Continued from Page 1

MIKE CUNNINGHAM– from Easyriders’ dealer development is nowin charge of Bikers Dream dealer development?

BILL GATES’ ADVICE TO STUDENTS– about 11 things you will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept sets them up for failure in the real world.

RULE 1: Life is not fair – get used to it.

RULE 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

RULE 3: You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a carphone. Until you earn both.

RULE 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure.

RULE 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping – theycalled it opportunity.

RULE 6: If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7: Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaningyour clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your ownroom.

RULE 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failinggrades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get theright answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance toANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actuallyhave to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.

V-TWIN TAKES TWO BOOTHS FOR POWERSPORTS DEALER EXPO SHOW 2001– V-Twin Holdings Inc.(OTCBB:VTWN) today announced thecompany would attend and display two booths at the upcoming 33rd AnnualDealernews International Powersports Dealer Expo being held Feb. 17-19 in Indianapolis. One booth will feature V-Twin?snewest Web-based, wholesale procurement subsidiary, CycleClick.com. Thesecond booth will feature the Bikers Dream (www.bikers-dream.com) licensingdivision, another wholly owned subsidiary of V-Twin, which operates sixdealerships and licenses the name to 16 independent dealers in 14 states.

Roger Cheek, CEO of V-Twin Holdings stated, ?We are glad to be a part ofthismajor event and are pleased that we are able to launch CycleClick.com atthistime. It is our aim to sign new licensees for Bikers Dream and add to ourgrowing list of new dealers and manufacturers for CycleClick.com with theexposure we anticipate from the show. Our goal is to be known as aB2B, Web-based marketplace builder that integrates industry brick-and-mortarwith a powerful Web-based e-procurement system.?

For additional information, including a copy of the updated financials forV-Twin Holdings Inc., visit the company’s Web site: www.vtwin.net; or call CFSGat (800) 625-2236.

Hey Bandit: Further to my last comment about V-Twin, I was speaking with ananonymous inside source who told me that V-Twin overall is working reallyhard to make a great company and contribution to the motorcycle industry.

Although my professional experience with them had some really frustratingbumps, which the company has since smoothed, their goals seeminglyare in the right place and they want to do right by people and the business.

They are aggresively staffing up and organizing the company. It’s a longroad, though, and everybody deserves a chance to shine and make a place forthemselves in this world. The V-Twin, Bikers Dream and Cycle Click team want to service themarketplace, streamline and evolve their business, and establish greatbusiness and customer relationships. It’s an ambitious goal and a tougheconomical climate (though our industry isn’t really suffering).

Based upon Rich’s keen effort to mend the angst that was caused because Iwas not paid for months and felt like I got the runaround, I’ll saythat, as a leader at the helm of this motorcycle company….he wants to dowhat’s right and he’s alright with me. Rich…keep it real and ridetough. –Sasha

GENERATION GAP–Generation Gap An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue,yellow. The old man just stared at him.

The young man said “What’s the matter old fart, never done anything wildin your life?”

The old man replied, “Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my kid.”

THE OLD FART ASSOCIATION–This association was formed when every one started calling me and a few buds “OLD” FARTS, from the “OLD Core” humm. No colors, no meetings and no dues, just riding and beer drinkin!

Rules Requirements
1. seeing a brother, buy him a beer
2. allowing a nap after a 6-pack
3. no bitchen unless someone is there to hear you
4. tums/bengay are community property.
5. if a bud falls, check that he is breathing, then buy him a beer
6. asking a bud to hold your bike while you start it is ok!
1.GRAY HAIR !
2. own a bike or know someone who owns a bike
3.wish you were in bed and not drinking
4.rembember when scooters did not cost $20,000.
5 know who Marlon Brando is and what he rode in the movie

Membership is free, but ya gotta meet the requirementsGRAY HAIR, RIDE and DRINK BEER!

This is the addresshttp://home.earthlink.net/~tgoode/old-farts.html

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me abeer before it starts.” The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minuteslater, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.” The wife is furious. She yells at him,

“Is that all you’re going to do tonight, you piece of shit? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fatfuckin’ slob, and furthermore …”

The man sighs and says, “Aww fuck. It’s started.”

THE LOS ANGELES CALENDAR MOTORCYCLE SHOW EXPANDS– to two days this year, July 21-22.The West Coast’s largest Streetbike Show, the White Brothers / Performance Machine / Hot Bike magazine -presented LA Calendar Motorcycle Show was a huge sellout success again last year at the new Queen Mary Event Park in Long Beach. So for this year, producer Jim Gianatsis is expanding theshow to all the spectators and to give exhibitors more time to set up. Show times will run noon to 8 p.m. on Saturday, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Sunday. For the same $15 admission price as last year, spectators will get a two-day show admission pass, admission to the Queen Mary and a fireworks display aboard the ship on Saturday night. Plus, our normal live musical entertainment, beautiful girls, the country’s best custom bike contest and so much more! I hope all the Bikernet readers will join us. Maybe we can talk Bandit into helping us with the judging of the custom bike contest.

