. Of not wondering if your next conquest will become a court case, of being able to walk freely amongst people without having fans swamp you, of not loosing true friends because you lost sight of who you really are.
Friends will always be available no matter what and true friends are our ground to reality. And the only people that truly help each other without needing anything in exchange. don’t waste them and don’t set them aside. Too late is not a phrase that people enjoy, don’t let it be too late.I guess that all this fame thing started as a joke, and like always got me thinking, and you know is not good when I start thinking….
On another note, we are looking forward to Sturgis cause there’s a lot of people heading that way and as always, we expect to meet most. It will be a fun time riding and hanging out, and sure there will be some people that will not be able to make it and will be missed. The calls and e-mails are flying back and forth, meeting places and activities already chosen. We also have the task of giving thousands of Horse magazines away, so we will see how the fuck that works when my chopper barely allows me to ride it, much less carry stuff, but we will manage. The Black Hills are waiting, and the cops as well.
If you see Puerto Rico plates wave us over……. have a safe and fun trip. See you there!
–Jose Caribbean Bikernet reporter
HARLEY’S INTRODUCTION TO 2004– For the 2004 model year, Harley-Davidson recently introduced to their dealer network a completely redesigned rubbermounted XL Sportster line (watch for the new tank design) and a new model in the VRSC V-Rod family (a lower priced standard). The Motor Company’s summer dealer meeting was held this year in Las Vegas.
I just got word from on high on that the 2004 Road King Custom willbe the hot touring ticket.
Also introduced were two new Buell models, Firebolt XB12R and the Lightning XB12S, each featuring a new 103-horsepower engine. The two new models will join existing models – Firebolt XB9R, Lightning XB9S and Buell Blast – as part of Buell’s 2004 line. Changes to the Lightning XB9S, Lightining Low XB9S, and Firebolt XB9R were also announced. All 2004 Buell motorcycles will be covered by a two-year, unlimited mileage warranty replacing the previous one-year warranty.
Harley-Davidson will unveil the entire 2004 model line-up to the general public on Thursday, August 28th during the Company’s 100th Anniversary celebration in Milwaukee, WI. The Company extended the 2003 model year to 14 months in order to meet anticipated demand for its 100th Anniversary models. Shipments of 2004 motorcycles to the worldwide dealer network will begin in September 2003.
Rumor has it that new custom paint schemes are headed to dealers including more flames and dicey designs. It is good to see the “Old Motor Company” not standing still after their 100th birthday. They are really excited about the start of the next 100 years!
–Motorcycle News Network and Secret Agent
IT’S BACK TO THE GARAGE–The Custom Chrome Beach Ride Bike is completed. It tooks us nine days. During the final photo shoot for American Rider I dropped the bike, dinging the tank. I’ve been moving motorcycles on delicate studio backgrounds for 35 years, and I dropped this one… I’m still on restriction.
The Goliath was on display at the LA Calendar bike show last weekend. Tomorrow it will be hauled back to the Queen Mary for a poster photo shoot, then onto the Veterans stadium this weekend for the swap meet. It’s for sale during the Beach Ride, but you can bid on it now.
That’s it, for this second. There’s more news hanging in the clouds over the coast and a particular girl I’m chasin’. Wish she would slow down and let me catch her.
While riding to Sturgis remember Peter Fonda’s Deer Rule–don’t ride at night. Jose will send us reports from the Badlands during the event, so we’ll keep you right on top of the action.
Ride Forever,
–Bandit
July 24, 2003 Part 3
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 2
The Motorsports Radio Demigods And Auto Trader? Magazine Grant The Freak Nation A Chance To Be Grand– Hollywood, CA (July 22, 2003) – SpeedFreaks, the country’s biggest motorsports radio show has teamed up with big timers Auto Trader? Magazine to give a Sport Compact Drag Racing fan a chance of, well, a lifetime…to be the Freakin’ Grand Marshal of the Third Annual Auto Trader Magazines Texas NHRA Sport Compact Nationals at The Texas Motorplex, Dallas, August 8-9.
This big-a** prize for the Freak Nation includes hotel and airfare to Dallas, the keys to the SpeedFreaks – Auto Trader? Magazine’s suite Friday and Saturday, a K&N Filters Typhoon Intake System, a set of Toyo Tires and a guest host shot on SpeedFreaks!! Fans can go to The winner will be drawn this Sunday night in front of a live national audience. O.K., that’s happy, I know. In other words, SpeedFreaks will draw the da** name this Sunday night on their show. Got it? For More Information Please Contact: TRUE-TRACK TECH DRAWS ATTENTION–Just read Rouge’s tech install on the True- Track.I’m wondering if it really does much good? My 2000 Road King Classic drifts thrugh curves into on coming at high speedstraffic. I’ve tried different shocks and tires, but it still floats like a blimp. Can you hook me up? –TBear I spoke to Wil Phillips this morning. You’re good to go. Wil’s web site won’t launch until the end of the week. BIKERNET HMO INFO– Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two categories — those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don’t worry; the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day’s drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require precertification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions? A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. What if I’m away from home and I get sick? A. You really shouldn’t do that. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is the $15 co-payment, there’s no harm in giving him a shot at it. Q. Will health care be different in the next century? A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then. –from Bob T. ROGUE ON WHEEL ALIGNMENT–When installing a larger tire or wheel you still have to find the centerof the wheel, and to do that you are moving it to the left. No Matter what size wheel or tire you use, the Rear Wheel Has To BeCentered In The Swing Arm ( Center of the rim to the center of the toprail)to make the bike handle correctly. When you place an 8-foot flourscent light bulb on either side of the rear wheel and securethem (I use soft bungee cords), the bulbs “Must” touch the front and rear of thetire. They are now forming parallel lines of the rear wheel to the front. As they run past the front wheel you measure between the bulbs at thefront and rear of the wheel. This centers the wheel and front end. Whenthat is even then you measure from the bulb to the wheel until both areeven. The front wheel which is usually smaller is now Centered in the Middleof the Rear Wheel. –Rogue WILD PIGS GO NATIONAL-BYTBEAR–There are clubs for just about every type of motorcycle rider these days. Doctors, Lawyers and Indian Chiefs, so it doesn’t surprise me that there is even a motorcycle club for Police Officers, who like to ride hard and party hardy, after a long day of dealing with the bad guys. No, not the Blue Knights but the Wild Pigs MC. Until now, the club was mainly for law enforcement personnel in the NY and Massachusetts area. Last weekend the clubs banded together to welcome a new chapter from Delaware and present them with their club colors. Way out in the country in Renseleer County, NY, The New York and Mass. Chapters of the Wild Pigs MC gathered together to welcome their new brothers to the fold. A raucous affair indeed complete with riding events, bands, dunk tanks, a home made whiskey slide and scantily clad Swinettes was the order of the day to welcome their new brothers. ” We’re just regular guys with high stress jobs who like to blow off a little steam from time to time” Said “Lomoman”, the NY Chapters president. ” We’re no different from other bikers who like to have some fun” They put away the badges and guns for the day and proved that they’re just like the rest of us. Well, maybe they can have a little more fun without the local constabulary stopping by to check up on them.
