Continued From Page 3

Photo from Bob T.

BILLY LANE, ROGER BOURGET AND JOSE HIT DISCOVERY–These dates were just confirmed from Discovery for our show – tentativelytitled “The Great Biker Build Off.” The Discovery web site will have moreinformation posted in the next few weeks. These are, as always, subject tochange, but we are fairly certain the premiere date will not change.

Biker Build-Off Air Dates
September 28 10pm
September 28 2am
December 23, 9pm
December 23, 12am
December 28, 5pm

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS, JUST READ IT– Remember the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Well,here’s a prime example offered by an English professor at an AmericanCollege. (Professor)”Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two English students: Rebecca-last name deleted, and Gary – last name deleted.

STORY:(first paragraph by Rebecca)At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. Thechamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadronnow in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think aboutthan the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie withwhom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris toGeostation 17”, he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polarorbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he feltone last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman whohad ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped itspointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.”Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,”Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneouslyexcited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of heryouth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with nonewspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense ofinnocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must onelose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth,carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.

The lithiumfusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ’em out of the sky!”

(Rebecca)This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. Mywriting partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts atwriting are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I havechamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Ohno, you’re such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steelenovels.”

(Rebecca)Asshole.

(Gary)Bitch.

(Rebecca)W*nker.

(Gary)Slut.

(Rebecca)Get fucked.

(Gary)Eat shit and die.

(Rebecca)FUCK YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

(Gary)Go drink some tea – whore.

(Professor)A+ – I really liked this one.

YEAH, HERE’S ANOTHER ONE–A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going tomake you the happiest woman in the world”

The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”

–from the Queen

H-D 100TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION CONTINUES–Boy, we had a great OPEN HOUSE Weekend! If you came, Thank You so much for making the event really huge!!

The celebration of Harley-Davidson’s first 100 years continues. This Saturday September 14th from 9:00 am to 6:00 pm, the Harley-Ford Truck Road Tour will be at Wild Fire Harley-Davidson/Buell, 120 W North Ave, Villa Park, IL, 60181/630 834 6571.

See the Harley-Ford Trucks, and get special pricing and financing on Ford trucks.

There will be free food and beverages, live music; And Oakfield Ford of Villa Park will be giving away a Ford Truck…FREE, $100 Gift Certificates to Wild Fire and more free prizes!!!

As a special bonus…remember, for the Month of September, Harley-Davidson 100th Anniversary Merchandise will be 20% off!! So stock up on 100th Anniversary stuff and save big.

Ride Safe & Live Free
Ozzie
CEO-Dealer Principal

OKAY WE GET A SHOT GUYS–CHEMICAL PROPERTIES OF WOMAN–

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lowerconcentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties:
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties:
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses:
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it’s too hot.

Tests:
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.

What A Sick Thought– There are 110 days left till Christmas, areyou ready? If your answer was “fuck no”, I’m with you brothers andsisters. I’ll tell you what though; I’m doing my shopping on-line thisyear. No hassles with lines, psycho shoppers or screamin’ kiddies runningaround slopping snot and ice cream all over department stores.

Right here in our Gulch is everything you could possibly need for theBiker on your Christmas list. Leathers, books, artwork, parts, clothes.Hell, you can even buy a BYOB from Chrome Specialties!

---

“VISIT BIKERNET GULCH FOR ALL YOUR BIKE NEEDS”

SELECT A SHOP ABOVE
OR SIMPLY CLICK HERE!
FOR EVEN MORE SELECTIONS!

When you’re finished reading the news, take a little time and check outthe Gulch. Browse thru the HA & Crime Inc. shop for the coolest of T’s andthe finest of leather products.

Check out Joker Apparel for tiny-little thongs for your gal, and bad-assshirts for yourself.

While you’re at it, right below the Gulch you can click for even moreselections like Bikernet Originals. There’s things in there you won’t findanywhere else. K. Randall’s Ball’s latest book, Sam “Chopper” Orwell wouldbe a perfect item to stock up on for last minute gift giving to unexpectedguests.

O.K., that’s enough crap I’ll shove at you for this week, but I’ll beback again and you can bet on it. The countdown to pleasure is in affecttill Bandit finishes the news. When we hear him holler down the hallway,”pour me a fuckin’ Jack”, we know it’s playtime!

Layla

MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED–Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

–from Ray R.

NEWS FROM CENTURY MOTORCYCLES–Thought you might need some fresh material to throw at these wonderful men. Treat ’em like Linoleum. Lay them right the first time, and you can walk all over them for life…..Just kidding you about the material. Hell lawless, you can tell a guy to go Fuck Yourself and still have class. I am proud of the fact that you speak it like it is. No, guessing. Do we sound like biker bitches out of Orwell???? What do they sound like, and I want to audition for when the movies start coming out. I will need a job and I?can act. I was married once…..the second time I got married was just to give the kids and I a last name…

–Huzzy Won

ANOTHER SHOT–What is the similarity betweena woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?????

By the time you’ve finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

OKAY, THAT’S IT–Let’s hit the road. I’ve got one more tip for today. I’ve come to the conclusion that chrome on pipes is a waste of time and money. No more chrome on pipes, I’m jet hot coating mine from now on. There’s a company in Los Angeles who handles mine. Engineered Applications in Vernon, California jet hots pipes in silver or flat black. Above is an example. They will never change. I had my Buell stainless header system polished and silver jet hot coated–See what good that did for me? They are looking into more colors in the future. For info call (323) 585-2894 and ask for beautiful Blanca Reyes, the general manager.

Damn, I tried to get the news completed before Sinwu slipped out the door for her martial arts lesson. Layla’s in the back someplace with that blond devil with the bright blue eyes. I’m outta Jack Daniels. The evening is ruined. Next week we dive into the Amazing Shrunken FXR project and start tinkering with the Road King. In the meantime I’ll either ask our celebrity Jose for a loan so I can pick up a fresh bottle of Jack, or go panhandle out side the Mexican restaurant next to the harbor. Gotta have my fix. Ride forever–Bandit.

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–NEW READER’S SHOWCASE, OZARK BLUES, BIG ISLAND RUN, AND JOSE’S TRIBUTE TO 9/11

Continued From Page 2

NEWSFLASH!!!!! FROM CRAZYHORSE — Late summer is slow cos guys are riding, drinking, and recovering, notsitting in front of the puter hiding from the cold. I currently have a nastyhead cold, so no one’s is kissing me.Here’s my contribution to the News:

FLASH! Custom Painter finishes all paint jobs on time for a change.That’s right folks, I’m all caught up, got my two Sturgis bikes done in time.I have no backlog whatsoever. No, lightning will not strike me. Spent Augustshoveling out the house and the floor is actually visible. My bike is evenclean, see above picture. Jose was so shocked, he almost didn’t recognizeit. Hell, I may even update my webpage. Go to www.crazyhorsepainting.com tosee some examples of my hard labor.

I’ll be posting updates over the nextfew months. Speaking of updates, I’ll be sending in an update on Angie, theblonde everyone loves to hate and a story on The Horse magazine’s SmokeOutevent, further evidence of the latest conspiracy.

READER’S SHOWCASE–We currently have a few killer chops in Reader’s Showcase. Enter your bike, it’s absolutely free. One bike in particularpictured above, should put to rest two age old myths which state that oldengines are unreliable and that severely raked out bikes are unrideable.

Eric Althen of Colorado built this bike in his lean-to garage using only afork, hacksaw, and eggbeater, while snowed in during a Rocky Mt blizzard. Hegot bored after the power went out and needed to keep busy. Eric only hadcanned baked beans to live on and is currently working on a methane poweredgenerator in preparation for the next black out. Only kidding, seriously Ihad a hard time deciding which bike to use in this promo as there are anumber of unique bikes to choose from.

Got a wicked bike or a wicked storybehind it? Send it in. Don’t worry about typing it right or correct grammar.That’s my job, to fix all the literary screwups. Only thing is, whose gonnafix mine?

————Crazy Horse

BIG ISLAND EVENT–Here’s some picture’s of the trip we took over to the big island of Hawaii on Labor Day. Wish I took more, but we were all over the place.

Picked up our bike’s in Hilo at the docks on Friday morning. It was poring rain. Had to don the rain gear and ride. Hilo rains a lot. Stayed the nite in Hilo at the Hilo Hawaiian Hotel. Nice place on the water. One of the shots is looking out on the porch.

Got up the next day and it was sunny. We rode to Kona. It took us about three hour’s, made a few stop’s along the way, being we were at the bar for many hour’s the nite before and some couldn’t handle their booze. We made it into Kona and checked into a condo on the water. It was great, three bedroom’s, big kitchen and a bar on the deck. W dropped off our stuff, got back on the bike’s and headed for the airport to pick up the women. They were there waiting with way to much luggage.

I don’t know how but we got all the luggage on the bike’s and headed back to the condo for some R and R. The weather was great most of the trip, got in a lot of riding with a bunch of other people. Went to the motorcycle rodeo to check it out. My pal paid for some ticket’s for the motorcycle give-away and gave one to each of us. There were six of us. Did’nt think much of it, I don’t win thing’s like that much or ever. It was a 2003 Sportster from Kona Harley. The chow was great, and they had all the regular games, but when it came time for them to draw the name everyone was into it, so they picked a little girl out of the crowd and had her pick the name.

The name they picked was Joerline Tronolone my wife. I almost fell out of my chair. It was cool. Everyone came up and gave her a hug, saying she had good luck. She get’s it in a couple of week’s, so now she signed up to take the motorcycle class. Man, what did I get myself into. I’ll just have to wait and see if she can handle it. Well it was a fun trip.

–Chris Tronolone

BIKERNET RELATIONSHIP ADVICE–This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseatof his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guygot out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn’t run him in if hecould be next.

The guy got back in and finished with his girlfriend. When hegot out again, He was still shaking like leaf. The cop said there was noreason to be scared because he wouldn’t arrest him if he could be next.

Theguy said, “I’m not afraid that you’ll have to arrest me… because I?ve neverbeen with a cop before.”

–Rogue

OZARK ED RETURNS WITH THE OZARK BLUES–It’s a fucked up world. Bad shit has been happening to me right and left, for instance: I’m out working last week, on the interstate in my car. there is a lot of road construction in the area and the Man has been really cracking the power trip in the work zones. I was going the speed limit in the middle of a bunch of traffic and a trooper picked me out and stopped me because my windshield has a crack. Shit, come on, not speeding or doing anything wrong. I gotta ticket for my windshield. How do they pick me out?

Titty bar mike went to court to get his dope record expunged and they found some shit in Florida from his teenage years. Now he might have to go there for a three year vacation. He’s debating on going somewhere else instead, but I can’t see that happening. He has gathered up too much stuff to walk away from, plus miss Kitty doesn’t want to go. She’s a stripper who’s close to 40 and she sees the club as her way out of dancing. If they leave, who knows what there is for her. How stupid was it for him to go try to get his record expunged, knowing that he had shit. That ones on him.