Complete details are online athttp://www.FastDates.com

QUANTUM CYCLE REPORT– I have recently recieved my W-2 form from American Quantum Cycles and ithad numerous errors in it. I am not surprised. It has come to my attention that I am not the only one this has happenedto. I have contacted the court and requested that they have mine and any oneelse who has a problem with their W-2 statement corrected. I will also be going to the Internal Revenue Service to see what they say. I would like to suggest that you check your W-2 against your last pay checkreporting slip and make sure it is correct. If not, contact the court andthe IRS.

LAW ABIDING CITIZENS HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR–The same type of “biometric authentication” face scanning system inuse on the streets of London and Japan is now being used in the U.S.Everyone at the Super Bowl had their faces scanned without knowing it.Tampa, Fla., Jan. 29, 2001 -Graphco Technologies Inc. (G-TEC=99),aleading developer of technology and solutions for biometricauthentication,secure access and expert information-sharing systems, announced todaythatthey provided a surveillance and facial recognition system at theRaymond James Stadium in Tampa and at Ybor City, Florida. The system wasinplace from Jan. 21-28 to monitor potential criminalactivities during the sporting events and related activities at the twolocations.

“Not everyone comes to sporting events with good intentions,” says DavidWatkins, G-TEC’s managing director. “The multiple distractions at thenation’s premier athletic events provide criminals with opportunities toengage in a variety of illegal activities. G-TEC’s facial recognitionsystem provided the Raymond James Stadium with a superior surveillancesystem that not only captures images of individuals, but also comparestheirfacial features against a database of known felons.”

=46aceTrac=99 is a trademark of Graphco Technologies, Inc. FaceFINDER=99 is a trade mark of Viisage, Inc, http://www.viisage.com/january_29_2001.htm

THREE MEN WERE DRINKING– in a bar, a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine, he said, “For Valentine’s Day,I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamondring.”

As the attorney was drinking his martini, he said, “For Valentine’s Day,I’m going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey, he said, “For Valentine’s Day, I’m going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the T-shirt, she can go fuck herself!”

LET’S RIDE—THE TRAIN–for those in the Pacific Northwest or who don’t have lots of time, theAmtrak rail ride to Milwaukee for the 100th anniversary would be a goodway to get you and your bike there and back. Two days over, a week there,and two days back, or something like that.

Call Russ or Barb Martz
(253) 848-5130 weekdays
(360) 289-9744 weekends

LEAVE IT TO A FRENCHMAN– to send me this….from Fennec of the Celtic Brotherhood MC…

“The following is a short and rather amusing true story as seen recently by millions of viewers on a Spanish TV channel.The parents of a teenage girl decided to put their daughter’s name forward for a popular surprise game show. She idolized teeny-bopper pop star Ricky Martin, and it was arranged for TV cameras to be placed discreetly throughout the house. The house was then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girl’s bedroom– all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise when she returned home from school. Meanwhile, the parents were in the show’s studio, in front of a live studio audience.

Upon returning from school, the daughter didn’t go straight to her room as expected; Instead she began to investigate the house, calling out the names of her family to see if anyone was at home. Having established that she was on her own, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and removed a large tin of pate. At this stage, the live TV audience is wondering what the hell is going on. She then went back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to quickly remove all her clothes and spread pate all over her naughty bits.

Remember at this stage, that Ricky Martin is still hidden in the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a nubile young girl stark naked on the bed with pate all over her crotch.As if the parents were not shocked enough by this, the daughter then calls the family dog, who obediently trots up the stairs to settle down to his favorite meal.

The broadcast is abruptly cut. A set of acutely embarrassed parents are left in front of a deadly quiet studio audience, while a few million Spaniards sit in front of their TVs pissing themselves with laughter. Consequently, sales of tinned pate have skyrocketed.”

–Deasal

MOTORCYCLE DEMOLITION DERBY AND THRILL SHOW– On March 9, the Motorcycle Demolition Derby and Thrill Show will return to New Smyrna Speedway for the twelfth time. The popular motorcycle thrill show annually entertains overflow crowds of fans from all over the country during Bike Week. This year is no exception as the speedway staff has brought back the most-asked-for events and added some new ones.