Stann Findelle
SpeedFreaks Management
2029 Century Park East, #900
Los Angeles, CA 90067
310-552-1777 
Continued On Page 4
July 24, 2003 Part 2
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 1
WHITEHORSE PRESS RELEASES FREE SUMMER CATALOG– North Conway NH, March 2003 – Whitehorse Press has just published their new summer2003 catalog containing 80 pages of great stuff for motorcycle enthusiasts. The most popularbooks, videos, riding accessories, and tools are all found here.
This edition features three important new riding skills books for the serious rider: Nicklenatsch’s SPORT RIDING TECHNIQUES, Lee Parks’ TOTAL CONTROL, and DavidHough’s MORE PROFICIENT MOTORCYCLING, all to be published this Spring. Inaddition, Charlie Masi has revised and expanded his popular shop guide, HOW TO SET UPYOUR MOTORCYCLE WORKSHOP, which has additional profiles of real world workshops and a comprehensive and up-to-date resource directory of equipment and tools. Another new book for do-it-yourselfers is Kurt Lammon’s HOW TO REPAIR PLASTIC BODYWORK, which teaches you how to do professional body work easily and at a fraction of the cost of replacment parts.
If it’s time for some new luggage, check out Whitehorse Press’ ever-expanding collection of touring bags. The designs are simple, traditional, and versatile-a nice fit and complement to any bike, often at very affordable prices. Campers will love the new Eureka tents and the ever- popular Go-Kot, an amazingly comfortable cot that packs into a 5 x 28-inch carrying bag. Also back by popular demand is a selection of high-quality classic motorcycle T-shirts, denim shirts, and baseball caps featuring such great marques as Triumph, BSA, Indian, Norton, Ducati, and others. And for the gadgeteers, there’s everything from crampbusters to the greenlight traffic trigger, a helmet sunblocker, turn signal reminders, and a tail light modulator.
To receive a free copy of the Whitehorse Press Motorcycling Catalog containing more than1,500 motorcycling books, videos, maps, T-shirts, tools, and accessories, contact WhitehorsePress, P.O. Box 60, North Conway, NH 03860-0060, telephone 603-356-6633, fax 603-356-6590; e-mail Orders@WhitehorsePress.com, or visit their web site atwww.WhitehorsePress.com.
BANDIT’S CANTINA DISCOVERY DEPARTMENT–If you haven’t joint the Cantina to support Bikernet Content this is a tease. There’s a special section in the Cantina devoted to find material, motorcycles, parts and techs you won’t find anywhere in the world by in Bandit’s Cantina. This bike contains a part like never before seen. You’ll find all about it in the Cantina.
–Snake
BIKERNET MARKETING CLASS– Understanding different marketing techniquesA University lecturer had a little difficulty in getting his messageacross to a group of female students regarding marketing. Several of thestudents asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the followinganalogies will help clear up the meanings of terms he announced.
1.You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’mfantastic in bed.” – That’s Direct Marketing.
2.You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. Oneof your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’sfantasticin bed.” – That’s advertising.
3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get histelephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic inbed.” -That’s Telemarketing.
4. You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straightenyour dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?”Then you reach up to straighten his tie, while brushing your breast lightly againsthis arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” -That’sPublic Relations.
5. You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you andsays,”I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” – That’s Brand Recognition.
6. You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into goinghome with your friend. – That’s a Sales Rep.
7. Your friend can’t satisfy him so she calls you. – That’s TechnicalSupport.
DO WE NOW ALL UNDERSTAND “MARKETING” BETTER??
–from Rogue
NOMINATIONS FOR MOTORCYCLE HALL OF FAME–I would like to Nominate Donald ?Pappy? Pitsley of Connecticut to The Freedom Fighters Hall Of Fame.
It was through Pappy?s and Connecticut Motorcycle Rights efforts that the Mandatory Helmet Law was Repealed in Connecticut.
I have the Original Gas Tank for Pappy?s Bike and will donate it to the museum.
I would also like to Nominate Lou Kimsey from California because of his Starting National Abate and bringing together of the various different states into one major organization. He also gave us the use of his Easyriders publication so that we could share and get information to interested parties, he was active in getting people together so they could combine their talents to help others in our efforts.