I’m starting to believe that damn juvee girl is bad luck. Every time I see her something fucked up happens. Idon’t call her for a while and shit gets better, then she’ll call and we’ll do something together. Bam, fucked up shit. I’ve noticed that at least twice I didn’t see her for about ten days and everything started going my way again. When she calls me I can’t resist. She’s just so fucking pretty, flawless.

Skitzo Eric and me are now racing to get our Shovelheads done. I have a big head start, but he has all the tools at Rodneys shop at his disposal. I can use them but only on Sunday when the shop is closed. Rodney’s kinda fucked up that way but it’s his shit. I’m lucky to get to use ’em at all. Plus, Eric is not fabricating anything. He’s buying and altering. I’m making shit from sheet metal I’ve scored from behind the body shop and that takes a lot more time.

We went riding yesterday for about a hundred miles. He borrowed Rodney’s girlfriend’s big old bagger and we lapped lake Maumelle. It was great. Cool smells like rain weather, but not a drop. The first 40 miles is on a country road, then we hit highway 10. There is a little park on top of a hill that looks out over the lake. We stopped for a burn party, then got on a nice, curvy, mountain road with big old paved shoulders and lake views on top of the hills. You can do 70 or 80, if the traffic is not bad. It’s fantastic, nice easy riding for a little while, then hammer on the big sweeping curves.

I’m trying to concentrate on shit like that and not the bad shit in my life. Bad luck is just good luck in disguise. I’m waiting for the payoff.

–Ed

BLACK BOXES IN 4BY4S– The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states that the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!” Only the states of Oklahoma, South Carolina, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama and Texas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: “Hold my beer and watch this.”

–from the Princess

DIRECT FROM PUERTO RICO, THE ACCLAIMED CARIBBEAN REPORT FROM JOSE–” The highway ‘s jammed with broken heroes, on a last chance power drive.Everybody’s out on the run tonight, But there’s no place left to hide.Together Wendy we can live with the sadness, I’ll love you with all themadness in my soul. Someday girl I don’t know when, We’re gonna get to thatplace, where we really want to go, and we’ll walk in the sun. But tilthen tramps like usBaby we were born to run…..”

I thought I would start this week’s news with a bit from the Boss. Why? Because it reminds me of the time I lived in New York. Reminds me of the2,801 people who lost their lives one year ago, and reminds me of thepeople that helped and became heroes.

It really does not matter were you are from, if you are human, you feelthe senseless loss of life that happened exactly one year ago, the dispairof families hoping, of the whole world in front of a TV set praying forthe rescue teams to find a survivor, just one more.

I lived in that amazingcity. I knew people who went down with the crumbles of twisted metal,cement and dust. I’m sure, I’ve just not had any news of whom they where. I’m thankful for being able to see another day, to ride our choppers oncemore, to be able to write about what I see and feel. I haven’t been back there, but I know it will be a funnyfeeling, walking down the streets, while looking to the sky not beingable to see those two towers or sense the people who were there and had no place to run…the young , old,american, latino, asian, european, arabic. God did not spare anyone, anddid not separate, all were equal in death’s eyes.

It still amazes me, the beauty of New York, the big apple, the place whereif you don’t know people, you can rot in a corner while life runs by you.A place where, if you know people, you can be king, “if you make it thereyou can make it anywhere” or so it goes.The people that are cold by nature giving a helping hand, leaving theireveryday busy lives to share, to help and to provide a shoulder so otherscould cry. People forgetting about the millions that could be made today,the movies, the concerts, the shopping, the night life…….. All in allmy sorrow goes to those who lost their lives and the families who lostloved ones. My outmost admiration goes to those who survived, and lived tosee another day, another night…..The sun and the stars….

I guess this is the only tribute I can give…..but it will never beenough. We can only thank God that we are able to ride that chopper, spendtime with those we love, walk down the street, and kick that warm sand,just one more time.

For now, to all of you who read this…..’ Cause tramps like us, baby wewere born to run….and that’s it. ‘Till next week.

–Jose….Caribbean Bikernet report.

NEW CALENDAR ON THE WAY– The renown Iron & Lace Calendar sponsored by Mikuni Carburetors and Performance Machine returns again for 2003 with 16 full color pages of the finest custom Harley-Davidsons together with beautiful centerfold models. It’s a revealing look at some of the finest customized, high performance and fully race modified Harleys from America’s top builders, photographed by photographer Jim Gianatsis.

Included are the latest custom bikes from Americas top builders including Paul Yaffe, Jesse James, Jim Nasi, Ron Simms, Russell Mitchell, and LA Calendar Motorcycle Show winner Harold Pontarelli. The beautiful models this year include Playboy cover model Amanda Bentley, Penthouse Pet of the Year Zdenka, Perfect 10’s Taylor McKegney, and Hawaiian Tropic pageant winner Bonnie Jill Laflin, all in sexy lingerie. American made Iron just naturally goes together with lingerie and lace!

Each Iron & Lace and Garage Girls Calendar is a large format 15×15 inch spiral bound size, with high quality reproduction in full color on quality card stock, uncovering a full 16 months beginning with September 2002. Calendars are available from your local motorcycle dealer or mail order direct from White Brothers for $15.95 each, plus $5 S/H per order. Include calendar name, payment in check, money order, or VISA /MC information and mail your order direct to: FastDates.com Calendars, White Brothers, 24845 Corbit Place, Yorba Linda, CA 92887. Phone weekdays 714-692-3404. And for additional for news and photo features on the bikes, calendars and models visit the FastDates.com Calendar website at www.FastDates.com

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–AMA AGAINST CA HELMET REPEAL, S&S PERFORMANCE NEWSLETTER AND LENO ON A FLATHEAD

Continued From Page 1

FLATHEAD V8 IS NOW AVAILABLE–Jay’s even riding one. Honest Charley V* Flathead Motorcycles feature Ford V8, 60 horsepower engines originally used in Ford vehicles from 1937 to 1940. Each motorcycle is unique, no two are alike. Information about Flathead Motorcycles can be obtained by calling Honest Charley (888) 795-7077 or by e-mailing parts@honestcharley.com.

CUSTOM CHROME ROAD SHOW–For several years, almost a decade in Morgan Hill the CCI produced their own dealer show. Obviously a number of dealers couldn’t make it to the coast so they’ve taken it on the road. Here’s the bit: The first one was last weekend in Quincy, Mass.

Sept 14-16
Columbus Marriot
Columbus, Ohio

Sept 21-23
Hickory Ridge Marriott
Lisle, Il

Sept 28-30
Atlanta Airport Marriot
Atlanta, GA

Oct. 5-7
Ft. Worth Airport Marriott South
Dallas, TX

Oct 26-28
Orlando Airport Marriott
Orlando, Florida

Nov 2-4
John Wayne Airport Marriott
Irvine, CA

Nov 16-18
Santa Clara Marriott
Silicon Valley

BARNES TAKES BUELL LIGHTNING WIN, SERIES LEAD AT PORTLAND–Portland, Ore. (Sept. 8, 2002) -Michael Barnes of Kosco Harley-Davidson/Buell-Innovative Motorcycle Research roared to an easy victory here today at Portland International Raceway and reclaimed the points lead in the Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories.

Barnes, of Boca Raton, Fla., established a new track record for the Buell Lightning Series in qualifying with a lap of 1 minute 11.9 seconds, averaging 96.117 mph around the 1.97-mile course. At the start of the race, Barnes was immediately hounded by Kosco teammate David Estok, and Hal?s Harley-Davidson riders Clint Brotz and Richie Morris. Running nose-to-tail, Barnes and Estok drafted together on the main straight and pulled out to a 1.5-second lead, a margin they extended throughout the 12-lap event. Estok, of New Smyrna Beach, Fla., was 0.6 seconds behind Barnes at the finish. Brotz, of Sheboygan, Wis., was a distant third, 13.5 seconds back, while Morris, of Elkhart Lake, Wis., was fourth, another 25.9 seconds off the leader?s pace.

?My Buell was really strong today, and after the misfortune we had in the middle of the season, it?s great to be back in the points lead,? said Barnes. ?It should make for a real battle at Daytona.?

With his victory, Barnes jumps from third place to first in series points with 114 points, just one point ahead of Brotz and 14 points ahead of Bryan Bemisderfer of Greencastle, Pa, who was unable to compete at Portland. Each rider has a shot at taking the series championship in the eighth and final round at Daytona International Speedway on Oct. 20.

The Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, is a horsepower and weight-restricted Buell-only spec class. The eighth round of the Formula USA National Road Race Series will take place at Daytona International Speedway, Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16-20.

Appropriate religious memento.

WHY GOD MADE PETS–Why God made pets..A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to”Where do pets come from?”

Adam and Eve said, “Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with usevery day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it isdifficult for us to remember how much you love us.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create a companion for you that will bewith you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so thatyou will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish orchildish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as youare and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it wasa good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to bewith Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, “Lord, I havealready named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a namefor this new animal.”

And God said, “No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be areflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name,and you will call him DOG.”

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and waggedhis tail. After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord andsaid, “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut andpreen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog hasindeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”

And God said, “No problem! I will create for them a companion who will bewith them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion willremind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not alwaysworthy of adoration.”

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would notobey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were remindedthat they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility.And they were greatly improved. And God was pleased. And Dog was happy. AndCat didn’t give a shit one way or the other.

–from the Princess

AMA ANTI-CALIFORNIA HELMET REPEAL–The American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) is opposing a $1 million health insurance requirement attached to California legislation that would allow motorcyclists to ride withou helmets.

According to this report from AMD the AMA supports voluntary helmet use, believing riders should be able to choose whether to wear a helmet. However the association opposes placing economic conditions in legilsation in exchange for a voluntary helmet-use law.

Take a look at the 100th anniversary printed material from the factory. Now here’s a piece from the Golden Anniversary year in 1954. Compare the styles–Wild.

S&S CYCLE NEWSLETTER–S&S is now publishing their own newsletter. If you want to have a heads up on new performance products and the success S&S is having with their current products drop them a line to SScust&sscycle.com, or check their website at SScycle.com.

Continued On Page 3

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–BAD JOKES, PANHEAD TECHS AND BIKES FOR SALE

This is one of those days where the women are edgy, I’m outta Jack, and I’m holdin’ my breath for a hot night after I wrap up the news. Thursdays are a blast in some respects and a race to finish the news. Somedays I’m so buried in info it’s a struggle. Others I’m up to my ears in jokes and not much else. It always works out one way or the other.

The Red Ball Touring Chopper is on the road to Pro Paint in Baltimore via a Gold Rush Transport truck packed alongside a dozen new Indians, two Mercedes and a Porche. At least it’s in good company.

I’m still tinkering with my EL Panhead and talked to Mike Engle of Grease Lightening (soon to be at Joker Machine) about doing some timing. He asked me if it ever dies at a light or at slow idle inadvertantly. I admitted that the puppy did from time to time. He told me that the gear lash between the generator, the pinion shaft and the distributor gear can be so loose that timing will shift as much as 3 degrees. At an idle, it will kill it. I also mentioned that the oil light has been hanging on until my revs are higher. He told me that the critical pinion shaft assembly can wobble lose and shift the oil pump pressure and that it’s dangerous. I’ll check it quick.