The main draw is, of course, the Motorcycle Demolition Derby. The event is open to anyone who wishes to ride in it. The bikers are encouraged to enter their own motorcycles. Since very few riders choose to do this, the speedway provides a large amount of running bikes to pick from. The action is fast and furious with a no-holds-barred set of rules. The winner is determined by the last rider standing or running, as the case may be. There are preliminary events and a monster feature event open to all the riders that survived the preliminaries.

For added entertainment, the three-hour show will include several professional stuntmen doing what comes naturally. World famous stuntman “Death Wish” Dan Elders will attempt to jump a motorcycle over a running helicopter.

Stuntman J. J. Steel will lay down a motorcycle at 70 mph and slide it through a curtain of fire.

Fred Sibley will burn a pile of motorcycles and cars into a molten heap with his jet powered truck.

Jesse the human bomb will blow himself off a bar stool using sticks of dynamite.

Other stunts planned for the event will include the trailer trash stunt, which is described by the speedway event department as crashing a car through a 70-foot mobile home end to end, rollerblading over a fire at 50 mph, an auto T-bone crash, an automobile demolition derby, the exciting rollover contest and, back by popular demand, the wall of steel.

Along with the planned stunts, the fans will be invited to come out of the grandstands and join the fracas with a wheelie contest and the world’s largest beer chug contest.

The Motorcycle Demolition Derby and Thrill Show is sponsored in part by Gilly’s Pub 44, Skips Shoes and Boots and Harley-Davidson.

New Smyrna Speedway is located at the intersection of State Route 44 and Tomoka Farms Road (Route 415), 10 miles south of Daytona Beach. The gates open at 6 p.m.; the show starts at 8 p.m. For further information, call New Smyrna Speedway at (904) 427-4129. Be there, be there, be there!

A YOUNG JEWISH KID– excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love andis going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bringover three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees andthe next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits themdown on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma.Guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The redhead in the middle.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

“I don’t like her.”–from the Original 5-Ball

STATE MOTTOS–
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really are One of the 50 States
Ohio: We Wish We Were In Michigan
Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl… It’s What’s For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We’re Not Really An Island
South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn’t Surrender!

THAT’S IT FOR METhis morning started slow with three aspirin and a bowl of cereal. The sun was glistening off the harbor and I needed to ride. I also needed to congratulate Jason Douglass, Mike Osborn and Jon Towle, who are now partners in this madness we call the Bikernet Empire. Now they owe me big time. I tried to launch into the news, but Valentine’s night haunted me. On my list was picking up trophies, which are adorned with billiard 5-balls that just rolled in from a billiard supply company in New York. You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to find 5-balls. I’m putting the finishing touches on a chapter for my next as-yet nameless book, but it contains the HORSE Vince and Chance series. My brain cells finally cooperated enough to let me write an editorial on some of my past shenanigans, also for HORSE.

If Lee Clemens will talk to me, I’ll interview him next week for Hot Rod Bikes. The oldest living H-D mechanic, Earl Kellerman, turned us down for an interview. He works at Bartels’ and I was told he was a crotchety old fart, but good people if you can corner him in a good mood. We’re about to launch Bandit’s Cantina, with games, Fast Date Girls from Jim and all my books in an e-book format for less than the cost of one beer a month. Watch for it. Alright, so I was scrambling around here this morning like a wheel losing its spokes when there was a gentle tap on the door. Sin was headed for school, but had a while to play. Suddenly my day was in focus, my life fulfilled and the dream of riding a Big Dog motorcycle to Daytona a near-reality. Life is good on the coast once more. Let’s ride–Bandit.

Check out the Samson Exhaust story we have posted on the site. With painter Phil’s assistance, we picked the colors for the 1928 Shovelhead that’s being built at the Dallas Easyriders store. Our billboard was slapped up on Speedway Boulevard today to the glee of thousands of Speed Week visitors. Tomorrow, the Big Black Buell goes under the knife at the Harley-Davidson Fleet Center, where we’ll exchange cams, modify the carb and replace the exhaust with Screamin’ Eagle Performance headers. In addition, we’ve been experimenting with the ignition on the ’48 Panhead and returned to a manual advance distributor for a cleaner spark and a more consistent idle. In talking with Mr. Giggie from Compufire, he began to work on a single fire manual advance electronic distributor. Then the pre-Valentine’s Day storm hit with typhoon-like fury. The girls ran off and Valentine’s Day plans went to hell in a handbasket. Just when I thought I would be sipping Jack at Harold’s place by myself, a redhead strolled in to the headquarters and before I knew it, we were scratchin’ and clawing.

We best hit the news:

BUELL REPORT–Something that a lot of customers have been inquiring about is info on the new Buell shift linkage for 2001.The new shifter kit is cleaner looking and has a better feel when shifting. You don’t get all that rattling noise and sloppy feeling with the new linkage. In my opinion, the old linkage looked like an afterthought and the new stuff looks like it’s supposed to — trick, clean and functional.