If I can be of any assistance please feel free to contact me. I have been involved in Motorcycle Civil Rights since the late 60?s and have a lot of articles and information. –from Rogue BIKERNET MARRIAGE ADVICE– On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves. The couple sat and waited for an answer . . . for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work?” they wondered, “Are we stuck together FOREVER?” After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “you CAN get married in Heaven.” “Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!!” St. Peter shouts, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer? –from Redhorse Custom Chrome ? and Chrome Specialties ??have joined forces to bring you the most comprehensive product offering in the Harley-Davidson ? aftermarket! At over 1,400 pages and over 25,000 part numbers, our 2003 Catalog features everything from nuts & bolts to HR3 bike kits, and sets the NEW industry standard. ? ?ONLY $9.95 + 6.95 Shipping** Once you find the part you need, go in to Chrome Specialties down below and order online! It’s that simple.? Continued On Page 3
July 24, 2003 Part 1
By Bandit | | General Posts
It’s getting damn close to Sturgis. Hamsters are riding out from San Francisco. The Hawaiian contingent is flying their motorcycles, in from the islands, to the coast. A dozen riders are landing at LAX from Australia and plan on picking up bikes at Glendale Harley. We can feel the wind and rumble of un-capped exhaust in the air. It’s time to ride.
A couple of us are riding out on Saturday, to Barstow, California to inspect scooters leaving the state for the Badlands. It’s our duty to keep all the drugs and weapons in the state. Let’s get to the news:
NEW HARLEY-DAVIDSON FORD FOR 2004–Here are some shots of the 2004 Harley-Davidson/Ford F-250 taken todayat a charity ride put on jointly by Ford Kentucky Truck Plant andUnited Autoworkers Local 862 to raise money to combat JuvenileDiabetes. The ride went approximately 200 miles through the Kentuckybourbon country and ended with a BBQ at the Makers Mark Distillery.
There was a turnout in excess of 300 riders for an inaugural event thatthe event’s organizers are already planning to repeat next year. Did Imention that the first 300 people to pre-register also received acommemorative fifth of Makers Mark Bourbon to be delivered next week?
Ride Hard , Ride Fast
–Devilhog
LA CALENDAR SHOW WINNER–Exotika, a Softail built by Cyril Huze for Bill Mc Neal & Nanette Packard, wins 1st place in Pro-Built Class at the LA Calendar Show. Exotika is Cyril’s vision of what a 21st century Hot Rod should be. High torque, smooth lines and fat rubber to burn front of your girlfriend’s parents house. The bike will be shot for the 2004 Iron & Lace calendar and will be featured later this year on the Discovery channel in the American Thunder Show.
–Cyril Huze
Tel: 561-392-5557
A BIKERNET RELIGIOUS MOMENT–God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.”
Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?”
God said, “Go down into that valley.”
Adam said, “What’s a valley?” God explained it to him.
Then God said, “Cross the river.”
Adam said, “What’s a river?”
God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill…….”
Adam said, “What is a hill?” So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave.”
Adam said, “What’s a cave?”
After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a Woman.”
Adam said, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, “I want you to reproduce.”
Adam said, “How do I do that?”
Under His breath, God mutters, “Geez…..” And then, just like everything else, God explained reproducing to Adam, as well.
So, Adam dutifully goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, angrily asked, “What is it now?”
Poor Adam inquired, “What’s a headache?”
–from Bob T.
FINAL RUN FOR BREATH UPDATE–IT’S THIS WEEKEND–Just thought I would give you one last update. Our last meeting will be held Tuesday night. So far everything is in place for this Sunday.
The last award is being shipped today from East Side Cycles in Myrtle Beach S.C. All of the awards are one-of-a-kind! The Run has really grown in five years. It used to be a Charlotte only run, now it has branched out to reach three states, N.C., S.C. and Va. The awards came from as far away as Puerto Rico (your son Jose) and the best of show all the way from Bikernet headquarters in San Pedro, California. Edge, from The Horse, called today and said he will be here Saturday. I think everyone will be blown away by the awards!
–shot from Bob T.
Anyone who doesn’t enter their bike is missing out on winning a handmade award! The cost for the bike show is only $10! Hey “THE MEANEST’S” mom is even baking 4 of her world famous cakes for the run! I also wanted to thank you and everyone at Bikernet.com for all their support, and thanks to Chris again for the great t-shirt design!
— Mike Pullin
Executive Director and Founder
Run For Breath Charity Ride For American Lung Association
MICHAEL LEEDS ? MYSTIC RACER, CYCLE ART SHOW– Renowned multi-media artist, Michael Leeds transforms the ‘flotsam and jetsam’of our society into ‘visual poetry in motion’ in the Mystic Racer exhibit at theFelix Kulpa Gallery.
The Felix Kulpa Gallery and Sculpture Garden is pleased to announceMysticRacer, Cycle Art by Michael Leeds. This premier exhibition spans 30+ years ofunseen work that delves into consumption, waste and regeneration. “In creatingthese works I search for the ‘Cosmic Glue’ – the most common denominator. Ibring essential objects into proximity to each other and only then allow them tospeak to me. These works are a manifestation of the Promethean gift oftechnology to mankind- the motorcycle as a symbol of God-like attributes;speed, power, and autonomy.” The Mystic Racer exhibit is in many ways adeparture point from the Guggenheim’s recent historical retrospective of theevolution of ‘The motorcycle as art.’
Signed, limited edition prints of the Cycle Art will be available at the gallery.These archival prints were developed in collaboration with graphic artist GuySiratt and published through Siratt Design Studio.