I also discovered through the pages of “The Legend Begins”, a Harley-Davidson official book on models and numbers built (great source for antique collectors), that in 1948, 4,321 61-inch ELs were produced. Yeah so what you might say, well there were only 20 WR’s built, but get this, in 1955 only 63 FLH models rolled off the assembly line. If you have a ’55 FLH, it’s worth considerable coin.

Let’s get to the news, the women in this joint are going postal on me:

NEW VICTORY VEGAS–It?s all new, all style, and all attitude. The new 2003 Victory Vegas is a completely new motorcycle built on a new chassis and dressed in the most stylish sheet metal and chrome to roll on two wheels.It looks smooth and fast even when it?s parked. It draws a crowd at curbside, and turns heads as it passes. It is low, sleek, and loaded with cutting-edge technology and ground-shaking Freedom? V-twin power.

The Vegas is Victory?s dynamic entry into the custom cruiser segment of the motorcycle market. Buyers who have previously ponied up $25,000, $30,000, even $40,000 and more for custom cruisers will be able to buy a Vegas for considerably less. And they?ll enjoy benefits such as factory warranty protection, proven Freedom? V-twin performance, smooth and easy shifting, and a high new level of styling never before seen from a major manufacturer.

New Platform, New Everything?AlmostThe Vegas was designed and developed by Victory?s Industrial Design Group, an in-house team of artists who appreciate style, performance, comfort, and a dynamic image. They built the Vegas on a new chassis that?s lower and longer than any previous Victory. It?s made for cruising, yet it also delivers smooth, responsive handling that riders have come to expect from every Victory.It?s not quite all new? It shares a few parts with other Victorys, such as some fasteners, mirrors, and a right hand grip. But that?s about it. Virtually everything else is pure Vegas, which means it?s pure style.The Vegas has a 21? front wheel, forward-mounted foot controls, a stretched swing arm and increased fork rake. The wheelbase is one of the longest on the market and the frame uses larger-diameter tubing that provides greater torsional rigidity in the frame. This means you enjoy a smooth, comfortable ride on this long and low new custom cruiser.

The seat is low?lower than on any other Victory. Low and comfortable, making it a good fit for a wide range of rider body types and ideal for enjoyable cruising. The pulled-back cruiser handlebars put the rider in a comfortable position and their rubber mounting reduces vibration dramatically.

A Style All Its Own

As the Victory designers scrutinized their early Vegas prototypes, they invited some friends to take a look and share their opinions. Those ?friends? were Arlen Ness and Cory Ness, legendary master builders of some of the world?s most striking customs.Arlen and Cory served as consultants on the Vegas project, providing design insights and styling ideas as the sleek custom cruiser evolved in the design studio.The Vegas presents a smooth, flowing look from its front wheel to the tip of the rear fender. The fenders and fuel tank share a common design theme?a raised spine that runs the length of the bike, tying separate pieces together visually. The spine design is even found in the triple clamps and the stylized swing arm.The fuel tank is stretched and sculpted. It has scalloped sides where the Victory logo is displayed, and a split tail that flows into the peaked nose of the seat to integrate two disparate components, one metal, one leather.The red taillight lens is mounted flush with the surface of the rear fender, and it?s no ordinary bulb. Under the lens is a hidden LED unit that provides distinctive illumination and will never burn out like a traditional bulb.

An optional headlight is also extraordinary: A Vegas owner can purchase a high intensity discharge [HID] headlight system that is a motorcycle industry first. It produces clean white light, and is three times brighter than a standard bulb.

The Vegas is loaded with chrome and attention to detail. For instance, the handlebar mounting brackets are hidden under a chrome plate so the fasteners are hidden. This typifies the clean, finished Vegas look. The speedometer housing (separate from the headlight nacelle, unlike other Victory models) is chrome, as are the ignition and fuel injection system covers, the rear fender struts, and the belt guard.

The indicator light panel is mounted flush with the top of the triple clamp, complementing the bike?s clean look.The Vegas comes with 40-spoke laced aluminum wheels. Billet wheels with a unique three-spoke design (three split spokes creating six spokes) are available as an accessory.

Freedom to Cruise?in Style

The Vegas will attract attention because of its incredible styling, and riders will love its comfortable seat, ergonomics, and ride. It?s also a great value in the custom cruiser market segment. Yet there?s even more: Power.

The Vegas delivers outstanding performance with its Freedom? V-twin engine, a 92-cubic inch (1,507cc) 4-stroke 50? V-twin with single overhead cams, 4 valves per cylinder, self-adjusting cam chains, and hydraulic lifters. The Freedom? V-twin serves up instant throttle response and great ridability with its electronic fuel injection system feeding 44mm throttle bodies.The exhaust flows through beautiful dual Vegas pipes with staggered, slash-cut tips. Shifting gears is easier than ever on a Victory with the new-for-2003 shifting mechanism that requires just a light touch to change gears.The Vegas has 43mm telescopic forks that offer a low level of ?stiction? to deliver a smooth ride and easy handling. The front brake is a 300mm floating rotor with a Brembo? 4-piston caliper. The rear brake uses the same-sized rotor and has a 2-piston Brembo? caliper.

Cantina Drawing Winner–
Brett Moorhouse from McFarland, WY is the lucky bastard this week.
Wanted: anything to do with a classic triumph or just surprise me.

Brett gets a set of posters with cool motorcycles and half naked women.One poster in particular is of a Truimph, so he gets what he asked for!

Week after week I have to remind you people about the Cantina. If youwanna win, you gotta enter. If you’re not a member, you can’t enterso……… join the fucking Cantina! It’s so simple to do, please don’tmake me have to tell you again.

Usually we only pick one winner at time but now and then I like the waysomeone asks, or what they ask for so I’m gonna send this other guy a copyof Orwell, autographed of course.

Paul W Morris from Ventura, California
Wanted: Books Books and Books-Ralph Bargers newest or any of Bandits,autographed of course shooter [Hi Mike]

Come on people, you don’t have much time left to join for the reducedrate of $15.00 per year. Normally its $20.00 but Bandit, feeling generousafter too many glasses of Jack, told Digital to give you guys a break. Youshould take advantage while he’s still in a good mood.

See ya!
Lawless

BIKERNET STUDIES THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN–as if we need more troubles.

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows aboutdentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

The above is bullshit and most guys know it. I get tired of this crap, in fact, I’m no sure why I published it. Perhaps I should fire myself and get some woman to take my place. Oops, three are already vying for the position.

JOSEPH ANGELINE & JOSEPH ANGELINI JR. RIDE FOR THE HEROES–By Scott Maris.The Annual Joseph Angelini & Joseph Angelini Jr. Ride For The Heroes was held on Sunday September 1st on Long Island New York. The Angelini?s in case you don’t know, are the first father and son team lost in the line of duty in the history of the F.D.N.Y. They were lost at the World Trade Center on September 11th. The ride was designed to remember Firefighters Joseph Angelini, Joseph Angelini Jr. and all FDNY, NYPD and Civilians lost on 9/11.

The organizers of the run had a great day planned with vendors, Bluezin’ and Hot Tin Roof providing the tunes, a team of sky divers dropping-in on the party, $2,000 in merchandise to be raffled off, plenty of free Hot Dogs, Hamburgers and soda for all. Unfortunately Mother Nature did not cooperate. It rained Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The rain was heavy at times and really put a damper on the expected 1,500 rider turnout. The SkyDivers couldn’t even get off the ground.

The good news is that over 200 riders turned out to ride! They faced dangerous conditions in order to honor their Heroes. These guys were tough as nails and I salute them. The sign-in was at the L.I.E. (I495) exit 49 park & ride. The WBAB rock van was on hand giving out free tickets and T-shirts. WBAB’s Fingers rode in on his Dyna Wide Glide. Entenmanns provided free doughnuts and cakes for all. The pack rode out at 11:00am and headed for Brookhaven Fireman’s Field. The 30-mile ride held a steady 55MPH and had a full police/fire escort. It made getting on and off the L.I.E. much easier.

I caught up with Frank Falco, one of the event organizers, at Fireman’s Field and asked him how the ride started. “My friend Chris Lombardi and I were at Joe Jr’s funeral service, and we started talking about the idea of a Motorcycle ride to honor Joey. Joe was a rider so we knew he would approve of it. In fact the last time I saw Joe, was on a ride. The first year we started planning late, and by the time the funeral service was done it was October. We had that first ride on November 11th. It went pretty well and we had about 350 riders. It was a cold 40 degree day, but we had a good time.”

Frank continued on to say, “Instead of cold, this year it was rain. They say three is the charm, so next year the weather should be perfect. The weather definitely hurt us this year, however the Angelini Family and I consider the ride a success. A good time was had by all, the ride was safe despite the wet roads, and we raised about $2,500 for the Suffolk County Fire Chiefs Council’s Widows and Orphans Fund. Most importantly to me personally, thousands of people saw the Motorcycles, the coverage on TV, and read about it in the newspaper. To me it’s about remembering, and about freedom. These riders came out to remember.”

For more information on next year’s event, please check www.ridefortheheores.com

Continued On Page 2

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–CHERRY PICKER TECH, SNEAK PREVIEW OF NEW MODEL, TELEVISION MOTORCYCLE NEWS AND MORE

Continued From Page 1

ROAD KING REPORT–Initially I had some questions regarding Road Kings. I wanted to know some about the frame geometry. I perfer a little trail over low speed, parking lot handling. I like to run fast and stable. Next I’m old school. I perfer a bike with minimun extras so I lean toward a carb model over the fuel injection, EFI models.

I immediatly spoke to an expert, Paul from Charlotte, H-D: First as you always say “What year is the damn thing”??????? If it’s a newer model why get rid of the EFI?? The new stuff works good. Harley has new sofware to tune the thing, just out from the dealer show. This will put a big hurt in the Powercomander II and any other after market add on stuff!!!! It’s in the new P&A book for ’03 in the Screamin Chicken (Eagle) section. I like the new Dephi stuff. Also BC Gerolamy has a new dual throat induction throttle body for the Delphi system that is kick ass!!

To take off the system, man it’s lot’s off work. The?ECM has all this start up shit it goes thru. checking all the system’s and sensors.?Again I have never done this. So to be honest I just don’t know for sure on this one. I can run it by Old Bob tomorrow and see what his thoughts are on both?the frame/trees and removing the EFI.

On the frame, my first thought is no. Are you familiar with what they did to the trees? They are not like the old FL stuff at all. The stem is in front of the fork tubes. This makes it a self centering front end. One of the tests they have to do at Talledega on the track is to smack the handle bars hard at 80 MPH++ and see if the damn thing will straighten itself out!!!!

I’ve never thought about doing this so who knows maybe it could be done. Christ you come up some stuff man. Was Jack Daniels involved in all this brain storming??