There are two kits available now on an upgrade for the new shift linkage for X1s, M2 and S3/T Buells. MSRP is $99.95. 97-00 S3T Buells require a left fairing lower change also. P/N: M1000.MA MSRP $242.

P/N: 49092-01Y for X1 kit
P/N: 49074-01Y for M2 and S3/T kits

On to another subject here, and that is the membership in Buell BRAG, short for Buell Riders Adventure Group.This is automatically issued to a purchaser of a new, unregistered Buell.You can also join BRAG but you must own a Buell. There is an associate membership available for a passenger or family member of a full member.

Full memberships are good for one year and there are also two- and three-year renewals available.The BRAG deal is like H-D’s HOG membership in that it has just about all the same benefits, the Fly and Ride program, insurance, roadsideassistance, etc.You can contact BRAG at (888) 432-BRAG or go to the Buell Web site at Buell.com and click on the BRAG Web page for information on upcoming nationalevents such as Daytona Bike Week.

In the past at the national events there are usually lots of people from Buell to answer questions. It’s a good place to get information onrecalls that you might need done, if any.Places like Road America in Wisconsin in June are also a good place to see the latest “hot rod” Buells from riders all over the country.There is usually something going on at Hal’s H-D. Buell usually has a open house and big barbecue at the factory and offers rides to the race track, etc.

So to be totally in the loop, a Buell rider really needs to be a BRAG member. Check it out. It’s a good thing.

–Paul

THE RIGHT APPROACH–Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do.?Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”

His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, ‘You as horny as I am?’ . . . and, she always acts like she’s sound asleep!”

EPA CLARIFIES PUBLIC COMMENT PERIODRIDERS GET MORE TIME TO FILE COMMENTS–Washington, D.C. The intense response from the motorcycling communitygenerated in large measure by the Motorcycle Riders Foundation prompted theEnvironmental Protection Agency to clarify itsschedule for proposed rulemaking on new emissions standards for streetmotorcycles.

The practical upshot? Motorcycle riders now have more time to file publiccomments and more time to inform other riders — especially the smallbusinesscommunity — and get them involved.

Among the points of clarification made by the EPA:
1. The deadline for the proposed rule is Sept. 14, and the EPA willconsider comments and data [the agency receives] throughout [its]development ofthe proposed rule.

2. Under the consent decree, which impacts off-road, not street,motorcycles, the final rule would follow a year later, with at least onepublic hearing and additional opportunities for public comment after thepublication of the proposed rule and before development of the finalrule. The EPAanticipates working with stakeholders throughout the rule developmentprocess,and anyone can join the debate at any time in the coming months.

3. The EPA also told MRF that any action they take regarding highway motorcycles isnottied to the consent decree timeline, adding that the agency would considerputting street bikes on a schedule separate from that for off-road bikes.The call to action is clear — motorcyclists nationwide should take fulladvantage of this new opportunity.

1. If you haven’t submitted your publiccomments, do so:a. BY MAIL. Send paper copies of written comments (in duplicate, if possible)to: Margaret Borushko, U.S. EPA National Vehicle and Fuels EmissionLaboratory, 2000Traverwood, Ann Arbor, Mich. 48105b. VIA E-MAIL. Send e-mail comments to: nranprm@epa.gov.

2. If you haven’t written to your congressman and U.S. senators, do so.Simplyprovide them a copy of your public comment.

3. Provide this alert toriders,dealers and custom shops in your area. Don’t forget sport-bike riders, theyhave as much to lose as cruiser riders. Review with them all MRF materialsonthe issue, and urge that they get involved by providing their comments tothe EPAand to their congressman and U.S. senators.

4. In all correspondence, refer to Docket A-2000-01, the “Control ofEmissionsFrom Non-road Large Spark Ignition Engines, Recreational Engines (MarineandLand-Based), and Highway Motorcycles.”

See our legislative page for MRF comments on the proposed legislation.

EXCELSIOR-HENDERSON’S FUTURE LOOKS DIM– Apparently this will be the final shake-out year for new motorcycle manufacturers that can’t make it over the hump. We want to say up front that we respect the dreams, the efforts and the ultimate challenge to build a new motorcycle, so it is with a great degree of remorse that we report on failing bike companies.

Florida-based E.H. Partners, the owner of The Excelsior-Henderson Motorcycle Manufacturing Co., has given no indication that it will resume motorcycle production. It continues to lay off employees and requires cash only for motorcycle parts. And dealers are reportedly not receiving reimbursement for warranty work.