WHAT: Michael Leeds, Mystic Racer, Cycle Art Show
WHERE: Felix Kulpa Gallery 107 Elm St. Santa Cruz, CA 95060
WHEN: July 5- August 31, Opening reception July 5th, 4-7 p.m.For more information please call 831/421-9107 or email us atyaz@felixkulpa.com
Continued On Page 2
July 20, 2003
By Bandit | | General Posts
THE AIM/NCOM MOTORCYCLE E-NEWS SERVICE is brought to you by Aid to Injured Motorcyclists (A.I.M.) and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), and is sponsored by the Law Offices of Richard M. Lester. For more Information, call us at 1-(800) ON-A-BIKE or visit us on our website at http://www.ON-A-BIKE.com
From TheGUNNY’S SACK
I’m just getting over moving an entire three bedroom house a distance of nearly 200 miles, and it isn’t as easy now as it was a few years ago. Next time my wife says we should move, I’ll burn everything and start from scratch at the new place. Anyhow, it’s done now and we are entrenched in the new digs. Now, maybe I can concentrate on things that have been laid aside for several weeks. The run schedule here in Oregon gets really on the move thru the month of August and into September. I’ll be at runs the rest of the summer, virtually every weekend till the end of September, so please STOP BY and see me, at the “AIM/NCOM” booth!
Enough of the Gunny and his whimpering for this month, let’s get on to important stuff. By the way, I’m happy to be back in home territory even though we had a wonderful trip to the NCOM Conference in Milwaukee, and then to West Virginia and back to Oregon. And, the new grandchild came home from the hospital July 12th after doubling her birth weight and doing better than Grammaw.
Pennsylvania is FREE, I say again FREE. Their Governor signed into law the right for adults to ride sans helmet, if you either have two years of endorsed riding experience, or if you take an approved rider ed course. Another huge victory for the motorcycle community! I really feel the day will come in my lifetime that we in all states will be free again. Check the ABATE of PA website or call AIM/NCOM (1-800-ON-A-BIKE) for reference to more detailed info if you’re going to the Keystone State.
Special credit for those who worked so hard to make this momentous event take place, especially ABATE of PA, and the Sons of Liberty Riders, who have all spent years making this happen with support from the NCOM, MRF and the AMA, and lots of other concerned motorcyclists as well. Every motorcycle rider who values freedom of choice and LIBERTY in this country should raise a glass to Pennsylvania. We also must thank Governor Ed Rendell for being a man who keeps his promises! He said if it passed, he’d sign it, and he sure did. So many of our elected officials think promises are just for elections. Thank you sir from the entire motorcycle community!
Remember, we are STILL always concerned about safety and I for one will never condemn anyone who wears a hat because that’s the way they feel. It’s freedom to exercise the right of choice, and that, my friends is individual liberty, the way it should be in this country.
GRESHAM, OR: We all thought that Eugene was the harassment capitol of Oregon, but it looks like this little town and suburb just east of Portland is in the running now. The Gypsy Joker MC had their strip poker run here. About half were not club riders. The idea was to stop at girly bars here and there to get your next poker card and go on to the next stop. The Gresham police decided that they didn’t want motorcycle clubs in their town – and they even SAID so. They pulled the oldest stunt in the world. They waited ?til a small pack went through a green light and some of the last in line MAY have squeezed the yellow or red a little so they pulled the whole pack over. Oh, and with the help of about TWENTY police cars.
As if that isn’t bad enough, they had people on their bellies on the ground, HANDCUFFED for over an hour on a 95-degree day. For an alleged traffic infraction! One biker needed an ambulance from the heat. While they had them down and cuffed, these cowboy cops brandished guns in their faces, and apparently threatened and swore at folks. Said they didn’t want bikers in their town and they best get out. Nearly ALL were cited for running a red light, even though only a few MIGHT have. You don’t get to ticket EVERYBODY just because a few MIGHT have committed an infraction! Several were even cited for FELONY attempt to elude. The whole thing is bogus and stinks to high heaven. Sam Hochberg, our Oregon AIM (Aid to Injured Motorcyclists) attorney, and his associate and AIM Criminal Defense and Civil Rights Attorney Bill Redden are working the case and defending a whole slew of folks; for FREE, by the way. This sort of conduct by police anywhere is at best unprofessional, and is an abomination. I’ll keep you posted on the outcome of it all, especially if there is a CIVIL suit as well. Oh, and by the way, Gresham, Oregon is the home of the current MISS AMERICA, Katy Harmon, I believe she is. A little ironic. REAL AMERICANS, aren’t they, the Gresham Police? What a travesty.
PORTLAND, OR.: In August, Harley-Davidson has Portland as one of the “Kick-off” points for their 100-year Anniversary ride. A word to the wise who intend to participate: I hear that there will be lots of Police protection – hopefully without reinforcements from Gresham – and many of them will have “NOISE MONITOR” machines. This smacks of harassment to me so if you are part of the celebration just be aware.
WOMAN PLANS TO CLIMB MT. EVEREST ON A MOTORCYCLE:A lady by the name of Annie Seel plans to ride her Enduro motorcycle to Mount Everest’s base camp as a member of the Danish/Swedish climbing team in August this year. Base camp is at 16,732 feet. Seel will make the round trip from Kathmandu. Gonna be a pretty good climb but the lady is an experienced Enduro racer, so she should be able to pull this stunt off. Hey, more power to her.
TENNESSEE: Beginning in July, riders in this great state can proceed through red lights if they stop and give the light a chance to change first. If after waiting an appropriate period of time and if nothing happens, they can advance through the light with all due caution. Many times all over this country stop lights aren’t triggered by motorcycles. I have many times sat through several lights waiting for them to change. Guess the bike isn’t heavy enough or bulky enough for the road equipment to see it as a vehicle. After a wait I carefully advance even though it’s still red. This mainly occurs at left turn intersections for me. This very past session, in Oregon, our friend Clark Brooker, an officer in the Oregon Confederation of Clubs, introduced just such a bill, all on his own! Unfortunately, it didn’t make it out of committee. Maybe next session!