A week later…

’03 is good year for the Road Queen. The EFI is much better than years past. My question to you is why do you want to loose the EFI?? What are your plans?? Pipes, Big Bore, Stroker kit?? We just did a 103 Stroker kit with cams, heads and a V&H 2-into-one pipe, megaphone, on a ’03 Road Queen for a salesman. He should have used a Thunder Header but most of these clowns want the magazine yuppy chrome look. Shine and billet are in I guess, drives me nut’s!!!!!

You can remove the fuel pump and that shit from the tank. You can put a regular fuel valve in the tank in place of the EFI fuel line. There are two bung’s on the left side of the tank, one is plugged. I did make an?adapter for a fuel valve for a Softail EFI bike once. The guy bought these tanks at a swap meet and didn’t know they were for fuel injection.

I think maybe you might just need to change the ECM from EFI to a Carb.?ECM. Disconnect the senor’s, eng. temp, crank pos., induction module stuff.???Do the tank, install a carb and you might be just be down the road. That way you could leave all the?stock wiring and shit in place if you ever wanted to go back to EFI.

On the trees I guess when they went to that style the?early top tree was just turned around for that newer style configuration. Don’t know about the setup now. If you did a rotation of the top tree putting the fork tubes forward?the bars would be in a different forward location. That would screw up all that headlight cover shit. You might be able to put a complete early FL front end on. Hey maybe even the adjustable sidecar trees. Remember them? The front fork’s are non-air assist now.

I’ll keep plugging away on this “Amazing Raked Road Queen” project for you. I can check out some front end’s and take a better look. Also will try to call tech services at H-D and see what won’t say!!!

–Later, PSD

SMOKE-OUT SUGGESTIONS– How about Roscoes Out House Nationals at next years SMSO IV it was lot of Fun Bike Week.??We made all rIders sign a waiver against there own stupidity then let ’em have at it. I know Roscoe pretty well and?he willing to bring up the two Flamed Out Houses.

–English Jim?

QUOTE OF THE WEEK–Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry

–from Nuttboy

CHERRY-PICKER TECH–Here is engine swap tip “Old Bob” and I came up with. This is the second time I’ve?done this on a Road King wreck that involved a frame change.

I saw something somewhere where the factory was putting a Twin Cam engine in a Road King frame on the assembly line. We got to thinking and said shit let’s try the Cherry Picker we have. We used?the Cherry Picker?mostly for Buell’s. Frame changes, swingarm recalls, shock recalls, and rear isolator bushing changes. The Cherry Picker gives you alot of control when wrenchin’ on Buells.

We pulled and installed the engine on the Road King?and it saved a bunch of time. With the Cherry Picker we are able to pull the engine with the primary housing still bolted up, with belt still attached.?All we take off is the swingarm, shock’s, and all the other stuff.

You need?three jacks and those old trusty, musty, dusty 4x 6?(2) pieces wood chunks all H-D wrenches keep around for whatever.?One jack for the rear of trans/oil tank, one for the rear of the frame @ rear crossmember, one with a small pc. of 2×4 under the crankcase. The two 4×6’s you put under the frame at the front on the ears that mount the forward foot controls.?This will give support at all the?”ah shit it dropped” point’s and helps?big time?when sliding that heavy?sucker back into?the frame.

Using the Cherry Picker you have to roll the engine to the right of the frame?while dropping the rear of the?trans/engine keeping front up some while slipping it into the frame.?It takes 2 to 3 people, lot’s of “hold on’s”, let ‘er down’s, and pick’er up’s. It actually went pretty fast. It’s just a little Rockin’ & Rollin’ that’s all. It’s really just like pullin an engine/trans out of an old truck.

The better?way?to do this, might?be using an electric overhead hoist. Not many shops will be lucky enough to have that. I think if you had the overhead technology?you might be able to do this swap with the swingarm still attached!! Just removing the isolator supports from the frame. That’s it. It worked for us.

–Paul ?

PAUGHCO AMERICAN PRIDE NEW CATALOG– As the oldest, largest and quite possibly most respected name in the Harley-Davidson aftermarket, PAUGHCO offers consumers an extensive line of custom and reproduction products. And, they’re all at your finger tips in the company’s informative and extremely detailed new catalog. From the largest selection of custom and replacement Frames and Springers available to a a huge collection of Gas and Oil Tanks, Engine Mounting and Conversion hardware, Transmission components, Lights, Handlebars, raked and standard Triple Trees, Oil Lines, Fender Rails and much, much more. It’s all here.

You’ll find over 100 pages packed with PAUGHCO’S exclusive line of Exhaust Systems featuring everything from replacement slip-o mufflers to retro-custom Upsweep Fishtails and everything in between. The catalog’s high quality photography and a well thought out presentation make for precise product identification. No matter if you’re fabricating the most contemporary wide body custom or restoring a Knuckle, Pan or Shovel, PAUGHCO’S brilliant 320 page parts directory for 2003-2004 is a must. As a valuable product source and parts identification reference, it’s a bargain at $8.00.

To order call 775-246-5738. Catch PAUGHCO on the WEB at www.paughco.com.

–Bob Clark

BIKERNET ROCK AN’ ROLL REPORT–Great new radio show. Hopefully, it’s on a station near you.http://www.littlestevensundergroundgarage.com/radioaffiliatesmap.htm

–Davie Allanwww.davieallan.com

SNEAK PREVIEW–THE 2003 FXSTDSE SCREAMIN EAGLE DEUCE–BYTBEAR.We were told we couldn’t see it till Saturdays 100th Harley-Davidson Anniversary Dealership bash. We were told that NO ONE could photograph it till this Saturday. We were told that it was a closely guarded secret. Bah!!! We love a challenge so we stealthily shimmied up a drainpipe and hoisted ourselves down through the skylight to snag these shots for you.

At first glance, Harleys brandy new Screamin’ Eagle Deuce is impressive. With it’s new 1550 cu. in. fuel injected 95-inch Twin Cam silver and chrome engine putting out 91.0 ft pounds of torque at 3500 rpm’s. It sure looks sweet with the tear drop shaped air cleaner cover, centennial gold and vivid black 2-tone paint job with color matched frame and 23-karat gold leaf graphics. Fat handlebars with internal wiring, six spoke custom wheels with a surprising 17″ rear wheel and 21″ front.

My favorite feature was the hemorrhoid friendly seat with cut out for those long rides. Seems like the factory went all out leaving very little to customize. Everything from chromed wheel spacers, smoked turn signal lenses with amber bulbs to chromed bullet shaped axle nut covers. We’ll wait till Saturday to ride it and give you a full report, but in the meanwhile, here are a few covert pix.

–TB

This deadly hold will be covered at the following seminar.

SELF DEFENSE AWARENESS SEMINAR–Richard Bustillo, who has the distinction of being certified as a law enforcement defensive tactics instructor with the FBI, LAPD and LASD, will conduct a Self Defense Awareness Seminar for Women and Men. Richard is an inductee to the prestigious Black Belt Hall of Fame – Instructor of the Year Award, ?the World Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Pioneer ?Award, the Filipino Martial Arts Hall of Fame – Life Time Achievement Award and the United States Martial Arts Hall of Fame Most Distinguished Legend award. Plus he trains Bandit weekly. ?

The two hour “hands-on” seminar will emphasize women’s defense and escapes:

Standing grappling escapes from: Hand or arm grab, front bear hug, rear bear hug, side ?head lock, rear neck choke, and evasive escapes

Ground grappling escapes from: aggressor sitting on your chest with both hands on your ?neck or striking you, aggressor on your back with a rear neck choke

Don’t miss it: September 22, 2002 ??Sunday ?10:00 AM to NoonMOST DON?T PLAN TO FAIL – THEY FAIL TO PLAN

Bring loose gym clothing and defense questions for a safe and fun workshopNo street shoe allowed on the matted floor – socks encouraged

Fee: ?$10/per person, $15/for two
IMB Academy ?(310) 787-8793
www.IMBACADEMY.com
22109 So. Vermont Ave., Torrance, CA
(rear building of 22107 South Vermont Avenue)

---

“VISIT BIKERNET GULCH FOR ALL YOUR BIKE NEEDS”

SELECT A SHOP ABOVE
OR SIMPLY CLICK HERE!
FOR EVEN MORE SELECTIONS!

Less Than Four Months To Go–Before Christmas chaos begins. Startshopping early and make it easy on yourself by checking out the Gulch.Clothes, leather products and Chrome Specialties complete catalogue is nowavailable right here on Bikernet. In the next few days, we’ll be addingsome artwork by Chris Kallas, so stay tuned.

BIKER INVESTIGATES COKE–No not that coke. No wonder coke tastes soooo good:??????????

In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and…….Let the “real thing” sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, Remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Information:??

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its Ph is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

MOTORCYCLE NEWS GEARS UP FOR SMALL SCREEN–byJohn Plunkett. Motorcycle?Weekly title Motorcycle News will make its TV debut this month with a 26-part series on Men and Motors.The TV version will include news, interviews and reviews and will feature in-house print journalists from MCN.

The series which will be presented by Louise Brady, is the latest attempt by MCN’s owner, Emap, to transfer some of its biggest brands across media.

Music magazines such as Smash Hits and Q have already been launched as standalone TV channels, while a TV version of Heat, although much anticipated, remains in development.

The MCN editor, Adam Duckworth, said: “The most difficult thing at the moment is stopping all the staff on the paper going off to work on the TV show because they think it is sexy and exciting.

“We want to make sure TV doesn’t take over from what we are doing as a newspaper. There will be things we do in print which also work very well on TV, while the show will also give us the chance to do things we can’t do in the newspaper.

The programme will also feature road tests, riding tips, product news and information on bike insurance and maintenance.

The TV show will debut on September 20 on Men and Motors, the cable and satellite channel owned by Granada Sky Broadcasting.

Continued On Page 3

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS–VOTE

Our bikernet memorial to the Buell from the 2001 run to Sturgis now hangs over the Garage.

It’s one of those days. I can’t seem to download an image. I tried to take shots of the Buell tank and all the camera batteries are dead. The women around here are going in four different directions and the weather can’t decide to rain or be record breaking hot.

The touring chopper fabricated by Jesse James was sold recently. I’ve been detailing it for the last two weeks. I replaced the custom bagger with a 2003 Road King Classic and you’ll discover in the news today that we are beginning a department on this King so you can watch what we do to the latest Twin Cam EFI model.

Until the Touring Chopper is loaded on the Gold truck and heading for the east coast we have suspended work on the Shrunken FXR. As of sometime next week the Shrunken FXR will return to the lift.

What else can I tell you. Ah screw it, let’s get to the news. Hopefully, by the end the Jack will flowing, the sun shinning and naked women will return:

GET A GRIP–Dewey’s Custom Pegs introduces these New custom hand grips. They are machined on a lathe from 6051-T-6 aluminum. They have an aggressive knurl to match the already popular foot pegs. Your hands will not slip! Life time replacement of rubbers–Free! Check Deweyspegs.com, or call (505) 326-5998.

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS–Where is the spirit of independence, the outspoken voice of young collegestudents, and civil rights advocates who we saw in the 60’s? In thosedays educated young people spoke out against injustice in government, inmass. They didn’t sell out for the dollar and bury their principles. Theystood up for what they believed was right.