ULTRA MOTORCYCLE COMPANY CHANGES TICKER SYMBOL–according to reports on the street and in the press, Ultra is making headway in the market. Recently they announced that UMC has changed its ticker symbol from “BIKR” to “UMCC.” The change was prompted by the company’s formal name change to Ultra Motorcycle Co.

WILL TITAN SURVIVE?–Titan announced the court approval for new debtor in possession financing of $250,000, which should become available within the week. The company also expects to secure a second $250,000, and to secure a larger, longer-term loan shortly thereafter to carry the company through its reorganization anticipated for later this year.

JOHN SIEBENTHALER, THE MASTERMIND behind the new Daytona Bikernet billboard, is also responsible for the new twist gear advertising campaign. A biker and a giant in design and creativity, John has worked within the industry for growing companies such as TP Engineering and several years ago for Easyriders.

HARLEY-DAVIDSON INC. DECLARES DIVIDEND–Harley-Davidson Inc. (NYSE:HDI) announced that on Feb. 8 its Board of Directors approved aquarterly cash dividend of 2.5 cents per share, payable March 23 toshareholders of record as of March 12. The company currently hasapproximately 302.4 million shares of common stock outstanding.

Harley-Davidson Inc. is the parent company for the group of companies doingbusiness as Harley-Davidson Motor Co., Buell Motorcycle Co. andHarley-Davidson Financial Services Inc. Harley-Davidson Motor Co., theonly major U.S.-based motorcycle manufacturer, produces heavyweightmotorcycles and offers a complete line of motorcycle parts, accessories,apparel and general merchandise. Buell Motorcycle Co. produces sportand sport-touring motorcycles. Harley-Davidson Financial Services Inc.provides selected financial services to Harley-Davidson dealers andcustomers.

SAVE AN ARTIST, BUY A CLOCK–C.J. the mad engraver once led his club of six into a bar packed with 75 of the nastiest, red freak riders on the coast. It was a trap, but they walked out alive. Throughout his career, he worked with the very best, from Von Dutch to Paul Jefferies. He has just launched a series of 10 polished rotor clocks for the true biker artist. Each one will be engraved and they roll out the door for just over a C-note. For more information, drop an e-mail to Bandit@bikernet.com.

CYLINDERS AND RODS–I have a set of Harley-Davidson Evo cylinders that I just took off one of myengines. They are stock bore, black wrinkle painted with polished fins. They shouldbe honed to .010 oversize for best results. I’m asking $200 for the set.

Also, I have a set of S&S connecting rods for $100 andJims billet aluminum lifter blocks with a set of big axle lifters for$200.

MAN MARRIES TV–An Australian man has, according to a British Web site called Megastar,married his television. The twice-divorced, 42-year-old man says,

”MyTV gives me countless hours of pleasure without fussing, fighting orbackchat. So I feel I’m better off marrying it rather than anotherdamn woman. One day it just came to me in a thunderbolt — mytelly’s the best companion I’ve ever had. This is one wife who won’tnag me.”

BEVERLY HILLS BIKE SHOW–This year, Craig Germeroth is in charge of a charity bike show on March 18at the Beverly Hills Mercedes dealership. So far we have about 20 HamsterBikes coming, including Arlen’s newest bikes. There will be tons of press and lots of high-dollar spectators.Otis Chandler is bringing bikes and cars.

This is the 7th year of the show.If it goes well, it will be by invitation only within two years. Many of thecars are worth over $1 million.

We alsowill need some judges. Booths are only $500. Bike entries are $30. Craig’s cell phone number is (818) 399-4242, if you have any questions, or you can e-mail him at lahamster@aol.com.

Continued on Page 2

Continued from Page 2

BIKERNET BIG APPLE BABE REPORT–Biker Chic makes the fashion headlines! The February issue of Elle Magazinefeatured an eight page spread of motorcycle inspired fashion. Biker chic isagain in the spotlight. Top designers are in their freedom creative statemarrying the idea of open road with glamour amore motorcycle styles. Therunways are expected to be littered with two-wheel freedom seeker designs.Hurry up and take advantage of the leather sales at your local dealer beforethe fashion brigade drives up the prices of riding gear!

Why are the fashion honchos turning to bikers? Well, being a biker andwearing leather is a sexy strong statement that says: I am in control and Iam free. And, yes, leather protects us against the nasty spills–andperhaps that represents a metaphor in life. Leather, hardcore, screw you,it’s my life–and if life cracks ya in the jaw and ya fall, well, hellsbells, you got on your leathers.