WASHINGTON, DC: Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell has gone to bat for us again in our nation’s capitol. He has urged the director of the EPA to modify the proposed emissions standards for bikes. He says EPA is too stringent in their proposals. Don’t we all agree about that? I sure do and thank the Senator for his valuable help. We all want to be able to KEEP our old scoots, and keep fixing them with NEW parts. Gotta stop that EPA.
SOUTH CAROLINA: This is an item I’m seeing far to much of lately. Governor Mark Sanford may have eliminated S. Carolina’s motorcycle safety training with a veto. He vetoed $119,000.00 dollars in state funding for rider training. This is NOT a place to save money – our education is saving LIVES. Here in Oregon the training is funded by motorcyclists themselves by paying more for their motorcycle endorsements.
The present climate of shortfall budgets in many of our states is going to cause major cuts in many programs and motorcycle programs will be the first to go if the money for training isn’t dedicated and funded by bikers in some foolproof way to safeguard it from theft by bureaucrats. If you don’t, they will use our money to rectify their poor spending habits. It’s thievery at its best, folks.
In one case I’m familiar with, the bike was impounded February 2002, and the owner still hasn’t had his scoot returned. It was an assembled bike. It was inspected by, and had a title issued by the state of Oregon. Not good enough in Eugene. Hopefully, through the courts we will eventually get justice. Anyway there is more to our AIM attorneys than many of us ever see and we really appreciate what these good folks do for the motorcycle community, many times without cost to us. If you ever have questions about your rights as a biker – or, god forbid if you go down on your bike or wreck your car, these guys are ALSO experts in representing people in personal injury cases. That’s how they make a living, and get to have the TIME to RIDE, and to help US out. They’re always available, “24-7” as they say now, at 1-800-ON-A-BIKE, or www.ON-A-BIKE.com! Call ’em if you need ’em. But keep the round side on the bottom.
Gunny, Oregon AIM Chief of Staff
July 17, 2003 Part 3
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 2
30 HELD IN HELLS ANGELS RAID–Mark Henle/The Arizona RepublicOfficers gather outside the Phoenix Hells Angels clubhouse where a man was wounded Tuesday morning by Glendale SWAT police officers.Federal agents said they delivered a major blow to the Hells Angels outlaw biker gang in Arizona with predawn raids Tuesday that netted 30 arrests and left one suspect hospitalized with a bullet wound.
Virginia O’Brien, special agent in charge for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, said the case blows away two claims made by Hells Angels leaders: that they are a benevolent organization and that they cannot be infiltrated by authorities.”The Hells Angels arrested by ATF today, they don’t contribute to Toys for Tots,” she said, referring to one of the club’s charity drives. “These are the guys who contribute to firearm and drug trafficking.”U.S. Attorney Paul Charlton said the suspects include 18 members and associates of the motorcycle club who were indicted on charges that include murder-for-hire, bombmaking and machine-gun sales. He said Tuesday’s raids, combined with last year’s drug conviction of leaders from the group’s Arizona Nomad chapter, is “the most significant investigation and prosecution of Hells Angels in the state.”
More than 500 peace officers took part in the operation, serving warrants on bikers and other organized-crime suspects from Kingman to Marana. The targets included the club’s Cave Creek, Tucson, Flagstaff and Chino Valley chapters.
The raids culminated a two-year investigation headed by two undercover ATF agents and a Phoenix police detective who managed to infiltrate the Hells Angels. Charlton said that the investigation is not over and suggested that superseding indictments may contain additional charges and suspects.
Club leaders could not be reached for comment, but Pat “Pooh Bear” Conley, chairman of the Arizona Confederation of Motorcycle Clubs and the president of the Sober Riders Motorcycle Club, said he is suspicious of the criminal case.”I think this is trumped up,” said Conley, whose organization counts the Hells Angels as a member group. “If anyone is guilty, they are as individuals. It has nothing to do with the club. They do not practice organized crime. If so, they don’t need to put on fund-raisers.”
Reach the reporter at dennis.wagner@arizonarepublic.com or (602) 444-8874.
–from Rogue
WOMEN & MOTORCYCLING EXHIBIT TO APPEAR AT STURGIS MUSEUM DURING 2003RALLY–PICKERINGTON, Ohio — The Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum has announcedthat the traveling version of its acclaimed “Women & Motorcycling”exhibit will be on display at the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum and Hall ofFame during the 2003 Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.
The exhibit centers around colorful illustrated panels, packed withinformation about the role of women in American motorcycling. The panelsinclude timelines depicting milestones from the past century, quotesfrom notable women past and present, and the names of more than 1,500women who are currently active in various aspects of motorcycling.
The goal of the Women & Motorcycling exhibit is to show visitors thatmany women have contributed to the evolution and growth of motorcycling,from the sport’s earliest days. The traveling version of the MotorcycleHall of Fame Museum’s Women & Motorcycling exhibit has been installed in15 cities since 2000.
“After the Women & Motorcycling exhibit’s great success here at theMotorcycle Hall of Fame Museum, we were asked to show it at otherlocations around the U.S.,” said Mark Mederski, Executive Director ofthe Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum. “So we adapted it to travel, andwe’re pleased to loan it to the Sturgis Motorcycle Museum and Hall ofFame for the next twelve months.”
Formore information, call (614) 856-2222, or visit the Museum’s web site atwww.motorcyclemuseum.org.
BIKERNET SENIOR DEPARTMENT–A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at thetellerwindow “I want to open a damn checking account,”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I musthavemisunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not toleratedin thisbank.” The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bankmanager toinform him of her situation.
The manager agrees that the tellerdoes nothave to listen to that foul language. They both return to thewindow andthe manager asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be theproblem here?”
“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won 50million bucks inthe damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account inthis damnbank.”
“I see,” says the manger, “and is this bitch giving you a hardtime?”
–from Bob T.
WORLD RENOWNED WIRING DIAGRAM FROM THE HORSE ARCHIVES–Here is the diagram for “burnt out headlights” in the “Your shot” section.
