Bikernet East, Zebra Report 8/17/2000:
ZEBRA CRUSHES BANDIT! ARRIVES FIRST IN STURGIS!
Despite overwhelming odds, such as a rev limiter installed secretly byBandit (later ripped out and thrown in the ditch), heavy rain on the eastcoast, phony tags (fuck the Florida DMV), a bleeding gas tank (Bandit issuspected here as well), hail in Atlanta, deer in Kentucky, troopers inIllinois, and a host of other hurdles, as well as a distance over 500 mileslonger than Bandit’s short hop from L.A., Special Agent Zebra rode like anoutlaw and arrived four beers and three Jack and Cokes ahead of Bandit andhad the promised Jack on ice awaiting the West Coast slowpokes. Kudos tothe Doctor of Throttle, Special Agent Zebra.
And in answer to West Coast Chopper’s Jesse James’ question, “Should weconsider Special Agent Zebra a real biker now?”, we at Bikernet.com have ourown questions- how’d that Winnebago ride? Is it a rigid? As Bandit oncesaid, time will tell and shit will smell.
The Great Northern Steamer made the trip up and back, wracking up around-trip total of 6,002 miles on the virgin odometer. Zebra sustained onefried starter motor, two gas tank leaks, one missing kickstand (tore it offon a low left-hand sweeper in Georgia) and a pull-start behind bro andsister Tommy and Mary Ann Mills of Kittanning, PA. Zebra says, “many thanksfor the yank. Got home fine.”
While the Zebra was forced to ride the final 1,300 miles without stoppingor even getting off due to the fried starter motor and missing kickstand, hearrived relatively unscuffed, save for a wracked back and a bit of fatigueinduced delirium.
The actual ChopOff vote, was a washout, since Bandit apparently moved thevote at the last minute to a secret location, garnering every vote.
Stay tuned for the full story, after we wake Zebra up and get him on thekeyboard.
Big Lucy, reporting for Special Agent Zebra, recovering
Bikernet.com East, Miami
Bikernet East, Zebra Report 7/11/2000:
Working with Eddie Trotta of Thunder Cycles in Ft. Lauderdale, I’mputting the finishing touches on the Great Northern Steamer, my entry intothe Bikernet ChopOff 2000. We can’t say what the secret changes are thatwe’re making, as we would tip off Bandit and the crew on the West Coast.But suffice to say, they’ll be good. – Zebra
Bikernet East, Zebra Report 7/15/2000:
In the race to the finish line, I’ve sent out the tanks and rearfender,which Eddie Trotta and his sheetmetal gurus recut and redrilled (theyweren’t satisfied with the fit we got over the rear tire at Bikernet).Eddie Meeks at Hardly Civilized is doing the paint and artwork wasprovided by our own Ink Dink, Jon Towle. Eddie and his men at Thunder Cycles havechecked and double checked, tweaked and poked our geometry. Break-in isscheduled to start ASAP. Tanks and fender should be back and ready tobolt on in three days. Eddie Meeks is fast and Eddie Trotta is even faster.
The goal is to get a few thousand miles on the horse prior to blast off fromMiami Beach, about as far from Sturgis as you can get. Nobody likessurprises and we’re working hard to eliminate as many as possible. Banditis closing fast and the race is narrowing. It may actually come down to avote after all.
Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet.com East
Miami Beach
Bikernet East, Zebra Report 7/24/2000:
In a dark twist of fate, I have fallen behind the dreaded Bandit in ourSturgis 2000 ChopOff, as we near the blast off point. Paint has taken threedays longer than expected and we’ve yet to get even one break-in mile on theGreat Northern Steamer. Eddie Trotta and his boys at Thunder Cycle Designswill be pushing hard to get sheet metal in place, final tail lights wiredand get the big mother RevTech on the asphalt and start the painstakingbreak-in process. Eddie and his boys like to run a bike no more than onemile, bring it back in, check and measure everything, take it back out andrun it two and so on. After they’ve done this several times, they run thebike 25-30, and repeat. You can see how this helps avoid ruining anythingwhich might be slightly off alignment or loose. It’s a good process, but ittakes time, which is something we’re getting damned short on. Bandit hasbeen jeering over the phone daily about how well his scoot is running,although he’s had some clutch difficulties which he’s trying to iron outwith Wrench and the Bikernet West garage gang.
It’s going to be close. Will the Great Northern Steamer leave on time?Will Bandit and the Blue Goose make it from the western country? Will thetorrential Florida rains wash me off the interstate before I can even breakthe Georgia line? Will the searing Death Valley expanse fry Bandit’s enginebefore he can cross into the cool deserts of the north?
It all remains to be seen. Stay tuned as we race to the wire and ourlaunch date, this Saturday at 0-early hundred.
Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet East
Miami Beach
Bikernet East, Zebra Report 7/25/2000:
EAST COAST BIKERS RALLY TO ZEBRA’S AID! RACE TO STURGIS HEATING UP FAST!
In an unexpected show of brotherhood, numerous East Coast bikershave rallied to underdog Special Agent Zebra’s aid in the savage Bikernet.comSturgis 2000 ChopOff. Offers of everything from places to bed down andhome-cooked meals to bullets to broads are pouring in all along the Zebra’sroute. Special Agent Zebra, working with minimal support and even fewerresources, has managed to stay neck and neck with the dreaded Bandit and hismassive phalanx of factory technicians and C.A.D.-assisted motorcycleassembly line at the sprawling Bikernet World Headquarters in San Pedro,California, just south of Los Angeles.It was beginning to look as if Special Agent Zebra was going to haveto run on bailing wire and luck, but with the outpouring of biker brotherhood fromliterally thousands of bikers all along the route, Zebra should have a roadpaved with flying panties, roses, fried chicken and cots all the way toSturgis.
Now if Zebra and Eddie Trotta can sweet talk the local DMV cuss intoallowing them to tag and bless entirely unsafe, illegal freak chopperrolling felony, AAA is dumb enough to insure the fuckin’ thing and somebodyis crazy enough to sell him some high-octane fuel, the race will be on. Amoment of silence to the DMV gods. (Actually, the backup plan is to slap aphony plate on the Great Northern Steamer and hope like hell the local fuzzin the lower 49 don’t read this.)
God bless America and may Bandit drive off into the Grand Canyon.
Big Lucy, filling in for Special Agent Zebra
Bikernet EastMiami Beach
-Just one of hundreds of e-mails pouring in from around the nation insupport of the goodly Zebra in his war against the repulsive bastard,Bandit-
Zebra,
_______________________
I am in Hermitage Tn. Just about 10 miles sw of downtown Nashville. Justoff major interstate cluster (figuratively) of 1-40 guick passage back toI-24. Would be glad to put up a fellow armed gypsy biker, Get you fed, bedand on you way. Would be honored to have you stay at my digs. You have mye-mail. phone is 615/883-6490 home/615/620-5266 work. Let me know your plansand I will make necessary arrangements.
I am sure that we can make it easy for you to fly through the middleTennessee area with no time lost to that scoundrel Bandit. If you read theoriginal message I am sure that you known that I would not hinder anyone’sprogress. I was pulling for the Bikernet East all the way. So just lay atease about that alms thing from the west.
Just a hole in the wall, where a good armed outlaw/gypsy can rest hisweary bones.
RH
Bikernet East, Zebra Report 7/27/2000:
Special Agent Zebra nabbed at Florida DMV!
In a henious turn of events yesterday, Special Agent Zebra was nearlyimprisoned at the Florida Deparment of Vehicles, while trying to registerthe barely legal Great Northern Steamer, Zebra’s entry into the dreadedBikernet ChopOff 2000 competition. Foul play is suspected as one of the MSO(manufactuerer’s statement of origin) was sent by Bandit from the West Coastand in fact was the offending document which led to a rush of State Troopersand much dark swearing and wrestling about.
Upon presentation of his special construction bike, Special Agent Zebra waspromptly informed that he was guilty of a felony in the third degree forattempting to register a motorcycle outside of the area in which he resides.
Sensing danger, Special Agent Zebra made an immediate attempt to abort themission when the DMV agent in charge, a savage cunt with one eye and titsmade from rotting gauze wrapped around cantelopes, called in the FloridaHighway Patrol. A hairy chase ensued as Special Agent Zebra put in somefast break-in miles and managed to give the rule-crazy cops the shake innorthern Miami.
“It’s going to be an outlaw run from here on out,” Zebra told Bandit overthe phone from an undisclosed location. “I’ll deal with you when I get toSturgis, you evil sonofabitch!” Zebra roared, as Bandit bawled with laughteron the other end of the line.
Turns out Bandit sent Zebra an engine MSO from a chopper he’d reportedstolen over ten years ago and then parted out. A dirty trick, consideringthe actual engine Zebra is running in the Great Northern Steamer is a brandnew, monster RevTech 88 given to the Zebra by our fine bros at CustomChrome.
Set up, wanted by the law and running underground now, Zebra is by far theunderdog in this dastardly competition.
It’s anyone’s guess if Zebra can move from one friendly club house to thenext under the cover of darkness as he makes his way along the undergroundbiker railroad to Sturgis, where he will even the score with Bandit.
Bandit, law abiding yuppie that he is will have the advantage, as heblissfully strolls along in broad daylight on his entirely legal cruiser,having worked closely- perhaps too closely (could Bandit be a cop?)- withthe local California Highway Patrol to get his motorcycle licensed.
Stay tuned as we continue to update you on the mad race to the Badlands.
Big Lucy, filling in for Special Agent Zebra
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