Lots of the magazines, TV ads and the like are featuring bikers because thatvery statement stirs the core desire in everyone’s soul: I’m free, I amFREE. It’s my life and I’ll do what I want. So, be your crazy, sexy coolbiker grunge self and someone just might feature you on TV or in afashionable spread. Now, excuse me while I put on my designer helmet andstraddle my designer ride. — Sasha, Godiva Biker of NYC.

TENTH ANNIVERSARY BEACH RIDE 2001 TO ROAR AGAIN ON SUNDAY, JULY 15– The Tenth Anniversary of Beach Ride, the biggest annual summer bike ride on this side of the Rockies, will roar again on Sunday, July 15, 2001 at San Buenaventura State Beach and Park in Ventura. Gates open at 10:00 a.m. and admission is $30.00.

Headlining this year, back by popular demand, The World Classic Rockers featuring original and former members of Eagles, The Moody Blues, Toto, Wings, Steppenwolf, Foreigner and Spencer Davis. Enjoy the Ms. and Mr. Beach Ride Contest, over 200 vendors, tattoo contest, bike show, food and lots of fun.

Various starting points throughout Southern and Central California.

Information can be obtained by calling the Beach Ride Hotline at (800) 696-3727, or by visiting the Beach Ride website at “http://www.beachride.com”or the ECF website at www.ecf-la.org.

THE THREE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THE USA– Bush, Dick and Colon.Makes you think, doesn’t it?

JOB OFFER–I am desperately looking for a rep in California. If you know anyindependent reps that would be interested in a full line of ATV and snowmachine accessories and novelty helmets, bike locks and goggles AND a sweetnewly designed travel bag for motorcycles designed by ME, please let me know.

–Kyle…Krkucin@aol.com

COAST TO COAST IN AUSTRALIA–4,300kmPerth to Sydney (29 Nov – 14 Dec 2000)Have you ever seen a travelling international motorcycle museum ?The Coast to Coast Rally for classic, vintage and veteran bikes was a bitlike that. It gathered unusual historic machines including solos, scootersand even a sidecar. Most of them arrived in Australia from Europe and morespecifically from France, Italy, Switzerland and Holland. The contingentfrom the Southern Hemisphere, although less numerous, featured the oldestbikes of the rally and also some very unusual models of classicHarley-Davidson machines.

The idea to organise such an event originated in November 1999 when in agroup of four we were riding scooters across the Australian Nullarbor. InBalladonia, the pictures of the 1926 Harley-Davidson Crossing (Perth-Sydney)gave us the idea to follow their path on historic bikes. Subsequently, for afew months three of us (Tino Sacchi, Jean-Claude Mazzella Di Bosco and I)were looking in Europe, New Zealand, the USA and in Australia for riders whowould like to join such an event.

DAYTONA POLICE REPORT ON BIKE WEEK–Cops gear up to take on bikers.Police are starting the new year with a conference designed to prepare themfor their war on outlaw motorcycle clubs. The International Association ofUndercover Officers are holding a five day training program entitledUndercover Biker’s Conference to be held in Orlando, Florida during DaytonaBike Week. The 32 hours seminar is to address the problems and pitfalls ofundercover investigations involving outlaw motorcycle clubs. Speakersinclude officers directly involved in supervision or participated ininfiltration of a motorcycle club.

The rhetoric and propaganda has already started as organizers are keepingthe location of the event secret due to alleged security reasons, statingthat some of the speakers are under threat of physical harm. Only thoseregistered will be told of the location and only certified law enforcementofficers will be allowed to enter. Speakers will include BATF agents, policeinvestigators, detectives and Forensic experts with over 65 years ofexperience with motorcycle groups. There are also speakers whose identitiesare being kept secret for security reasons.

Topics will include:Initial Contact Lack of Cover Becoming a Probate Special Concerns of theUndercover Officer

Hang Around Status Public Perception Supervisory Concerns of Investigations

Motorcycle Identification – Is it Stolen?Undercover Approaches Electronic Surveillance Techniques Violence within the

Target Group Money Laundering and Outlaw Motorcycle Organizations

Undercover Identification Mud Checks Old Ladies and Sexual Compromise Bikersand Methamphetamines

Firearms and Explosives The Concept of Family and Brotherhood

Risks vs.Results Psychological Support Before, During and After the Assignment

A Case Study of an Undercover Agent Who Could Not Reemerge Successfully

Personality Dynamics of Agents and OutlawsAt a similar meeting two years ago topics included Interviews vs.Interrogating, Electronic Surveillance, Vehicle Theft Fraud Schemes, GaugingPhysiological Responses and Deceptive Behavior.