–from T.B.
We have a letters to the editor section called It’s Your Shot. If you need tech answers or just want to bitch about the site, we answer letters every goddamn day. Doesn’t mean you’ll get the answer you want, but you’ll get it fast.–Bandit
Deacon, master mechanic, from Oahu.
HAWAIIAN MECHANICAL CONNECTION–Did you ever wonder what was the acclaimed difference between Shovels and Evos? Have you had a lingering desire to make your Shovel rebuild last as long as an Evo’s? Well we strangled the answers to those question out of Deacon from Pro Street Cycle Shop in Hawaii.
The formula should be launched today if the Digital Gangster wakes up.
–Wrench
Piston comparison from Evo/Shovel tech.
LAUNCH YOUR OWN BIKE FEATURE–Tired of $75,000 bikes hogging the pages in all the mags? On Bikernet you can feature your own bike. You can tell your own story and not have it torn to piece by some bullshit editor, like me.
Buckshot just sent his bike in with his own story. It doesn’t matter if it’s cool, a Shovel, Pan or Knuckle. You post it and your tale of woe. Just go to the Reader’s Showcase section and do the job for the world to see. At least, if you fuck it up, you can’t blame it on me.
–Bandit
THAT’S IT, I THINK–I dropped in Cindy’s Century Motorcycle banner ’cause she’s always there when we need assistance. In this case, at 7:00 in the evening she poured the acid into our Goliath battery so I could trickle charge in on a Battery Tender all night. Watch for features on this bike in American Rider.
We get so buried in wrenches and parts we fail to mention the softer sex. I was clammoring thru the tool box like a mad scientist yesterday. We had a goal to build this scoot, once painted, in a week. We basically made it, if it wasn’t for the all the bullshit wiring. I was stressing yesterday, finishing final details, when a soft voice interrupted the grinder. “Would you like a sandwich or me for lunch,” Sin whispered in my ear.
I drug my grubby self into the head, washed my hands and unshaven face and ran to the bedroom. What a difference an hour in the sack makes to a overly stressful day. Ya gotta try it. Thank you, Sin.
I know there’s more to report, but we’ve got to hit the garage.
Ride forever,
–Bandit
July 17, 2003 Part 2
By Bandit | | General Posts
Continued From Page 1
COAST TO COAST BIKER NEWS–Compiled and Edited by Bill Bish for the National Coalition of Motorcyclists. PENNSYLVANIA HELMET FREEDOM! CONGRATULATIONS to ABATE of Pennsylvania and Keystone State motorcyclists, who scored a monumental victory over the Independence Day Weekend when Governor Edward G. Rendell signed a helmet law repeal on July 6, 2003, making Pennsylvania the 31st state to allow adult freedom of choice.
We run two news segments a month from A.I.M. and the National Coalition of Motorcyclists, on motorcycling freedom and legislative efforts. For the full report go to our Bikers Rights Department.
Custom Chrome ? and Chrome Specialties ? have joined forces to bring you the most comprehensive product offering in the Harley-Davidson ? aftermarket! At over 1,400 pages and over 25,000 part numbers, our 2003 Catalog features everything from nuts & bolts to HR3 bike kits, and sets the NEW industry standard.
ONLY $9.95 + 6.95 Shipping**
Once you find the part you need, go in to Chrome Specialties down below and order online! It’s that simple.
THE BIKERNET SOUTHERN CONNECTION–Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) womenrocking away on a porch as the sultry summer’s day comes to aslow end. The horizon is awash with the sun’s setting hues. Afew pesky no-see-ums fly about.
The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says:”Sisters, I’ve been thinking. Each of us has a husband whosename is LeRoy. It’s been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes whenI yell ‘LeRoy!!’ your husband comes and sometimes yours answersand once in a while mine comes. I think it’s time we rename ourhusbands to end the confusion.”
Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by thecreaking of the old rocking chairs on the loose planks. Thefirst lady again speaks up and says, “I think I’ll name myhusband ‘Seven-UP'”.
“Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband’Seven-UP’?” queries one of the old gals.
“Why, he’s got seven inches and it’s always up!” replies thefirst lady.
The second lady then muses a bit and says, “I think I’m going toname my LeRoy ‘Mountain Dew’.”
“Why, sister, why are you going to name him ‘Mountain Dew’?”
“Well, cuz mountin’ is one thing he do real well,” the secondlady says.
Both then turn to the third woman as she rocks slowly in herchair and of her they ask, “And, what will you name yourhusband, sister?”
“I’ve been thinking that I just might name him ‘Jack Daniels’,”she said.
“Why, sister, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!!”
“That’s my LeRoy!”, the third woman responds.
–from Rogue
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THE BIKERNET TAHITI REPORT–THE TAHITI RUN LIVES!–I got a call from Kiki in Papeete today. The club went up to the hospital tosee Jean-Noel last night and he’s doing much better (bike accident). Hopefully he’ll be outof the hospital next week.He’s doing so much better in fact that he asked Kiki to ask me how’s theNovember Tahiti Trip coming along.
I kinda put it on the back burner after Jean-Noel’s accident and now I haveto get it back on track.
The Horse has been keeping me fairly busy lately. They have me writing shopand bike features in addition to my usual stuff. I’m blowing off Milwaukeeand Stoogis this year. The Tahiti Run effort for the island kids will take full priority.
–TBear
BIKERNET EDUCATIONAL DEPARTMENT–Two bikers decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.
“What’s Logic?” the first biker asks.
The professor answers by saying, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a Harley?”
“I sure do.”
“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a garage,” replied the professor.
“That’s real good!” says the biker.
The professor continues, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a garage, you also own a house.”
Impressed, the biker says, “Amazin!”
“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”
“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
The biker is obviously catching on.
“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.
“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I cain’t wait to take that logic class!!”