As it is today, most young eligible voters choose not to vote. They don’tbelieve their vote counts anymore. They’ve seen government bulldoze it’sway through groups of opposition, as they did in the 60’s and early 70’s,through oppressive legislation targeting young college students, hippies,and the black civil rights movement.

Most liberal minded people have resigned themselves to believe that theconservative vote represents the majority of the population, when in factthe conservatives are the minority of people.

The reason conservative politics have such a firm grip on our country isbecause most conservatives vote! Liberal minded people out numberconservatives 2 to 1. You can turn this country! All you have to do is getoff your apathetic asses and vote. You out number the opposition 2 to 1,take advantage of this fact. Are you sheeple or people? You have the powernow, to turn our government back over to the people through your vote. Useit!

Have you had enough of the drug war?

Do you want to see serious reforms in government, and get rid of the lifelong bureaucrats that have been feeding at the corporate through? Do you want regular people in high offices, or oil billionaires that usegovernment assets to further their empires?Open minded liberal people, stand together, and send a message through theballot box that you’ve had enough.

— Rusty HAMC-BHC
To see more, go to www.RustysForum.com

Chica style Gooseneck Rigid Frame by SanteeThis new rigid frame design features a 38-degree rake, and a 3″ backbone stretch. Engine and transmission mounts are offset 3/4″ to permit the use of 230-250 series tires with a 1-1/2″ wide rear belt. Frame has fully machined axle plates, accepts standard oil tanks, and is supplied without gas tank mounts.

170377Chica style Gooseneck rigid frame. 180 tire.3? backbone. No mounts

170378Chica style Gooseneck rigid frame

Two points we need to make here. First you may be able to buy this new frame through the CSI site on Bikernet (just click above). Secondly, if you’re in the business and would like us to introduce your product to our scooter building audience just cut and paste the description into an e-mail and attach a low res jpg. no larger than 500 pixels wide or tall. If you do it that way, we can rock at the drop of a dime.

That’s the reason we don’t have shots to show you of this frame. We couldn’t download the images.

NEW BUDWEISER BEER CAN HAIR!!!!!!!INVENTED AT THE HORSE SMOKE OUT III 2002.READ ALL ABOUT THIS NEW CRAZE SWEEPING THE NATION. SEE MANY MANY MORE MIND BOGGLING PICS AND THE TANTALIZING FACTS IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE HORSE BACKSTREET CHOPPERS TO HIT THE STANDS OCT. 10.

FIND OUT WHY THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL PICKED THE HORSE SMOKE OUT III TO FILM A WILD CHOPPER DOCUMENTARY TO BE AIRED SEPT. 28 AT 10PM. TURN ON THOSE RECORDERS DUDES, YOU WILL WANT TO SHOW THIS TO THE GRAND CHILLINS’ FOR SURE.

–GENO DIDDY

DIGITAL DISCOVERY ONLY IN BANDIT’S CANTINA–One of the many benefits of supporting Bikernet by joining the Cantina is the Digital Discovery Department. We endeavor to dig deep to find items, techs and strange shit you just won’t find anywhere else.

This chart was published some 25 years ago by Rider. It’s still useful today. Join the Cantina and check it out. Currently membership is only $1.58 a month.

THE OZARK ED REPORT–This was a great weekend. Big boss man had a party for his client list on Friday evening and I had to go. I had gone to Ruthman’s shop about 3 and I was trashed when I left. I went home and got my girl and we were late getting to the party. I hate those kind of things because it’s usually a bunch of suits talking about work or golf.

I noticed a guy I used to work with several years ago and he was now working for a big company and he said he will send me work. Big boss man had bought some door prizes and I told my buddy to pick what he wanted. He picked the dvd player and I rigged the drawing in his favor. He was a happy little geek.

We went on the titty bar tour after the drawing and Tiny was there. Big ugly rich chick was there but nutcase Ned wasn’t. she was on every one in the club with a dick. I told her to get off of me because I had no interest. I was nice but I’ll get ugly if I need to. After the club closed I took my girl to a little neighborhood swimming pool and we climbed the fence and went for a nice little swim. It felt so nice. When we got home about 4, my buddy across the street was just about to leave for his camping trip. I’m going in, he’s coming out.

Me and my girl took stripper Sam out to Tiny’s for dinner Saturday night. We got all fucked up and then went for a ride down to the river. There is a barge in the river that is a restaurant, and they had a horrible band playing outside. We sat on the bank of the river and burned while heckling them. They suck so bad. Ihope they play for free. On the way home I kept hearing tingling sounds when I leaned around left hand curves. I pulled over and found that I had a hole in my tool bag and all my shit was hitting the ground. Pissed me off.

I don’t know what’s going on. It’s supposed to be like a thousand degrees but It’s in the 70’s and 80’s. The nights are cold on the scooter. I’m not bitching, but it looks like rain every day, and you just don’t know what to do. Should I risk the rain and ride or take the rag top? I just go back and forth. I take the bike in the morning and the rag at lunch. I took my girl for a rag top ride last night after it got cold. It was so nice, I hope it lasts.

–Ozark Ed

What A Fuckin’ Genius–The other night I took this picture ofBandit’s foot. I thought to myself how clever he was to use duct tape sincewe didn’t have any medical tape and he had to cover the burn he got fromwelding in order to put on his shoes. It reminded me of a comedian yearsago who use to joke about the things men will fix with duct tape. Well,here’s where you readers come in. I want pictures and stories of how ducttape saved your day, fixed your bike, saved your home or whatever theoccasion may be.

If you have a good story, send it to sinwu@bikernet.comand I’ll send you some Bikernet stickers. You must include your address ifyou want some stickers.

Sin

BIKERNET ON PARENTING–A mother accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed herself a cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asked her mother, “Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?”

The mother replied, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on their way home from work.”

The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, “Ah, c’mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud … They’re Hookers!”

A brief period of silence followed, and the daughter then asked, Mommy, do the Hooker ladies have any children?”

The mother replied, “Of course, dear, where do you think New York cab drivers come from?”

–from Princessgypsy

Continued On Page 2

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–HEART ATTACKS, HELL, SONNY GOES TO EUROPE AND TATTOO OF THE WEEK

Continued From Page 3

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK ALONE– Without help, the person whose heart stops beating properly and who beginsto feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losingconsciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedlyand very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough.The cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. And a cough must be repeated about every 2 seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the bloodcirculating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normalrhythm.

In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

–from Rochester General Hospital

SPEAKING OF DIEING HERE’S THE CHEMISTRY OF HELL ?TThe following is an actual question given on a University of Washingtonchemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so profound that theprofessor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is, ofcourse, ?why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or somevariant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So weneed to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they areleaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell,it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls areentering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the worldtoday. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member oftheir religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there are more than one ofthese ?religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we canproject that all souls go to Hell.With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number ofsouls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of thevolume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for thetemperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1 – If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which soulsenter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until allHell breaks loose.

?2 – Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase ” of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hellfreezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. TeresaBanyan during my Freshman year, that “…it will be a cold day in Hell before Isleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I still have not succeededin having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I amsure ?that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only “A” given.

–from Charles L. DeFanti

SONNY BARGER TOURS EUROPE–Sonny is coming to England, 6 – 10 September, for public appearances and press interviews in London, Bournemouth, and Santa Pod raceway for the European motorcycle drag racing finals. He will be signing copies of Ridin’ High, Livin’ Free, recently published in the UK by Fourth Estate.

The following week in Germany, 13 – 16 September, he will appear in Bremen and Berlin, also visiting the US troops and families in Wiesbaden. He will be signing copies of Ridin’ High, Livin’ Free, published this week in German by Europa Verlag.

Get details of these appearances at the web site:http://sonnybarger.com/meet

There are lots of new photos of Sonny with friends and fans this summer, at Myrtle Beach, Hollister and the Black Hills Rally:http://sonnybarger.com/foto

Sonny’s Hellfire hot sauces, salsa and barbeque sauce are now available, hotter than a Harley manifold after a fast ride:http://sonnybarger.com/store

The new Sonny Barger motorcycle roadside repair kit is a handy accessory no rider should be without, and makes a great gift. The components packed into this compact nylon zippered bag will help get you back on the road:http://sonnybarger.com/store

AND THE WINNER IS—This lucky guy just won a set of K. RandallBall’s books just because he took the time to enter our drawing in theCantina. Prize Possession and Outlaw Justice aren’t even available anylonger. You could be our next lucky winner. If you’re a member of theCantina, enter the contest, If you’re not a member, JOIN NOW!!!

EDWIN DAVIDSON OF NAPLES , FL
Wanted: COPY OF PRIZE POSS. AND OUTLAW JUSTICE. GETTING TIRED OF TRYINGTO READ THEM HERE AT WORK!!!

Congratulations Edwin!

THE ROGUE REPORT–Apparently disappointed and pissed off that they were unable to locate and bust “street racers” in Houston, the city cops offered K-Mart shoppers a texas-sized Blue Light Special and hauled in everybody they could find hanging around a K-Mart parking lot. Thirteen police officials have been suspended with pay in the wake of the arrests of 273 people at a Kmart and a burger stand, allegedly for loitering and trespassing. The police chief implied that officers should have refused the order to arrest people. The head of the police union seems to think the raid on hapless bystanders was justified because there are “no loitering” signs posted in the K-Mart parking lot.

This appears to be a pretty good example of a complete absence of common sense on the part of the cops. Leadership on the scene of the debacle included two Captains, two Lieutenants and a raft of sergeants. It seems to us that a citation was the way to go in this case, but the boys in blue opted to “cuff ’em up” and haul the crowd off to Central Booking. The city is now bracing for an onslaught of well deserved lawsuits, one of which has already been filed for $100 million. So far, no reports on whether or not Homeland Security will be invoked as a defense or if the cops will simply claim this event was “for the kids.”

If you think the arrests in Houston were an isolated bit of police over-kill, wait until you read this. A New Hampshire police chief thinks his department should be permitted to seize a college dorm under the state’s forfeiture law because drugs were found there. He claims the dorm comes under the “Crack House” law. Good grief!

For the entire story see Biker’s Rights on Bikernet.

Here’s another treasure that will be carefully placed in the Digital Discovery Departmet of Bandit’s Cantina. This was shot of a 1930s Excelsior-Henderson new model brochure

STEEL MENTOR REVIEW–Just read “The Steel Mentor” in the Cantina. You hit the mark with that one. Most of the people riding today have know concept of the Old Way’s.?It is great to be making the money the builders, fabricators, and mechanics make nowadays. Shit my old buddies who were my inspiration never made half of what I make today. They did it cuz it was as you say in “their blood”. One in particular Doug “Boo Boo” Reiter left this world in ’78. A true Bro, dearly missed.

It all boils down to ego I guess. The ones who bitch about the guys?making it good now are just jealous about their success. That’s how I see it. You don’t always have to like what’s being done or made today. You can, however, appreciate one’s talent and workmanship.?Sometimes?just the thought process behind a idea for a project is beyond cool.