TOP TEN POSSIBLE TITLES FOR MONICA LEWINSKI’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY–

10. I Suck At My Job
9. How I Blew It In Washington
8. Going Back for Gore
7. Secret Services to the President
6. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton
5. Deep Inside The Oval Office
4. How to Beat Off the Government
3. Going Down and Moving Up
2. Me and My Big Mouth

And the No. 1 Possible Title for Lewinski’s Autobiography…
1. What Really Goes Down In The White Househttp://www.bikernet.com/cybercycles/Uploaded/PhotoID161-1.jpg

VANCOUVER HOG CHAPTER MEETINGS WILL BE HELD IN JANUARY, FEBRUARY, MARCH,SEPTEMBER, OCTOBER,NOVEMBER, & DECEMBER– THE MEETING WILL BE ON THE FIRST TUESDAY EVENING AT7PM UNLESS IT FALLS ON ALONG WEEKEND. THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXT TUESDAY EVENING THAT ISNOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THEMONTHS OF APRIL, MAY, JUNE, & JULY THE MEETING WILL BE HELD ON THE FIRSTSATURDAY OF THE MONTH WITHA MYSTERY RIDE AFTER THE MEETING. UNLESS IT FALLS ON A LONG WEEKEND.THEN THE MEETING WILL BE THE NEXTSATURDAY THAT IS NOT A HOLIDAY WEEKEND. THERE WILL NOT BE A VANCOUVERCHAPTER BUSINESS MEETING INAUGUST OF THIS YEAR.

Individual Events:February 10th 3rd Annual Sweetheart Dinner Party at the Rockin HorseLounge in Maple RidgeBring a non perishable food item for the Soup Kitchen Call Dan (604)984-7831

February 18th Wacky Bowling Nite with the Honda Group Call (604)434-1502

February 24th LOH hosts a Guys ?n Gals Billiards Night… Bring a nonperishable food item for the Soup Kitchen Call (604) 434-1502

DARWIN AWARD– Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what’s coming, can’t you?). Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object, that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ‘bright’ by his peers..

STATE MOTTOS FOR 2001–

Nevada: Working Ladies and Poker
New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: Ya Wanna ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney…

BLONDS FOREVER, FOREVER BLOND– A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied,” There certainly is!” (are you ready?) … this is a beauty…. My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

BACK AT THE INFIRMARY–We wanted put vapor rub on his chest but he insisted we use this oily stuffand rub a little lower. I don’t know how much that’s gonna help his coldbut it sure put a smile on his face. Then I squirted some on Sin and we started wrestlin’ on the bed. There was oil and clothes all over the room. We were getting slippery and hot, knocking over Bandit’s warm glass of Jack Daniels.

He better get well soon. I’ve got to go back to work. Sin is missing classes and I’m beginning to think he faking it. No truly sick man has that much energy. Ah, but tomorrow it Friday, and the party begins. Where’s that oil Sin?–Coral

Continued from Page 1

AND NOW WE TAKE YOU LIVE TO A SPEECH BY REV. JESSE JACKSON–Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to thepopulation for my act of copulation.

I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexualgratification, that I could not obtain through masturbation, whichresulted in my fornication. I accepted her invitation, and providedher with excitation, stimulation, penetration, replication, andliberation.

She provided lubrication (to avoid inflammation) and I wore condomsto avoid contamination. She cried for duplication but I insistedupon termination, in spite of her fascination with variation.

This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation andprovocation of the media has resulted in my humiliation,denigration, and degradation. My wife is considering castration,which would require my hospitalization.

Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification andrehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimatevocation will not result in revocation and termination. I hope thisproclamation has provided illumination and verification and willprohibit further provocation–Thank you.

WHITE BROTHERS AND HOT BIKE PRESENT– the expanded 2-dayThe Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show, July 21st and 22ndThe West Coast’s largest Streetbike Show, our own LA Calendar MotorcycleShow was a huge sellout success again this past year at the new Queen MaryEvent Park location in Long Beach. So for 2001 we will be expanding theShow to both days of our normal 3rd July weekend date to accommodate allour fans. Complete details are on-line athttp://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow.htm

LESS THAN VALUABLE INFORMATION– American car horns beep in the tone of F. No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. 11. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

BIG DOG HIRES A NEW GUY–Big Dog is proud to announce that John Newland has joined Big Dog as director of the newly created Customer Service Department. Mr. Newland’s poiition was designed to strengthen the customer service function and enhance dealer relationships, besides he needed a job.

In this change, Mr. Newland will assume responsibility for warranty administration, warranty reporting, supplier warranty and supplier warranty recovery. He also will administer the Big Dog Service Center and authorization of field service centers. In other words, if it’s broken Newland is the man. Fortunately Big Dog has an excellent reputation for reliability, or it might be a helluva stressful job.