The biker, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting. “So what classes are ya takin’?” asks the friend.
“Math, History, and Logic!” replies the first biker.
“What in tarnation is logic???” asked his friend.
“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a Harley?” asked the first biker.
“No,” his friend replied.
“You’s QUEER, ain’t ya?”
–from Rogue
BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT– Well guys, been back for a week or so from Hawaii and still getting flooded with e-mails and calls from there. I really don’t have the slightest idea of timeframe, all I know is that we ship everything today for Sturgis, and still going like a headless chickens trying to get all the stuff ready. I just took a slight break from the bobber we are building and has to be done before the morning!
Like I was saying about Hawaii, and I don’t want to sound like I’m beating on the same broken drum, we had the TV on while working on the bike and up comes the story of the Hawaiian cowboys, the Paniolos, day after, Boarding House, then Surf Chicks. I guess the gods keep slapping me with images of the good times, while I’m busting up to get shit done. Lucky I did not have a tool in hand or the TV would be history. Anyway, it’s been so much chaos since I got back that it seems like ages since we were there. I have explained in painful detail our shipping process to all these places that I’m going, to spare you and me of it. Just put it this way, I don’t mind being to Hell, been there before.
Our good friend Melanie has sent me some material (hot photos) to add to my site, and I’m still working on the rest of the shots we took there so it’s changing all the time. If you have a chance, visit www.exoticdancersofhawaii.com to see what I’m talking about.
The board we shaped (I say we since I made a lame ass attempt to carve some foam) is on the way. J Hodge called today so by the time I get back from the Black Hills, I might be able to use it. By the way, how interesting would be a story on a board shaper? What if that guy happens to shape boards for Billy, Jesse, others, and me? Plus build bikes in his spare time (if any). Let me know at Your Shot
I want to tell all the guys who have been missing my usual ornery self not to worry. I have been relaxing a bit before and in Hawaii, but since, things have been going the way they have, I will have some pretty “controversial” reports on the way. You know a place like Sturgis, with their very friendly cops, all the “bad ass ” bikers, and mayhem at every corner will feed the need to vent….. Keep an eye out for it.
Since this is the second year that Bandit will not attend the rally, I’m going to try to send reports from the field, I mean, from the war front. Let’s see if I have some time left (or desire) to write something up, maybe I will use Your Shot.
In the events department, I have received the flyers from the first Smut Run in Ohio. If you are from that area, give the organizers a call. It’s my kind of event, riding to all the Strip Joints in the area. Fuck, I might skip the last days of Sturgis just for that… wouldn’t you?
As you know, I hate bashing stuff. But after briefly skipping the last episode of that new “famous” Discovery show, I was amazed at how much it reminded me of the antics that the old defunct Titan company did. The limos, the helicopters, the hoopla…. I guess you know the way Titan went. Just an observation, a mere observation.
Hey! Finally saw my face in Easyriders, (no thanks to Bandit ! ). Although it was a small photo, or two, the shot of my bike with no rear wheel was pretty good. As always, bow to the master Michael Lichter. (Yeah Bandit, when are you going to hook me up with your old connections? Remember I might be quitting soon!!!!!)
Guys, I’m out of here. I got to go back to the dungeon of oil, bolts and parts. The fucking dreaded shipping deadline is here, do or die! Next week is my last report before heading to the Hills. Maybe it will be juicy….maybe I will be able to sleep….But if you are heading over to Sturgis and see choppers with Puerto Rico plates, make sure to say hi. If you really hate me, I will be the guy on the Twinkie with a black leather jacket and chaps. Hit me hard in the gut, it?s my weak point…
Back to hell, I’ll say hi to Satan for you….
Jose Bikernet Caribbean report…… (wanting to get the fuck back to Hawaii)
Continued On Page 3
July 17, 2003 Part 1
By Bandit | | General Posts
We been under pressure lately with one project after another. Our news formula was altered to give us more time on Thursday and publish the news by noon West Coast Time. That means we hit the news all week and hard on Wednesday evening. Then Thursday morning we jump at the crack of dawn, boil coffee grounds and eggs, feed it to the cat (’cause it would kill me) and hit the keyboard.
This morning I had to make a run to San Pedro Muffler, my custom exhaust connection, and an auto parts store. This afternoon we will fire the CCI Goliath for the first time, but we altered the exhaust. We made three basic changes to the kit bike for the Beach Ride. We changed the mammoth license plate/taillight bracket which fucked with the exhaust. We tossed the bars and replaced them with powder coated TT bars and classic Custom Cycle Engineering risers and modified the exhaust. Next week we’ll begin to post build articles.
I think you’ll like this putt. We better get to the news. This weekend rocks with the LA Calendar Show. Bikernet is sponsoring the party on the Queen Mary on Saturday night. Come to the Observation Lounge for a cool one after a day at the show.
NEW BALDWIN AUTOCYCLE–Check this out — It is the new Baldwin Autocycle (www.baldwinautocycle.com)hand made by the California Craftsman Bobby “X-Man” Baldwin. X-Man has hada major role in keeping every Excelsior-Henderson Super X (model years 1999and 2000) running for the past four years with his company X-Man PerformanceProducts (www.xmanproducts.com). The COOL NEWS is that X-Man will beshowing the Autocycle off in Sturgis this year! The same location where E-Honce showed — Next to Days Inn off of I-90 Exit 30.
It is not a Chopper, Bobber, or a Old School Anything — It is a NeoRetroSuperCruiser! It relies heavily on modified Super X components but featuresa major motivator — A Dodge Neon Four Banger with four Weber carbs pokingout the left side! Word is there may be a DaimlerChrysler promo tie in –Could the Viper-powered Dodge Tomahawk be there also?
When you knock on his door, tell him that Rat Bastard Super X Tim fromMinnesota sent ya.