One thing I have noticed?over the years in building bikes and cars–it’s pretty rare to see something?that hasn’t been done before. When you do see original stuff, you know it immediately!! It leaves you saying “To cool for school”.

Great piece, as always keep it up.

–Paul

TRES COWBOYS–Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie,each with the bravado for which they are famous. A night of tall talesbegins.

The guy from Montana says, “I must be the strongest, meanest, toughestcowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corraland gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns withmy bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth.”

The guy from Wyoming couldn’t stand to be bested. “That’s nothing, I waswalking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out fromunder a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my barehands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I amstill here today!”

The Texas cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his cock.

–from Montana Jill

Tattoo Of The Week–This pic is of a beautiful unknown woman, sentto us by Katmandu in Florida. I love the Japanese traditional styletattoos, don’t you? Lately we haven’t been getting any submissions for the Tattoo OfThe Week; maybe everyone thinks we’re not doing it anymore. Well, we wouldif you guys would SEND US SOME PICTURES! Come on people, send your tattooimages to sinwu@bikernet.com and make me look good by giving me something tocontribute. Everyone thinks I just play with Bandit all day and don’t work. That’s particially true but with his appetite, sometimes it’s an all day session!

Sin

DARWIN AWARD WINNER– Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell ofa gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing allpotential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building hadbeen evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.

Uponentering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in thedark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses laterdescribed the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket andretrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation ofthe lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending piecesof it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but thelighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. His peers had neverthought of the technician suspected of causing the blast as ‘bright’.

–from Rogue

BARNES REBOUNDS TO VICTORY AT POCONO BUELL LIGHTNING RACE–Bemisderfer Second, Regain Series Points Lead.Long Pond, PA (August 25, 2002) – Bouncing back from two consecutive DNFs, Michael Barnes rode his Kosco Harley-Davidson/Buell-Innovative Motorcycle Research entry to a decisive victory in the Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, at Pocono Raceway.

After dominating the Buell Lightning Series early in the season, Barnes fell victim to an accident at Mosport and a thrown chain at Road America. Failing to score points at either event, Barnes slipped back to third place in the points standings behind Clint Brotz of Hal?s Harley-Davidson and Brian Bemisderfer of Harley-Davidson of Frederick. After qualifying was fogged out at Pocono, the three riders found themselves at the front of the starting grid based on season points. Barnes lead from the start and when the race was red-flagged after nine laps on the 2.5-mile course, finished 8.0 seconds ahead of his new stablemate David Estok, with Hal?s rider Richie Morris a distant third place. However, following the race Estok and Morris were each penalized for exceeding the 95-horsepower limit, which bumped Bemisderfer up to second place in the official results. Jason Smith of Smith Brothers Harley-Davidson/Buell was moved up to third place.

?It?s great to get a win and get back on track in the points race,? said Barnes. ?I just put my head down and rode as hard as I could today.?

Brotz finished fourth in the official results and fell from first to second place in the series standings. With two events remaining on the eight-race Buell Lightning Series, Bemisderfer now leads the standings with 100 points to 97 points for Brotz. The win at Pocono leaves Barnes in third place with 88 points, still in contention for the championship.

The Formula USA Buell Lightning Series, presented by Buell Pro Series Accessories, is a horsepower and weight-restricted Buell-only spec class. The seventh round of the Formula USA National Road Race Series will take place at Portland International Raceway, Portland, Ore. Sept. 5-8.

BIKERNET POLICE RELATIONS DEPARTMENT–what not to say. ” I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no othercars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.”

–Rogue

LET’S ESCAPE–The other day I was feeling down about some goddamn thing and the first thing that came to mind was a long ride. Just after I install a set of highbars on that Road King I’m riding out to Tombstone, Arizona to visit the Kennedy’s. Damn I love the desert on a motorcycle. I don’t care what Jose says about Kings.

I know I had something to add about the site, but what the hell. There’s always next week, or the Sunday Post, if you’re a Cantina Member. Goddamnit, it’s happy hour and the girls are waiting. Let’s Ride.

–Bandit

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–NEW BOOK OF POETRY, CARIBBEAN REPORT AND NEW FRAMES FROM XTREME

Continued From Page 2the book

POETRY FROM THE HEART–Catts my lovely southern Florida connection slipped this small 100 page book in an unmarked envelope and dropped it in a ghetto mailbox. It arrived from the eastern projects to the western ghetto of San Pedro where I discovered it sticking out of the Bikernet P.O. Box as if reaching for recognition.

I flipped through it reading a poem from time to time, cringing on the yuppie attacks and typos. Ed “Ivy” Hill lives in Hobe Sound, Florida where he can ride all year. The Treasure Coast area of Florida’s southeast coast is the venue for many of the poems in his book.

One of my brothers Renegade wrote a lot of poetry in the early days of Easyriders. Maybe I’ve lost my taste, maybe life runs to fast to ponder the meaning of each line. If you’re into poetry about riding check this book out and let me know what you think. “Works of Ivy” will be available through any book store.

Ed “Ivy” Hill

LAST OF THE BIKE SHOW WINNERS–Yep, that’s the deal. We quit the show with free prizes and trophies. Couldn’t afford it, but the area will now house Bikernet Readers’ Putts. Post your ride and the story behind it. If the bike or the tall tale blows our minds, we’ll pump it up to a feature.Ah, but here’s a quote from one of the last winners:Hi, Got my pkg. yesterday. Thanks!!! The trophy is cool, you read my mind, I was going to get around to getting the book. I will be returning the membership card ASAP. Thanks guys(and gals)!!!!!—–

–NICK

BIKERNET’S MOMENT OF SILENCE–A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pitbull on a leash. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single file. The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog. ‘I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a badtime to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this with so many ofyou walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?’

The man replied, ‘Well, that first hearse is for my wife.’

‘What happened to her?’

The man replied, ‘My dog attacked and killed her.’

He inquired further, ‘Well, who is in the second hearse?’

The man answered, ‘My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife whenthe dog turned on her.’

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

‘Can I borrow the dog?’

‘Get in line.’

–from Dean

BIKERNET CARIBBEAN REPORT–I really don’t know what to say after that big ass Sturgis report (andeverything else). I have received a couple e-mails about it already andthey are all positive. By the way, there’s no bullshit there, I even leftsome details out……As you all know, I’ve been working on the web-site while Bandit is playinghide the salami locked up in a room, with not one, but three girls !!!!!!

It really sucks….we are busting our asses and he is playing around….Ohwell……

I did not manage to get my photos on time, so I’m figuring out that somewill be posted here…. Or later added to the story….

I don’t know if it’s us but things seem to be kinda slow lately. I hear ofshops closing down, people running out of money and selling, you know,weird shit….We have lots of work but seems like the money it’s not comingin…. maybe it’s the weather or that I just got older….. Anyway, the website is working, the TV show is coming up and there’s bikes to bebuilt….Plus we got the cover of The Horse Magazine for this issue (# 27) which I beleive it’s our first cover….out of 12 magazine articles since1998 (this is data I am gathering for the web site, not a pompous attemptto praise ourselves). And our articles here have been all positive, noteven one person has bitched about it (which is also weird) So….once morethe pro’s beat the con’s.

And now to the news……Check this out, I just got in from the 2003 Harley models presentation atour local dealer, it was packed! We saw all these bikes already but it’sa good time to hear all the bullshit stories and the “posers” drooling onthe latest 100 anniversary underwear.Like every event like that there will always be bullshit, envy, purists,and antichrists…..besides just regular people that just go there to seethe new bikes….

The new Deuce was there (pardon the company for using a trademarked name)and the 100th Road King, sure friends teased me that I was there to buy oneof those bikes….Sure, when I get to be seventy and wear Depends, so I canstash them in the saddlebags….. Before we (readers) start bitching aboutme bashing a Road Kill…… It’s a joke, I guess by the time I can’t rideChoppers no more, I’ll buy a Town Car and be really comfy…. Again it’ssomething that only he who rides a chopper can understand…..

Thanks a lot, pal. –Bandit

All in all it was a good time, we saw friends and got to say hi…Suresomeone remarked that I was paying (bribes) several magazines and web sitesto feature my stuff, but there will always be retards, no matter where yougo, and for the record I earn my stuff. I don’t believe in vanity exposure.Congratulations to Motor Sport on a well done party….Too bad they didnot install anti-weasels sensors on the doors….

September 28th at 10:00 p.m. ET, is the date for the Biker Build Off, atthe Discovery Channel, featuring Billy Lane and Roger Bourget. Also Sept.29th (Sunday) there will be two shows, American Chopper and WomenBikers…starting at 9:00 pm.It’s great to see more and more bike related stuff on TV…..I see a lotmore stuff coming up….It’s good for TV.

We heard that Frank Kaisler is working with Bikernet.com as well as TheHorse. We can’t wait to read his features. I know he edited Hot Rod Bikes,one of the best , and most informative, magazines. If you are reading thisFrank, let me say that since you left the magazine it sucks ! Maybe JeffDeasey will be able to save it.

Anyway, gotta go and do some stuff for The Horse……and work on thebikes, and check the web-site and blah, blah,blah…..I guess you get the idea…..

–Jose, chopperfreak.com
Caribbean (bribes galore) Bikernet, exposure loving, agent.

PS: Sin I miss you, we had a great time when Bandit was gone….one bigkiss for you…and Thanks once more…..

KID’S EARS…. For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle.

His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?”

Little Patrick told him, “I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage, and no transportation.”

–from Deb at Pro Paint in Baltimore

TWO NEW SITES TO SCOPE OUT–www.siebenthalercreative.com.One page for starters but includes portfolio PDF.

www.twistgear.net.New home of Johnson Engineering. Rudimentary, but it’s a vertical learningcurve.

–JS

SCREAMIN’ EAGLE/VANCE&HINES NHRA PRO STOCK TEAM CLOSING GAP–Team Posts its Best E.T. of Season at Indy.Indianapolis, Ind. (Sept. 2, 2002) – The Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines Pro Stock Bike drag racing team posted its best results of the season at the National Hot Rod Association Mac Tools U.S. Nationals held at Indianapolis Raceway Park over Labor Day weekend. During Saturday?s qualifying session, Screamin? Eagle rider Gary Tonglet, Jr. made a 7.457-second pass at 176 mph, the quickest quarter-mile elapsed time (E.T.) recorded by the team during its inaugural season on the very competitive NHRA Pro Stock circuit.

?The results from Indy reflect the dramatic progress the Screamn? Eagle/Vance & Hines team has made in powertrain development since the beginning of the season,? said Mike Kennedy, Director of Marketing, Harley-Davidson Parts and Accessories. ?We will continue that development and anticipate that the Screamn? Eagle/Vance & Hines team will realize further gains in horsepower in the coming months.?