DRAMA IN THE DESERT–SAE/SWE is pleased to announce an exciting, special evening ofrecord-breaking, real life stories and award-winning photographyfeaturing Ms. Louise Ann “LandSpeed” Noeth. Louise is a renownedfreelance photojournalist and historian specializing on the many landspeed record attempts at Bonneville and Black Rock Desert.

Her presentation includes more than 90 full-color slide photos plusan exclusive video of the recent world record breaking attempt whileon assignment for Sports Illustrated. Louise is a dynamic speakerwith inside information on many of the race teams, including CraigBreedlove’s Spirit of America and Richard Noble’s ThrustSSC.

Meet Louise and join your peers for a great evening. Make your RSVPtoday!

MARCH MEETING NOTICE
Tuesday, March 20, 2001
Torrance Women’s Club

For more information on attending, contact:www.sae-socal.orgorshelia.flynn@HSC.com

BIKERNET RIDING TIPS–

Counter Steering: If you push the left bar, the bike goes left. If you push the right bar, the bike goes right. That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar all the way, then you will probably go left while the bike swaps ends.

Crashing: Remember riding isn’t inherently dangerous… crashing is.

The Sidelines: It’s always better to be on the sidelines wishing you were on the track than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines.

Fuel: The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

The Rear Wheel: The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt… watch. When it locks up or slides out you can actually see the rider start sweating and pucker marks are left on the seat.

Too Slow: No one has ever hit something too slow.

Rides: A ‘good’ ride is one you can walk away from. A ‘great’ ride is one you can walk away from and use the bike again.

Getting Hit: They can’t hit you if you’re not there.

Mistakes: Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Center Stands: You know you’ve left the center stand down when you’re in top gear at 4000 rpm going nowhere.

Traction: When traction is sparse, the probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability of survival and vice versa.

Fog: Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you think is another rider ahead that you can catch, might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.

Parking: Always try to keep the number of times you park the bike equal to the number of times you’ve ridden it.

Luck & Experience: You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

Laws: Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just good ideas. They’re laws not subject to repeal.

–Modest MikeStreetware:

REMEMBER VALENTINES DAY, GODDAMNIT–

My Sweet Love

My sweet love that holds me close
Jealous of others staring at your body
When I touch my hands upon you
Passion rages through me
As I ease my body down onto you
Blood flows through my veins like rivers smashing intothe seas
I realize that no other will ever touch me again
Consumed by the hunger I feel within
Sweet love of mine
You take me where no other has dared
My every being is released to explore
As my thighs tightens with your touch
Feeling your power beneath me
Power which only you possess
Sexual desires dominate my thoughts
I tighten my body down for the ride
Longing for the juices to flow
Sweet love of mine
My Harley, my Love, my Ride, my Pride.

–Sparks

CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticedthe man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately movedto another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the manburst out laughing, She complained to the driver and he hadthe man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied,”Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice hercondition. She sat under a sign that said, “The Double MintTwins are coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Slogan’sLiniment will reduce the swelling” and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a sign that said, “William’sBig Stick Did the Trick” and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and satunder a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could haveprevented this Accident…I just lost it.”

“CASE DISMISSED”

BIKERNET GOES TO DAYTONA BEACH–We’re proud to have a billboard on Speedway Blvd, but now we’ll also be featured on 21 Demolition Derby billboards throughout the area. But there’s a catch. We sents our babe sticker art to Joetta at the billboard company and she called me yelling that the girl was topless and completely unacceptable on Billboards. We humbly replaced the art with something more sedate, but snuck in our devilish babe in another way. Watch for her all over Daytona, and don’t miss the Demolition Derby.

Once again Kevin Ruic, the founder of the Demolition Derby, was named the host on the Official Bike Week video produced by Big Sky Video. Big fucking deal, still no money just world wide fame and free pussy. Too bad I’m too old to enjoy it. The first thirty seconds is great and it’s all down hill from there.

The BBC is coming to Daytona and plans on doing a one hour special on the derby. They’ll be filming us all week getting ready for the show and then the show itself.

–The World Famous Kevin J. Ruic
Ruic & Associates
Motorsports Consultants
20450 Bunker Hill Drive
Fairview Park, Ohio 44126
Phone: 440-895-1120 Fax: 440-895-0937

INDIAN RUMORED IN TROUBLE–Recently Indian laid off 200 employees. Although Ray Sotelo one of the company’s founders said recently, “reports of our demise are not just premature, but downright inaccurate.” The company set an initial production target for the past year of 6,000 bikes, but only produced 5,000– the identical production run of the first Excelsior-Henderson year. Recently another rumor surfaced that they are looking unsuccessfully for major loans. More recently, it was reported that Ray is no longer at the helm of the company.

Continued on Page 3