EASY RIDER 35TH ANNIVERSARY RIDE AND ACID TRIP–Greetings from Hot as Hell Havasu! Well it’s been five years and everybody agrees that’s long enough. Next year is the 35th anniversary of The Movie so we’re going again.
Yup, New Orleans here we come. The start is May 8th and the route is the same as ’99. Six days down, three days there and whatever back. We’ll have brews in Topock where Wyatt and Billy crossed the bridge into Arizona and stop by to say hi to Bob Smart who helped us with the flat in Texas.
Arizona earned dollars will find their way into the G-Strings of the ladies at Rick’s Cabaret in Houston and we’ll eat gumbo and chug Dixie Beers at Prejeans in Lafayette.
Three nights on Bourbon Street will mean lots of beads will be offered to Vixens willing to show their stuff. I have packets with motel and route info.
–“Little” Eddie Dyer
dyer@citlink.net
HARLEY-DAVIDSON KICKS OFF ITS SECOND CENTURY–Redesigned Sportster Series and VRSC V-Rod Model Featured in 2004 Line-Up. MILWAUKEE (July 14, 2003) – As Harley-Davidson kicks off its second century, the Motor Company is preparing for an exciting new chapter in the Company’s history. Today, Harley-Davidson introduced a completely redesigned XL Sportster line and a new model in the VRSC V-Rod family to the dealer network at the company’s summer dealer meeting, held this year in Las Vegas.
“Harley-Davidson now has 100 years of experience designing and producing the greatest motorcycles in the world,” said Bill Davidson, Harley-Davidson director of marketing, motorcycle product development. “Our 2004 motorcycle line-up will lead us into a promising new century at Harley-Davidson.”
Harley-Davidson will unveil the entire 2004 model line-up to the general public on Thursday, August 28 during the Company’s 100th Anniversary celebration in Milwaukee, WI. The Company extended the 2003 model year to 14 months in order to meet anticipated demand for its 100th Anniversary models. Shipments of 2004 motorcycles to the worldwide dealer network will begin in September 2003.
CHOPPERS ONLY HAWAII COVERAGE–Will be launched today. Check both segments. The family version from our own Layla and the Dark Side from Jose of Caribbean Custom Cycles who spent the entire week in tittie bars and surfing with Billy Lane. Watch for the coverage, which will begin today.
Old shot from Bob T.
PAPPY NOMINATED TO STURGIS HALL OF FAME–I’ve nominated PAPPY for entrance to the Sturgis MotorcycleMuseum and Hall of Fame. I feel he deserves this nomination more thananyone. I’m asking my friends to do this also. I’m from CT and went ona lot of protest runs with the HUNs in the ’70s. I rode with a clubcalled NSKK and was in the Willimantic chapter. They called me FONZ. Let’s make this happen.
–Paul “The Fonz”
ppaulhus@earthlink.net
MAKIN’ LOVE ON BIKERNET–The Italian says, “When I’ve a finished a makina da love with ah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy.”
The Frenchman replies, “Zat is noting, when Ah’ve finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy.”
The redneck says, “That ain’t nothing buddy. When I’ve finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains.She hits the freakin ceiling
–from Ken Miller
THE CRAZYHORSE RAMBLING REPORT–And from the I-Must-Be-Getting-Old Dept, I had my yearly reunion ofhigh school buddies and their kids, at my house two weeks ago. Thisyear, one of the gals brought her 17 nephew from California. Heproceeded to enlighten us old gals on just how ignorant we are. Likehow we don’t know about 420 (time to smoke weed) and many otherthings like whiskey gin (most folks call it Scotch) and how anyonewith any brains would know a good business opportunity (like buyingwhite china in the South and selling in LA. (They’re not looking fordrugs on planes anymore, he informed us.) But we are hopelesslybehind the times and would not indulge his dreams. Last I heard, thenephew was shipped home WITHOUT his china. How on earth didwe get through the 70’s without this kid’s knowledge? Hell, if we hadwaited everyday for 4:20.
And then there were the big storms that passed through NC lastweekend. Lightning flashed, thunder rumbled, and the rain poured ondown in sheets. There were even a few tornados north of Charlotte. Iwas sleeping soundly when I was awoken at 4 a.m. by the sound of a puppycrying. As I got up, I figured it was a puppy that had gotten lost onthe storm and had taken refuge on my porch. I grabbed the flashlight,which was rendered quite dim, from the previously mentioned nephew, andwent outside. I looked all around, no puppy. I shinned the weak lightaround the garage, then looked out at the in-ground swimming pool.
Inthe flashes of lightning, I could see something odd by the side ofthe pool. Had I left something there? As I walked closer, I could seetwo misshapen heads staring at me. Had aliens landed in Waxhaw andbecome stranded in my pool? It wasn’t until I was right on top ofthem, when I saw that the strangely shaped heads belonged to two boxerdogs clinging for dear life to the edge of the pool. And they weren’tjust any boxer dogs. They were two of the stupidest boxer dogs I’d ever met. Oneof them was less than a foot from the edge of the stairs leading outof the pool. I debated the wisdom of grabbing the collar of a strangedog with big teeth and decided that my pool liner was more important.So I grabbed one then the other, and dragged them over the steps.They then scampered off to wherever their home was. By now my Germanshephard in the house was barking. The lightning was still flashing andit was 4am. I didn’t think things could get any more weird than two500-pound pigs trying to get into the cat pen a few years back.
This week’s paint job belongs to one of my favorite bike builders, JimBortles, AKA my husband. The hardtail this tank is destined for iscurrently going to together in my garage. Jim hopes to have the bike ready for Sturgis. Neither of us have ever been out there, so this year,actually in 15 days, we’ll be heading that way.
Hopefully, no boxerdogs will get lost in our pool while we’re gone.
—-Crazy Horse
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