In the Friday session at Indy, the Screamin? Eagle/Vance & Hines team ran an E.T. of 7.490 seconds. Saturday morning?s run produced the 7.457-second E.T., the quickest time ever clocked by a Motor Company Pro Stock team. The team ended the Saturday afternoon session with an 8.011-second E.T., as mechanical problems forced Tonglet to shut off midway through his run. After a long evening of switching motors and tuning the bike for the Sunday qualifying runs, the team posted an encouraging 7.544-second E.T. in the morning session under hot, humid conditions, and a 7.496-second E.T. in the afternoon session. The Screamin? Eagle team missed the 7.363-second bump time for Monday?s final round of eliminations less than a tenth of a second, the closest it has been to making the finals this season.??

XTREME PRODUCT LINE-UPBelow is a list of all the products we are selling. Attached is a pictureof our new single down tube frame.

Travis
714-628-1855

STANDARD SOFTAIL FRAME 240 KITS INCLUDE:
Swing Arm, Pivot Shaft Kit, Axle Kit, Oil Bag w/mounts, Internal Wiring,Primary Spacer, Hour Glass Neck

XST-240K Xtreme Softail Frame Kit with 1″ axle & flush covers

STANDARD SOFTAIL FRAME 180 KITS INCLUDE:Swing Arm, Pivot Shaft Kit, Axle Kit, Aluminum Struts, Oil Bag w/mounts,Internal Wiring, S/S Splash Guard, Hour Glass Neck

XST-180K Xtreme Softail Frame Kit

STANDARD HARDTAIL FRAME KIT INCLUDES:
Axle Kit, Aluminum Struts, Internal Wiring, Hour Glass Neck
XHT-240 Xtreme Hardtail Frame Kit with 1″ axle & flush covers
XHT-180 Xtreme Hardtail Frame Kit

FRAME OPTIONS: (add to the above price)
X-RSD-240 Xtreme Hardtail / Softail 240 Frame Right Side Drive
XST-SDT-180/240 Xtreme Softail Frame Single Down Tube 180 or 240
XHT-SDT-180/240 Xtreme Hardtail Frame Single Down Tube 180 or 240

XTREME ACCESSORIES:
X-STF Xtreme strutless 11″ softail rear fender
X-HTF Xtreme blank 11″ hardtail rear fender
X-CT Xtreme Chopper Tank with flush cap
X-ST Xtreme Sportster Tank with flush cap
X-FE Xtreme Wide Glide Front End (6 degree rake) Polished
XHT-OB Xtreme Hardtail Oil Bags
XST-OB Xtreme Softail Oil Bags
X-FBW Xtreme 8-Spoke Billet Wheel 21 X 2.150 (Polished)
X-RBW Xtreme 8-Spoke Billet Wheel 18 X 8.5 (Polished)
X-SFR Xtreme 111/2″ 8 spoke front rotor (Polished)
X-SRR Xtreme 111/2″ 8 spoke rear rotor (Polished)
X-SP Xtreme 65 tooth 8 spoke Pulley (Polished)
X-FW6 Xtreme Wire Wheel 21 X 2.150 – 60 spokes
X-RW6 Xtreme Wire Wheel 18 X 8.5 – 60 spokes
X-WFR Xtreme 111/2″ front rotor to match wire wheel (Chrome)
X-WRR Xtreme 111/2″ rear rotor to match wire wheel (Chrome)
X-WP Xtreme 65 tooth Pulley to match wire wheel (chrome)
X-MT21 Metzler Tire 21 X 80 X 90
X-MT18 Metzler Tire 18 X 240 X 40
X-LHX-LV Xtreme vertical & horizontal sidemounts with LED running, tail, licplate & brake lights. (Chromed)
X-HMG Hot-Match Flush mount pop-up gas cap
X-HMK Hot-Match Kickstand kit
X-HMP Hot-Match custom pipes
X-AR The Air-RideT system (Chromed)
X-PS EMS Performance Shocks (Chromed)
X-FV EMS Fuel Valve (Chromed)
X-HL Lazer Star Headlight

–for more info contact: info@xtremecycledesign.com

Continued On Page 4

BIKERNET NEWS FLASH–V-TWIN DEALER SHOW, NEW CCI SWINGARM SET, AND NOTORIOUS IGNITION INTERLOCK LAW

Continued From Page 3

BEACH RIDE LIVES–I stumbled into a Beach Ride meeting last night for the 10-year-old Southern California charity event. It was canceled last year by the Ventura, California authorities because of the club battle 600 miles away. The Beach Ride will live again next July and retain the name, although it looks like the next event will take place in Frazier Park only a few miles from Bakersfield.

We voted on the name last night and concluded wisely, I hope, to retain the “Beach Ride” name. Even if we have to drag palm trees and sand to the edge of the Fishing pond on the pine tree surrounded property in Frazier Park, it’ll be the beach ride.

It was also tentatively decided last night to raffle a bike for the charity that benefits from the ride, the Exceptional Children’s Foundation in Los Angeles. I’ll keep you posted.

HER BEST FEATURE–A young man moved into his new apartment in the city. On his wayto the mailboxes in the lobby, an attractive young lady came outof the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversationwith him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it wasobvious that she had nothing else on.

The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm andsaid, “Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.”

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leanedagainst it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my bestfeature?”Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s got to beyour ears!”

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at thesebreasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! Mybutt is firm and solid! Look at my skin – no blemishes anywhere!How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?”

Clearing his throat, he stammered, “Outside, when you said youheard someone coming? That was me.”

–from Ray R.

2003 CLASSIC TRIUMPH CALENDARS–The 2003 Classic Triumph Calendar is now available for retail and wholesaledistribution. Baxter Cycle, Inc. has produced the calendar in conjunctionwith Wolfgang Publications, a well-known publisher of motorcycle titles.

The calendar offers a twelve-month supply of various Triumph models.Each month features a brilliant color photograph of a different classicTriumph model, plus close-up photos highlighting interesting details on eachbike. Brief text offers insight into a bit of the history of thesefascinating machines.

Baxter Cycle is a motorcycle dealer with an emphasis on classic Britishmotorcycles. Twenty-five years of experience in buying and selling classicTriumphs, Nortons, BSA’s and other vintage European motorcycles has turnedthis thriving, small-town shop into a worldwide business.

Calendars are available for $15.95 plus $4.50 S&H from Baxter Cycle, Inc.Wholesale discounts offered on quantity orders. To order, call712-781-2395, FAX 712-781-2355. or email bikes @baxtercycle.com. Find themon the web at www.baxtercycle.com.

CONTACT RANDY BAXTER 712-781-2395

BAXTER CYCLE
400 LINCOLN ST. BOX 85
MARNE, IA 51552
712-781-2351712-781-2355 FAX
bikes@baxtercycle.com

DRINKING BIKERS BEWARE–A Bill has been introduced by New York Assembly members which mandates the installation of ignition interlock devices by 2005 on all new and second hand motor ve3hicles sold within the state. Further, all motor vehicles in New York should be equipped with such devices by 2006.

Ignition interlocking devices connect to the ignition system and preventa vehicle from being started without first determining the operator’s breath alcohol level.

–from The American Motorcycle Dealer News

HOT AIR BALLOON PILOT LOST– A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

–from Chris T.

V-TWIN EXPO BACK IN CINNCINATI–For years the dealers who attended the Indy show complained that they had to wander through hordes of jet ski and dirt bike booths to see the Harley guys. Well Jim Betlach and his crew kicked off the V-Twin Expo in Cinncinati to create a dealer show just for the Harley aftermarket.

If you’re a dealer don’t miss it in February.

INDIAN PARTS CONNECTION–This is probably the longest enduring Indian connection in the country. Starklite Cycle (starklite.com) in Riverside, California is now in their 60th year. “My father was the indian dealer in Akron, Ohio from 1918 to 1952,” said Bob Stark, the current owner. He started working in the dealership in 1944, and purchase his first Indian in 1949. In 1955 he obtained his degree in mechanical engineering. Now his son, Gary Stark, is the parts manager.

Starklite Cycle is responsible for manufacturing and distributing thousand of parts to keep old indians alive. Their parts book also contains dynamic tech tips to keep those puppies afloat. Drop them a line and order a catalog.

THE PICKLE SLICER– There once was this man, who worked in a pickle factory, who had this very great and powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

This went on for years, and he couldn’t stand it, so he decided to seek professional help for this odd infatuation of his.

They up and tell the man that since his desire is so powerful to put his penis in the pickle slicer, the only way to get over it was to do it. The man gladly agrees and says he will do it the next day at work …

The next day he comes home from work about 11 AM. His wife is very worried and asks what happened. He explains to her, for the first time, the desire he has had to put his penis in the pickle slicer.

And then explains that he couldn’t take it any more and today he did it. She gasps and runs over to him, yanks down his pants and briefs, only to see his member perfectly normal and intact.

She looks back up and says I don’t understand … what happened to the pickle slicer?

“I think she got fired too.”

–from Miss Kris

RevTech(r) Chrome Single-Sided Swingarm Kit
Made from chrome-plated 6061-T6 aircraft-grade billet aluminum
Includes the swingarm assembly, RevTech(r) 4-piston caliper, brakerotor, brake bracket,polished splash guard, and domed hub caps.
Ride height is adjustable from 1″ under stock height to 1″ over (patentpending)
Innovative design maintains perfect alignment of the wheel and the belt
Works only with 18″ x 4″ RevTech(r) billet wheels (not included) withup to a 150-series tire
Quick installation utilizes the stock shocks, drive belt, fender andstruts

28348 –Fits Softail(r) models from 1986 thru 1999 –$2,999.00
600101 –Replacement stainless steel brake rotor –$94.99

Note: Does not work with solid pulleys and requires custom brake lines(not included).Chrome 18″ x 4″ RevTech(r) Rear Wheels

Only these wheels should be used with this kit.
64237Scorpion$999.99
64239Stiletto$999.99
642413-Spoke Swept –$999.99
64897RevPro(tm) Solid –$849.00
64532T-3 –$1,099.00
64412Grinder –$1,099.00
64452Wings –$1,099.00
64632Pulsar –$1,099.00
64232Spider –$1,099.00
64233Spike –$1,099.00
64234Meridian –$1,099.00
64235Airfoil 3 –$1,099.00
64236DF5 –$1,099.00
64814Inferno(r) –$1,099.00
63852Creep –$1,179.00
63881Style 53 –$1,179.00
63910Sabbath –$1,179.00
63939West Side –$1,179.00
63997Penta –$1,179.00
63617Doom –$1,600.00
63823The Wheel –$1,074.00

Chrome RevTech(r) Rear Belt Pulleys
65-Tooth –70-Tooth
4714447142Scorpion –$544.99
4713847136Stiletto –$544.99
47156471483-Spoke Swept –$544.99
4813948140RevPro(tm) Solid –$499.99
4811248113T-3 –$499.99
4810048101Grinder –$499.99
4810648107Wings –$499.99
4812048121Pulsar –$499.99
4723547238Spider –$539.99
4724547246Spike –$539.99
4729847299Meridian –$539.99
4723947240Airfoil 3 –$539.99
4722647225DF5 –$544.99
4723247231Inferno(r) –$544.99
4816348164Creep –$546.99
4816848169Style 53 –$546.99
4817348174Sabbath –$546.99
4817848179West Side –$546.99
4818848189Penta –$546.99
4818348184Doom –$546.99
4815848159The Wheel –$524.99

BIKES-DIRECT.com – USD $620 FOR SALE– Please note that after years, the registration on the domain nameBIKES-DIRECT.com was not renewed and this domain became available toregister.

Consequently, we have been approached to market this domain name that hasbeen tracked and registered by a client. As a result, BIKES-DIRECT.com isnow available from us for IMMEDIATE transfer.

With so many companies using these initials along with what many wouldconsider to be a genuine investment, we expect to find an interested partyfor this excellent .com.

Please note that transfers take just 15 minutes and are extremelystraightforward – absolutely NO technical knowledge is required!

If you would like to use WWW.BIKES-DIRECT.com for your online business,please contact us at your earliest convenience – we will be on hand shouldyou require any further assistance or information.

Lara
Marketing
Ioffers.com

E m p t y N e s t r o g e n–Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.?????

THAT’S IT–I’m outta here. A woman now wants to shoot a documentary as Mike Lichter and I finish our “Badlands” book project. We’ll be riding north to Oregon, then East to Phoenix, Denver, Kansas City and south to New Orleans. You may see chapters of the book in the Cantina and in American Rider. Hang on as we move forward. I’m embarrassed to say that the documentary may be aired on the Discovery Channel.

Have a helluva weekend.

–Bandit??????

STAFF STRUGGLES, WEIRD SEX LAWS, AND HAPPY HOUR…

Continued From Page 2

FIVE CANNIBALS– Five cannibals get hired at the local manufacturing plant. During thewelcoming orientation, the HR Manager says, “You’re all part of ourteam now. You can earn good money here. You will have good benefits, andyoucan go to the vending machines for something to eat, so please don’t botherany of the other employees.” The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the HR Manager calls them in to the office and says,”You’re all working very hard, and we’re very satisfied with all of you.However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know whathappened to him?” The cannibals all shake their heads no.

After the HR Manager has left, the leader of the cannibals says totheothers, “Which one of you idiots ate the janitor?” A hand raiseshesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, “You fool!!

Forfour weeks, we’ve been eating Managers and Administrators and no one noticedanything, and YOU had to go and eat the janitor!”

H-D 45 cu. in. Three Wheeler, picture taken about 1970. That’s all we know.

–Bob T.

THE DOUR DAILY–Al-Qaeda is once again calling for the destruction of America. I got news for them: They can’t ruin the American way of life only Wall Street can do that!

Speaking of stocks, mine split today. You know what that means, a stock split? It means my stocks just split! They are gone!

Stocks are bad, corporations are corrupt and people are losing jobs. Do you think God might be a little upset about that pledge thing? Hey, you’re all on your own now!

On the front of USA Today they had a color graph of the states with the highest reported cases of sunburn. You know which state had the highest rate? Wisconsin. Now, I don’t know if they get more sunburns in Wisconsin, but apparently they have nothing better to do than sit around and report they have sunburns!

The United States has a new weapon. It destroys people but leaves buildings still standing it’s called the stock market!

Do you know the difference between Las Vegas and Wall Street? In Vegas after you lose your money you still get free drinks.

Congress voted the other day 97 to 0 for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.

The Republicans might go to Florida for the convention in the 2004 election. Returning to the scene of the crime.

–from Nuttboy

SMOKING TIP–Do you live in America and do you smoke ?if you do, visit www.otdirect.bizhosting.comif you do not, please disregard this message.

–James Beattie

MISSING FATBOBS– These are the Tanks I sold about 15 years ago. I had them on my bike years ago. A friend painted them.I walked in a bike shop up here and they were in a display case.

I said “Those are my Fucking tanks” and everyone took a stepbackwards, they thought they were stolen and I was there to kick some ass.

But I told them the story.?I traded some saddle bags for them to get them back.

–BT

NEWS FROM WHITEHORSE PRESS–What’s been hot this summer you ask? Everything, everyday! But, for summerriding, it’s what’s hot that’s cool that counts. And that’s the AirhawkSeat Cushion with the revolutionary Dry Flotation technology that eliminatespainful pressure points and promotes consistent blood flow for a longer,cooler, more comfortable ride.http://www.whitehorsepress.com/email.asp?cn=50245&en=en0208&id=cvra

No more numbness you ask? No more aching butt muscles? That’s right. Thecushion’s adjustable air inflation and multiple cells provide a custom fitto your personal contour, making the last mile feel like the first. Smallinterconnected air cells move pressure away from “hot spots” and work asmini shock absorbers, reducing vibration. An open mesh side panel allowsair to circulate, creating extra ventilation to reduce heat build-up andprevent “hot seat.”

Popular motojournalist David Hough discovered the pleasure of an Airhawk onhis last cross-country trip, 4,000 miles into a 6,400 miler: “I was inserious butt pain, and in drastic need of something to ease it. The oldsheepskin wasn’t working any more. So, in desperation, I plotted a newcourse to an outlet I knew that carried Airhawks, and slapped one on mysaddle. The relief was immediate, and allowed me to knock off the 2,400miles home in relative comfort, without having to stand on the pegs forthree days.”

2003 FASTDATES.COM CALENDARS SELLING FAST– The new 2003 calendars are now in stock at your favorite distributors,worldwide, and they should be at your local dealer as well. Featuredagain, as always, are the world’s fastestroadracers, motocrossers, and premier custom bike builders, their bikes,and the most beautiful pinup models in the world. This year’s beautifulcalendar models include Playboy cover models The Bentley Twins, Amandaand Sandy, Penthouse Pet of the Year Zdenka, and Miss Great BritainNicky Lane. Both Zdenka and Nicky were our official SBK FastDates.comCalendar girls at Laguna Seca World Superbike.

Remember, as each year, the 2003 Calendars are full 16 month calendarsbeginning with September 2002 and we usually sell out by November. Soask for them now at your favorite dealer, and visit us on line forcomplete distributor contact and ordering information. Don’t delay as wewill sell out early, and the FastDates.com calendars are valuablecollector’s keepsakes featuring the world’s top bikes racers andcelebrity models.http://www.FastDates.com

2002 LA Calendar Bike Show a hugh sellout success!Our July 21-22nd Los Angeles Calendar Motorcycle Show weekend hasanother huge success this year with over 140 Exhibitors and a selloutcrowd. Next year we will be expanding the Show into downtown Long Beach(just like the Long Beach Grand Prix) to accommodate more manufacturers,spectators, a huge Vintage Bike Show and newly added racing activitiesat the premier streetbike show in America. Complete coverage and photosof this year’s Show is online at:http://www.FastDates.com/BikeShow2002/BIKESHOW2002.HTM

BANDIT VS. JON TOWLE–Bandit vs. John TowleWhy is Jon sticking up for Bandit’s poor humor? Well, Enclosed is a pic of Bandit resolving a disagreement with Jon in Long Beach Harbor. Bandit is Taking jon out for a little fishing trip.

Two tours in country gave Bandit the opportunity to get flying lessons. According to Jon, the next time Bandit says ANYTHING he doesn’t like,,, “Just agree with the old salt. Bandit is NEVER WRONG!”

–Thomas Brown

EXERCISE FOR SENIORS–Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program:

Beating around the bushes.
Jumping to conclusions.
Climbing the walls.
Pushing my luck.
Making mountains out of molehills.
Bending over backwards.
Jumping on bandwagons.
Balancing books.
Running around in circles.
Opening cans of worms.
Going over edges.
Picking up pieces.

Whew!What a workout!You are invited to use my program without charge!

–from Dr. Terry

CANTINA TESTIMONIAL AND ROAD GLIDE ADVICE–Been checking out your site since you started but was a little leary of tha Cantina after joining the Easyriders Roadhouse thing a long time ago. Lasted a month but they kept billing me anyway. You’ve been up for a while and it’s a lot cheaper, so I guess I will have to give up a piece of rasin pie for the month.

ANYWAY, I have a 2000 SE Road Glide and can attest to the afffect that tire pressure is a big issue as well as the type of tire you are running. The Dunlops keeps her stable like a caddy, but if you go with Avon Venom X’s it starts thinking it’s a freakin crotch rocket in the corners. I would start with the tire pressure, and even the air in the shocks seem to make some difference especially on the not-so-smooth roads we have in the flatlands with the grooves for truck tires. My $.02

–Randy

WEIRD SEX LAWS–If a police officer in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sexinside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times, and wait two minutesbefore being allowed to approach the scene.

Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister, according to anIllinois state law.

A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing orhunting on your wedding day.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on citystreets.

In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sexwithout a permit.

Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two peoplehaving sex in a car.

In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driverinside a toll booth.

Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish theirrooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of two feet between thebeds, and it is illegal for a couple to make love on the floor between thebeds.

In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on thecity’s airport property.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a manwhile riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman’sname will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive anypunishment.

No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virginunder any circumstances. (including the wedding night)

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is themissionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachuteon Sunday afternoons.

In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer whilelying in bed with his wife.

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make loveto his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.

In Bozeman, Montana, you can’t perform any sexual acts in the front yard ofany home, after sundown, if you are nude.

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon tableunless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean,white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple mayhave sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the hornduring their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a LibertyCorner, New Jersey law.

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in asexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.

In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.

In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his femalepartner is having a sexual orgasm.

ORWELL AIN’T BAD–Hey Bandit!I’ve read your book during my holiday, I loved it!Great Mad max kinda story, great.

–Good luck, Tjebbe

BIKERNET ON CORPORATE MANAGEMENT–A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race.Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance beforethe race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the Americanteam became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American managementdecided the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A “ManagementTeam” made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommendwhat appropriate action should be taken. Their conclusion was the Japanesehad 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8persons steering and one person rowing.

So American management hired a consulting company and paid them anincredible amount of money. They advised that too many people were steeringthe boat, while not enough people were rowing. To prevent losing to theJapanese again next year, the rowing team’s management structure was totallyreorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a newperformance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greaterincentive to work harder. It was called the “Rowing Team Quality FirstProgram,” with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. “We must givethe rower the empowerment and enrichments through this quality program.”.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the Americanmanagement laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of anew canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for newequipment.

Then they distributed the money they saved as bonuses to the seniorexecutives.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK–“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Huh?” – Conan O’Brien

BIKERNET ADVICE ON DEALING WITH POLICE–Don’t say the following: You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

AND THE DARWIN AWARD GOES TO– A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway nearMarseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger andkilling herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not havequalified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that thedriver’s attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which hadstarted urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to pressthe correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi’s life, the woman lost her own.

HAPPY HOUR–It must be happy hour somewhere? Above is a restored Indian Chief with factory side car. Another bike Don has available. For more information contact the man at Don Whalen drw2453@earthlink.net.

Very shortly we will begin a series of articles on modifications to a Road King. A portion of this series will also find its way to American Rider Magazine. The articles are designed to assist even the most novice rider with advice and knowledge of how their dealer will do the job if they can’t. We’re going to make this puppy sing.

Have a helluva weekend. –Bandit